


Do Nadiyon ka Pani

by Dreamer_Laas



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, First Meetings, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Meet-Cute, Prequel, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 74,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24143857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer_Laas/pseuds/Dreamer_Laas
Summary: Three years before the famous Train No.0377 whistled its way out of Allahabad, a quiet love story had started within the boisterous city of Delhi.This is the way I envisioned Karthik and Aman's Prem Kahani. There are two streams of consciousness. Aman and Karthik's. I will be alternating between them, to give the first hand feel of how they felt.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 189
Kudos: 273





	1. Ek Mulaaqaat

# Aman

It was the first day of Aman’s Marketing Internship in Delhi, he was so nervous that he was shaking inside out. It's hard already that he fumbles, stutters and has been constantly ill-at-ease with people, so he chided himself not make it worse by looking like a nervous wreck. He took several deep breaths and walked into the unassuming office. A young security guard looked at him quizzically, and he replied, "Aman Tripathi. Marketing Intern."

He nodded and opened his register, apparently five others are joining with him. He signed in the register. The security guard pointed to the lift and said in a bored tone, “Baarvi floor ko jaaneka. Wahan lobby mein wait karne ka.” (Go to the twelfth floor and wait in the lobby)

Aman nods and walks towards the rickety lift.

The office was nothing fancy, and he was not expecting much too. He knew that he was lucky to land this job right after his MBA.

An old lift man looked up at him and crinkled a small smile. Aman returns it, probably actually smiling properly for the first time in the whole day. Feeling slightly less nervous, he said, “Twelfth floor, chacha”. (Twelfth Floor, Uncle)

He couldn’t help but add a term to respect his age. The man would be probably in his late seventies.

“Haa sahib” (Yes Sir)

Just then there was some commotion in the reception area. A beautiful voice singing melodiously, “Main bhi hoon tub hi hain aamne saamne… dil ko behkaa diyaa ishq ke jam ne… Musalsal Nazar barasti rahi, tarste rahe bheege barsaat mein… Ek mulaqaat…Ek mulaqaat mein baat hi baat mein… unnka yun muskuraana ghazab ho gaya…” (lyrics of a hindi song)

A mesmerised smile crept onto Aman’s countenance without his express consent.

The old man also crinkled a good-natured smile, using his hand to stop the lift door from closing. The source of the voice was familiar to him.

And as the source approached the lift, Aman’s curiosity peaked as he could only see a tall and lean man in lean-fit black trousers and lavender formal shirt with a huge bouquet that covered his face completely.

He paused for a moment and turned to his left and side stepped himself into the lift because the bouquet in his hand was too huge to fit straight. Unfortunately, the side he favoured wasn’t Aman’s, so he was still obscured by the flowers. Aman, couldn’t believe that the voice was sounding even more melodious up close.

The liftman smiled at his entrance, “Karthik Baba!”

“Kya Ismail Chacha! Sab Khariyat?”, the voice asked. (All well? Uncle)

“Haa baba! Phoolon ka kaa chakkar?” (Yes baba! Whats with the flowers)

Aman was not someone whose countenance would spill out his emotions. He felt really curious about the source of such golden voice, that only sang well, but also spoke with affection in return to a lift man’s greeting.

“Yeh? Naye interns arrey na… unhi ke swagath mein!”

(These? These are to welcome the new interns)

“Woh toh theek hain, ittha bada?” (That’s okay! But why so big?)

The voice laughs with mirth, the bouquet was shaking.

“Samajh mein nahi aaaya chacha konse phool lane hain, mujhe toh saare pasand aate… Issliye saare utha laya”

(That’s because I couldn’t decide which flowers to pick, I like every flower, so brought the whole bunch)

Aman couldn’t help smile at the simplicity.

“Khair Phool wala toh kush naseeb nikla!” (Good only, the flower vendor became lucky)

“Ha wahi toh!” (Agreed)

By this time, the lift started moving upwards. Aman closed his eyes, breathing slowly. He is claustrophobic af, but he had to learn to manage short lift rides and grocery marketing just fine.

However, all hell breaks loose when the lift gives an ominous lurch and creaks. Aman opens his eyes alarmed. He tries to keep the panic welling inside him at bay. He reminds himself to breathe. The lift gives another lurch. They might have been somewhere around the 7th and 8th floor. Aman pins himself to the sidewall of the lift. He looks up trying his best to breath.

The liftman notices that. “Kya hau Baba?” (what happened baba?)

“Ay achanak lift ko kya hua chacha?” (what happened to the lift suddenly uncle?)

The owner of the golden voice and the ridiculous bouquet just realised that there is another person in the lift. He lowered the bouquet and peeked.

Aman suddenly wished he looked smarter that day, sounded more confident. He wished for a way to look cooler in front of the gorgeous man in front of him. Aman was momentarily distracted by the stranger that his panic left. He breathed in a new emotion. Something that bordered on awe and attraction.

The stranger was stunning, pitch-black eyes laced with concern, bushman's eyebrows and a kind smile. Just to compliment his handsome face, his jet-black hair was styled in spikes. _And was that a nose ring? Yes, it was_. The man ruled his look with the nose ring. Aman's chin dropped a little as he took in every little detail of the man.

_Whoa!_

The lift gave yet another mighty lurch. Panic is a bitch that came back with a bulldozer to defeat Aman’s senses.

“Arrey! Darro mat… Yeh lift ka roz ka nautanki hain.” (Hey... Dont feel scared... This is a daily thing for this lift)

Aman cursed inside as he felt a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. _I might be looking like shit now. Why? Why?_

The lift came to a shaky halt between 10th and 11th floor. The lights flickered; Aman looked up in fright. He was shaking, finding it hard to breathe. He quickly closed his eyes tried to focus on breathing.

“Shanth Shanth!” the stranger cooed. Aman slowly opened his eyes to find only a lavender shirt clad chiselled chest in front of him. The stranger held his shoulders lightly as if to reassure him. “Dekho Kuch nahi hua hain… yeh lift ko aksar aisa hota rahta hain. Tum Aman Tripathi ho na. Naye intern?”

(Calm down...Calm down... See, There is nothing to worry. This lift does this very frequently. You are Aman Tripathi right? The new Intern?)

Aman nodded.

“Mein Karthik… Karthik Singh. Tumhara hi team ka hoon. Kuch bhi nahi hoga…ghabarao mat.”

(I am Karthik... Karthik Singh. I am in your team. Nothing will happen... Don't worry)

Aman felt ashamed and vexed. His claustrophobia had done too much of damage. 

The lift doors opened to reveal that they are stuck halfway between the floors. Karthik held the door pulled a handy lever to keep it in its place.

“Lagta hain aise hi nikalna pade ga.” ( I think we have to get out, this way)

Aman couldn’t even dare to answer that.

“Chacha pehle aap chalo.” Karthik said to the old man who nodded and brought the stool to the edge of the lift. “Bro I hope you don’t mind… Chacha ko heart problem hain.”

(Uncle you go first. .. Bro, I hope you don't mind... Uncle has a heart problem)

Aman didn’t mind in the least. The door opening was actually a relief, he could breathe. His Claustrophobia ebbed. He nodded at Karthik and both helped the lift man to climb.

Karthik looked at him and smiled, “ab tera baari”. (now it's your turn)

Aman nodded nervously, shuffled his sling and prepared for jolt he would get while he climbed the rickety stool. What he was not prepared for, is an unfamiliar jolt in his gut and a tingling sensation when Karthik’s hands made contact with his sweaty palms. Aman pulled himself up from the lift on his hands and clambered on the 11th floor. He turned around and called, “Karthik, aap bhi aajao.” (Karthik, you also please come out.)

Karthik looked up in surprise as he saw extend his hand. He handed him the flowers first.

Then Karthik also climbed, extending his hand for Aman’s help. Aman held and his eye caught a powerful tattoo on the sinewy muscle of Karthik’s arm. Aman pulled him up and Karthik was out of the lift in an instant. Aman was washed over with a new feeling. He liked the hand in his hand, it fit like a lost piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Karthik also seemed to have forgotten that his hand is still in the intern’s hand because he was busy peering into the depths of brown eyes in front of him. Both grinned at each other.

Aman was the first to come back to his senses, he rather reluctantly loosened the grip on Karthik’s hand. His free hand was already on his neck, nervously shuffling his collar. Karthik also slowly retrieved his hand.

The lingering awkwardness was something that Aman was quite familiar with. It was his daily companion. Probably Karthik was not that comfortable with that. He lightened the air with a crooked smile

“Toh… Kaafi interesting start hain na first day ki.” (So... Such an interesting start to the first day, right?)

Aman groaned, “Haa… mein aur mera claustrophobia!” (Yeah... Me and my Claustrophobia)

“Arrey its ok… normal si baat hain.” (Hey... It's ok... It's very normal)

They proceeded to the twelfth floor. Karthik was holding the bouquet and tried to straighten the messed-up flowers.

Aman took this time to compose himself and peek several times at the walking model of his dreams. His brain launched itself into monologue.

_Stare mat kar… kya sochega woh! (dont stare... what would he think)  
_

_Woh Tattoo kya masth lag rahi hain. Shayad mujhko bhi aisa kuch banwana chahiye… Compliment kardoo… tattoo pein, aankhon pein… haye… nosering... tabh toh pakka creep lagoonga… Mein bhi na.., Clean shave karke nayi anaa chahiye tha…_

_Aman Tripathi… Apne thoughts ko control mein rakh…_

(That tattoo is looking so awesome...I think I should also get something of that sort done... Should I give him a compliment on that... that tattoo, or maybe the eyes... my!... maybe the nosering.... Wow! Way to sound like a bloody creep Aman... I wish I skipped the clean shave look.

AmanTripathi... Keep your thoughts under control)  
  


Karthik started humming the song again. Aman smiled automatically looking up, only to find Karthik’s eyes fully trained on him. His cheeks had a faint pinkish glow.

Aman’s heart stuttered and suddenly he felt breathless.

Karthik smiled as he sang the lyrics, “Kal talaq woh joh mere khayalon mein the…rubaroo unka aana Ghazab hogaya! Mohabbat ki pehli Mulaqaat ka asar dekho naa jane kab hogaya!”

_Maar hi daalega yeh mujhe!  
_

_(This guy will be my death!)_


	2. Naina Da Kya Kasoor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karthik's Point of View. Although not on the same time-line. The chapter is slightly longer than the previous.  
> I have added a little background on Karthik's life. Devika makes an indirect entry in this chapter.  
> A little banter, a little flirting. Hope you guys like it.  
> Several points to be revealed in the subsequent chapters.

**Karthik**

_Aman Tripathi! Itthi cuteness kaise handle kar paate log._

(Aman Tripathi! How do people handle this much cuteness)

Karthik is lost in not-so-innocent thoughts about a certain intern. Back at his home, eating the Chinese dinner he ordered, watching his idol’s Deewar. Unbidden, his mind wandered constantly back to that singular moment when he felt a jolt in the lift as he touched Aman’s hands.

He could remember how controlled Aman was with his reactions, his claustrophobic panic and yet that moment Aman’s impossibly beautiful eyes widened, his pupils dilated as he looked back at him.

Karthik felt another jolt when he was offered Aman’s hand the second time, while he tried to get out. It's true that Karthik was perfectly capable of getting himself out without any help. But Aman’s innocent eyes were something that he could not say no to.

Karthik could not help but dwell back on the little moment where their hands fit into each other perfectly and were reluctant to break apart. That slight blush Aman’s cheeks sported and those deep brown eyes that spoke volumes.

_Shayad main much zyaada hi such raha hoon. Ithne Jaldi koi bhi ithna kaise pasand aa sakta hain ...Par iss Kambhakth dill ko kaun samjaaye!_

_Maybe I am overthinking about this. Maybe it's too soon to develop a crush on someone. But who will explain that to my heart!_

A light breeze was playing with his pale green curtains while he watched through his window.

Karthik lives alone, in a relatively faraway place in Gurgaon. He hates being alone all the time, but cannot help it. Also, he cannot get anyone to share his room. Sometimes having a roommate who doesn’t understand is like buying a little more loneliness. The past few months had been especially difficult, his emotional state was in a train wreck. He was barely functional going through the motions of life in a deadbeat. No one in the office should know about it, so he had been extra flamboyant lately. It was exhausting, to say the least. Yet, today Karthik felt at peace. He had not figured out how this is possible, but he felt as if some gears in his life have shifted effortlessly.

After a long time, his ceiling fan is not singing of emptiness, he is not drinking himself to sleep, he is simply replaying the day. The way his eyes met Aman’s for the first time. The way he felt a shot of thrill when their eyes met. 

He used to have a crush on Gaurav, long time back. And then, Vikrant happened.

Karthik was no longer sure of himself after that. He lost belief in a happy ending, his very own fairy tale ending.

But the moment his eyes rested on Aman; it was as if his life simply restarted.

Maybe the magic was in those chocolate brown eyes, or that simple, innocent smile that warms any heart. Maybe it was the way he paid attention to him or Aman’s initial nervousness.

Aman Tripathi was the best surprise that life has given him until now.

He remembered how he and his team already planned which intern should be taken up by whom. As soon as the list came, the heteroes swept in for their share of girls, once that’s done the cool dudes. Aman Tripathi stuck out to them like a sore thumb. Somehow, looking at his team’s stupid judgement, Karthik felt he had to pick him. Gaurav, their lead, left with a sigh of relief.

They stalked all the Intern candidates' Facebook Profiles.

Even after his stalking of Aman’s profile, he was a surprise package. He didn't know that Aman was such a button-cute introvert.

He replayed yet another conversation with Aman from the day.

> _"Tell me, Aman, what are your interests?_
> 
> _"Books, poems and stuff"_
> 
> _"Ha dekha tha... Gulzar aur Rumi ke shayarein posts mein bhar bhar ke dikhayi dete hain."_
> 
> _(Yeah, I saw that...Your posts were almost always about Gulzar and Rumi Poems)_
> 
> _Aman looked at Karthik quizzically. Suddenly, he looked sheepish._
> 
> _"Kahaan?" (Where?)_
> 
> _"Facebook," Karthik said not looking at Aman and trying to sound casual._
> 
> _Aman perked up instantly. "You checked out my Facebook profile?"_
> 
> _Karthik just confessed to checking Aman out, literally and digitally, but Aman looked happy about that._
> 
> _Aman was confused for a moment and asked, "When? I was literally behind you the whole time."_
> 
> _He looked uncomfortable as hell, "Woh Kal, actually, our team has picked the interns yesterday itself..."_
> 
> _"Matlab, yeh kuch coincidence nai tha, hum dono saath mein?" Aman asked._
> 
> _(You mean, its not a coincidence that we are paired together)_
> 
> _He was not into fantasy. He didn’t believe in ‘Meant-to-be’ concept._
> 
> _But Aman looked like he had a hundred questions in that subject._
> 
> _Karthik looked at him, swallowed nervously and said, "Yep, No coincidence. Just a Team setting. The guys fished for girls, I picked you._
> 
> _Socha tha, banda Rumi, Gulzar ki shayri samajtha toh theek taak hi nikalega."_
> 
> _(Yep, No coincidence. Just a Team setting. The guys fished for girls, I picked you._
> 
> _I thought the guy understands and appreciates Gulzar and Rumi's poetry, so he will be interesting)_

He remembered how visibly relaxed Aman became after that conversation. It seemed to him that Aman is afraid that he would be judged for his choices. Probably that’s why he was a little socially anxious.

It tickled him how opposite they were. He uses his over-the-top extroversion to hide his true self from people while Aman uses his introversion.

He started humming

“Dil dil ke milthe saanche aur Khaanche

Jo hai banata upar se Jhaanke!”

With that last coherent thought, he fell asleep.

_____________________________________________________

Karthik’s mobile started ringing at 7 am in the morning.

“Devika” was flashing on the screen. Karthik grimaced.

_Should I pick her call?_

_Moti chali gayi thi mujhe choddh ke! (She went off, leaving me)_

Devika Trivedi is Karthik’s colleague from the sales department and his best friend. Although their friendship goes back to their school days, Karthik at the moment was too angry with her to acknowledge that.

He sighed and picked up the call.

“Karthik Mar gaya kya? kyun nahi utha raha hain mera call?” (Karthik, did you die or what? Why don't you pick up your phone?)

“Moti, ithhi subah kaun kartha call. Acchi Khasi sapna todh dee.” (Who calls so early in the morning? You just broke my dreams)

“Kyun? Aaj sapne mein koun sa hot bandha aaya? Ranveer singh ya Hrithik Roshan? (Why? Which hot guy were you dreaming about? Ranveer singh or Hrithik Roshan?)

Karthik stretched, smiling ear to ear thinking about Aman.

“Hot nahi cute. Matlab hot bhi hain, lekin bahut zyaada cute.” (Cute not hot... I mean, He is hot also... but he is way cuter)

“Kya? … Matlab… ek minute ek minute yeh sach much wala ladka hain. Koi celebrity crush nahin hain?” (What? ... You mean... One minute one minute... that means this guy is real... this is not a celebrity crush...)

Karthik facepalmed himself. What was he talking?

“Tu rahne de. Main kyun Bolun? Tu toh gayee naa mazein loothne, Goa.” As an afterthought, Karthik was happy that he didn’t go on a trip with Devika. But he would not accept that to Devika so that he can guilt-trip her. (you let that be... Why should I tell you? You went off to have fun.)

“Pehle yeh bol tu phone kyun ki? Woh bhi ithna subah subah?” He added yawning. (First, will you even tell me why you called... that too this early?)

“Gadbadh ho gayi yaar… Karthik tu hi mera help kar sakhtha hain” (I made a mess yaar! Only you can help me Karthik!)

“Accha… Help chahiye, issliye yaad aaya? Goa trip maarna tha tho kalli kalli nikal gayi?” (Oh So, thats why you called? You need help? If it were going to Goa trip, you would have gone alone)

“Theek hai theek hai… Mote… Kitne loge Maafi keliye…” (Alright alright... Tell me how many you want, to forgive me)

“Theek se manaa pehle.” Karthik pouted. (Tell sorry properly first)

“Maan jaana yaar… Sorry” (Ok... Listen Sorry man)

Karthik sniggered. He loves extracting the maximum from Devika's guilt.

“Chalo… Mein acche mood mein hoon, issliye teen kaafi hain maafi ke liye.” (Ok .. anyway since I am in a good mood, Only three are enough as an apology)

“Accha? Aaj tera mood ithna accha kaisa? Mujhe pakka pata hain…Kuch toh hua hai. Mujhe nahi battaayega mote?” (Oh is it? How come your mood is so good today? I am pretty sure... something is up...You won’t tell me?)

“Teen ke bhav main sirf maafi milegi, gossip nahin… Abh bol kya hain?” (For three, only apology is accepted... Gossip cannot be purchased... Now tell me what you need?)

“Accha toh Gaurav sir ko Friday ko ek report dena tha, main kar toh dee thi par dena bhool gayi… Chupke se woh report sir ke table par rakh ke aaja…Please…” (Oh yeah...I had to submit a report to Gaurav sir, I did complete it but forgot to give it to him. Can you keep that report on Gaurav sir's table and come... Please)

“OMG… yeh toh saraasar cheating hain… main nahi karne wala. Gaurav sir dhoka main nai de sakhtha.” Karthik said thumping his chest dramatically. (Oh My God! this is straight up cheating... I am not gonna to do it. I cannot deceive Gaurav sir)

“Arrey Dramebaaz! Yeh cheating kaise hua. Maine complete kar dee thi na.” (Hey... how does this become cheating? I only completed the report)

“Gaurav sir ithne seedha insaan hain… Yeh mein nahi kar sakhta.” (Gaurav sir is such a nice person... I cannot do this to him)

“Abey Gaurav sir ki chamche, badi problem mein padh jaaungi yaar. Help Kar de” ( Hey Gaurav sir's sidekick, I'd be in big problem. Please help me dude)

“Chal theek hai kar doonga... abh phone rakh mujhe ready hona hain.” (Yeah Okay... I will do it... Now, will you cut the call... I have to get ready)

“Itthi jaldi kyun? Office toh 10 baje hai na”(Why so early? Office starts at 10 right)

Karthik felt himself blushing. But he cannot tell her the actual reason. He has to do some damage control.

“Teri hi chakkar mein Moti. Abh Illegal kaam to office ke shuru hone ke pehlehi karthe naa.” (Its all because of you. If I have to do your illegal work, then I have to go early na)

Devika laughed at his use of “Illegal”

“Chal Nautanki! Main rakhthi hoon!”(Ok! I will cut the call now)

_

After changing three shirts and seven trousers and setting his hair very carefully, Karthik smiled at himself in the mirror. He looked like a man on a mission. To floor Aman Tripathi and sweep him off his feet.

_Chal abh tu bilkul tayyar hain Aman se milne keliye… nai…. Office jaane ke liye._

_Karthik kya kar raha hain… Aisi mood mein jaayega toh raitha phailaajayega._

_(now you are ready to meet Aman.... no ... to go to office._

_Karthik what are you doing? ... if you go to office in this mood ...you will mess up stuff)_

Karthik reached office in high spirits. He was still singing “Naina da Kasoor re Kasoor” as he stepped into the lift.

“Good Morning Ismail Chacha”

“Arrey Wah! Kya baat hain Karthik Baba. Kithne dinon ke baad aaj dil se khush lag rahe ho” (Oh Wow Karthik Baba! You are looking truly happy after a long time)

Karthik looked at him in surprise. However horrible his day was, he always made it a point to smile the most, look happy the most.

“Kya dekh rahe ho baba… buddhe ke aankh kamzor hain, lekin yeh toh dekh hi sakhta hain… mahinon se woh Muskaan ankhon tak pachune ki koshish kar rahi thi… aaj pachungayi! Accha laga” (Why are you looking surprised! I am old, yes, my eyes are weak... But I could see at least this much... that from past few months your smile tried to reach your eyes, today I am glad it reached )

Karthik didn’t know how to respond to that rather insightful observation.

“Chacha! Aap toh antaryami nikle… ek Jhappi toh banthi hain!” (Uncle! You have proven to be omnicient! This calls for a hug doesnt it)

“Ha ha… Kyun nahi Karthik baba.” ( Yes... Why not Karthik Baba)

They hug as if they were old friends. Ismail Chacha now had a sheen of tears in his eyes. It was evident that this kid was the rarest of them all.

The lift had no trouble taking them to 12th floor today and Karthik stepped out and waved back to Chacha.

Casually strutting through the empty aisles of the offices, he was singing on the top of his voice, “Gehra samundar dill dooba jisme … Ghayal hua mein uss pal se isme

Naina da kya kasoor ve kassoor ve kasoor”

He walked straight into Devika’s table in Sales and picked the file she mentioned.

And stepped out only to run into a small body, almost a foot smaller.

He quickly held the person by one hand and wound the other hand around his waist, the papers from the said file flew and landed on them in a cascade and through flurry of the papers he realised that the person was none other than…

“Aman?”

Aman had closed his eyes due to impact, fully expecting himself to fall, but instead he found himself, most embarrassedly so, in the arms of Karthik.

When Karthik said his name, he snapped open his eyes. And a gentle blush rose into his cheeks.

Then Karthik proceeds to stop using the brain-to-mouth filter completely.

“Wow tere ankhen itthe bade kaise ho sakthe hain” (Wow ! how in the world your eyes can get so big)

Aman blinks at the question and awkwardly realises that his one hand is still clothing Karthik’s shirt for support and that he was still bending backwards, and still held by Karthik.

He quickly disentangles from the Karthik’s hands.

Karthik feels irrationally disappointed when Aman’s warm hand withdraws from his.

“Woh… I am sorry sir…”

Aman looks so embarrassed and awkward that Karthik feels desperate to lighten the mood.

“Sir…Kaun?...Kaha? Arey main hoon Karthik… my god! Mujhe nahi pata mein ithha forgettable hoon.” (Sir ...who? ... where? ... hey its me...Karthik!... My god! I didnt know I am so forgettable"

Aman looks up surprised.

“nahi..matlab …mein aapko bhoola nahi… kaafi unforgettable ho aap.” Aman mumbles looking down. ( No ... I mean... I didnt forget you... you are quite unforgettable)

Karthik places his finger under Aman’s chin and gently raises his face to meet his eyes.

“Fir kyun ithna formal ban rahe ho yaar! Dekh Tu mujhe aap bulaayega toh mujhe… ‘S’ size shirt pehnne jaisa lagegi… Bahut uncomfortable…”

(then why are you being so formal with me dude? Look! If you call me with such respectful terms then I'd feel as if I wore a 'S' size shirt... Very uncomfortable)

Aman huffs out a laugh at the absurdity. Karthik smiles with him, withdrawing his hand from Aman’s chin. Taking his time to watch Aman laugh.

Laughter that does strange things to him, in the inside. But then he cannot dwell on these thoughts now.

_Stare mat kar... Creepy lagega ... Cutie Bhaag jaayega_

_(Dont stare! It would look...and the Cutie will take flight)_

“Aap…matlab tu… yahaan kar kya rahe the...?” (sir... I mean you... What were you even doing here?)

“Chori pakadi gayi na… mein aur mera gaana…”(I Got caught right? Me and my song)

“Haa Gaana” (yes, the song)

“Devika ka file usske table se collect karke Gaurav sir ke table pein rakhna tha… Oh God! look at this mess.” (I had to collect Devika’s file and keep it on Gaurav sir’s table. Oh god! Look at this mess.)

Karthik crouches to pick up the strewn papers. Aman helps him collect and file them properly.

“Devika…kaun… aur unke file?” (Who…Devika? what file?)

Karthik hesitates for a moment and decides to admit the truth. _Its Aman... Cannot lie_

“Devika meri bestfriend hain, sales mein kaam karthi hain. Abh yeh report ussne Friday ko bana di thi…lekin Gaurav ko dena bhul gayi, abhi who Goa mein hain. Aur usske naak kaatne se bacchaane mein aaya.”

(Devika is my best friend. She works here in Sales, she had to finish and handover this report to Gaurav. She finished it on Friday and forgot to give it to Gaurav. Now that she is in Goa currently, I gotta save her neck)

“Aur iss chakkar mein tu phas jata toh?” (And if you get caught because of this)

It was Karthik’s turn to feel surprised. There was genuine concern in Aman’s eyes. _Wow Aman is concerned about me!_

“Tu hain na mujhe bachaneko, Janemann!” Karthik says, wiggling his eyebrows. (You are there to save me, right darling?)

Aman blushes at that. “Bade Dramabaaz hain tu.” ( You are very dramatic)

“Drama mere khoon mein hain…” (Drama is in my blood)

“Accha jee… Shayad Ranveer Singh ke sage lagte.” (Oh, is it now? So maybe you are related to Ranveer Singh)

“Haaayee… Kassh Boyfriend lagta mera!” (Aah... I wish he is my boyfriend)

Aman laughs at that again. Karthik is close to forgetting what he came there for. Fortunately, he doesn’t.

“Accha mein chaltha hoon… Gaurav sir abhi aate hi honge!” (Okay I will go now… Gaurav Sir must come any time now)

“Ab Phir se gaana mat gaa dena!” (Now don’t start singing song again)

Karthik smirks at that and launches into his song, “Arrey abhi abhi payara sa chehra dikha hai… jaane kya kahoon uspe likha hain”. He almost dances down the still empty aisle wriggling his shoulders to the unheard beat.

Aman shakes his head and watches from afar.

Karthik’s spirits are still in a high flutter. His head full of Aman’s beautiful wide eyes, his laughter, his blushes, his indulgent head shaking at his jokes.

He enters Gaurav sir’s room only to realise that Gaurav was already there. Fortunately, the file was securely behind him.

He looks up and smiles, “Karthik? Itthi subah?” (Karthik? This early?)

“Huh… Good Morning… Gaurav?”

“Kya hua? Tune bhoot dekh liya kya?” (What happened? Why do you look like you have seen a ghost?)

This is what happens when there is an overdose of dopamine and serotonin in an extrovert’s brain. They lose whatever little of the brain-to-mouth filter they have.

“Nahi Aapko dekh liya… nahi aapne mujhe dekh liya… nahi dekhna tha… yeh illegal hain na.”(No I saw you…no you saw me… you should not… It's illegal right?)

“Kya?” (what?)

_Great way to fuck your life Karthik. Well done!_


	3. Pehla Nasha Pehla Khumaar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heady feelings of first love!  
> This chapter is dedicated to that!

# Aman

_Pehla Nasha pehla khumaar…_

_Naya pyaar hain naya intezaar… (hindi lyrics)_

_Dil mein hazaar pathaken phootna shayad isiko kehte hain! (So, this is how fireworks feel inside the heart)_

_Kithne chances the ki pehle office mein ek hot gay ladka tere life mein aise aayega… (What were the odds of finding such a hot gay guy right in the first workplace?)_

_Upar se ithhi acchi awaaz… sone pein suhaaaga! … (That too he has such good voice… cherry on top!)_

_Mein yeh kya soch rahaa hoon… (What am I thinking?)_

Aman blushes repeatedly. He is still standing in the corridor still trying to figure out his feelings watching Karthik’s rhythmic dance steps through the corridor. And yet he could hear guitars and piano strains behind him.

This was probably the nth headrush, weak-knee moment he had experienced within two days. These moments were such a rarity since his teenage years.

The triangle tattoo, the nose ring, the Shiv-Shakthi tattoo… if all these were not enough to scream out loud that Karthik is gay, then today’s conversation carries more than enough proof. Not that he was in any doubt. The moment their hands touched he was absolutely sure of the fact. But it’s just nice to have Karthik so open about it. Something he could never be that open about.

Suddenly through the haze that Karthik created in his brain, something clicked to him. Gaurav’s end of the corridor was lit by the time Karthik went in. Which only meant

_Bhais ki aankh… Karthik phas gaya? Gaurav sir toh already the office mein. Marr gaye!_

_(Shit, Karthik got caught I guess… Gaurav sir is already in the office. We are dead!)_

_Distraction… all we need is a distraction._

He quickly went to Karthik’s desk and picked up a random file. He took out a pin out of the file, bent down and put the pin inside the plug and turn the switch on. The phase they were in plunged into darkness. He quickly removed the pin. Walked to Gaurav’s sir cabin.

Gaurav and Karthik both came out. Aman innocently said, “Strange itthni subah Current chali gayi?” (Its strange that electricity went off this early)

Karthik looked at Aman, who was discreetly gesturing to him about the file. Karthik caught on the plan pretty fast.

“Gaurav sir chaliye dekhte hain.” (Let’s go and check Gaurav sir)

Gaurav nods, Karthik promptly takes the file that Gaurav had in his arms and goes back into Gaurav’s office depositing Devika’s along with it.

Aman smiles at Karthik ridiculously relieved smile and slowly walks back to Karthik’s desk where he is currently seated and sat in the chair.

Karthik and Gaurav probably to the phase mains. Safety connections these days would prevent any serious short circuits by tripping off the phase. The oldest trick in the book.

Sure enough, within moments, the light returned to the office. And with that Karthik, literally bright as sunlight!

Aman got up to see Gaurav turned to the other side and walked towards his cabin. Aman could see his brow turned up quizzical. He really hoped that Gaurav wouldn’t figure out their ruse. But one look at Karthik’s impossibly brilliant smile, Aman felt that it was worth the risk.

“Baccha liya yaar tune” (You saved me dude)

Aman opened his mouth to answer that but was muffled by the bear hug Karthik engulfed him into. Aman’s head went for a toss again, with an overdose of Oxytocin! Without much thought Aman wrapped his hands around Karthik too.

_My god yeh ithna lamba hain… its somehow hot… accha lag raha hain …snuggly aur warm hain… yeh perfume kaun sa use kartha hoga acchi lag rahi hain._

_(My God… I didn’t realise he is so tall, and somehow its hot… its feeling really nice here… snuggly and warm. I wonder what perfume he uses, it’s really good.)_

Indeed, the embrace lasted longer than the norm between friends. Karthik had rested his chin on Aman’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

_Karthik marwaayega kya. I can stay in his arms forever._

_(Karthik are you going to kill me?)_

Aman’s headrush cleared out faster than Karthik’s because he broke the hug and tiny bubble they created in the empty office. Now slightly awkward, Aman stepped back and made the mistake of looking into Karthik’s eyes that mirrored his disappointment.

“Gaurav sir dekhte toh kya sochte!” he said in a small voice he could muster. (What would Gaurav sir think if he sees us like this?)

“Kya sochte?” Karthik asked in a daze. His voice, for once sounded raspy and out-of-breath. (what would he think?)

Aman’s breathe hitched yet again. But quick thinking is his forte. And so is keeping his emotions under layers. So, while, Karthik struggled to maintain his composure, Aman calmly breathed out.

“Gaurav sir sochenge ki ham hi kuch gadhbadh kar rahe hain.” (Gaurav sir might think that we are behind this mischief)

“Haa baat toh sahi hain.” (Yeah that’s also true)

Karthik sounded normal again. Aman dared to peek at him again. Leaning against the cubicle wall, for the first time in the day, he actually got the opportunity to notice what Karthik was wearing. A sheen black button-up shirt with beige slim-fit trousers, tan belt and tan shoes, suave sounded like an understatement.

Aman’s eyes travelled back to Karthik’s face that had a faint blush, eyes boring into him.

_Shit dekhliya ussne! Check out karte dekhliya ussne. Hey Bhagwan! Yaheen pein zameen khodke khudko dafnaaloon. Ek minute apne aaankhein Kaaboon mein nahi rakh sakhte Aman Tripathi? Cover kar cover kar… Haa kuch witty saa bolde._

_Shit he noticed! He noticed me checking him out. Oh god! Let me just dig a hole right here and bury myself. Why can’t you keep your eyes in control even for a moment Aman Tripathi? Let’s cover … yes cover…. Come on say something witty._

“After office date pein jaana hain kya… Ithhna dress up karke aaya hain” (Are you going out on a date after office? You dressed up so well)

_Date ki baat kyun chedi… Awkward ban jaayega kya… Shayad woh kisike saath hain…Shit_

_(Why did I touch upon date topic… will he become Awkward? Is he really with someone?)_

“Accha lag raha hoon, na?” Karthik said shuffling his collar, looking pleased. He sat down opposite to him, stretching out casually. (Am I looking good?)

“Haa… Matlab… Sach mein date pein jaa rahe hon?” (Yeah... I mean… Are you really going out on a date?)

_Way to sound desperate man!_

“Nahi Yaar… tujhe impress karne ki chakkar mein” Karthik blurted out. And then looked adorably sheepish. (Arrey no dude!I was trying to impress you)

_Wow! Seriously?_

Aman felt pleased, warmed to the toe and also slightly anxious at Karthik’s sheepish face. Today, for the second time he saw Karthik lose his brain-to-mouth filter. While it was adorable, he felt he should keep up the façade.

He also casually sat back and said with somewhat composed tone, “Haa yeh bhi theek hain! Interns ko pehle impress karna padhta hain na… kaam karwane ke khatir.” (Yeah that’s also true. You guys first impress interns then make them do work)

Karhik looked at him relieved. Aman is liking their cat and mouse game more than he should.

“Toh hua impress?” Karthik asked, the low rasp was back in his voice. Aman shivered at the effect it had on him. (So, you are impressed?)

“Kabka impressed baithe hain hum… Kaam bhi karwa lo sahib” he managed, looking at the computer screen. (I have been impressed long back… So why don’t you start giving me work)

Karthik nodded and zinged the computer on bringing his chain closer to the table in front of them. He started softly humming a new tune, causing Aman’s heart race both at the melody and his choice of the melody that was coincidentally in his mind too!

“Uddtha hi phiroon inn hawaawon mein kahi! Yaa mein jhool jaaoun inn ghataon mein kahi

Ikk kardoon aasman aur zameen kaho yaaron kya karoon kya nahin!” (Hindi Lyrics)

_Uff yeh banda sehat keliye bahut haani kaarak hain._

_(uff this guy is harmful to my health)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phase tripping might be old, but not without its set of hazards. Don't try that at home!  
> We can never take risks with electrical stuff.


	4. Dil Ka bhanwar karein pukaar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karthik's is both a smitten kitten and a wilful enticer in one go!

# Karthik

The chai ki tapri just below the office building is probably the best place in the world, right now.

Or so, Karthik was feeling that moment.

Two days in, as they spoke about work, Aman had relaxed and started feeling comfortable around him. They talked about their company, their ads and sales. Karthik had a few assignments lined up and Aman ended up helping him. Although his style was slightly bookish, he could easily see that Aman had a good understanding of the market.

Now conversations were flowing easily between them, although they both had to force their brains to think sometimes. Aman’s smiles and his cute expressions were giving him a heady high. And knowing that his impression on Aman was a complete hit pleased him way too much.

“Karthik, if you don’t mind, can I light a cigarette?”

“Ha ha yaar, don’t be so formal.”

Aman smiled and lighted a cigarette and started smoking. Karthik didn’t mention his discomfort at the sight of cigarette, he couldn’t bring himself to. Aman was way too sweet.

He silently sipped his chai trying to repress unbidden anxiety that comes with the sight.

Aman looked at him curiously and asked, “Don’t you smoke? At all?”

Karthik shook his head, now he couldn’t tell the real reason why he hated cigarettes.

“Nai mujhe kabhi smoking accha nai laga.” (No! I never liked smoking)

Aman nodded satisfied with the answer. Tanya crept on him from behind, and before Karthik could gesture, she landed on Aman’s shoulder.

_How comfortable was he with her, exactly?_

Karthik couldn’t help but wonder. He really felt irritated with her since she stepped foot in the office. No… Not since then. To be honest, he was irritated with her when she struck conversation with his Aman in the meeting room on the first day. Aman had a college mate, Rohan, who looked like the typical hot dude. Tanya was interested in him, but because he looked haughty and unapproachable, she started talking with Aman. And overtly so, in Karthik’s opinion.

Aman talked easily with her, Karthik noticed. Yet again she was onto something and Aman was blindly in her trap. He was acting sweet with her. Again, there was a mad urge in Karthik to keep Aman’s attention to himself.

Tanya, the girl still hung on to Aman’s shoulder, is now taking a drag from his cigarette.

_Yeh toh kuch zyaada hi hogaya! Ab aisa kya karoon ke Aman ka attention sirf mujhpe rahe? Idea!_

_(Now this is becoming way too much. What should I do to keep Aman’s attention all to myself? Idea!)_

Karthik suddenly stepped onto a stool on the road, in front of the Chai Tapri.

He took the risk of looking like a complete idiot in front of his office crowd, just to get Aman’s attention and it paid off.

“Dill ka Bhanwar karein pukaar … Pyaar ka raag suno …pyaar ka raag suno re…” (Hindi Lyrics)

The crowd started getting enjoying the song, and most importantly Aman was mesmerised.

_Mission Accomplished_

Karthik finished the song to a huge applause, but also got mobbed by the excited girls and guys. Aman looked at him, with his brown eyes brimming with admiration. But he stood his ground, patiently waited for the mob to clear out.

Karthik liked him more. If that was possible.

Still, Karthik had a nagging doubt in his mind.

_What if he likes girls? His FB profile shows single, but what if he is in a relationship?_

He did not pay attention to what he was speaking and to whom, he simply wanted to get to Aman, who was slowly growing discomfited with the crowd around them. He excused himself and started moving towards Aman. Aman noticed that and blushed.

“Let’s go? Warna yeh bheed mujhe paagal kardegi” Karthik said simply.

(Let’s go? This crowd will drive me mad)

“Mein sochraha tha tumko crowd ka attention pasand hai… isiliye toh!” Aman said confused.

(I thought you liked attention of the crowd… which is why …)

Karthik smiled at that. “Attention accha lagta hain Aman babu, lekin crowd ka nahi”.

(I do like Attention Aman. But not from the crowd)

Aman processed those words, as Karthik looked into eyes, for the hundredth time in the day wondering how beautiful that blush looked on him.

They turned towards the office. Karthik deliberately keeps his stride small because he knew, if not Aman would have to jog to keep up.

They entered the dingy lift, Karthik looked at Aman with an unconscious half pout, which made Aman catch his breath.

He said, "Tujhse kuch poochoon? Bura toh nahi maanega? " (I want to ask you a question… will you mind?)

Aman looked up inquisitively, Karthik’s eyes were uncharacteristically serious.

“Main kyun bura maanoonga Karthik? Poochon!” (Why will I mind Karthik? Just Ask)

“Woh.. Ladki…Kaun hain? Intern?” (That girl… Who is she? Intern?)

“Kaun? Tanya… Haa…” (who… Tanya ...yeah)

“Haan …Friend hain teri?” (Yeah Is she your friend?)

“Haa… kal hi friends huye the… Same college mein thi…it seems.”

(Yeah… we became friends just yesterday… We were at the same college it seems)

Karthik let out a breath and still doubtful to broach the subject.

“Karthik tujhe kuch aur jaanna hain… poochna!” (Karthik I know you want to ask something more, just ask)

Aman smiled.

“Actually, woh lag rahi hai ki woh tujhpe interested hain… lekin…” (Actually, she might look interested in you… but)

“Nahi… woh mujhpe interested nahi hain.. woh issliye baat kar rahi hain kyunki shayad usse Rohan ke saath friendship banaane mein aasaani hogi” (No, she is not interested in me. She was talking to me only because she felt that’s an easier way to strike friendship with Rohan)

Karthik is surprised at Aman’s calm smile and that fact that he knew that the girl is not interested in him.

“Tujhe kaise pata hain…” (how do you know that?)

“Pata chal jatha hain mujhe...Uss ke nazar kahin pe hain, nishaana kahin aur.” (I get to know stuff, … Her eyes were somewhere and her aim was somewhere else)

"Aise teer aksar chub jaate hain” (Such arrows often get misfired)

“Ha ha Don’t worry…Mujhe nai chubega” (Ha ha Don’t worry; the arrow will not hit me)

"So, you are not interested in her?" Karthik breathed a little intensely.

Aman looked lost for a moment, gazing into Karthik’s eyes. But he recollected himself and shook his head. Karthik couldn’t control his delighted smile.

And the rest of the day Karthik had a visible pep in his steps.

* * *

"Coffee?”

Karthik really felt nervous asking Aman that simple question. He was looking at a highly focussed Aman working his way into the reports that Karthik trained him on. It’s been half-an-hour since he had struck the gold mine of an idea that he should take him to his favourite coffee shop. Devika had come back from Goa and wants to hang out, possibly to share all her gossip. He wanted to introduce his Aman to Devika and also hangout with Aman, outside the official setting.

Aman seemed as if he didn’t hear the question.

“Aman…Coffee?”

“Karthik abhi abhi samajh mein aa rahi hai kuch. Abhi break pein chalenge toh mera focus chale jaayegi.” Aman replied without even looking at Karthik. (Karthik, only now I am getting a hang of this, now if we take a break my focus will be lost)

“Nahi mera matlab hain… office ke baad…mera ek favourite coffee place… wahan chalega mere saath?” (No … What I meant was… After the office hours… There is this coffee place, my favourite… Will you come with me?)

Aman looked at Karthik in surprise, and suddenly his focussed frown was replaced by a mesmerising smile.

Karthik could feel his blush raising again. His treacherous heart drummed into his chest. He was afraid if Aman could hear it beat so wildly. So, he chickened, he faltered, steered the ship into safer waters.

“Devika… Devika aa rahi hain… trip ke baad uss ka gossip bata batake pakaana hain. Main tujhe usse introduce karaana chahta hoon. Hamare saath hangout karega?” (Devika ..., Devika is coming… after the trip, she wants to share all the gossip. I want to introduce you to her. Will you hang out with us?)

“Oh!” Aman suddenly looked disappointed. It was only a momentary thing, but because Karthik was so focussed on Aman, he caught that too.

His heart somersaulted! _Aman thought that this was a date?_

“Tere dosth ke saath… thoda odd nahi lagega?” Aman said with his focus back on the computer. But he was tense, his fingers were hovering on the mouse. (with your friend… Won’t it feel odd?)

“Odd kuch nahi lagega… Devika bahut cool bandi hain. We were BFFs from the seventh standard. Agar tum mere saath aaoge toh mujhe bahut accha lagega… aaona … please…”

(It wont feel odd at all…Devika is a very cool girl. We were BFFs from the seventh standard. If you come with me, then I would feel really happy… please come…)

Karthik waited with bated breath. Aman looked back at him. As if he was reading his intentions. Karthik’s hand moved on its own accord to hold Aman’s hand on the mouse.

“Pretty please…” Karthik said with the whiny voice he knew even Devika couldn’t say no to.

“Okay okay…fine Aaunga” Aman breathed, blinking rapidly and suddenly turned back to the computer. (okay okay fine… I will come)

“Thank you, Aman Babu,” Karthik smiled and squeezed Aman’s hand, glad at the effect he was clearly having on Aman.

“Kaam karne do Karthik!” Aman huffed. Karthik pouted and withdrew his hand missing the warmth already. (let me finish the work Karthik)

Aman thought his sigh was not audible. But Karthik heard that too.

Feeling slightly light-headed, he hummed,

“Aaj dil kee bekahee, aa gayee jubaan par  
Baat yeh hai tumse pyaar hai

Aaj dil kee bekahee, aa gayee jubaan par  
Baat yeh hai tumse pyaar hai  
  
Dil tumhee ko diya re, pyaar kaa rag suno...pyaar kaa suno re

uu…uuu…uu…uu…”

He could see that Aman smiled and shook his head indulgently.

_Damn! I am smitten. Kya cheez ho tum, Aman Tripathi! (What are you? Aman Tripathi)  
_

_______________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever listened to this gem from the eighties? I have heard from Ayushmann himself on one of the shows... From then on I just got hooked.
> 
> Guys, do you guys like it when I connect each of these chapters to a song? It sets a mood for the exchanges.  
> Comment on your thoughts, please!
> 
> We are also gearing up for a long-ass chapter in the next update!


	5. Dil-e-Nadaan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the beginning of Long-ass chapters sequence... please bear with me!
> 
> Some heavy musings on Aman's side... Cannot really be called Angst.
> 
> Some insight on Karthik Zyaada Singh.

# Aman

_Yeh date kahun yaa na kahu? (Is this a Date? Or not a date?)_

_Mixed signals dena tho koi tujhse seekhe Karthik Singh!_

_Karthik Singh! You have mastered the art of giving mixed signals._

Aman doubted, as he walked beside Karthik towards his bike. The sun is just setting, sending the sky into a soothing twilight of colours. 

“Mirza Ghalib ke bhi sunte ho” Karthik asked, as Aman started his bike. Aman still deep in thought, just nodded. (do you listen to Miza Ghalib too)

He switched the gears and Karthik sat behind him, holding him close. Aman was so distracted by the closeness that he forgot to release the clutch to set the bike in motion. Aman’s neck erupted into a millions goosebumps as Karthik’s breath fanned the area behind his ears.

“Chalega? Straight leke left maar… shortcut hain…10 minute mein pohunchjaayenge,” Karthik said. (Let’s start? Go straight and take a left…it’s a short cut.. we will reach in 10 mins)

_Bas 10 minute? Damn…Shikayat yeh hain yaa raahat, samajh nahi aa raha_

_Just 10minutes? Damn… I cannot even figure out I am disappointed or relieved._

“Haa” Aman managed. They started off into the winding lane that Karthik indicated. (Okay)

“Yeh le… Mirza ji …” Karthik said and stuffed one of his earphones into Aman’s left ear. (Here… listen to Mirza jo)

Aman was about to protest that he doesn’t listen to songs while he drives. But his protest died in his throat, when the enticing santoor strains started.

“Dil -e -naadan… tujhe huva kya hain” started the lyrics. For once, Karthik didn’t sing. He looked solemn drinking in the music. One look at his face in the rear view mirror had Aman aching to reach for his face and caress those infinetesimal lines.

Aman smiled rueful at his own heart’s state that melted at every breath that Karthik exhaled.

“Humko unsein wafaa ki hain ummeed” (hindi Lyrics)

Aman wondered how the Mirza Ghalib knew what his feelings were. What his expectations were. That he secretly hoped and wished for Karthik to reciprocate what he felt. That his stupid stupid heart just needed only one step from Karthik to surrender itself to him.

“Aman… yaheen hain rukh!” Karthik’s voice. Aman was jolted back to reality. Karthik got down the bike and waited for him to park the bike. (Aman…Stop… right here it is)

Aman looked at the Coffee shop. It looked a quaint little English cottage with a front porch and garden. The garden was lighted and the porch had orange halogen lamps. A cobbled path took them inside an inviting aroma of freshly ground coffee. The heavy lyrics that triggered such deep musings in Aman slowly faded off his memory. The place was crowded and it immediately set off his claustrophobia. Karthik looked at him and smiled.

Aman looked around at the crowd, with two conflicting feelings, the determination to stay pleased and have a good time with Karthik and the fear that crowds and closed spaces triggered in him.

Karthik bent down to his ear and whispered, “Do minute rukh, order deke upar chalenge, wahaan roof top hain… tujhe yahaan shayad comfortable nahin rahega” (wait for two minutes, we will order and go up. They have roof-top. You might be feeling uncomfortable here)

Aman’s inside melted at that. Karthik had always been attentive to him. But this seriously warmed him. Even back at home, no one really understood his fear of crowds and closed spaces. Except probably Goggle.

Aman managed to nod when Karthik looked back at him. This is increasingly becoming his best evenings in Delhi.

Karthik sauntered to the reception, where a teenage guy looked at him and brightened into a familiar smile.

“Good Evening Karthik Sir,” he said enthusiastically.

“Whats up Swami? Kaisa chal raha hain?” (Whats up Swami? How is it going?)

“All well sir… yaa aisi hi bolne ko bola hain mera Khadoos boss” Swami replied with a cheeky smile. ( All well sir… or that’s what my horrible boss wants me to say)

“Kyun Abbhi Jhik jhik chaloo hain boss ke saath”, Karthik asked a small concern in his face.

(Why? You still have troubles with your boss)

“Arrey nahi sir… abhi kuch zyaada fark nahi padta… raaz ki baath bataoon? Meine paas waale pub mein bartending start ki” (No sir… Now none of that matters… can I tell you a secret,… I have started bartending in the nearby pub.)

“Arrey ithne part time karega toh Padaayi kab karega re” (If you work in so many part-time jobs, then when will you study?)

“Koi nai sir… time hain na exams ko … manage ho jaayega…Sir aapke piche ye… dosth hain aapke?” (Don’t worry sir… There is time for exams… I will manage… Who is that behind you? Your friend?)

With that Karthik put both his hands on Aman’s shoulders and said, “haa meet Aman Tripathi, mera Khaas dosth… Aur Aman, meet Swaminathan, my little chela” (yes… Meet Aman, my special friend… and Aman, Meet Swaminathan, my homie)

Both smiled at the affection in the introduction.

“Aman.. welcome Sir! aapka order?” Swami quipped chirpily.

(Aman … welcome sir! Your order please?)

“Thank you Swami…yahaan ka Irish crème cappuchino kaisa hain?” Aman smiled.

(thank you Swami… How is this place’s Irish Crème cappuccino)

“Good sir… quite strong… Excellent choice”

“aye Swami tu ithna formal mat ban… aur extra whipped cream daal!” Karthik said with rolling eyes, one hand still around Aman’s neck.

(Hey Swami! Don’t become so formal now. And add an extra whipped cream)

Swami laughs shaking his head, “Karthik Sir aap aur aapki extra whipped cream!”

(Karthik sir… you and your extra whipped cream!)

Aman is surprised that Karthik added the whipped cream part, “Tujhe kaise pata mujhe whipped crème pasand hain.” (How do you know that I like whipped crème)

Karthik twinkled at that, “Main tumhare rag rag se waakif hoon, Aman Babu!”

(I am aware of every little thing of your Aman babu)

Aman rolls his eyes and smiles.

“Swami upar le aayega? Yahaan pein kaheen jagah nahi hain….”

(Swami … will you bring it up. There is no place here.)

“Haa theek hain na sir!” ( yea sure sir)

“Aur haan,…Devika aayi toh upar bhej dena” ( and please send Devika up when she comes)

“Alrighty!”

With that Karthik and Aman climbed the winding stairs. Hand-in-hand. Aman’s butterflies were having a gala inside the tummy by the time they reached up. Even then, Karthik held his hand, and for all his social anxiety and fear of prying eyes, Aman didn’t have the heart to retrieve his hand. He wanted to hold as much as Karthik did.

_Chahe Karthik Kuch kahe na kahe yeh hamara pehli date toh hain._

_(Whether Karthik acknowledges this or not! This is our first date!)_

“Karthik tune kuch order nahi kiya?” (You didn’t order anything for yourself Karthik)

“Mere abh icecreams aayenge” ( I’d get icecreams now)

“Aacha?” (Really) Aman wondered at the sudden childish glint in Karthik’s eyes

“Kaisa lag raha hain yahaan?” (How do you like it here)

“Bahut accha hain… ambience iss place ki top class hain!” (Its really nice… Ambience is top-class)

“Haan Who toh hain..” (yeah that’s there)

They were now seated at the corner most table on the rooftop that afforded a great view. Sun had already set, and the light mauve of the evening sky gradually darkened around them. Aman smiled as he looked around taking in the spectacle, the orange halogen lamps began to glow brightly. Looking back at Karthik who looked even better in the soft orange glow, Aman forgot for a moment how to breathe.

“Meine poocha hi nai agar tere kuch plans hain ya nahi… yahan kheench laya… mind toh nahi karega naa?” (I have not even asked whether you had plans for tonight… I just dragged you here.. I hope you don’t mind)

“Abh tak jo janab bol rahe the formal mat ban.. aur abh waheen formal ban gaye? Mein mind kyun karoonga Karthik? This is turning out to be one of my best evenings in Delhi” (The guy who keeps asking people not to become formal, is now becoming formal himself. Why would I mind Karthik? This is turning out to be one of my best evenings in Delhi)

“Haye … main marjaawan… ithna sweet baatein kiya mat karona Aman babu, dil khushi se phat jaayega!” (Oh Wow… I might drop dead here… Don’t tell me such sweet things Aman Babu, My heart would explode in happiness)

Aman rolls his eyes at that. He secretly loves it when Karthik call him Aman Babu. No one else does that. He taps his fingers on the table lightly placing his hands dangerously close to Karthik’s, but not quite touching. It seemed to him that Karthik had turned on the flirting game and he must take up the challenge.

Meanwhile Swami brought his coffee up and a glass of water for Karthik. Its cute how Swami treats Karthik, like his elder brother.

Aman thanked Swami to which he tapped his barista cap rim smartly and waved to Karthik before trudging down.

“Sabke ke saath dosthi hain na Tera?” (you have friends everywhere you go right?)

“Haan… ham sabke lives jude huve hain na… dosthi karenge toh raasthe mein aasani hogi.”

(Yeah,… All our lives are connected… so being friends will make the path easier… right?)

Aman smiled at the simple philosophy. For a guy who loved recluse and solitude, he always found that making new friends is a pain, connecting to them is hard, being able to stay connected is too much of an effort.

“Dosth toh bahut saare honge, lekin jinko mein apne life mein zaroori samajhta hoon… woh bahut hi kam log hain.” (I do have a lot of friends… but people who are absolutely necessary for me… that list is quite small.)

Aman suddenly felt like asking Karthik if he was one of them. But he was almost afraid of an awkward negative answer.

“Haa woh ginti meri bhi kam hi hain. Jo log mujhe poori tarah se samjhthe hain who bhi rare hi hain.” (Yeah That list is small for me too. And people who truly understand me, get me,… those are really rare)

“Mera ginthi hoga uss list mein?” Karthik attempted at flirting, but an anxious seriousness in his voice give him away. (Do I feature in that list?)

“Hogi na Karthik… list ke baare unhi logon ko pata hota hain, jinke number uss list mein hoti hain.” (Of course Karthik… generally people who know about the existence of the list are the ones who are in it)

Aman is surprised with himself. He answered his own question. Karthik looked melted at his answer. The evening breeze was slowly playing with their hair, Aman smiled and took a sip of his coffee. Whether it’s the ambience, the company’s effect or coffee itself. It tasted like one of the best coffees ever.

Karthik was looking, no gazing at him. Aman’s butterflies took flight again. He is just getting comfortable handling that oddly pleasant sensation.

“Accha laga?” (like it?)

“Mmm… best hain yahaan coffee… Tu piyega?” (mmm.. yes it’s the best coffee… Want a sip?” Second time in the night he surprised himself. Aman was strictly a man of no bodily contact, no sharing stuff and kind.

Here, he didn’t even mind constant contact with Kathik. No scrape that… He actually craved for all kind of contact. He wanted to share his stuff with Karthik. It was as if he lost Karthik’s half when he was born and now he wants to just reconnect.

Karthik eagerly took his cup and quite mischievously took it to his lips. Aman gazed at his child-like delight. It was simple. He fell in love with this man. This is no crush. Not a regular infatuation. This is one fell-swoop, he realised. All those blurred days of fighting his own sexuality, all those self-shamed arousings, all those tentative hookups, all those controlled musings over straight-looking men, he is here. All those culminated into this effortless fall for life. Fall for this most amazing man who wore his heart on his sleeve.

_“Pyaar confusing nai hoti Aman. Pyaar sab se clear baat hoti hain. Jab tujhe pyaar hoga tumhe pata chal jaayega”_

_Love is not confusing Aman. It is in fact the most clear thing. When you fall in love, you would get to know that._

Those were Goggle’s words, that rang clear in his head.

Aman was gazing at the love of his life. Without realising that he was being gazed at too. For a moment they forgot where they were.

Only to be brought back into reality by a boisterous and loud female voice behind him.

“Kutte! Dekh ke nahi chal sakhta kya?” She cursed at an idiot who tried to get smart with her. (You dog! Couldn’t you watch your step?)

Aman and Karthik both jumped and looked back. Karthik gave back his cup and stood up.

Aman looked the girl clearly now. So this was Devika.

She was looking good, had a cheeky face and big sparkling eyes. Aman also got up.

She was carrying a tray with three icecreams, and looked like she was close to murdering someone. Aman genuinely hoped that it is not Karthik.

“Ye le Mote tere icecreams. Inn ke chakkar mein aur late ho gayi … accha khaasa plan ka bantangad ho gaya…” ( Here take these icecreams… because of these I became more late. My amazing plan would have been simply ruined)

“Thank you Moti… its ok na late hi hua hain… kya ho jata” Karthik said cheerily taking his tray with three huge Icecream sundaes. All strawberry flavour. (thank you…its ok right you were just late)

“Aye… Tu kaun hain?” Devika asked looking at Aman. ( Hey who are you?)

Aman looked scared and helpless. Karthik got alarmed and immediately whispered into her ears.

If Aman was scared by the rude face of Devika, then it was nothing compared to the fear that was evoked due to the transformation on her face after Karthik whispered something.

From rude to cheshire cat naughty within 0.2 seconds.

_Issko Diwali bonus abhi mil gayi kya… Aise kyun muskuraa rahi hain?_

_Why does she look like she got an early diwali bonus?_

Karthik stepped in like a good samaritan to save Aman from an anxiety attack.

“Devika yeh hain Aman Tripathi, mera Intern, khaas dosth…aur Aman yeh Devika Trivedi hain, meri sabse purana aur sabse irritating BFF.” (Devika this Aman Tripathi, my Intern, a special friend… Aman, this is Devika Trivedi my oldest and most irritating BFF.)

“Hi” Aman said in a nervous voice.

“Khaas…Aman Tripathi… Tum toh bade cute nikle yaar!” (special.. Aman Tripathi…you are very cute)

“Dev D Kya kar rahi hain? Baith na!” Karthik half-whispered half shouted. (Dev D What Are you doing? Sit please)

“Arrey Haa…” (oh yeah)

Karthik sits down, and Aman and Devika follow the suit. Swami brings Devika her coffee. All of them settle down well. Well, all except Karthik, whose excitement over three strawberry icecreams is palpable and childlike edgy.

Aman was so distracted by Karthik’s excitement that he quite forget that Devika was there.

Not that she minded. She was busy observing him, gushing over the fact that Karthik’s Mr.Cutie was so in love with him.

“Toh Mr.Cutie kaisa laga naya office?” (So Mr.Cutie Hows the new office?)

Aman doesn’t answer. He had no clue Devika was talking to him.

All he heard were Karthik’s moans of satifaction as he gluttoned his way through them. Aman’s eyes roamed freely over Karthik’s face resting on his moist lips, while his mind dwelled the realms of dark satisfaction he was deriving from seemingly innocent sounds. Aman was midway to getting totally engrossed in Karthik’s childlike antics, when a sharp snap of fingers, Devika’s fingers brought him back.

“Tum dono ka shuru ho gaya?” she asked.

(Its already started between you guys?)

The question was laden with such double meaning that Karthik’s childlike excitement faded into shock. Aman looked at her surprise and vexation.

_Kya? Hamare beech jo ho raha hain isse ithna jaldi kaise pata chala?_

_(What? She caught a whiff of our romance so fast.)_

“Mera matlab kaam?” Devika clarified with her almost innocent looking grin. (I only meant Work)

“haa…” Aman started and faltered, “Kaam toh shuru ho gaya” (Yeah…Work started)

“Toh kaisa laga naya office Mr.Cutie?” (So Mr.Cutie Hows the new office?)

Aman gets flustered at the cutie remark. Girls don’t hit on him generally. But he supposed it was unlikely that Devika would at all. Her gaydar would be strong. He looked up to decipher her meaning. And found the answer in Karthik’s horrified expression. She was taking Karthik for a ride by calling Aman Mr.Cutie.

“Accha hain…actually bahut accha hain… I am enjoying it” ( Its nice… Actually its really good… I am enjoying it

“Enjoying the company? Good good…mein bhi waheen work karthi hoon.”

(Oh you are enjoying the company…Good good… I also work there)

_My God Yahaan pein bhi double meaning nikaali? (My God She extracted double meaning from that too)_

“Haa mujhe pata hain.” (Yeah I know)

“Haa usse pata hain Dev… tu yeh bata Goa ke kya kaarname the” (Yeah He knows Dev… Hey tell us about your Goa trip)

Aman could see Karthik was anxious to keep Devika away from pseudo-flirting with him.

_Why though? Doesn’t he know that I really don’t mind!_

Anyway, it didn’t matter to Aman that Devika launched herself into full-blown descriptions of Goan style bachelorette party she had been to. All Aman cared for were those cute expressions of shock, surprise and amazement that flitted through Karthik’s face.

Smitten was the word for Aman tonight.

After several platters of snacks they ordered, several refills of coffee and loads of gossip on Devika’s side, their almost-half-date night came to an end.

When they are leaving Devika and Aman had to wait outside, while Karthik was inside talking to Swami, Devika turned to Aman seriously and said, “Aman, tu banda accha hain. Lekin agar galthi se bhi Karthik ko kabhi hurt kiya… toh muh thod doongi tera.”

(Aman… I get that you are a good guy! But If you ever , even by mistake, hurt Karthik… I will break your nose without a second thought)

Strangely, even after three-hour-chatter of Devika, Aman could not form an opinion on her. But right now, after she said these sincere and threatening words, he found that she was instantly likeable.

Aman smiled and replied with equal sincerity, “Karthik ko hurt karne ke baare mein soch bhi nahi saktha. Lekin agar aisa hua toh, by all means todh de mera mooh.” Devika gave him a hundred-watt smile. (I would never even think of hurting Karthik, but if ever that happens, by all means, break my nose)

He knew the fiercely protective side of females. Goggle is a book on that on her own. He felt Devika too is like Goggle.

“Devika … yeh bata mujhe. Maafi ke icecream? Aur who bhi sirf Strawberry? Kyun?”

(Devika… tell me something. What is this Icecream apology? And why only Strawberry?)

Devika’s smile turned sad, she looked at the entrance of the coffee shop. “Karthik jabse chota tha na, tab se sirf strawberry ke icecreams pasand the, Woh paise bacha bacha ke icercream pein kharch karta tha. Aur uske zaleem baap peeke usska yeh khushi bhi usse cheentha tha. Karthik ko woh bachpan ki shauk abhi poora karne ka mauka mila hain… issliye woh khud ke liye kabhi nai kharidtha, ham jaiso se mangaatha hain, jo log uske kareeb hain, kabhi maafi ke naam pein, kabhi treat ke naam pein. Paagal kahika …”

(Since his childhood, Karthik loved only strawberry icecreams. He used to save money from odd jobs and buy them for himself. And his hateful father used to snatch them from him when he was druken. Karthik now tries to relish that childhood wish by taking strawberry icecreams. He never buys them on his own. He always demands apology icecreams, treat icecreams from people who are close to him. He is a little crazy!)

“Haa sahi hi... dilwaayi hui cheez zyaada accha lagta hain” , Aman agreed. (Yeah That’s valid too… treats and gifts taste much better)

Aman’s heart squeezed in pain. Thinking back on how broken Karthik sounded when he said, “Ek baap tha… usse bachke mein bhaaga tha.” (there was a father… I ran away from him to save myself)

It was evident that Karthik went through a hell of sorts, the realisation only made Aman ache to give whatever he had, to make Karthik happy. Aman didn’t realise that his eyes were moist and the belated realisation also brought Devika’s observant expression into sharp focus. Aman looked down to shield himself from revealing too much too soon.

Thankfully Karthik came out of the coffee shop to them grinning ear-to-ear. “Swami apne girlfriend se mila raha tha… isliye late hua… Kitthe Pyaari bacchi hain… Dil kush karditta”

(Swami was introducing his girlfriend to me… That’s why I am became late… You wont believe… how cute the kid was… My heart is swelling with happiness)

Aman looks at him as if he hung the moon. Karthik turns to Dev D. “Chal moti Gadhi nikaal. Mein drop kardoonga.” Devika nods and looks Aman, who turns to her to bid the farewell.

“Bye Devika. It was nice meeting you.”

“Same here Aman, bye, haan.” Devika leaves to get her bike out.

Karthik looks at Aman nervous. Even lingering awkwardness felt nice to Aman.

“I had a great time Karthik! Bahut accha laga tumhare saath aake. Thank you for tonight!” breathed Aman sincerely.

“Arrey Aman Babu! The Pleasure is all mine,” Karthik said with twinkle back in his smile.

With that, he hugged Aman. Aman wraps his arms around Karthik’s waist. Devika’s Cheshire cat smile is back when she honks to break them apart.

“Bye Mr.Cutie, isske sapnon mein kho mat jaana” She called. (Bye Mr.Cutie, Don’t you get lost in his dreams)

Aman waved her and Karthik and started back on his bike.

“Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
Main Nahin Jaanta Duaa Kya Hai  
Dil E Nadaan Tujhey Huya Kya Hai” (Hindi Lyrics)

It felt like it was the most natural thing to do. Falling in love with Karthik. His childlike antics, his need for attention and love, his openness, his friendliness. The way his eyes crinkled as he smiles, the way he smirks, the way he gets jealous when he talks to girls, the way little chinks in Karthik’s flamboyant armour show up. Aman felt the familiar ache return to him in full force.

It's strange how things turn out. His stupid heart, which never gave itself a lease to hope, began hoping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I loved the way you enjoyed the interlacing essence of songs into the plot. For me, it was a sort of validation to my obsession with certain songs and their unforgettable lyrics.
> 
> So I am adding a link to my unlisted youtube playlist. I curated these while planning out my subsequent chapters.   
> At the risk of revealing my plot points upfront: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGs3U1UJYrkVyYNl-2VnemVb24qTKqKpe
> 
> I really recommend you to listen to these songs while reading this.


	6. Phir le aaya dil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once my friend mentioned that Indians have a very domestic way of expressing their love.  
> It almost always starts with food. I could not agree more!
> 
> That’s why this chapter is dedicated to all the "Khana khaaya tune" Friends.

# Karthik

It was Friday, the first Friday of Aman’s internship. Aman, Devika and Karthik sat at their usual table for lunch. Aman had a cute suppressed smile on his lips. Karthik didn’t want to hope too much for a repeat of what happened the previous day. He tried to shield his feelings that oscillated from hope to desperation.

So, he quitely hums “Raas na aaya rahna door kya kije… Dill kah rahaa hain usse mukkamal karbhi aaon wo jo adhoori si baat baaki hain wo jo dabi si baat baaki hain”

Aman looks up at him with a small smile. He quietly opened his box. That had double proportions of what he ate. He silently put the roti and the sabzi onto a plate and pushed it towards Karthik.

Karthik is already brimming with emotions. Aman looked up at him expectantly.

_Ithna sweet Kyun ho yaar tum… mujhe tujhse addiction ho jeyegi Aman._

_(why are you so sweet man! I will get addicted to you)_

_Mere liye Khana leke aayega mujhe iski aadat pad jayegi_

_(If you get food for me like this, it will become a habit for me)_

Without restraint, his thoughts dwelled on the pervious day’s lunch time when Aman practically forced him to try what he brought.

> “Karthik bas ek baar chakh lo… I am sure accha lagega” Aman said in exasperation. (Karthik just taste it once… you will like it. I am sure)
> 
> “Nahi khana mujhe… Mujhko Chinese acchi lagthi hain… Thank you but no thanks” Karthik replied adamantly. (No…I don’t want to eat… I like Chinese… Thank you but no thanks)
> 
> Aman rolled his eyes and looked at Devika who was smiling, just a tad sadly. “Tu kuch help karegi meri?” (you will help me here or not)
> 
> “Mujhe involve mat karo bhai sahab. Bahut bhook lag rahi hain shuru karein.”
> 
> (Bro… don’t you involve me here. I am feeling hungry, lets just start)
> 
> Karthik looks at the deliciousness that sat in Aman’s box. The same one he was offering, but Karthik knows that homefood is a slippery edge. He should be happy with his chinese takeaway, because that’s his reality.
> 
> But Aman is admant when he deems it fit. So he starts a drama.
> 
> “Meine socha, Matar paneer acchi bani hain, dosthon ko khilaaonga… waahwaahi milegi. Yahaan toh yeh Karthik ghaas bhi nahi daal raha” Aman complained and pouted.
> 
> (I thought, today Matar paneer came out well, I will feed it to my friends… they will appreciate me. And here Karthik is not even looking at the dish)
> 
> Karthik’s brain got shortwired. He was half-way melted because of the overwhelming cuteness and his own regret to have caused such dissappointment. Being a guy in perpetual drama mode, he failed to realise that Aman was only putting up a drama. He simply lost his resolve not to eat homefood when he looked at Aman’s pout.
> 
> _Damn! Yeh ithna cute kaise ho saktha hain. Iss ko naa kaise boloon._
> 
> _(Damn! How does he get cuter by the moment. How can I say No to him)_
> 
> “Theek hain theek hain ek bite lunnga… par tumhe apne haathon se khilaana padhega. Bol mazoor hain?” He said with a crooked smirk.
> 
> “Okay okay I will take a bite, but only if you feed me with your own hand. Tell me if the challenge is accepted)
> 
> After all, he is Karthik Singh, he’d damned if he went down without fighting.
> 
> Aman looked around hesitant. Devika was looking at him as if Karthik had just ruined his chances. Karthik is actually waiting for Aman, with bated breath. Will he get over his hesitation to give Karthik what he wants. What they both want.
> 
> Aman nodded slowly. He broke the roti and gathered the matar paneer in a bite and brought it up to Karthik’s mouth. He could only look into Aman’s eyes, that sparked in determination and a kind of silent confidence that literally floored him.
> 
> _Damn! I am in love._
> 
> Karthik’s mouth took in the explosion of flavours of the matar paneer. It is really home food. “Ghar ka khana”.
> 
> He didn’t realise his eyes were closed or that he moaned softly as he chewed the bite in complete reverence.
> 
> “Accha laga?” Aman asked with a smile. (Liked it)
> 
> Karthik gulped and nodded. It was heartening to see Aman smile triumphantly.
> 
> Karthik couldn’t control himself, he simply took Aman’s box and started hungrily wolfing down his rotis with the delicious curry.
> 
> “Hey tu .. kya kar raha hain” Devika started. (Hey what are you doing?)
> 
> But Aman stopped her with a smile. “Khane do usse… Achha laga hoga” (Let him eat… He liked it)
> 
> Karthik looked at Aman apologetically, pushing his unopened chowmein dabba towards him.
> 
> “Mujhe nahin pata tha Janab ko Ghar ka khana ithna accha lagega” Aman said with a heart stopping smirk. (I didn’t know that Sir would like home food so much)
> 
> “Sirf Aman ke haath ka” Karthik corrected. (Only the food made by Aman)
> 
> Devika looked like her diwali came early.

“Earth to Karthik” Aman said snapping his fingers and picking up the plate to hand it to Karthik.

“Sochlo Aman baabu!” Karthik’s voice sounded thick with emotion, “aadat bigad rahe ho tum humaare” (Give it a thought, Aman babu, you might spoil my habits)

Aman laughs sweetly at that, “Addat bigaad nahin rahe janab! Hamari aadat daal rahehain. Varna Roz roz tu takeaway ka khaana khaata rahega aur mein chup baithu. Jee nahi”

(I am not spoiling your habits, I am just making myself a habit to you. Or else did you think I will sit quiet if you keep eating out of a box? No way)

Karthik relutantly took the plate from Aman’s hands and relished the first bite.

Aman smiled indulgently, looking away from Karthik only to find Devika smirking at him. Karthik offered her a bite. She took it and smiled at the taste.

“Tu toh pakka husband material nikle yaar” Devika said with her cheshire cat grin. ( You have proved yourself to be proper husband material)

“Tujhe toh bas bahana chahiye chiddaane ko” Aman said flustered. (Oh you just like to tease me)

“Tumhe mujhe khilaane ki Bheeshma pratigyna lene ki koi zaroorath nahi hain Aman…Mein aise hi survive kartha aaya hoon… aage bhi survive karloonga. Tum mujhpe ithna ehsaan kyun kar rahe ho”

(Why do you have to take upon yourself to feed me Aman? I survived for long like this… I will in future too… You don’t have to do these favours to me)

Karthik turned serious. He loved his independence. He doesn’t like it if someone shows pity on him. Devika facepalmed in the background. But Karthik’s eyes were trained on Aman.

Aman did not look surprised at Karthik’s words. It was almost as if Aman had expected him to react the way he did. Aman held his gaze, quiet determination sparking up again. His eyes spoke his sincerity before his words could.

“Ehsaan? Yeh hamari beech ehsaan waali baat kaha se aagayi? Saale tu chowmein pein jee raha hain kyun ki khana banana aata nahi hain tumhe. So, jab tak tu mujhse seekh nahi leta, mein hi tujhe khilaaunga”

(Favours? Where do favours come between us? You are an idiot who eats chowmein every day, because you never learnt how to cook. So till you learn how to, I will only feed you.)

“Agar mein kabhi nahi seekha toh?” (What if I never learn) Karthik countered unabashed.

Aman smirked, “Toh mein kaha bhaaga jaa raha hoon… khilathe rahoonga jeevan bhar” (so, where am I going away? I will keep feeding you… forever)

“Tum dono apne rings toh dikhaado!” asked Devika, grabbing their hands. (Guys, atleast show me your rings)

“Rings? Kya rings? Kaahan ke rings?” a confused Karthik asked. (Rings? What rings? Which rings?)

“Arrey ithne married lag raheho, toh maine socha shaadi karlee hogi chup chaap!”

(hey… you were acting so married right now that I thought, maybe you guys married each other in secret)

Aman blushed. Karthik also became red. For one glorious moment, they both imagined exchanging rings and getting married.

“Shaadi karte toh tumhe nahi bolate Devika?” Aman said laughing.

(If we did get married, wouldn’t we invite you Devika?)

Karthik looked at him surprised. Aman is always full of surprises. He thought he would get flustered at the thought. Devika winked at Karthik. It was as if Devika is proving to him that his Aman is into him too.

* * *

“Yaar shayad Aman… gay nahin hain,” Karthik spilled out his anxiety to Devika over a call later that night. (Dude maybe Aman… is not gay)

“Abh tujhe aisa kyun lagta hain Karthik?” Devika asked patiently. She knew how her friend struggles to finally come out to admit his anxiety. (And why do you feel so Karthik?)

She noticed how restless he was on the day he met her in the coffee house. She also noticed how Aman looked at him. She couldn’t even bring herself to doubt the boy’s feeelings for Karthik.

“Aman… uss ladki se baat karta hain… kya naam tha usska Tanya” (Aman talks to that girl.. what’s her name… Tanya)

“Haa …Toh woh mujhse bhi baat karta hain toh… Karthik” (Yeah… he talks to me also Karthik… your point?)

“nahi matlab Tanya usspein jaise hakk jamati hain.” ( No … I mean Tanya looks as if She has him under her spell)

“Karthik… Aman ko tumne poocha tha na iss ladki ke baare mein. Tu hi kah raha tha ki Aman ne kah diya usse iss Tanya pein interest nahi hain.”(Karthik… You had asked Aman straight up about that girl, didn’t you? You only told me that Aman said that he is not interested in her.)

“Haa lekin yeh toh nahi kaha ki ladkiyon mein bhi interest nahin hain!” (Yeah … but he did not expresly say that he does not have interest in girls at all)

“Karthik tu na kuch zyaada hi soch raha hain. Tum ab tak relationships mein kabhi ithna unsure nahi the. Abh kya hua?” (Karthik… you are just overthinking this. You have never been unsure about relationship stuff… so why now?)

“Arrey woh saare hookups the, pichle waale boyfriends kabhi aise nahi the. Meine unn logon ko legit gay bars mein, LGBTQ clubs mein milaa tha. Lekin Vikrant ko meine misjudge kiya tha na… Agar Aman bhi straight hi hain toh… mujhe nahi pata yaar… Aman ko aise mein kho nahi sakhta.”

(Dude, Those were random hookups, I met never previous Boyfriends like this. I met them in legit gay bars , LGBTQ clubs and the like. I misjudged Vikrant to be a gay right… what if it is happening again… what if Aman is straight too… I don’t know dude… Aman is too precious… I cannot lose him like that)

“Pehli baat hain, Vikrant ke case mein jo bhi hua, ussmein saari galthi tera nahin hain. Uss kutthe ne tumhe jaanboojkar mislead kiya tha. Aur doosri baat, haa maanlo tu ne Vikrant ko misjudge kiya tha, usse Aman se kya lena dena. Kya Aman tere saath, ussiki tarah weirdly sexually behave kartha hain?” (First things first, in Vikrant’s case, it was not entirely your fault. That asshole had intentionally misled you. And second, thing, why are you even comparing the two cases. Does Aman behave with you in that wierdly sexual way like Vikrant?)

“Nai… nai… Aman bahut shy, sweet aur innocent hain. Woh mere intern hone ke baawajood, mera khayal rakhta hain. Mujhe bacchane ke liye uss din, phase trip kiya… Banda dil se bahut saaf hain.”

(No No… Aman is too sweet, shy and innocent. Him being my intern, he takes care of me. To put me out of trouble that day, he took risk and tripped phase. He is a guy with clean heart)

“Isiliye tujhe usse ithna pyaar hogaya hain…ithne jaldi… hain na?” (So that’s why you are so in love with him... that too so fast… isnt it?) 

“Haan” (Yeah)

“Yaar ithna pyaar hain… thoda himmat bhi juta le aur bol daalna” (Dude you are so much in love… why don’t you add some courage and tell it to him)

“Kaise boloon Dev D… Aman awkward ho jaayega toh” ( How will I tell him Dev D… Aman might became awkward)

“Agar nahi hua toh.” (What if he doesn’t)

“Wahi toh mein sure nahi hoon na… Aman shayad dosthi mein hi ithna concern dikha raha hoga. Shayad mein hi misinterpret kar raha hoon” (That’s what… I am not sure. What if he is doing this out of concern for a friend?… what If I am only misinterpreting things)

“Dekho… tu Aman se pyaar kar raha hain. Aur pyaar aur dosthi mein farak hota hain. Dosthi mein aivaye 2 min ke long hugs nahi hote hain. Uss din coffee ke baad, tum log mere aane tak hug karte rahe.” (See,… You are in love with Aman. And Love and friendship have some difference between them. You don’t hug a person straight for 2 mins without any reason. That day, you guys were doing just that.)

“Dev D tu kaise baatein kar rahi hain” ( Dev D what kind of things are you talking about)

“Bahut hi practical baatein kar rahi hoon. Dosthi mein shaadi ke joke pein blush nahi karthe.” (I am talking very practical things out here. In friendship, people don’t blush at the joke on their marrying each other.)

“haa lekin…” (yeah… but)

“Kya hain Karthik… abhi tumhe kya karna hain yeh tum mujhe bataaon” (What is it Karthik? You tell me what you want to do now)

“Mein… aur thode din rukta hoon… Dosthi gehri hogi. Aman ko mere saath comfortable feel hone ka time milega…Tab tak toh andaaza lag hi jaayega. (Me… I think I will wait for some more time. .. Friendship will become stronger… Aman also will feel more comfortable with me… By then I will have atleast an inkling on his sexuality)

“Theek hain tujhe jo marzi mein aaye karo,” (You know what! Do what you feel like doing)

Devika couldn’t help but feel frustrated.

“Chal mein rakhta hoon”. (Okay… I will cut the phone now)

Karthik cut the call and stood there in his balcony, trying to calm the fears that welled inside him. He was rejected too many times and by too many people. But the last time his heart broke. A lot went under the wheel. His peace, his confidence, his mental health. Devika had only but an inkling of what he went through. Fresh tears threatened to slip from his eye lashes. He grasped the railing of the balcony tightly to stop himself from giving into the demons in his head that ate into his sleep.

His phone ringed in an incoming message. He opened to check from whom it was, expecting a random company message.

His heart warmed in an instant he saw Aman’s message,

> “I was hearing this song, mann mein tere hi khayal ayaa…” attached to the message was a link to Rafi sahab’s classic song “Aaj muasam bada beinmaan hain”
> 
> ( I was hearing this song, I thought you)
> 
> “Haye… mera hi khayal kyun?” Karthik responded. (Wow… Why think of me though?)
> 
> “Yun hi… tera khayal aana manaa hain kya… 😉 (Just like that… Why? Is there a ban on thinking about you?)
> 
> Waise bhi Rafi sahab ke gaane tere awaaz mein sunne ka alag hi mazaa hain!”
> 
> (Anyway, Listening to the songs of Rafi sir while you sing is a delight in itself)
> 
> Karthik’s earlier rumblings about broken heart were somehow soothed by Aman’s text. He kissed the phone screen.
> 
> “Haaye… ithna sweet mat baniye Aman baaabuuu… mujhe meetha bahut pasand hain”
> 
> (Aww,… Don’t you become that sweet Aman babu… I am a sweet tooth, you see)
> 
> “Acchi baat hai na… Waise bhi mere wale mithaas se sehat ke accha hi hai”
> 
> (Its good… My brand of sweetness is good for health)
> 
> “Aapke wale mithaas hi sabse khatarnak hai saahib… Seedha dill pein waar kar jaati hain”
> 
> (Oh your brand of sweetness is actually more dangerous… it effects heart directly)
> 
> Karthik came back inside and laid back on his bed, phone in his hand, grinning ear-to-ear.
> 
> “mithaai se yaad aaya… Khana khaaya tu ne?” (Talking about sweets… Did you have your dinner?)
> 
> “Nai” Karthik groaned. (No). His stupid frame of mind, didn’t even allow a brain-to-text filter.
> 
> “Kya… kyun nahi… 10 baj rahe hai Karthik. Atleast takeout hain na tere paas”
> 
> (What why..? Its 10 o clock Karthik. Do you at least have takeout with you?)
> 
> “Ande ubaal ke khaalunga… tu itna worry kyun karta hain mere liye?” ( I will boil eggs and eat… By the way why do you worry about me so much?)
> 
> “Abhi kartaa hoon, toh kartaa hoon… tere liye worry karne pein bhi manaa hai kya”
> 
> (Now what If I do,… why? Is there a ban on worrying about you as well”)
> 
> “Waise manaa toh mere saath KUCH BHI Karne pein nahi hain…Kyun? Kya karne ke iraaden hai Aman baabu”
> 
> (Oh… To consider, there is absolutely no ban on doing ANYTHING with me… why? What are your intentions Aman babu?)
> 
> “Iraaden…mein bataa doon?” ( Intentions? Should I tell them to you?)
> 
> “Bataa do” (Yes Please)
> 
> “Abhi toh… tere ghar aake apne haath se bana Rajma chawal khilaane ka hain” (For now… To come to your house and feed you the Rajma Chawal I made)
> 
> “Wah Aman babu… jee jalaana toh koi tujhse seekhe… khud se aane se rahe… Rajma Chawal ka bhoot mujhpe chodh dee” (Wah Aman Babu… only you know the art of souring the spirits… You will not come now… but you have sent Rajma Chawal to haunt my dinner dreams)
> 
> “Haawww… Sorry Sahib…galthi se mistake huyi” (Oh… I am sorry about that)
> 
> “Sorry… aur woh bhi ithna pheeka … bilkul nahi chalega.” (Sorry?... and that too this bland? Doesn’t work with me!)
> 
> “Kitne chahiye… Strawberry icecreams na…”(How many… strawberry icecreams right?)
> 
> “Haa…tujhe kaise pata…” ( yes… How do you know that?)
> 
> “Aapke rag rag se wakif hoon huzoor!! 😉 ” (I am aware of your every move… Your Highness)
> 
> “Haye Aman baabu…chalo dil khush kardiya issliye… Sirf Theen” (Wow Aman Babu… since you melted my heart… only three)
> 
> “Jee Huzoor… aapke icchaa sar aankhon pein…” (Your wish is my command your Highness!)
> 
> “Haaww…”
> 
> “Abh toh khaale Karthik… 10:30 bajne ko hain..” (Atleast now eat something Karthik, its 10:30)
> 
> “Aap bhi na Aman Baabu.., mood mein rahne nayi dete” (You are too much Aman babu. You would not let me be in the mood)

Karthik smiled into his pillow, going completely crazy.

Radio he had left on, blared Sayeed Quadri‘s classic-

“Kismat ko hai yeh manzoor kya keeje

Milte rahe hum badastoor kya keeje

Dil keh raha hai use musalsal kar bhi aao

Wo jo ruki si raah baaki hai, Wo jo ruki si chaah baaki hai,

Wo jo ruki si chaah baaki hai Wo jo ruki si chaah baaki hai...”  
  


And somehow, Karthik’s heart that’s battered and wounded, healed itself a little, learnt to hope a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in love in this song since Barfi released.
> 
> https://youtu.be/JS64CuKSqhc?list=PLGs3U1UJYrkVyYNl-2VnemVb24qTKqKpe


	7. Intehaan ho gayi Intezaar ki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A major time leap for our Karman!  
> Karthik is confused if Aman is gay... Aman has his own insecurities.  
> They both are stuck in Friend and friendlier stage.  
> As promised this Chapter has some good old pining and angst!  
> \--------------------------------------------  
> P.S: For maxing out the kick of this chapter ... listen to this Amitabh Bacchan classic.  
> And then imagine the song in Jeetu's voice for the right feel!

# Aman

Zing Zing… the scanner buzzed busily. Aman rocked on his heels as he patiently scans a thick wad of papers.

> _Intehaan ho gayi intezaar ki…Aye naa kuch khabar mere yaar ki_
> 
> _Ye hamen hai yaqeen, bevafa vo nahin  
>  Phir vajah kya hui, intazaar ki, Intehaan ho gayi intezaar ki_

_Karthik bunk hi maarna tha … Toh mujhe bhi bol nahi sakte… (Karthik If you had to bunk, Couldn’t you just tell me?)_

_Ek din tu nahi aaya,… mazaa hi nahi raha life mein. Yeh Vaibhav tab se sirf scanning, printing kara raha hain… asli kam kuch dega bhi ke nayi._

_(You don’t come for one day, I feel all the fun is out of my life now. This Vaibhav is going on giving me scanning and printing work. Wonder when he is going to give me actual work)_

> _Intehaan ho gayi intezaar ki…Aye naa kuch khabar mere yaar ki_

_Sach mein yeh intezzar mujhse nahi ho raha… ek mahinaa beet gaya… ( truly this wait is taking a toll on me… its been a month!)_

_Pyaar hain… ikraar nahi hain… (There is love… yet no expression of love)_

_Abhi Karthik ko mujhpe interest hain yaa nahin… Ithna ghamasaan flirting karta hain… toh shayad hain… Yaa phir… mere baare mein sure nahin hain woh… (Does Karthik have interest in me or not… He does such heavy flirting with me… So maybe he is interested… or maybe he is not really so sure about me)_

_Waise ‘hangout’ toh bahut karte… hum toh ek dusrein se alag hi nahi rahtein…Mein hi unhe dates samajh raha tha… shayad usske liye woh sirf hangouts hi the… Mein hi galat interpret kar raha tha kya? (He does hangout with me a lot… Heck we have been practically inseperable… But all those times I considered as dates… were they only ‘hangouts’ to him… Am I interpreting things wrong here?)_

_Waise socha jaaye…toh banda way out-of-league hain mere liye… (come to think of it now… the guy is way out-of-league for me)_

_Lekin… care toh bahut dikhaata hain… Agar mann mein mere liye kuch nahi hain, aisa kyu jaatana, jaise uss keliye mein khaas hoon. (But he… he does care for me… If there is nothing for me, why does he make it look like I am someone special for him)_

_Yeh chote chote baatein, unhe chahke bhi undekha nahi kar sakhta mein. (All these small small things that he does, I cannot even disregard them even if I want to)_

_Jab bhi baahar jaate hain, mere liye extra jacket le aata hain. Kabhi garam plate mujhe paas nahi kartha. Mood off rahta hoon toh hazaar koshish karta hassane ko…( whenever we go out he always carries an extra jacket for me, he never passes me a hot plate, whenever I am off mood, he tries to make me laugh with his antics)_

_Lift mein jaate hi Haath chupke se pakadleta mera, mere claustrophobia se dhyaan hataane ke liye… yaha tak ki Ismail chacha yeh baat notice ki… Aaj kal wo bhi mujhe Karthik wala extra special attention dene lag gaye…_

_(Whenever we go into a lift, he grasps my hands to help distract from my claustrophobia… Its so evident that even Ismail uncle took notice of it… these days even Ismail uncle gives me the extra special attention that he had previously reserved for Karthik)_

_Hariharan ke concert ko mujhe jaana tha… yeh baat ussne binbole hi notice ki… Aur kar liya kuch jugaad passes keliye… Kya shaam tha woh!_

_( when I wanted to go for Hariharan’s concert,… he caught that without me uttering a word about it,… and actually managed to get the passes… what an evening that was)_

_Concert ki baat ussne bina kuch kahe jaan lee ussne… (He got to know about concert without me expressly telling it to him)_

_Uske upar mein lattoon hoon, uss pein marr raha hoon… yeh baat usne notice kaise nahi kee…_

_(how come he doesn’t know that I am in love with him… that I am desperately pining for him)_

_Pagal ban raha hoon main… uske khayalon… ( I am just going crazy for him… in his thoughts)_

_Nahi sochna hai… Karthik ke baaren mein… abh nahin sochna hain… ( I must not think… I must not think about Karthik… Not going to think)_

Thick wad of papers in front of him told him otherwise. As a welcome distraction, his interns batch walked in… all laughing at a joke. They all stopped at the sight of Aman at the machine. Aman couldn’t surmise the reason why. Tanya flashed him a brilliant smile. Aman smiled back,

“Hi guys.”

“Aman! Mein tujhe yahaan pehli baar dekh rahi hoon. Aaj yeh adbhut ghatna kaise ghati?” Chirped an excited Tanya. (Aman! We are seeing you here for the first time. How did this impossible thing happen?)

Aman shrugged and said, “Tum aise kyun pooch rahi ho? Aisa thodi hain ki tum log roj yahi aate ho.” (Why do you ask me like that? Its not like you guys come here everyday)

Tanya and others look at each other and tried to say the obvious.

Lokesh puts a hand on Aman’s shoulder, “Haan, hum day 2 se yahi aa rahe hain. Yeh room jaise hamara adda hain. Haa yeh baat alag hai ki hum tujhe kabhi yahaan nahi dekhen. Lekin Karthik sir ko aksar dekhthe hain.” (Yeah … we are here from day 2, this room is almost our hangout spot. Yeah we have always wondered that you never came here, but we see Karthik sir here frequently)

Aman smiles at the mention of Karthik, “Haa... Mein offer kartha tha ki mein laaonga printouts, lekin Karthik mere training ko lekar bahut serious hain. Kabhi aane hi nai diya...” (Yeah… I do offer to get the printouts but Karthik is too serious about my training. He never let me do this stuff)

Others look surprised, some outright scowl. Aman could not understand their reactions.

Tanya said a little waspishly, “Accha, Karthik sir tujhe shayad special treatment deta hoga... lekin humko ithni nazeeb naubat nai hai.” (Oh is it? Karthik sir might give you special treatment… All of us are not that lucky.)

“Kya Matlab? Special treatment ki kya baat hain? Karthik mujhe kyun special treatment dega?” Aman was flustered because he thought they were reffering to their closeness. (What do you mean? What special treatment? And why would Karthik treat me specially?)

Rohan interjected rudely, “Varna tujhe kya lagta hain? Yahaan hamara kaam kya hain? Printouts,paperwork aur scanning sirf yahi hain hamari training. Jo thoda samay bachta hain, yeh seniors vele mein kharch karte hain.” (What do you think? This is our work here… printouts, paperwork, scanning. This is all the training we get. Whatever little time is left, these seniors waste it with gossip)

“Kya?” For a moment he seethed at the injustice that was happening to the other interns. (what?)

“Inn logon Interns nahi office boys chahiye hoten hai aur training ke naampe ragging karte hain.” Lokesh said with some righteous outrage. (These guys don’t need interns, they need office boys and all they do in the name of training, is ragging)

Aman looked shocked. Sejal quipped, “Tum toh bahut lucky nikle yaar... Tujhe actually kuch seekhne ko mil raha hain.” (Dude you got lucky,… you are actually getting to learn something)

Aman nodded a little stoned faced, he asked “Agar seniors tum logon ko aise treat kar rahe toh, tum log Gaurav se baat karona... Apne issue raise karo.” (If the seniors are treating you like that, why don’t you guys talk to Gaurav and sort your issues.)

Shipi laughed at the obvious solution Aman gave, “Tume kya lagta hain... Gaurav sir ko pata nai hain yeh baat? Unhone already seniors ke saat baat kar chuke. Unke samne seniors hame kaam dene ka dhong karte hain... lekin asal mein kuch badaltha nahin hain.” (What do you think? Gaurav sir didn’t get to know this, He already talked with all the seniors. In front of him, these guys act but nothing actually changes)

Rohan gives him a dirty look, “Sab chutiye hain yahan.” (Everyone are idiots here)

Tanya fake laughs, and interlocks her hand around Aman’s elbow, “Theek hain na yaar... ab sab log tere jaise lucky toh nai ho sakte.” (Its ok yaar…Not all people are as lucky as you are)

Rohan doesnt miss the gesture. He acidly says, “Haa yehi Irony hain ki ek Charity case hum se zyaada seekh raha hain.” (Haa the irony is that a charity case gets to learn more than us)

The group looked shocked and uncomfortable at Rohan's comment.

Aman could actually feel the temperature fall a few degress, he asked confused, “Charity case? Kya matlab iss ka?” (Charity case… What does that mean?) Tanya looked abashed at Rohit's behaviour.

Tanya tried to cover the uncomfortableneess, “Aisa kuch nahi hain Aman?” (Nothing like that, Aman)

“Tanya, mujhe dosth maanti hain ttoh bataa. Yeh Charity case ka kya scene hain?” (Tanya, if you really think of me as a friend, tell me what this ‘charity case’ is all about?)

Rohan who seemed to ready spill more acid, said, “Yeh kyun? Mein bataaunga na. Prateek aur Vaibhav bataa rahen the. Jab Interns ka list aaya tha, saare seniors baith ke unke unke interns ko choose kar rahe the. Facebook profiles open karke check kar rahe the... Shayad logon ko tu gahwaar dikha, uncool dikha, tum ko koi chun nahi raha tha. Toh Karthik sir taras khake tumko pick kiya. Seniors ka inside joke hain. Karthik Sir bhi ek charity case the...sach bole tho Gaurav sir ke. Aur ab woh ek aur charity case ko utthaya.”

(Why her? I would tell you everything. Pratheek and Vaibhav were telling us. How the seniors have scanned the list for their interns, how they checked out our facebook profiles before choosing us for themselves. Perhaps, they thought you looked like a villager, a small town fish. Maybe you just looked uncool to them. So no one was picking you. So Karthik sir had picked you out of pity. The seniors say its as an inside joke. That long back, Karthik sir was Gaurav Sir’s Charity case and you are his. )

Things were decidedly bitter now. Aman bristled at Rohan calling Karthik a charity case.

Aman breathed deeply and said with pride in his voice, “Karthik ne apne bal pein iss company mein grow kiya. Toh yeh obvious hai ki log un se jalthe hain. Unka charity case hone yaa na hone se unke kaabilyat par ghanta farak nahi padhta... Rahi baat meri, Toh kya hua agar mein gahwaar lagta hoon, chote shahar se hoon, uncool hoon, yeh saare toh sirf logon ke opinions hain. Charity case ho yaa na ho... It worked out in my favour na... advantage toh mujhi ko mila. I feel thats cool.”

(Karthik had started out on his own, grew in this company. So its obvious, people are jealous of him. How would people’s opinion that he is a charity case effect his talent or potential? I don’t think it will matter at all. And coming to me, being a charity case, I feel it worked out in my favour, I got an advantage off narrow-minded opinions such as these I feel that’s cool. For me, these opinions don’t really matter)

The scanner machine dings and Aman turns to see if his scanning work is complete or not.

Aman looked around at their sheepish faces, and wanted to ease some tension, “Milthe hain... Khair ...Aaj pata chala na... ki yahin hum logon ka adda... kabhi milna hai toh yahi pein aajaaoonga. Bye Guys.” (I will see you guys… Today, I got to know where you guys hangout… I will come and meet you guys again)

_How dare they talk of Karthik like that… Fucking privileged Assholes!_

_Inko na insaan ki kadar hain na asli kabiliyat ka andaaza. Aise logon se baat karna hi bekaar._

_(These people don’t respect Human Beings… nor can they estimate talent. It’s a waste to even talk about such people)_

Lost in his angry thoughts, he didn’t see Devika as she waved to him. He went straight to Vaibhav’s desk and deposited the papers.

Devika comes huffing from behind and taps on his shoulder.

“Kaha khoye ho… chalega chai ke liye?” (Where are you lost? Lets go for tea?)

“Haa chal… chai ki sakht zarroorat hain.” (Yes lets go… I need a chai now)

They made it to Chai ki tapri downstairs and Aman is still in not so happy thoughts. Devika is also thoughtful. Aman lights his cigarette.

“Waise tu ne theek hi kaha hain… Charity case hone yaa naa hone se hamko kuch farak nahi padni chahiye!” Devika said seriously. (By the way… you were right. Charity case or not… it should not affect us)

Aman looks up surprised, “Tu ne wo sab sunnlee? Kaise?” (Did you listen to all that? How?)

“Printing room se guzar rahi thi, dekha ki saare interns ek saath, meine socha kuch karaara gossip milega…” (I was passing by the printing room, I saw all the interns together, and I thought I would get some juicy gossip)

“Tu aur teri gossip… kabhi baaz nahi aayegina?” (you and your gossip…you will never change right?)

“Tujhe bura laga? Office mein aise faaltoon ke bakwaas bahut chalthe hain. Uttha mat socho.” (Did you feel bad? Workplace is always full of such useless non-sense. I think about it so much)

“Nahi mujhe bura nahi laga … logon ka lakshan hain baate banana… lekin Karthik ko kaise yeh log charity case bol sakhte hain… Ithna mahnathi hain, ithna struggle karke iss mukaam par pachunchaa hai… yeh log apne comfortable lives jeete kisi aur ke life ko kaise judge karlete hain. Khoon khaulta hain mera.”

(No I didn’t mind their stupid gossip… Its people’s nature to talk shit… But how can they say stuff like that about Karthik. He is so hardworking, he struggled so much to get to this stage. These people who are cocconed in their comfortable lives, how could they judge someone’s life like that. My blood boils when I think about it)

“toh tum inthne upset issliye ho kyunki Karthik ko unnlogone judge kiya…nahi acchi baat hain… Kya sahi mein husband material ho bhai.” Devika teases him with a smirk. (So that’s why you are upset, because they were judging Karthik… No that’s good… What a proper Husband material you are bro!)

“Kya husband… pehle Boyfriend dangh ka ban jaaoun” Aman muttered vexed. (What husband… Let me become boyfriend first)

Devika caught that and smirked, “Kya? Theek se sunaayi nahi diya” (What I didn’t get that)

“Kuch nahi yaar… Arrey bhai sahab chai doge … yaa aise hi marwaaoge?” Aman asked the chai wala in frustration. (Its Nothing dude… Bro will you even give us tea! Or you will let us stannd to death here)

Chai wala passes two cups immediately. Devika smiles, “Sabr rakh Aman. Sabr ka phal Karthik hota hain” (Be patient Aman… The reward for patience is Karthik)

Aman rolls his eyes at Devika, “Tume bas mujhe chiddana hota hai” ( you have to tease me all the time)

  
Devika puts her tongue out mockingly. Aman shakes his head. Just then he gets a call.

“Dekh dekh tera deewana hi hoga” (see..See…It might be your lover boy!)

“Kya yaar tum bhi…. Hello” (what yeah… Hello)

“Aman baabu…”

“Kya hua Karthik… Sab theek toh hain… kyun nahi aaye office?” (What happened Karthik… Are you ok…why didn’t you come to work?)

_Tume pata nahi meine kithna miss kiya tumhe ( You didn’t know how much I missed you)_

“Woh kal jaanchoothi Diwas tha na… kuch zyaada hi peeliya tha… Abh buri hangover hain” (yesterday was the Liberation day… I was too drunk… Bad hangover)

“Jaanchoothi diwas.. wo kya hota hai?” Aman looks quizzically at Devika, who face palms. (Liberation day… Whats that?)

It strikes Aman then, that JaanChoothi Diwas might be the day he ran away from his house. Trust Karthik to come up with such wry humour and celebrate the day in the worst way possible!

“wo kuch nahi,… chodo na Aman… sorry …mein nai aaya uss gaandu Vaibhav ke saath phasa diya.”

(No… its nothing… leave it Aman… Sorry … I didn’t come and you had to suffer it with Vaibhav)

“Theek ha na… Kabhi kabhi ho jaata hain…” (Its okay… it just happens sometimes)

“Tera awaaz kyun dull lag raha hain?” ( Why is your voice sounding dull?)

“Nahi aisi kuch baat nahi hain…” (No… nothing like that)

“Matlab wo printing room wala khaannd mujhe nai bataayega” (So, You will not tell me the printing room mess)

“Tujhe Kaise ,.. Devika yaar… kuch bhi baat andar nahi pachthi?” (How did…Devika yaar…Doesn’t anything get disgested within you?)

“Tu usse chodh … mujhe pata chippane wala tha na…” (You leave her … Were you trying to hide this from me?)

“Karthik… babu… choddh na… Log hain baate banaayege hi na…” (Karthik… babu… leave it na… people make up shit like that)

Devika looked at Aman changed countenance. Till now he was Amitabh Bacchan, the angry young man and now, well, Mush.

“Mein waise issbaatko choddhne wala nahi hoon… lekin tera mood theek karne ke liye mere paas ek jabardasth idea hain… Aaj shaam ko…EDM concert hain… Paases ki jugaad ho gayi… chalega mera saath?” (Anyway I am not letting this go… But I have a great idea to cheer you up… Tonight… EDM Concert.. I managed to get the passes… will you come with me ?)

“EDM? … Ha theek hain … Chalengena” (EDM … ok let go)

“Shaam ko aat baje… coffee shop pein aaja… waheen se niklenge..” (At eight in the evening, come to Coffee shop… we will go together)

“Theek hain…”(Okay)

“Chalo…miss me till then Aman babu” (Ok… miss me till then Aman babu)

Aman smiled into his phone like a besotted fool, and then realised that Devika was observing him with the familiar cheshire cat grin.

“Kya?” (What?)

“Tea!” Devika said innocently.


	8. Tu Jaane Na

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all do this weird dance in relationships.   
> One step towards them in passion, in jealousy, in compassion.   
> And then a step back in doubt, insecurities and fear.  
> This is the dance phase of Karman’s relationship. Both don’t know what they are doing,  
> they simply have their eyes on the partners and their reactions.
> 
> Apologizing for the length upfront.   
> In this chapter, there will be a switch in POVs.

# Karthik

> _“Milke bhi, hum na mile, tum se na jaane kyun._
> 
> _Meelon ke, hai faasle, tum se na jaane kyun.”_

_Aise kaise karsakthe ho Aman? (Why do you have to do this Aman?)_

“KARTHIK”. Called Aman’s voice from behind.

> _“Anjaane, hai silsile, tum se na jaane kyun_
> 
> _Sapne hai, palkon tale, tum se na jaane kyun”_

_Damn! Tujhse door jaana kitna mushkill hain. (It’s the hardest to walk away from you!)_

“KARTHIK… sunno toh mere baat” (Karthik listen to me once)

Karthik still walking fast back from the cobbled path. Aman ran behind him to overtake him and stood in front of him, blocking his path.

Aman held his shoulders to stop him from walking. Karthik stopped.

“Karthik mere baath suno… samjhane ka ek mauka toh do” (Karthik Listen to me…Let me explain to you.)

“Kya hain Aman? Abh kya chahiye tumhe… EDM Passes chahiye? Apni Sanya ke saath jaane ke liye...”

(What Aman? What do you want now,… oh I get it, EDM passes? To take your Sanya with you?)

With that Karthik thrust the passes into Aman’s hands. Aman crumpled them in his hands.

“Karthik …Usska naam Tanya hain… Aisa nahi hain. Mujhe bolne dega?”

(Karthik… her name is Tanya… Its not like that. Will you even let me speak?”

“Nahi sunni koi baat... tu yahaan mere saath time waste mat kar. Tanmayi wait kar rahi hogi”

(Not going to listen to any of this… don’t waste your time with me. Tanmayi is waiting for you)

“Arrey Tanya hain usska naam…Mere baath toh sunn… woh sirf”

(Tanya is her name… Listen to me…she just)

“Abh bacha hi kya hai sunne sunnane ki. Badhai Ho! Tanvi ko jo pataa lee”

(What is left here to listen? Oh by the way congratulations! You have landed the girl Tanvi)

“Tanya! Karthik Yaar…” (Its Tanya … Karthik …Dude)

Karthik side-stepped Aman and charged forward in anger.

He could not forget the moment he saw Aman entering the coffee house with Tanya on his arms, head was thrown back in laughter. He looked like a picture of bliss. Only Karthik was left in chagrin, Aman is supposed to be by his side, not her, Aman laughs like that when he is with Karthik. And why the hell is she touching him like that. This was supposed to be my date with Aman. My cheer-up date for MY Aman. He charged out like a mad elephant leaving Aman in shock.

“Karthik” Aman called.

There was a crashing sound behind him. And then “Karthik” Aman’s muffled voice.

He was already in the haphazard parking place the coffee house had. He turned to see Aman on the floor, a bike and several bicycles crashed around him. His heart squeezed in pain.

There was a part of him that wanted to relent, go to Aman, hug him, and another part of him that feared. Feared to bear his heart raw and vulnerable.

Thankfully, he needn't make the decision himself. Aman did not seem to care that he fell, he did not care about the other passersby who were quick to help him. He simply got up and ran towards Karthik, and once again stood in front of him.

“Ek baar meri baat sunle Babu… phir jo karnaa hain woh kar.”

(Just listen to me once Babu… Then you do what you want)

He looked at Aman’ s pleading eyes and Karthik lost the war with himself. Perhaps, guessing the chance, Aman launched into a speedy explanation.

“Sorry yaar! Mujhse galti ho gayee... I messed up. Tujhe pehle hi bolna chahiye tha...”

(I am sorry … I messed up bad… I should have informed you earlier)

Karthik folded his hands and rolled his eyes. Aman looked like a cornered kitten on the verge of tears. 

“Rohan ko jealous karne ka chakkar tha. Tanya ko already pata hain ki mein tumse milne aa raha tha. Uske saath mera koi plan nahi hain. Woh bas tag along kar rahi thi, taaki Rohan ko sach lage aur woh hamare peeche aaye.”

(It was an attempt to make Rohan jealous. Tanya already knows that we had plans with each other. She was just tagging along so that Rohan will believe our fake date)

Karthik‘s grip loosens, “Kya?” (What?)

He was actually expecting to hear how Aman always had a crush on Tanya and that she finally agreed. He was expecting that because he feels Aman is not gay…like, at all… He was expecting…no fearing that possibility so much that he had constructed Aman’s explanation even before he heard it.

But Rohan’s angle took him in surprise. A pleasant one. Hope that bubbles up and beats all, had started in Karthik’s heart.

“Sach kah raha hoon... Tujhe toh pata hi hain na... Tanya ko Rohan accha lagta hain. Woh morning aake mujhe baatadee openly. Tabhi toh mein usski help karne ko raazi ho gaya... Meine ye bhi usse clear kar diya tha ki mujhko uss mein koi interest nahi hain. Uss ne assume kar liya tha ki mein mere pehle se GF hain, toh meine bhi usse correct karne ki koshish nai ki.”

(Yeah I am telling you the truth,… you know right, how Tanya likes Rohan. After what happened in the morning, she came to me, apologised and told me this herself openly. That’s why, I agreed to help her. Then also I cleared to her, just in case, that I am in no way interested in her. So, she assumed that I already have a girlfriend. And I did not bother to correct her.”

While Aman rambles. Karthik feels bad for overreacting. His eyes fall on Aman's soiled Jacket. He silently steps forward and starts dusting Aman's jacket. Aman also unconsciously steps forward and holds Karthik's arms and shakes them a little to make Karthik look back into his eyes.

“Maafi milegi?” (Apology will be accepted?)

Karthik’s half smile crinkles his left side, as he says, “Chaar” (Four)

Aman gave him a relieved watery smile, “Abhi laaya” (I will bring them now)

Karthik smiles as he steps back and says, “Mein Tanya ke saath baithoonga” ( I will sit with Tanya)

> “Kaise bathaayen Kyun tujhko chaahe yaaraa bathaanaa paaye
> 
> Baathein dillon ki dekho jo baaki Ankhen tujhe samjhaaye tu jaane naa…Tu jaane na…”

# AMAN

_Panic ek understatement hoga. Woh kya tha… Karthik ke siwa abh soojhta hi nahi aajkal._

_(Panic will be an understatement. What was that? Seems like I don’t think of anything else but Karthik, these days)_

_Lekin … Thank God… Balaa tall gayi. Agar Karthik usi misunderstanding mein chala gaya hota, toh mein kya karta. Hojati meri lovestory the end start hone pehli hi_

_(But… thank god… The mess is cleared up. If Karthik had gone away with that misunderstanding, what would I do? My love story would have ended even without starting)_

“Bhai Sahab Four bade cup Strawberry icecreams dena”

(Brother! Please give me four big Strawberry sundaes)

_Mein bhi ek number ka buddhu hoon. Rohan ko jalaane ke chakkar mein apne hi Karthik ko hurt kar diya… Pata nayi kyun? Tanya se use kyun jalan hoti… Meine bola toh tha usspein interested nahi hu._

_(I am also a fool of the first order. In a ruse to make that Rohan jealous, I hurt my Karthik. But why? I really don’t get it… Why does he feel jealous of Tanya… I told him I am not interested in her)_

Aman reaches the coffee house with the four sundaes, he reaches the counter and asks Swami for a tray. Karthik turns around and waves to him from the corner table.

Aman smiles and sighs. Karthik’s cherubic smile is such a contrast to the tomato-red angry baby face he had seen just a while ago.

Tanya peeked at him with a significant look, as if to say how cool is your senior! Aman smiled easily.

Aman reached the table and placed the tray in front of Karthik who eagerly rubbed his hands.

“Facebook pein update daal diya tu ne?” Aman asked Tanya. That was their plan. They would act as if they are going on a date, Tanya will update the status on FB, so that Rohan will know which place to go look for. If their guesss is right Rohan is already into Tanya, all he needs is a good push.

“Toh iss favour ka treat kab de rahi ho Aman ko?” Karthik asked. (So, when are you planning to treat him back for his favour)

Tanya laughs and says, “Iss ka girlfriend ke saath jab jagda hoga, mein solve kardungi.”

(I will help him when his girlfriend fights with him)

Aman grimaces at the mention of his imaginary girlfriend. Karthik looks at Aman significantly.

“Yeh kya Aman! Coffee ke saath Icecreams kaun khata hain… aur who bhi saare strawberry ke”

(Hey what’s this Aman. Who eats icecreams with coffee… that too all are strawberry)

“Naai…Yeh tumhare liye thodi hai… Yeh Karthik ke liye hain”

(No… these are not for you… These are only for Karthik)

As if proving a point, Karthik enthusiastically opens one of the sundaes and starts eating with gusto.

“Accha? Karthik sir ke saath tera bada jamta hai na… ek mahine mein ithne acche dosth ban gaye”

(Oh! You seem to gel well with Karthik sir… Its been only a month and you became good friends)

“Karthik hain hi aisa… dosthi toh jhath se ho jathi”

(Of course, Its Karthik after all… Friendship happens effortlessly)

Aman is again finding it hard to focus on what Tanya is saying because Karthik is moaning softly gulping down his icecreams. As much as Aman hates to admit that even to himself, he gets weirdly turned on. Thankfully Swami brought them their coffee.

“Thank you Swami” Aman smiled. Aman and Tanya, picked their cups and sipped. Aman smiled to the taste of his favorite Irish Crème with extra whipped cream.Tanya was not really happy with hers. Karthik smiled mischievously into his cup. Karthik is also a master of passive aggressive play.

“Waise tumhara senior Anikesh hain na… Woh bhi kaafi accha hain… teri usske saath nahi jamee?” Karthik asked innocently. (Your Senior is Anikesh, right? He is also good… you don’t like him)

“Woh baath chodiye… Saare interns Aman jaise lucky nahi hote…”Tanya said a little flirtingly. Her attention was also on Karthik. (Oh just leave that matter… All interns couldn’t be as lucky as Aman)

Karthik jerked his knee irritably, morning’s issue fresh on his mind. But Aman was quicker than Karthik’s reaction, he quietly placed his hand on Karthik’s knee under the table to stop him from reacting.

Tanya might have understood the change in the atmosphere, but couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Because the seemingly innocent gesture from Aman had evoked a completely different reaction from Karthik. Aman could see the Karthik’s childlike mirth turn into a hot smoulder within 2 secs.

Karthik was now looking at him intently, icecream is all but forgotten. Aman quite liked the change, or the fact that what he did elicited such a response. Aman held Karthik’s gaze, unable to break the spell himself. Unconsciously, his hand was still on Karthik’s knee.

It was Tanya who broke the spell unwittingly, by musing out loud something about the ambience of the place. Aman looked at her nervously, almost fearing that she saw the electric tension between him and Karthik. But thankfully, she is blissfully oblivious. Aman silently withdrew his hand and Karthik’s face now reflected a pout. The man is a canvass of expressions.

Tanya repeated her question , now looking at Aman, “Aman how did you discover this place… this place is so perfect for first dates… teri bandi ko yahi lataa hoga na?” ( Aman how did you discover this place…this place is so perfect for first dates… do you bring your girl here often?)

Karthik looked at her, as if she outed him about something. Aman needn’t look further. The memory of their first Half-date was fresh in his mind. Aman smirked at Karthik before answering Tanya.

“Yeah yeh jagah perfect hain first dates ke liye” (Yeah this place is perfect for first dates)

“Tum apne girlfriend ke saath yahan pein aate rahte ho kya?” (Do you often come here with your girlfriend?)

Aman for a moment, didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t want to create a girlfriend persona just for the sake of her convenience. But now he cannot get of this without drawing suspicions on him and Karthik. Karthik, however, is determined to have some fun.

“Ha… yeh toh unn donon ka favourite spot hain.” He answered for Aman’s sake. (Yeah its their favourite spot, you know)

“Accha… Aap jaante ho Isske Girlfriend ko.” (Do you know her, his girl friend)

Dangerous Waters ahead: Alert. Aman’s brain whizzed the alert, his eyes widened.

“Haa… yaheen pein milaatha use” Karthik. ( Yaa … I met her here only)

_Karthik … Kya makkhan lagaake jhoot bolte ho yaar (Karthik… what a smooth smoth liar you are)_

“Aman yeh kya baat hui. Ham kitne acche dosth hain, tum mujhe abh tak teri bandi ka photo tak nahi dikhaaya. Aur yahaan tere senior ko tere saare raaz pataaan”( What is this Aman. We are such good friends. You didn’t show me also a picture of GF, and here your senior know all your secrets)

“Photos nahi hain na usske…” ( I don’t have photos of her)

“Heh? Aaj kal photos toh sabke ke hote…yeh bandi toh exist to karthi hain na...?”

(Huh? Really? These days everyone has photos… Does this girl even exist)

Karthik simply took up matters into his hands. “Hote honge Janab ke paas… lekin she is from very conventional background… issliye shayad… Aman?” ( Oh he would have them… but she is from very conventional background… Maybe that’s why ….Aman?)

“Haa … bahut conventional type background… mere saath dates pein bhi ithni free nahi rahti”

(yeah… she is from very conventional background… she would not really feel free even with me on dates)

Karthik smiles, and turns to Tanya, who doesn’t look convinced.

“Accha… photo nahi hain toh atleast kaisi hain yeh toh describe kar Aman?” she asked. (Okay… If you don’t have a photo, then atleast describe her to me)

Karthik grinned gleefully at that and looks at Aman challengingly, and says, “Haa haa Aman…describe karo usse” ( yaa yaa… describe Aman)

 _Accha jee! Challenge accepted_.

Aman smiled confidently, and cocked his eyebrow at Karthik, as if to say watch me.

“Abbhi ussko describe karne niklu toh shayad koi bollywood ke song ke jaise sound karoonga.” Aman sighs for an added effect, “Bacchon jaise naadaani, Kabhi cute lagta…lagti hain kabhi hot… Chandh sa khoobsurat chehra, Ghane ghane kaale baal, bahut acche se style karti hain… Kaale kale ankhane, aur unnmein hamesha ek alag sa spark hota hain… aaj tak kisi mein nahi dikha aisa spark. Jab hastha hasthi hain toh ankhon ko aise crinkle karthe hasthi. Do bade bade cute se dimples aajate dono gaalon par.” Tanya is trying to imagine such a girl, so she keeps gazing at the ceiling. She doesn’t notice Aman’s intent gaze on Karthik, who is going completely mush.

(Now If I start describing her I would sound like a bollywood song. Childlike innocence, Sometimes he…she looks cute, sometime hot. A beautiful moon-like face, thick black hair, which she styles well, lovely black eyes… and they constantly have a spark in them. I have never seen a spark like that in anyone else. When he.. She laughs the corners of her crinkle and two cute dimples bloom on both the cheeks.)

“Aur bataaon” (Tell me more)

“Awaaz… uska .. uski aawaaz na,… it just golden. Jab who gaathi hain… mujhe aisa lagta hain saari duniya ko chup karaa kar, bass ussi ki aawaaz sunu. Waise naatak bhi bahut karthi hain… dramebaaz hain ek number ki, lekin jo bhi kartha,.. karthi hi … bahut cute lagti hain.”

(his voice… the voice of hers… it's just golden… When she sings, I feel like silencing the entire word and just keep listening to that voice. Also, she is a little dramatic… A drama baaz of the first order… But whatever he ..she does… she looks too cute)

“hmmm…Usska naam?” (What's her name)

“Karthik”

“Karthik?”

Its only when the said Karthik, widened his eyes, Aman realised his slip up. Karthik swoops in to save the day. “Karthika … Karthika… woh…Aman ussko pyaar se karthik karthik bolata hain na… shayad issliye aisa hi mooh se nikal gaya hoga.”

(Karthika… Karthika… she is … Aman keeps calling her love Karthik Karthik privately, so that’s why he said that like that)

“haa.. Karthika … Karthika Ramaswamy… south Indian… Tamilian hain…” Aman covers up with the sudden inspiration of sorts from all the south Indian movies he watches.

(Yeaah… Karthika…Karthika Ramaswamy…South Indian… Tamilian…)

“Haa its very funny” , Karthik fakes a laugh, “Pehli baar hum ko introduce karwaya toh he was like Karthik meet Karthik”. (Haa…it's very funny … how he introduced me to her…he was like …Karthik meet Karthik)

_Dude that was just over the top!_

But Tanya laughs along with him. So over-the-top worked! Karthik glances back at Aman with a half-smile that clearly shows that he wants him to himself.

“Toh aap yahaan pein the jab Aman ne milvaaya hain use” (So you came here when the introduction happened)

This time Aman swoops in to save the day, well no, challenge Karthik in turn, “Haan, ham accidentally yahaan milen the… Karthik apne date ke saath aaye, aur mein Apne Karthik ke saath”

(Yeah… we have met here accidentally…. Karthik came here with his date and I came with my Karthik)

_Abh jhooth bol hi rahe hain toh kanjoosein kya karna…_

_(If we have stooped to lie, why not go all out?)_

“Wow aapke girlfriend ke baare mein bhi kuch bataaon”

(Wow tell me about your girlfriend also)

Karthik who was eating last of his icecreams grimaced at the thought of girlfriend and him. But one look at Aman, he knew that tables have now turned on him.

Karthik smirks and says, “Karthik ke girlfriends nahi hote babydoll, Karthik ke sirf dates hote hain…”

(Karthik doesn’t do girlfriends babydoll, Karthik does only dates)

Without much effort, Karthik is a 'shot of chocolate' for eyes for both girls and guys alike. Now when he intentionally turns on his swagger and charm. He just becomes irresistible. Desire pools in Aman’s gut. To overcome the overwhelming need to grab Karthik’s face to kiss daylights off him, Aman just grabs the coffee cup instead. And inhales a mouthful of coffee.

Probably Tanya too was floored by the charm machine that all thought of Rohan went for a toss.

She giggled and said, “Toh Aap Bad boy types ho…” (So you are bad boy types)

“Jo bhi kaho” Karthik shrugs, glancing at Aman. (Call it whatever)

Aman is hit anew by the electricity that zinged between them without real contact.

He looks down and sips his coffee, feeling thirsty as hell.

What both Aman and Karthik did not notice is that Karthik’s charm is a little too heavy for Tanya, who moved closer to Karthik.

“You know how girls love the hot bad boy types…Accha… mein aapko kaisi lagti hoon?” she said in a low whisper, her fingers gently running up Karthik’s arm on the table.

(You know how girls love the hot bad boy types…Okay.. tell me how do you like me?)

Aman, who unfortunately had a mouthful of coffee spluttered it all on Karthik because honestly, a girl unconsciously hitting on a Gay-a-f guy like Karthik is probably the most hilarious and weird thing to see. And more weird was the face that Karthik pulled in the response.

“Aman…” Tanya said in shock.

“Aman yaar” Karthik first in shock and then in laughter.

“Sorry sorry” Aman said, not entirely feeling so. He is still on the verge of laughing.

Karthik gets up to clean the mess, the best excuse to get away to laugh. Aman follows him gesturing to Tanya that he should help Karthik. He was trying hard not to laugh in her face.

Tanya looked confused for a second but lets it slide.

Both the boys get into the Men’s room, bursting out laughing.

“What was that?” Karthik asked in mirth

“Flirting gone wrong” Aman answered laughing.

Karthik shaking in laughter opens the tap and tries to dab the coffee off his T-shirt, dabbing in wrong places. He shakes his head in helpless in laughter. Multitasking with laughter will make a bigger mess. Aman quietens first, noticing how Karthik’s cheeks were flushed in laughter. He moves closer to Karthik without his own express consent. The electricity that bothered both of them earlier, is slowly building up again.

“Ruk! Mujhe karne dein” Aman said. Karthik’s shoulders were shaking of laughter. (wait! Let me do)

Aman dampens his hands in tap water, cups some in his left and gets to work at Karthik’s T-shirt. He was focussing more on the T-shirt so that he could ignore the heartbeat thumping behind it.

Karthik sucks in a breathe, at finding Aman so close and so focussed on the damned T-shirt. He was dabbing the coffee stains, gently scratching the stains from the fabric. Karthik’s thoughts were somewhere else.

He places his hand on Aman’s shoulder and pulls an excellent impression of Tanya from earlier. “Accha mein aapko kaise lagti hoon.”

Aman looks up and sucks a breath in desperation, the electricity between them is impossible to ignore. Both were heady with desire already. Karthik’s eyes dart from his eyes to his lips. And Aman wonders whether Karthik’s would taste like strawberry. Karthik closes the gap between them, his hand moving to touch the sensitive area behind Aman’s ears.

Aman sighs in response, silently imploring Karthik to lean-in, and unconsciously leaning in. Karthik couldn’t control his eyes anymore from staring only at Aman’s lips. Karthik's breathe was ghosting Aman's lips. Aman closes his eyes in sweet anticipation. 

ONE MORE MOMENT… and they would give in to their untold desires.

DANGEROUS blares Aman’s ringtone. They both jump apart. Karthik’s eyes reflected disappointment that roiled in Aman’s heart too.

He looks irritated at the phone screen, Tanya.

He rolls his eyes, Karthik offers him a small smile.

“Kya hai” he couldn’t help bark out in frustration.

Arrey kaha ho Rohan aa gaya yahaan” Tanya’s whiny voice makes him scowl. He is increasingly getting aware of Karthik’s hand that still rested on his shoulders. They both were still too close for any onlooker’s comfort.

“Tu chall mein aaya” Karthik said in a raspy whisper, eliciting more reactions from Aman, than he thought were bodily possible.

Aman muted the call, and turned to Karthik, “Nahin jaana mujhe.” Aman was surprised that his own voice sound raspy and thick with desire.

“Aman?” Tanya called more urgently.

Karthik smiled, removed his hand took a step backwards, “challo Aman Babu, bandi marr jaayegi”

Aman nodded reluctantly. Unmuted the call and said, “Haa aa raha hoon”

Aman takes a step back.

_Damn my social service! Mujhe nahin jaana. (Damn my social service ! I don’t want to go)_

“Jaldi iss kaam ko khatam karke niklenge” Aman said. Karthik nodded solemnly.

(Let's finish this work and get out of here.)

With that Aman walks slowly out of the Men’s room, his brain launching into a hay-wired monologue, with a piece of background music that his brain seemed to select randomly

> _“Tum aas ho ke bhi… tum paas ho ke bhi… ehsaaas hoke bhi… apne nahi…_
> 
> _Aise hain Humko gilen tumse na jaane kyun, milon ke hain faaslen tumse na jaane kyun…”_

_“Ham men's room mein kiss karne wale the... Ham men's room mein KISS karne wale the... iss phone ko bhi abhi bajna tha,... Arrey ithna disappointed kyun feel kar raha hoon? Men's room mein koi aagaya toh... Waise bhi ghanta farak padne wala tha. Anjaan shahar hain, anjaan log hain… Ham men's room mein kiss karne wale the... damn…mujhe kiss karna hai karthiko. Ek minute rukh nahi sakhthi thi yeh… waise ek minute ke baad call karthi toh main utthata bhi nahi shayad,… mere apne janab ke saath busy hota. Abhi bhi late nahi hua hain… mudh ke chale jaaun… shayad desperate lagunga… kya fark padega… lets face it mein hoon desperate Karthik ke liye.”_

_(We were about to kiss in Men’s room… We were about to KISS in Men’s room… Why should my phone ring in the nick of the moment? ,… Why the hell am I so disappointed? Its Men’s room… anyone could have walked in…Big deal… It’s a city of strangers anyway… We were about to kiss in Men’s room..damn… I want to kiss my Karthik. Why couldn’t she wait for another minute…huh… even if she does… I wouldn’t have lifted the call afterwards… I would have been busy with my someone for once… To think of it… its not too late now… I can go back now… Maybe it will look desperate… does it matter… let's face it I am desperate for Karthik.)_

> _ho....jaane na jaane na...jaane na…tu jaane na…_

_Kithna tadpaayega Karthik Singh!_

_Karthik Singh! why are you torturing me so!_


	9. Chan Kitthan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There are layers to be unravelled in both of us... it will take love, patience and courage. Do you have it?"
> 
> Do Aman and Karthik have what it takes to unravel each other?
> 
> In this chapter also there will be a switch in POV's 
> 
> ***Long-ass chapter Alert***

# Karthik

> kajle to jade kale lagde ne eh ujale  
> tere bin uve mahiya, thandiya hawawa ayiya  
> nendra uda le gayiya, akh na eh sove mahiya
> 
> teri yaad wicch jagdi rahi mein ta, taaran de sath ve
> 
> chann kittha guzari oye, ho chann kittha guzari oye raat ve  
> sachi dasde jaa ae baat ve, chann dilon jara mehsoos ta kar  
> mere naina di barsaat oye

Tears…Unstoppable tears threatened to overwhelm Karthik. He stops humming and sobs softly as he sits beside his cot in his house, knees tucked in a foetal position, with his lover lying sprawled on his bed. Aman. He looked beautiful and scary at the same time. Aman was unconscious for more than 8 hours now and Karthik is tetthered on the edges of insanity just by looking at him in that state. A huge blob of medicated cotton on Aman’s nose. It was an indication that sometimes, things can go horribly wrong within a second.

A pained moan alerted Karthik, he turned his attention to Aman, he slowly ran his fingers through Aman’s soft hair. A tiny frown that clouded Aman’s forehead vanished slowly. Karthik reached for the tumbler and spoon beside the cot, slowly lifted Aman holding his shoulders and supporting his neck with his right palm. With the spoon, he poured the rehydration solution into his Aman’s mouth.

Doctor told him that the only after care that he can do it is this. Aman’s nose bridge got slightly ruptured. Karthik rushed him to the hospital immediately. They got him operated and he was discharged soon after. Due to the anesthesia effect, Aman was to stay unconscious and Karthik is supposed to keep Aman hydrated regularly through the period. He thought he could handle this.

After all, he was the Lohar’s beta, he had taken so many beatings. The pain had been his constant companion. So, he thought he could handle it. But the sight of a pale, unconscious Aman on his bed is something he could not handle.

And to think of it, Aman should not have been there in the first place.

_Yeh saari galthi meri hain. Mein ussko chodh ke kyun aa gaya? Mujhe Aman ke saath rehna tha. Agar mein usske saath rehtha toh majhal hain uss Rohan ki Aman pein haath uthaaye. Ek pal ko mein apna jalan rokh nahi paaya… Abh halaat dekho isski._

_It's my fault! I shouldn’t have left Aman. I should have stayed with Aman. Rohan would not have attacked Aman in my presence. One moment I couldn’t control my jealousy… now look at his state._

He couldn’t help the previous evening flash through his eyes, for the umpteenth time.

> DANGEROUS ringed Aman’s phone. They both jumped apart. Karthik was so close to kissing Aman that he couldn’t stop feeling of disappointment burn his insides.
> 
> Aman looked up into his eyes. The same dissappointment he felt, burned in his eyes.
> 
> _Baby you want this? You want me?_
> 
> Karthik also felt a panic, a panic that he was close to doing the same mistake twice. The last time he went impulsive and kissed someone, things went down a very rocky path. But that time he was drunk and impulsive. Today he was just sugar-high and probably Aman-high, he reasoned. He looked back at his adorably frustrated bean who literally barked at Tanya on the call.
> 
> “Tu chall mein aaya” he said. He was surprised to find his voice so raspy, as if he had been thirsty for years. (You go ahead… I will come)
> 
> Aman muted the call and said with a cutest pout, “Nahin jaana mujhe” (I don’t want to go) His voice was raspy too, his brown eyes were hooded with desire. Karthik’s blood rushed into his face and ears, heat was pooling in his gut. He was going crazy that he cannot take what he wants to take from Aman and give what he aches to give.
> 
> Proximity… it clicked through Karthik’s hazy brain. He was standing too close to Aman. He took a step back. Yes, that broke the spell. But it didn’t help him. He still wanted what he wanted. Aman lips on his. He smiled at the thought of that.
> 
> Aman is gazing at him intently. He chuckles softly, “challo Aman Babu, bandi marr jaayegi”
> 
> (Go Aman babu, that girl is going to die waiting there)
> 
> Aman takes a step back. His reluctance warms Karthik so much.
> 
> “Jaldi iss kaam ko khatam karke niklenge” Aman said. Karthik nodded solemnly.
> 
> (Let's finish this work and get out of here)
> 
> _The Night is long, we are young..._
> 
> Karthik felt that Aman’s eyes held delicious promises.
> 
> Aman exited the room in a daze. He was left to ponder over what just happened, and how much he dare hope. He felt charged to the brim after a long time. He couldn’t wipe the wide grin on his flushed face. He breathed deeply to calm his nerves. His mind already jumping to a thousand possibilities in an instant.
> 
> He opened the door and walked out, only to see an oppressive sight of Tanya touching Aman at the same spot he touched moments ago. But he kept his hand as shield. Aman looked at him with a smile. Karthik knew he was being edgy. But he still sat within the ear shot of the table. He could also see the target audience Rohan seated at the edge of his.
> 
> Aman whispered, “Abh kuch zyaada ho gaya … hame chalna hain” (don’t you think this is a bit too much… we need to leave)
> 
> Tanya said, “Arrey Aman thode der rukh. Dekho Rohan ko lagna chahiye na ki ham pair hain. Aur tume gussa aake chale jate ho.” (Dude Aman.. wait for some time… See Rohan should think that you and I are a pair… and you left me in anger)
> 
> “Yaar… ye process jaldi nahi ho saktha kya… concert shuru hogaya hoga yaar.” (Dude… Can’t you speed up this process… concert is about to get started)
> 
> “thode der thode der… accha ye bata… tum tumhare Karthika ke saath kabhi third base tak gaye the kya?” (Two minutes… Two minutes… You tell me this… Did you ever go till the third base with your girlfriend)
> 
> “Kya?” Aman looked at her surprise.(What?) Even Karthik who had much more experience with girls in general, thought the question was too personal to ask a friend.
> 
> “Arrey bataana… iss tarah tera timepass ho jayegi. Sharmaaon mat yaar… bataaon …sabhi batate mujhe aise baatein.” Aman jerks his head irritated. (Hey tell me naa,… this way you can pass your time… don’t feel shy… tell me… everyone tells me)
> 
> Aman somehow locks eyes with Karthik. Karthik’s breath hitches as sees Aman clearly thinking about their almost kiss, because Aman’s eyes have become molten metal.
> 
> “Arrey kahaan yaar… Abh tak first base hi naseeb nahi hua” Aman muttered in audibly low voice. But both Tanya and Karthik caught what he said. (Arrey no dude… We didn’t reach first base)
> 
> _Fist base hi naseeb nahi hua? (We didn’t even get to first base)_
> 
> _So… kyaa yeh wahi hain jo mein soch raha hoon? (Is it what I am thinking it is?)_
> 
> _Haaye …mein marjawaan! (oh there’s my mini heart attack)_
> 
> Tanya laughed and touched cheeks saying, “so Innocent”
> 
> Karthik saw red in a flash. That girl is not supposed to touch my man!
> 
> Karthik got up from his seat. Aman straightened in alarm and whispered something to her urgently.
> 
> But Karthik didn’t bother about that anymore. He was out open in the night air breathing heavily. It was but a moment of jealousy. It was so strong that Karthik wanted to strangle someone. He cleared his head. Aman will come out soon. He was sure of that.
> 
> _Phir hamara waqt hoga. (Then we will have our time. )_
> 
> Aman came out calling his name in panic. He chuckled softly to see Aman worried that he left. He was on the porch and Aman was already on the footpath searching for him.
> 
> He crossed the cobbled stone path. But another person had crossed him. Rohan. He realised after a second glance.
> 
> _Oh No no no_!
> 
> “AMAANNN” he screamed, looking at the small figure collapse at the punch Rohan had suddenly thrown. Aman was searching for him when Rohan came from behind, turned Aman and punched him without a preamble.
> 
> His steps were not reaching his Aman fast enough. Rohan looked shocked at finding Karthik running towards him calling out for Aman. He panicked and ran.
> 
> “Saale rukh…How dare you” (Hey you wait… How dare you)
> 
> “Aman Aman…” Karthik whimpered, his rage was replaced by panic like he never felt before. Copious amounts of blood was flowing from Aman’s nose.

Karthik was hit by a fresh wave of tears. He wiped them and hummed the song that seemed to give him solace.

> “Tere khayalan di tasveer leke, vekhan tere raste raahan utte beh ke  
> bhull gaya tu vi waade tere, aavega tu chheti chheti, gaya si eh keh ke
> 
> chann daraan kithe ki reh na jaave,teri parchaai mere haath ve  
> chan kitthan guzari oye...ho chan kitthan guzari oye raat ve”
> 
> # AMAN

Probably in his guilt and tears, Karthik did not observe Aman stir. Aman opened his eyes and blinked to place himself. Hearing the soulful and tearful hum from Karthik he turns groggily towards him. Aman is pierced by the sight, for he saw a vulnerable, absolutely broken Karthik who shaking slightly, sitting down beside the bed, singing the song that melted his heart.

He moved his hand to reach out to Karthik, his fingers touched Karthik’s hair.

Karthik stopped and looked up in shock.

“Aman…Aman…” He sounded like a person parched to the throat. Aman tried to get up. But his head was heavy. His face felt strange. So, he moved his hands to caress Karthik’s wet cheeks.

_Kitthe der tak ro raha tha tu… (For how long have you been crying?)_

“Yaheen pein hoon Karthik…Shanth shanth...” Aman said in a low voice. Because that was all he could muster. (I am right here Karthik… Calm down)

Karthik was up in a jiffy. By his side, carefully making him get up from the bed. After raising him, Karthik sat behind him so that Aman could let his back rest. Karthik reached for the tumbler with solution. Aman could only look up at the tender expression of Karthik, his blood shot eyes, tear-stricken cheeks.

Aman’s hand reaches up on its own accord, to stroke the slightly stubbly cheek of Karthik. Karthik leaned in to his touch as if it was the most natural thing. He extended the spoon with the solution towards Aman’s mouth.

“Nahin chahiye” Aman whimpered in distaste. (I don’t want it)

“peelo babu… tujhe zaroorat hain” Karthik in a small voice. (Drink up babu… you need this)

“accha nai lagta…bahut byaak hain” Aman whined. He shuddered at the taste. (Its not nice… it tastes so Byaak (Like the sound we do to vomit))

Karthik chuckled, “Abhi coffee toh mein pilaa nahi sakhta… aur kya kare…” (Now I cannot give you coffee, right? so what do we do?

“Kab se tu mere seva mein lage huve ho… kithne glasses bhar ke pilaayi yeh solution…” (From when were you doing this service to me… How many glasses of this solution you made me drink?)

“aanth ganton se behosh pada hai saale… mere jaan hi nikaal di tune” (You have been out for almost 8 hours… You worried the hell out of me)

“issliye ithna ro raha tha… chan kitthaan ga gake” (So that’s why you were crying? And singing Chan Kitthan)

“ha tujhe kaise pata?” (How did you know?)

“sunn raha tha …Haa azeeb hain…lekin…behoshi mein bhi tere awaaz mujhe tak pahunchti hain pagle.”

(I was listening to you... Yeah, I know it sounds strange… but even while I am unconscious your voice somehow reaches me)

Karthik chuckles, and then becomes serious, “Sorry babu… uss time pein tere saath hota toh wo kameena aisi zurrat nai karta.” (I am sorry babu… I was not with you that time… if I were with you that scoundrel wouldn’t have attacked like that)

“In sab ki guilt tujhe sar par lene ki koi zaroorat nahi hain Karthik. Jo bhi hua, wo mere wajah se hua. Uss Tanya, Rohan ke prem kahani ke chakkar… mein hamara…” (Don’t you take the guilt of all this mess onto yourself. If anyone’s to blame that is me. To help Tanya start her lovestory with Rohan… I messed up our…)

Karthik looked at him, expectantly. Aman faltered; he was not still sure what Karthik has for him.

“mein hamara time waste kar raha tha” he finished, unable to meet Karthik’s eyes. (I wasted our time)

Strangely, he was afraid of not seeing disappointment. It’s strange what he wishes for these days, only a validation of the feelings he harboured for this man.

Karthik sighed softly, “So jaa Babu… tera sar abhi bhi bhaari hain na” (your head might still feel heavy… get some sleep)

“Ek hi sharth pein.”(Only on one condition)

“Kya?” (What?)

“Tujhe bhi sona hain… bahut ho gayi seva hamari, atleast abh toh so jaao” (you also have to sleep… you have done enough service to me… you get some sleep at least now)

“Haa tu so jaa… mein yahaan couch pein so jaaunga.” (Yeah sleep…I will take the couch)

“Kya zarroorat hain yaheen pein so jaa… ithni jagah toh hain.” (Whats the need to take the couch? You can sleep here itself… there is so much space here)

Aman is not ready to relinquish Karthik’s touch. He needs it now the most. And somewhere he knows Karthik needs his too.

Karthik smiles. “Kyun babu abh mere bina sone mein mushkil ho rahi hain”

(Why? You are not getting sleep without me)

“Haa… mujhe zaroorat hain tera… abh khush! So jao chup chap.” (yes! I need you… happy? Now shut up and sleep)

Karthik chuckles softly he rearranges himself so that they both sleep in each other’s arms.

It takes only ten seconds to hear soft snores from the exhausted Karthik. Aman chuckles to himself. He runs his fingers through Karthik’s soft hair. Karthik had snuggled his head into the crook of Aman’s neck, one hand on Aman’s chest and another under Aman’s head and neck.

Aman got sobered by the thought that Karthik was crying for him. He wished what he meant to Karthik. Friend? Best friend? Or more? In a moment he could see himself sleeping in Karthik’s arms all his life. He wished for that. He wanted that. But what does Karthik want?

> Tere bin mere saah nahi chalne  
> Ik tere vich meri hai zindagi ve
> 
> Chann bani na tu pattharan di tarah  
> Kade samajh mere jazbaat ve  
> Chan kitthan guzari oye..  
> Ho chan kitthan guzari oye raat ve

He hums softly as he snuggles against Karthik’s forehead and drifts off.

He woke up to muffled laughter of children. A lot of them. It felt like he was sleeping beside a classroom during recess time. There was a scraping of steel plates against the red sand stone floor. There were tinks of heavy tumblers passed around.

_Main kahan hoon? (Where am I?)_

Aman tried to place himself.

“Bhai log… chup ho jaao yaar… mera friend so raha hain wahaan.” Karthik said in a low but clearly audible voice.

(Bros… stay silent yaar… My friend is sleeping there).

Aman got up groggily, and staggered to that room, Karthik’s front room. An adorable sight met his eyes. They were 20 odd kids, boys and girls, from 7-8 years to 15-16 years. From their clothes and non-descript apperance they looked like street children. They were huge smiles on their smiles, some were laughing on a joke someone cracked. And Karthik was in the middle of the group. Drinking something from his glass. There was a huge plate with ommlettes and several loaves of bread and a huge vessel of what looked like Bournvita. The kids nearest were piling up ommelettes and bread on plates and passing them around. 

“arrey tum log school bhi jaaya karo yaar… acchi naukri lagni hai na… ki ainvay chote chote dandhe karke yaheen phasna hain?” Karthik asked laughing. But Aman could see some concern behind the façade. (Hey … you guys go to school also na… You want to get into nice jobs or not… or you just want to be in this run-of-the-mill bussinesses)

The sight warmed Aman to the toe.

“Karthik” he called.

“Aman… tu kab uttha?” (Aman when did you get up)

“Abhi…abhi” (just now)

“Bhaiyya … milwaoge nayi apne dosth se?” said a boy in his teens. (Brother … wont you introduce your friend to us)

“Haa… bhai log yeh hain Aman Tripathi… mere sabse priymitr.” (Yes.. guys… This is Aman Tripathi… my dear friend)

The kids looked up and saw Aman smiling and waving at them. One of the youngest girls there was giggling.

“Kyun has rahe ho Jugni” (Why are you laughing Jugni)

“Bhaiyya… Aman bhaiyya ke naak ko kya hua.” Karthik looked at Aman a little sheepishly. But Aman did not mind in the slightest. ( brother, What happened to Aman brother’s nose)

“Woh mein Surpanakha ka acting kar raha tha… aur naak sach much mein kat gayi” Aman said.

(I was acting the role of Surpanakha… and my nose got cut in reality)

“OHHH!!” gasped the group.

“Abbey abh kaun hain dramebaaz” Karthik said, when Aman started laughing. ( dude… Now who is the dramatic person)

“Koi nai baccho… Aman mazaak kar rahe hain… ek chota sa accident hua tha bass… abh chalo khaana khaalo bahut ho gayi masthi.” (Nothing like that kids, Aman is joking… It was just an accident… kids, enough of fun…start eating.)

“Aman bhaiyya aap bhi baith ke khaalo…” said one of the elder girls. (Aman bhaiyya…you also sit and eat)

“Khaaleta… mein actually brush bhi nahi kiya” (I would have… But I didn’t brush actually)

“Ohtteri! Mein toh bhul hi gaya… chal Aman meine tere liye thode essentials lake rakhe the.”

(Oh I forgot! Come Aman I brought some essentials I will show)

Karthik got up and led Aman to the washroom adjacent. And handed him a set of essentials.

Aman looked up into Karthik’s eyes. “Roz aaten hain bacchein yahaan?” (Do the children come everyday?”

“Haa… saare bacchein aas paas kaam karthe, inke khane peene ka koi nayi dekhtha… inke poore khaane ka intezaam toh mere aukaat ke baahar hain, lekin breakfast tho dangh ka dein hi sakhta hoon…” (Yes… all the kids work around here… No one takes care of their food… I don’t have the capacity to feed them all three square meals… But breakfast is something I can give them properly.)

Aman felt insanely proud of the man in front of him. “Breakfast is the most important meal ...toh tu sahi kar raha hain .” (Breakfast is the most important meal… so you are doing the right thing)

“Haa”

“Karthik… meine kabhi yeh kaha nahin… tu heera hain heera… Mujhe bahut kushi hain ki mein tere saath hoon…” (Karthik I have never told you this…You are a diamond complete diamond… I am so

happy that I am with you)

Aman said stroking Karthik’s cheek with his thumb. He didn’t know he would have more and more reasons to fall for this man. He didn’t need any to start with.

Karthik looked close to tears. But he crinkled up a smile and hugged Aman. A little gingerly because of Aman’s nose situation.

“Aman babu… mujhe taareefe bahut pasand hain… dekhlo phir… addict ho jaaounga… toh aap hi ko mushkill.” (Aman babu… I like praises very much… If I get addicted, it will be such a trouble for you)

“Abh taareef karne pein bhi manaa hai kya” Aman said muffled.

(Now is there a ban on praising you as well)

“Chalo… fresh ho jao…Mere haath ke garamagaram omlette haazir ho jaayenge.”

(Go and freshen up… today you will have hot hot omlettes I made)

Aman nods and stalks off to the washroom smiling like a punch drunk fool.

# Karthik

Beauty… That’s what struck his mind when he saw Aman laughing loudly clutching his stomach. Aman in his black tee and grey sweatpants, hair uncombed and fluffy looked so casually gorgeous that it took his breath away. This was a view he could get used to.

Thus distracted by Aman’s laughter, Karthik proceeded to pour the tea into glasses. But the focus is something that Karthik always somehow fell short. And the result was, well, the hot chai spilling all over his tee. 

“Arrey Karthik… sambhalke karthe hain na” Aman fussed on Karthik worriedly.

(Karthik…you should be careful na)

“Wo… mein… shit… jala” (that,.. I .. Shit… it's burning)

“koi nai… Ice lagadenge jalan kam hojaayega…” Aman said soothing, helping Karthik with removing his T-shirt. (It's ok… We will apply ice, the burning will reduce)

Karthik leaned against a wooden table in his kitchen, while Aman applied ice on the reddish skin all over his tummy.

Aman was slowly blowing air so that the burnt skin gets enough relief.

“Burnol kahaan hain Karthik.” (Karthik, where is burnol?)

“Wo wahaan Bedside table ke drawer mein.” (its is in the bedside table drawer)

Aman nodded and went into the living room cum bedroom of Karthik’s modest house.

Karthik noticed the mess he made. He hated spilt stuff. He keeps his house obsessively clean and decorated. So he proceeded to wipe the spilt tea with the kitchen cloth. He bent down to clean the mess when Aman walked.

There was a shocked intake of breath. Karthik suddenly realised why.

He straightened up and backed against the wall. He should not have exposed his back. What would Aman think? His back is the canvass of dreariness. Brownish patches of rod marks, irregular and angry patches from his father’s cigarettes, two-three welts from repeated belt lashes… the scars might have matured and faded. But they are there.

Aman slowly walked towards him. Karthik was not able to look up into Aman's eyes.

Aman gently lifted his chin, to make him meet his eyes. Aman’s eyes had tears, his voice cracked when he asked, “Paapa?” (your father?)

Karthik nodded in shame and pain. And before his demons engulfed him in full, Aman engulfed him in a warm embrace. Holding onto Aman, he rested his head on Aman’s shoulder. Karthik felt home. 

Heaving a soft sigh.

He released Aman. Aman stepped back and raised his hand to caress his cheek. Karthik didn’t realise he was crying until Aman wiped his tears.

“Karthik... I am sorry” Aman said in a low voice.

Karthik shook his head and buried his face once again in Aman’s neck. Aman slowly stroked his hair.

They didn’t know how many minutes or hours they stayed liked that. One craving for more love, and the other aching to give. No one said anything. Or perhaps, Aman and Karthik were in a space where the need for words ceased to exist.

> Tutte tareyan ton mangna main kee ve?  
> Tere naal mera lagna ae jee ve  
> Tutte tareyan ton mangna main kee ve?  
> Tere naal mera lagna ae jee ve
> 
> Tere bin mere saah nahi chalne  
> Ik tere vich meri hai zindagi ve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's face it, I am love with this lilting melody!  
> Chan Kitthan... It liteally means "My moon, where were you all night?"


	10. Hum Bewafa Har giz na the

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We perceive what we see, through our own tinted glasses!"
> 
> Sorry for the late update and for an unusually long chapter. Brevity is not my forte, I realise!
> 
> If you guys remember, Aman's imaginary GF "Karthika Ramaswamy". She resurfaces in this chapter.  
> Do tell me in the comments what you felt after reading this chapter. Did I do justice to the characters?

# Aman

_Hey Bholenath! Ek Bar galthi se Chadaava ka laddoo kya khaaliya, aap ithha bada saja dene lage! ( Oh lord Shiva! I made a one -time mistake of eating a laddoo kept for you, You are giving me such a big punishment)_

_Aap please Karthik ko doondhne mein help karo. (Please just help me find Karthik)_

Aman was driving aimlessly from pub to pub in the vicinity of Devika’s house. Bile is quickly rising to his mouth. His gulps were increasingly drier.

The whole evening was a disaster. A series of horrible mistakes. He shouldn’t have started from Karthik’s house for starters. He should have stayed the night as Karthik suggested. He shouldn’t have tagged along for the roommate’s stupid party. He always knew how they would turn out. He wanted to clear his head of Karthik. He wanted to stop pining after Karthik helplessly. So, he thought the party was a distraction. It was so not.

_Ek Galthi… God damn ek galthi… Wo bhi mein majboori mein ki thi… Kyun ithna bada sajaa…_

_One mistake… God damn one mistake_

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Hoping that is Karthik calling back, he parked his bike and retrieved it to see “Swami KChela”.

Aman wondered why Swami would call him at this time. But then he was too wired. So he picked the call to tell him that he will call back later.

“Hello … Aman sir?”

“Swami … sunn… zaara jaldi mein hoon” (Swami… listen… I am in a hurry)

“Haa yes Karthik sir…” Aman straightened up on the mention of Karthik.

“Kya hua?” (What Happened)

“Karthik sir… sir…bahut pee rahen sir… pehle meine socha aise hi pee rahe… ab tak one full bottle whiskey pee chuke sir… mein bahut hairaan hoon.” (Karthik Sir… Sir… he is drinking way too much… at first I thought he was drinking casually…. But he chugged down one full bottle of whiskey… I am shocked)

“Oh my god, poora bottle whiskey? Swami … Karthik kaha hain? Pub ka naam kya hain?”

(Oh my god, an entire bottle whiskey? Swami… where is Karthik? Whats the name of the pub?

“Sir ecstasy… sir abhi aap aayenge… sir bahut upset lag rahe sir… mere shift khatam hote hote subah hojayegi” ( Sir… Its Ecstasy… Sir are you coming now? He is looking very upset…My shift will shift only by early morning)

“Haa … Aa raha hoon main…Ek kaam kar Swami… Karthik ke paas jaa kar uske phone pein mera call pick kar… usse mein baat karunga” (Yes I am coming… Do one thing Swami, go to Karthik and lift my call on his mobile. I will keep talking to him.)

“Haa sir” (Yes Sir)

Aman cuts swami’s call and calls up Karthik immediately, simultaneously retrieving earphones and plugging them… Ecstasy will atleast be 20 mins from where he is.

“Hello …Sir”

“Swami … Karthik ko phone do…” (Swami… give the phone to Karthik)

“Haa sir” (Yes Sir)

“Nahi karna mujhe usse baat swami…” (I don’t want to talk to him Swami)

Aman shouts, “Karthik baby … mera baat sunna” (Karthik… Baby … listen to him)

“Mein tumhara karthik baby nahi hoon.” Aman starts his bike and starts towards the pub. Aman is already worried as hell. Ecstasy was a bit shady. (I am not your Karthik Baby)

“Karthik… suno … Dekho… I am sorry,..” (Karthik… Listen… I am sorry)

“Sorry kiss liye… oh kiss ke liye?… Don’t worry Karthika Ramaswamy… bura nahi maanegi…Pata he kyun? Kyun ki Karthika Ramaswamy iss bottle ke andar hai, whiskey mein doob rahi hain. Bacchao Baachao.. sunnayi de raha hain? ”

(Why Sorry? Oh for the Kiss? Don’t worry Karthika Ramaswamy will not feel bad anymore… do you know why? Because Karthika Ramaswamy is in this bottle of whiskey… drowing… are you able to listen … Help me Help me)

“Aisa mat kahona Karthik … mein” (I don’t say that Karthik… I’m)

“Karthik nahi karthika… tera girlfriend… Jisko tu ne dhoka diya…uss uss shehanaayi ko kiss karke.”

(No.. Not Karthik Its Karthika… your girlfriend… the girlfriend you have betrayed… and kissed that Shehnaayi)

“Yaar Shenaya hain usska naam… Meine dhoka nahi kiya… Wo ek dare kiss thi yaar…karna pada mujhe” (Dude… Shenaya is her name… I have not cheated on her… It was a dare kiss…I had to do it)

“Hum bewaafa hargizz na the… par ham wafa kar ne sake…”Karthik started singing.

“Hum bhi bewafa nahi hain Karthik… jo hua wo sirf ek mistake thi” (I am also not a cheater Karthik… Whatever happened was a mistake)

Karthik was not in a mood to listen clearly, he launched into a drunken song

> “Hum ko mili usski sazaaa, jo ham Khata kar na sake
> 
> Kitni akeli thi woh rahen hum jinpe  
> Ab tak akele chalte rahen  
> Tujhse bichhad ke bhi o bekhabar
> 
> Tere hi gham mein jalte rahen
> 
> Tune kiya jo shiwa  
> Hum woh gila kar naa sake  
> Hum bewafa hargiz na the  
> Par hum wafa kar naa sake”

Aman is at his wit’s end on how to keep Karthik safe till he reaches there. He is only ten minutes from there.

“IT OK…IT OK..Aman baabu” Karthik voice sounded tearful. Aman felt his heart breaking, Karthik continued, “Apne shenila ke saath khush rehna… Karthika abh tujhe kabhi nahi milegi.”

(IT Ok… IT OK Aman babu… Stay happy with your Shenila…Karthika will never meet you again)

“Karthik please please mujhse baath kartha reh ... Mein tere liye aa raha hoon na”

“Karthik… Please please … stay on the call… I am coming for you)

“Tujhe kya lagta hain mein tera Karthika hoon, tere har baat, maanne wali, har waqt saath dene wali? Woh Karthika abh mar chuki hain AMAN. Ab Woh Karthika mar chuki hain”

(What do you think… I am still that Karthika, who always listens to you, who never says no to you, who always stands by you? No… that Karthik is no more… She is no more!)

“Aisa mat kaho na Baby... mein aa raha hoon na tere liye...”

(Don’t say that Baby… I am coming for you right)

“Sherawati hain na tere liye, Woh red dress waali... jo kaafi hot hain by the way.”

(You have that Sherawati for you, right… That girl is red dress…She is quite hot by the way)

“Shenaya ... Uss ka dress colour bhi tune notice kiya... maine woh bhi notice nai kiya...”

(Shenaya she is… You noticed her dress colour also… I didn’t even notice that)

“Usse kiss karne se phursath mile tab notice karogena ...”

(You will notice only when you take a break from kissing the girl, na)

“Aisi baat nahi hain Jaanu! Kaise baatoun yaar, woh mera girlfriend nahi hain. Mujhe usse koi lena dena nahi hain.”

(Its not like that dear! How do I explain, she is not my girlfriend, I am not even interested in her)

“agar woh tera girlfriend nahi hain, toh kaun hain asal mein tera Girlfriend?... Arrey yeh gaana toh mera favourite hain”

(If she is not your girlfriend, then who is? … Oh wow this is my favourite song)

Suddenly Aman was subjected to a loud blaring of DJ Music.

“Kaarthik Karthik, kaha gaye ... ithna sound kyun hain.” (Karthik where did you go… why so much sound?)

_Five more minutes Aman. You will find him._

Karthik started singing on top of his voice again. This time it is his own lyrics.

“On the fucking dance floor... I am through the glass door... Tere se door… Tere se door

I gotta a hot bod…I am a gay god…. Fuck you Fuck you”

Aman was getting worried sick, anything could happen there. Karthik voice is now a blur.

_What if he offends someone. ShiT!_

“Sorry sorry.. Hulk ke puttar” Karthik’s voice came back to focus. (Sorry sorry… son of a hulk!)

Aman is almost going deaf from all the blaring music.

“Karthik … kya hua” (Karthik What happened?)

Aman is thankfully in the parking. Just two minutes more.

He could hear noises of scuffle and heavy panting from Karthik’s side.

“Karthik?”

“Kutte kaminey choddh mera haath” (Hey You dog…leave me alone)

A burly voice was talking on the other side. Aman could not hear anything.

“Arrey yeh kya naya musibat! KARTHIK” (Whats this new trouble? Karthik)

“Hulk ka puttar... nai... tu toh poora hulk hi hain... hath chodo mera...” (you are no son of Hulk… You are a complete hulk… Leave my hand)

“Karthik? Kaun hai wo” (Karthik? Who is that)

“Hulky you are very bulky... not nice… you are very sulky”

“Karthik yaar...Gaana mat gaaon woh offend hojayega... drama mat kar... jor se chilla...aur door bhago usse” (Karthik Dude!.. Don’t sing like that… Don’t do drama … Just shout and run from there)

“Oh! hulky wants to dance with me! Karthik and Hulky will dance”

The line went dead. Aman was in complete panic. He ran to the entrance. He was stopped by two boulder-like security guards.

“Gays night only”

“Arrey Gay hoon…mera boyfriend andar hain” ( Arrey I am gay… My boyfriend is inside)

“Proof?”

“Proof chahiye saalon ko…” Aman muttered, opened his phone and showed them his wallpaper with a photo of him and Karthik. (The scoundrel need Proof?)

The security gaurds let him in. Aman entered the pub in a huff. It was quick to find Swami, he was behind the counter. Aman ran and hit the counter.

“Swamy… Karthik kahaan hain.” (Swamy … where is Karthik?)

“Sir … Wahaan… kisi leather jacket pehne uncle ke saath naach rahe the.” (Sir he was there … dancing with some leather jacket uncle.)

“Kya?” (What?) Bile rose into Aman’s throat. Fear gripped him.

Aman looks for Karthik on the dance floor. Aman was getting through a sea of sweaty bodies, when heard a commotion on one fag end of the pub. He heard Karthik’s voice whining.

“Nai,… Hulky … Kahaaaaan le jaarahe ho… Mujhe daannncccee karnaaaa hain” ( Hulky where are you taking me… I want to dance)

To Aman, the voice sent a sense of both relief and foreboding at once. By the time, he reached the place, however, neither Karthik nor that hulk were seen anywhere.

“KARTHIK…” Aman screams startling several people around. He notices a hidden passageway. Hoping and praying that it will take him to Karthik, He gets into it. It was a small winding passage which suddenly opens into the adjacent road.

A horrible sight meets his eyes. A very big, heavily built, middle aged man was practically slothering over Karthik. Karthik was struggling to get him off, his hands flailing, trying to push the heavy man.

Aman sees red in a flash. “Heyy” he screamed and looked around to pick a weapon. He found a tin lid of a trash can. He picked up the can lid and swung it one side and attacked the hulky from behind.

The man fell down by the impact. He tries to get up but Aman gets to him before that. He was wild in anger, He hits the man repeated with the lid. The man falls unconscious due to the combined effect of alcohol and Aman.

“Aman” Karthik’s voice rings out loud and clear. It was necessary to clear the haze in Aman’s brain.

“Aman…Hulky marr gaya” Aman’s turns around in seething rage. (Aman… Hulky died)

“Tu Chup baith… Halat dekha apna…Kisne kaha tha aise khatarnak aadmi ke saath naachne ko” (Shut up… Did you even look at your state? Who asked you to dance with such a dangerous man?)

Karthik quelled terrified of Aman’s rage. Aman notices Karthik’s bleeding lip. He turns back to check the man’s pulse. It was still there.

He threw the can lid roughly to one side and walked towards Karthik, who backed towards the wall like a small child expecting a flogging. The sight broke Aman’s heart.

“Marra nahi hain… sirf behosh pada hain…” Aman said in a nuetral voice. Karthik only whimpered in response his lip quivering. (He is not dead… he is just unconscious)

“Karthik…baby … yahaan aao…mujhse kyun darr rahe ho” Aman said in a soft voice.

(Karthik… baby… come here… Why are getting afraid of me?)

Karthik took a tentative step towards him. His eyes were red, hair was tousled, his face was red and sloshed, his lower lip was bleeding.

Aman retrieved his hanky, went closer to Karthik. Karthik’s eyes were blotched with tears now.

Aman gingerly touched the bleeding lower lip with his hanky.

“Dard ho raha hain?” he asked, Karthik nods vigorously. (Is it paining?)

He falls into Aman’s inviting arms. Aman hugs him back with all the warmth he could muster. He soothes shuddering Karthik by gently rubbing his back.

“Baby… chalo ghar chalthe hain”

(Baby… come lets go home)

Karthik nods into the hug. Aman lets him rest his head on his shoulder while he practically carries the taller man slowly into the parking lot.

Aman had the most uncomfortable ride of his lifetime. With a sloshed senseless Karthik strapped to his back, his head bobbing from side to side, his hands sliding down Aman’s chest. So yes, it was uncomfortable at many indescribable levels.

Aman doesn’t know how he brought his precious Karthik up to the house without any bodily damage. But he managed to do so. Aman was exhausted to the bone by the whole ordeal, so he collapsed beside Karthik. A very drunk Karthik snuggled closer to him, burying his head into the crook of Aman’s neck. His favourite spot apparently. Aman’s hand absently stroked Karthik’s hair.

Aman felt wide awake, all the regrets over the evening come flooding back to disturb the little sleep that graced his eyelids.

He knows that the kiss will now be an oppressive elephant-in-the-room between him and Karthik.

He tried to repress it, which he is really good at. But today he failed. The sour memory filled his eyes.

> “Jaana ithna zaroori kyun tha” Karthik messaged when he messaged him that he reached his room safely. (do you have to really go?)
> 
> How could Aman reply. He spent the entire Saturday and Sunday with him. Karthik, his house, the whole domesticity of the place, it was blissful. But all of that was making him wish that it stayed there forever. But the reality was different.
> 
> Karthik and him were still on thic ice. Aman would have generally hated uncertainity of any kind but he liked even this with Karthik. Uncertainity is better than absolute nothing. Karthik doesn’t acknowledge his feelings for him, but at least he shows them in thousand different ways. And Aman knows better than to push it.
> 
> Aman sighs and replies, “ Kal ko office bhi toh jaana hain…samjho na babu.” (Tommorrow we have to go for work… understand?)
> 
> “Theek hain… tu aaram kar.” (Okay… then take rest)
> 
> Aman smiles, “Haan”. Aman enters his room and finds all his roomates getting ready.
> 
> Rakesh greeted him almost at the door, “Arrey aa gaya tu Aman. Ye tere naak ko kya hua…”(Aman you came? What happened to your nose?)
> 
> “Nahi wo chota sa accident.” Aman touches his nose gingerly. A thin strip now enclosed the stitches area. (no it is a small accident)
> 
> “Accha … chalo…” Loki said. (OK lets go)
> 
> “kahaan?” (where?)
> 
> “Party hai bro… message kiya tha… group mein … dekha nai tu ne?” Rakesh answered.
> 
> (Party bro… I put a message in the group.. Didn’t you see?)
> 
> “Nai… tum log niklo… mera mann nahi hain.”(No… You guys go ahead… I am not in the mood)
> 
> “Arrey do saal baad Loki ki naukri lagi hain… treat dena chahta hai yaar… chall na” Rakesh said. (After two years Loki finally landed a job. He wants to treat us… Come na)
> 
> Sanjay excitedly chirped in, “Haa hamare girlfriends aa rahe hain aur hamne tere liye date bhi set kiya hain” (Yeah… We are all coming with our girlfriends. And we have set up a date for you too)
> 
> Aman who was tiredly lounging on the sofa, had a mini panic attack. But he managed, “Date? Tab tho mein definitely nayi aa raha… mujhe pata hain tum logon ki kithni stupid choice hain.” (Date? Then I will definitely not come… I know how stupid your choices are!)
> 
> “Arrey stupid nahi hot… bandi pataakha hain pataakha…” (No … Not stupid she’s hot… The girl is an absolute cracker)
> 
> “Phir bhi yaar…mujhe aaram karna hain” (Still Dude! I need to take rest)
> 
> “haa… kar lena aaram.. wahaan jaake kya patthar tudwaayenge tumse… chill hi toh marna hain” Loki insisted. (Yeah… Stay rested… Who is asking you to break stones there? We are going there to chill only!)
> 
> Aman considered for a moment. He was not really looking forward for an evening of missing-Karthik-badly phase, perhaps his roommates can distract him for some time.
> 
> “Haa theek hain aa raha hoon” (Yeah ok I will come)
> 
> 45 minutes later, he was wedged uncomfortably between Shenaya, the girl they set and a burly Sanjay.
> 
> _Bad Idea Aman Tripathi… room pein at least Rafi sahab ke gaane sunte chill maar sakta tha… yahaan toh Karthik se distract hone se door… karthik ko kuch zyaada hi miss kar rahe ho!_
> 
> _(Bad Idea Aman Tripathi… you could have at least relaxed with Meastro Rafi’s classics in the room…Here instead of getting distracted from Kartik, You are missing him more!)_
> 
> Aman’s phone pinged. It was Karthik’s message.
> 
> “So rahe ho Babu?” (Are you asleep babu?)
> 
> “Nahi Roommates ke saath baahar aaya hoon.” (No I came out with roommates)
> 
> “Lekin theek toh ho na?” (But you are alright)
> 
> “Haa… bass bore ho raha hoon” (Yeah just getting bored)
> 
> “Kyun mujhe miss kar rahe ho?” (What ? Are you missing me now?)
> 
> “Haa… tu yahaan hota toh iss party mein jaan hoti… tum kya kar rahe ho” Aman mentally slapped himself for sounding so clingy. ( yeah… If you were in this party, there would have been some life in it… What are you doing?)
> 
> “Ravi aaya hain na… Devi, Ravi aur mein daaru peene jaa rahe hain” (Ravi came back… So, Ravi, Devi and me … we come out for drinks)
> 
> “Oh.. Ravi aaya hain? Mujhe aana hi nahi chahiye tha… Atleast iss Ravi se milto leta” (Oh Ravi came? I shouldn’t have left… Atleast I would have met Ravi)
> 
> Ravi was Karthik and Devika’s friend in the Sales department. From what he could gather, Ravi was sometimes the only voice of reason the gang possessed. He went on a project to Pune and came back after two months. Sure these guys would have so much catching up to do!
> 
> “I hate to say this…but …I told you”
> 
> “Ha ha,…maanliya mahan Karthik ji… Jyotishy hi nikle aap…” (Yeah Yeah… great Karthik, you have become a soothesayer)
> 
> “Koi nai baalak” (Its ok Kiddo)
> 
> “Chall… apne catch up karlo…” Aman sighs, closing his phone. (Go on… go ahead with your catch-up)
> 
> He hears a snap of fingers towards him. “Earth to Aman” Sanjay said.
> 
> Shenaya giggled. Aman was irritated already.
> 
> “kaha khoye huve ho” (Where are you lost?)
> 
> “nahi kuch nahi…”(nope nothing)
> 
> He started paying paying more attention to what was going on the table. They started the most cliched game ever. “Truth or Dare”. Aman was struck with a happy idea to suggest the same while with Karthik. At least he would somehow wriggle out information about what Karthik felt about him. But his happy thoughts were marred when the bottle turned to him.
> 
> Aman braced himself, “Truth”
> 
> “Aman dare lena” (Aman take dare)
> 
> “Kyun?” (why?)
> 
> “Arrey lena” (Just Take it )
> 
> Aman wanted to just get over with it, so he agreed.
> 
> “Shenaya ko kiss karna” Sanjay with a barely concealed glee. Aman felt like slapping himself to have walked right into their trap. (Kiss Shenaya)
> 
> Aman was cornered into doing the dare by his roommates, Shenaya was drunkenly giggling.
> 
> “Mujhe nai karna kiss yaar… Shenaya is drunk” (I don’t want to kiss her… Shenaya is drunk)
> 
> “Aman aaj koi bahana nahi chalega.” (Aman no excuse today)
> 
> “Aman ko sharam aa rahi hain, Shenaya tum aur Aman, girl’s restroom chale jao.”
> 
> (Aman is getting all shy, Shenaya, you and Aman go to girl’s restroom)
> 
> Aman could see that he could escape from this only through agreeing to that. His gay mind was panicking at the very prospect of kissing a girl.
> 
> He silently followed the drunken girl into the girl’s restroom. Shenaya turned around to face him as soon as they went inside. Aman blanched at the thought that how drunk the girl was to willingly kiss a guy she met only some hours ago.
> 
> “So Aman… Lets start” she slurred, placing her hand. Aman drew back in terror.
> 
> “Dekho I really don’t think its necessary. Hum bahar jaa ke kah sakthe hain ki kiss hogaya hain hamare beech” Aman spluttered. (See… I really don’t think its necessary, We can simply tell them that kiss happened)
> 
> “Arrey mein kya bhoothni dikhri hoon? Ithna kyun dar rahe ho?” (Why are you acting as if I am a ghost? Why are you so scared?)
> 
> “Nahi… Zabardasthi kiss mujhe nai karni… Tum bhi apne hosh mein nahi ho” (No.. I don’t want to be forced into kissing… and you are not really yourself)
> 
> “Mein poori hosh mein hoon…” Shenaya staggering forward. “Tum aise darr rahe ho, jaise mein koi ladka hoon…arrey ek minute…” (I am in full command… You are looking so scared, its almost as if I am a guy…Oh ! One minute?)
> 
> “Arrey aisa kuch nahin hain” Aman’s mind raced trying to think of excuses. (nope Nothing like that)
> 
> Shenaya was closing in on him, Aman was pushed to the wall. Aman cursed under his breath. Who would expected the evening will turn this unpleasant.
> 
> Shenaya now saw Aman clearly through her druken haze, he was sweating, panicking like a cornered kitten.
> 
> “Tum gay ho?” She asked, now sounding less slurred and more coherent. (Are you gay?)
> 
> Aman blanched. He cannot afford to be outed to his roommates. And he was sure that this girl will blab everything. He now had only one option. To get through the damned kiss and get over with it.
> 
> Aman suddenly held her head and planted a hasty kiss. Shenaya was too shocked to respond. Thanking heavens, he withdrew his hands from her hair.
> 
> “dekha? Ithha bhi bura nahi tha…”Shenaya giggled. (See? Not that bad, is it?)
> 
> Aman nodded absently, trying to repress a powerful shudder of shame that washed over his being. Shenaya moved away from him and only then he realised there were someone else at the door. KARTHIK. Karthik was supporting a very drunk Devika. He stood shocked at the door, his eyes boring into Aman’s.
> 
> Aman could feel the sting of thousand slaps across his face, when he saw Karthik looking at him, in disappointment and hurt. Hurt that tore his heart into his million shreds.
> 
> Devika swayed dangerously and acted as a stimulii to Karthik. He propped her carefully against the wash basin.
> 
> Aman was getting crushed under the weight of unknown and irrational guilt and he was only able to prop himself up due to the wall behind.
> 
> “Karthika?” Karthik asked pointing to the retreating Shenaya, attempting at a conversational tone and quite getting it right, “Nahi pata tha, yeh asli hain”
> 
> “Nahi.. Karthik…” Aman managed to say, unable to even meet his eyes.
> 
> “Lipstick lagaa… tere chehre pein.” Karthik said with a wistfully aching voice. Aman wanted him to yell at him, rage at him, like the way he did when he brought Tanya to the coffee house. Karthik’s rage was more bearable than his pain. Aman stood rooted at the spot. Karthik left with Devika almost unconscious on his arm.

Damn his stupid decision to go back to his room, Damn his homophobic roommates, Damn his fear of coming out. Damn the drunk Shenaya. Damn the red lipstick that stuck to his lips. And damn the timing.

_Why? Why me?_

> _“Tumne jo dekha Suna sach tha magar_
> 
> _Ithna tha sach yeh kisko pata_
> 
> _Jaane tumhe maine koi dhokha diya_
> 
> _Jaane tumhe koi dhoka hua_
> 
> _Iss pyaar mein sach jhoooth ka_
> 
> _Tum Faislaa kar na sake_
> 
> _Hum Bewafaa hargizz na the_
> 
> _Par ham wafaa kar sake!”_

He might not be guilty of the betrayal that Karthik accused him of. He was guilty of a bigger crime. He let his fear get better of him. Did he just blow up his chances of a happily ever after with Karthik? Did he just hurt the love of his life beyond redemption?

##  Karthik

“Baby… chalo ghar chalthe hain.” (Baby come… Let's go home)

Aman’s voice sounded like a soothing melody to his ear. He was definitely dreaming. He could smell Aman’s faint scent he came to love, he could feel the gentle rhythm of Aman’s heartbeat against his cheek. Light stubble was prickling his forehead, Aman’s fingers were buried in his hairs. One hand was wrapped around him protectively.

Karthik was afraid to move because if he does, his dream would be broken. Karthik scrunched his eyes shut, not wanting open his eyes. But then the events of last night came flooding to his mind, intruding his dreamy bliss. He snapped open his eyes. Aman was really under him. The dream had been true. He rose up slightly, to find his head snuggled comfortably and Aman’s hand slipped from his hair. Karthik propped himself up on his elbow, to peer at his Aman’s angelic face, deep in slumber. He couldn’t control his fingers as they stroked the light stubble on Aman’s jawline. There was a small frown on Aman’s forehead. Then Karthik noticed reddish stains on lipstick on Aman’s lips. A cruel reminder to him that Aman could never be his.

Reality came crushing around Karthik, he got up quickly to escape it. But the hangover from last night’s heavy drinking slowed his movements. He swayed dangerously as he stood up from the bed. Aman perhaps missing the warm body around him opened his eyes and woke up in alarm to find Karthik holding his head and swaying.

“Karthik… Theek hain tu,” Aman said worried as he got up on his knees and tried to steady Karthik. (Karthik…Are you ok?)

He made him sit down. Karthik brushed Aman’s hand on his chest, shrugging.

If Aman felt hurt Karthik did not know it, because he was in a hell of his own.

Struggling to regain composure Karthik said, “Mein theek hoon.” (I am ok)

He got up slowly and waddled his way to the restroom.

Ten minutes later Karthik found himself facing Aman’s back. Both of them avoided each other for long enough. Aman made himself busy in making coffee for both of them. Karthik sat facing his back on a makeshift table in the kitchen.

“Aman”

“Haa… Bol” ( yeah… tell me)

“Abh kya tere peeth se baat karoon,” Karthik said bitterly. (what? You want me to talk to your back now)

His head reeling under hangover and his heart felt devoid any emotions. Words were uncharacteristically bitter and Karthik couldn’t help it.

Aman sighed and turned slowly to face Karthik.  
  


“Kal raath ko kya hua tha?” (What happened last night)

“Kuch bhi toh nahi.” (No Nothing at all)

“Aman... ?” Karthik’s voice was low. But Aman visibly shuddered in something that looked like guilt and shame.

“Suno! Mujhe uss ladki mein koi interest nai hain.” (Listen! I don’t have any interest in that girl)

“Woh Shaantha?” (That Shaantha?)

“Shenaya... Roommates sare milke setup kiye. Pehle mila bhi nai tha use.” (Shenaya… My roommates have set me up with her. I didn’t even meet her before)

“Phir bhi tu ne Shakuntala ko kiss kiya?” (And still you were kissing Shakuntala)

“Shenaya... Dare thi yaar... Woh almost blackmail kar rahi thi.” (Shenaya… It was a dare… and she was almost blackmailing me)

_Blackmailing you with what? If it’s a just dare, why do you look so guilty?_

“Dare?”

“Haa dare...”

“Kiss dare thi toh Devika ko dekkhe aisa darr kyun gaya tha...” (If the kiss was a dare then why were you so afraid of Devika)

That was the conclusion Karthik came to last night. He had read all the signs wrong. Aman thinks of him as a friend and probably has a crush on Devika.

Aman looks up shocked. “Devika ko nai tujhe dekh ke... aisa na ho ki tum mujhe galat samjhe.”

(Not because of Devika … You… I don’t want you to misunderstand me)

Karthik smirked mirthlessly, what is left to misunderstand. Its all crystal clear. Devika was too drunk to notice anything. So probably, he was afraid that he will tell Devika about the kiss, ruining his chances. His heart was rippling with jealousy. For the first time, even on Devika.

“Mein kyun galat samjhunga. Mujhe kya farak padhega tu shenila ke saath hain yaa karthika”

(Why will I misunderstand? Whether you are with that girl, Shenila or Karthika)

Karthik could discern a flicker of something close to anger in Aman’s eyes. Perhaps at his mention of his imaginary girlfriend.

The Milk boiled up to the surface and Aman turned and blew the foam. He poured milk into both cups and stirred the coffee noisily. He handed a cup of coffee to Karthik.

“Shenaya... Haa theek kah raha hain tu...” Aman corrects Karthik at this point more out of habit, yet Karthik could see an edge in his voice. (Shenaya… Yeah You are making sense)

Aman continued, “Tujhe koi farak nahi padni chaahiye. Kyun ki Karthika toh bottle whiskey mein doobh ke marr gayi na?” (you should not care at all. Because Karthika had drowned in that bottle of whiskey and died, right?)

Karthik pursed his lips at that. Aman turned back to hand his cup. Aman breathes deeply as if trying to control his anger. Karthik bit his swollen and bloodied lower lip. Aman’s eyes flicker to his lips. Karthik feels a tug at his heart. His heart has not learnt its lesson apparently.

“Uss honth ko waisa bite karna bandh karoge? Infection ho jaayega...in case aap bhool gaye toh yaad dila doon.. Kal rath ke injury hai woh...” ( Will you stop biting that lip? It will get infected… In case you forgot… let me refresh your memory… It was an injury from last night)

Karthik looks up surprised he was not aware of the pain till Aman mentioned it. There is this weird sexual tension between them, even when they almost two feet apart. Both Karthik and Aman are were staring at each other. Karthik was feeling irritated at the concern that Aman showed.

_Pyaar toh nahi kartha mujhse, phir phikr kyun jataata hain mujhse!_

_(You don’t love me, then why concern?)_

“Mera lip hain yeh mein jo marzi karoonga.” To his own ears he sounded petulant and childish.

(They are my lips, I will do whatever I want with them)

Aman smarted at the tone Karthik took on him. Things were getting decidedly sour, “Haa... Karlo na... You are most welcome. Aap toh expert ho aise kaamon mein.” (Yeah … do as you wish… You are most welcome. You are an expert in doing such things)

Karthik bristles at that. The scathing edge that Aman’s voice took, it felt like betrayal to him.

“Kya bolna chahta hain tu? Mein laaparvah hoon?” (what do you mean? I am careless)

“Jee nahin... Laparvaahon ka sultaan ho aap! Your Highness ... Aap ko kya lagta hain yeh chot aapko kaise lagi?” (No…That would be such an understatement,… Your Highness! You are the king of Carelessness… How do you think you ended up getting that injury)

Karthik got up angrily, but for a moment tried to think how he ended up messing his lip. He touched his lip gingerly. _Damn the headache.Everything is fuzzy!_

“Yaad dilaadoon? Gay club mein nashen mein choor, mere sultan naach raha the. Woh kya tha woh epic lyrics... I gotta a hot bod I am a gay god... Fuck you fuck you!” (Can I refresh your memory for you? You were dancing at a gay club in complete inebriated state. And were singing these epic lyrics … I gotta a hot bod I am a gay god... Fuck you fuck you!)

Karthik cracks up a smile despite the serious and sarcastic tone in which Aman said that. For a moment Aman too, looked close to smiling, but slyly covered it with a scoff.

“Tabh ek hulk jaisa dikhne wala aadmi tere saath zabardasthi naach raha tha. Aur ussko tu dheel bhi de raha tha aisa karne ko. Mein wahan iss sab bathein phone pe sunn ke pagalon ki tarah tujhe doondh raha tha.” (Then one Hulk type person was forcibly dancing with you. And you were letting him. And I was getting hell worried out of me listening to you on phone)

Karthik sat back. He was looking at Aman intently. Karthik didn’t understand why Aman was so angry.

“Woh aadmi tera advantage le raha tha... tujhe abuse kar raha tha. Kya soch rahe the Karthik? Seriously? Nashe mein tun hona hi tha...toh ghar pein daaru hain na...Apne aapko danger mein rakhna zaroori hain kya.” ( That Pervert was taking advantage of you… He was abusing you. And what were you thinking Karthik? Seriously? If you had to drink so much, couldn’t you do that at home. Why risk

your life like that?)

“Hulky...yes ... yaad aa rahi thoda bahut, hulky not nice very sulky?” ( yeah… I do remember a little…

hulky not nice very sulky?)

Aman puts his hands up in frustration.

Karthik continued with a lop-sided grin, “Tune Hulky ko maara... ithna maara ki woh behosh pad gaya... Hulky the bulky, padha raha hoga kisi ward mein hospitalki... yeh ryhming theek nahi baith raha ...” (You have beaten up Hulky, so much that he fell unconscious., he might be in some hospital ward… Damn I wish I could make some rhyme out of it.)

“Unbelievable man! Inn sab mein tujhe mazaak sooj raha hain” Aman said angrily. (Unbelievable Man! You are still seeking humour in this situation)

Karthik was actually taken aback. Aman’s concern filled him with warmth, that worries him.

“Ha ... Mazak hi sooj raha hain... Nahi toh abh main kya karoon? Thank you boloon...Mahoday Aman Tripathi... Dhanyawad... mere maaannn bachane keliye... mein hamesha aapke abhari hoon.” (yeah… I am feeling like laughing. Tell me what else to do? Do you want me to thank you. Dear Aman Tripathi, Thank you for saving my ass. I will forever stay indebted to you)

“Fuck you Karthik!... Mazak ke bhi ek hadd hoti hain yaar... uss situation mein late pahunchta toh... agar pahunchta hi nahi toh? Agar woh Pshycho tujhe kuch harm karta toh… Agar mein tumhe hamesha ke liye kho baithtaa toh! …Sochne ke liye bhi mere haath peir kaanp rahe hain. ITS NOT FUNNY KARTHIK.” (Fuck you Karthik!… There is a limit to humour. What if I found you late last night? What if I never found you? What if that pshycho harmed you? What if I lost you forever? Even if to think of such possibility my hands and feet are shivering. ITS NOT FUNNY KARTHIK.)

Aman collected his things and left in anger. Karthik was shocked beyond words. Aman was angry on him for his sake.

“Baby… chalo ghar chalthe hain,” said Aman’s soft voice, somewhere in Karthik’s hazy memories. (Baby…come… let's go home)

He walked into storm without knowing it. And now he cannot make sense of any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is another age-old classic that sings of heartbreak and betrayal. Sung by Kishore Kumar originally.  
> I am adding the link to the SANAM's rendition of this classic because the original is somewhat marred by unnecessary tribal music.
> 
> https://youtu.be/AvRcKyEMkns?list=PLGs3U1UJYrkVyYNl-2VnemVb24qTKqKpe


	11. Zehnaseeb Tujhe Chaahoon betahasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Idiots in love and denial  
> Devika's PoV and a little of her story as well.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

# Devika

> Tere sang beete har lamhe pe hum ko naaz hai  
> Tere sang jo na beete us pe aitraaz hai  
> Is kadar hum dono ka milna ek raaz hai

Devika sat across the small bench on her balcony, she passed a mug of coffee to Ravi, who took it with a smile. She loves it when he visits her personally, hangs out with her away from office and ostentatious hangouts that Karthik plans. It was no secret that she was missing Ravi, probably a little too much. Ravi’s calm presence brings her also a semblence of calmness. And its been crazy two months watching her best friend falling in love and being a fool in love. She needed a compatriot.

They sat and started gossiping about the two oblivious idiots in love. Or in denial, as Ravi puts it. Its really how you look at it. She was just filling him in with one of their cutest moments together, when she recieves a call from the said Karthik.

“Bade jaldi yaad aate dosth tujhe mote” Devika taunts picking up the call. (You remember us friends quite early dude)

She hears a whimper in response and instantly straightens up. Ravi also gets alerted by her movement. He mouths, anxiously “kya hua?” (What happened)

Devika shakes her head and puts the phone on loudspeaker.

“Karthik,… Bacchaa… kya hua?” She asks kindly. (Karthik.. Kiddo… what happened)

“Aman… chala gaya…” Karthik’s voice sounded thick as if he was crying for hours now. (Aman went away)

“Chala gaya ka kya matlab hain?” (What do you mean by went away)

“Sab mera galthi hai Dev, Kal raat ko jo hua… mein usse bhula nahin paya… pagal ho chuka tha…” (Its all my fault Dev, Last night… after whatever happenend… I was not able to get over that… I was going crazy)

“Kya hua kal raat ko Karthik…. Tum hamare saath the na?” (What happened last night… You were with us right?)

“Woh,..” (That…)Karthik started relating what happened after Devika had one too many tequila shots. Ravi and Devika’s frowns went progressively deeper. At one point when, Karthik was explaining about how he got confused between himself and Karthika, Devika actually face palmed herself.

“To tu yeh kehraha hai ki Aman ne tujhe ek hulk jaise aadmi se bacchaya… tujhe safely ghar pahunchaaya aur tu ne usse jhagada kiya… dimaag kharaab ho gaya tera…”

(So you are telling me that… Aman had saved you from that hulk type person, brought you home safely and you ended up fighting with him… Have you gone nuts?)

“Kaha to tha Dev D, Ussne uss ladki ko kiss karne ka explanation dene ki koshish kar raha tha… mera para garam ho gaya tha yaar” Karthik whined.

(I told you right Dev D, He started giving an explanation on why he kissed that girl… and I just lost it)

Devika felt really sorry for both the idiots. It was a dare kiss, and Aman would have panicked that he would be outed to his roommates. She noticed that Aman was not an out and loud gay who wears his sexuality on his sleeve. And she also knows How Karthik will see the whole fiasco.

Ravi was shaking his head ruefully and it seems that he also agrees to her train of thought.

“Abhi mujhe kya karna hain Devi…?” Karthik asked desperately. Devika teared up a little, looking helplessly at Ravi. For a second she didn’t know what she must do to make Karthik realise that Aman is in love with him. (What do I do Devi?)

Ravi signalled that he would speak and took over. “Karthik yaar…Karna kya hain? Sorry bolna hain simple.” (Karthik Dude… What will you do? Go tell sorry … Simple!)

“Ravi? Thank god tu bhi wahi hain… Tumhe lagta hain ki sorry se sab kuch theek ho jayega?”

(Ravi? Thank god bro… you are also there…. Do you think a sorry would be enough for all the mess I made?)

For once, Devika let her armour down and let her tears fall. Karthik’s pain always did this to her. She would be strong till he needs her and then starts crying when she is alone for all that he was going through.

‘’Dekho… mein iss Aman ko janta nahi hoon. Lekin tere aur Devika ke baathon se yaheen lagtaa hain ki yeh Aman tera bahut khayaal rakhta hain, tu uske liye bhi bahut special hain… Ab tere feelings usske liye jo bhi ho, aisa saccha dosth ko nai khote … kisi bhi halaat mein. Theek hain?”

(See… I don’t know this Aman personally… But from what I could gather from you and Devika is that this guy cares for you. You are also quite special for him… Now whatever his feelings are for him,… you cannot afford to lose a friend like him, can you?)

“Mein usske liye special hoon? Tujhe kyun aisa lagta hain” Karthik asked, he sounded as if he was grasping at straws, or whatever that helped him survive. (I am special to me, why do you think so?)

Devika wiped her tears, and said, “Varna tujhe kya lagta hain, Karthik? Tum usske liye special nahi hote toh Koi banda itthe hot ladki ko choddh ke aadhi raat ko tere peeche bhagtha aayega?”

(What do you think Karthik? If you werent special to him, why else will he bother to follow you at midnight leaving such a hot girl high and dry?)

She refrained from stating the obvious. Karthik has to get it on his own.

Ravi started in his gentle voice, “Dekh yaar baat toh samajh… sirf do mahine huve hain… Aman ka tere saath ek pakki yaari ban chuki hain. Abh sirf ek kiss ke wajah se tum logon mein aisi dosthi mein differences aannaa…” (See Karthik, try and understand, its been only two months, yet Aman had become an excellent friend to you. Now just because of a kiss, your friendship will be burdened by differences,… How does that feel?)

 _Tu subtlety ka sheshanshah hain Ravi! (You are the king of subtlety_ …Ravi)

“Haa Ravi tu theek hi kah raha hain… mein Aman ko call karke sorry boltha hoon.” Karthik sounded extremely hesitant. (Yes Ravi, what you are saying is right… I …will call Aman to tell me him sorry)

Devika wiped her tears, and said “Karthik… tere awaaz se aisa kyun lag raha hain ki tumhe Sorry bolne ki himmat nahi hain?” (Karthik… Why do I get a feeling that you are scared to tell sorry)

Karthik paused for a moment and breathed sounding kitten-scared, “Kyun… Kyunki bahut phatt rahi hain yaar.”

“Arrey Kuch nahi hoga… Aman tera awaaz sunthe hi pighal jaayega dekhna…” (Arrey nothing will happen! Aman will melt as soon as he listens to your voice)

Ravi smiled and wrapped his hand around Devika to assure that everything will be alright. It was this quality that endeared Ravi so much to her. He never questioned her love for Karthik. He never judged her for being overprotective of Karthik. Infact, he joined forces with her.

* * *

­

“Tu paaka sure hain na… Karthik,” Devika asked Karthik for the umpteenth time. Karthik called them both again some 15 mins after his first call. And now they crowded Aman’s parking space, waiting for him to come down. (You are sure of this right… Karthik?)

“Haa yaar Phone pein poora conversation suna meine… Log kitne homophobic hote hain! Aman ne kya jhaadh di unn logon ko… aur ussne gusse me room chodhne ke taiyyari shuru kardeen.” (Yes yaar,… I heard their entire conversation on phone. You don’t know, how homophobic people can get. Aman had given them properly. And started packing to move out of the room in anger)

As if on cue, the lift dinged and a forlorn looking Aman came out with two heavy suitcases, he was on the verge of unloading some more luggage when Karthik flitted to his side. Aman looked shocked beyond words. And when Devika and Ravi Joined he smiled nervously.

“Mera mooh thodhne aaye ho kya?” he asked Devika, with a tad bit of guilt in his eyes. Karthik looked up puzzled. (Have you come to break my nose)

“Arrey nahi Mr.Cutie… suna hain aaj tera vidaai hain… aaarthi ke thaali toh mujhe hi sajaani hain na!” Devika laughed. (Oh No Mr.Cutie… I heard that its your Vidaai (the part of Indian weddings where Brides leave their maternal homes to joint their Husbands) … So I came to decorate the thali for you)

“Tume abhi bhi meri hi leni hain?” Aman said resignedly in a low voice. (You still have to pull my leg)

Devika geniunely felt bad for Aman. He felt guilty for the dare kiss and the following fiasco. That was enough for Devika to trust him. Ravi was shaking with silent laughter.

“Tum Ravi honge nahi?” Aman looked up at Ravi’s tall frame. (And you must be Ravi?)

Ravi smiled his reply, “ Aman Tripathi… It does not feel like we are strangers at all.” They shook hands.

“Bhai log .. mein akele unload kar raha hoon… mulaqaatein hogay toh madad kardo meri” Karthik called dramatically. (Bros… I am struggling alone here with all the unload… If all the introductions are done, will you consider helping me?)

They all hustled to help Karthik.

Once all his lugguage was loaded on their vehicles. Devika revved up her Pleasure and Ravi sat behind her, Karthik sat behind Aman.

“Abh ye bataaon tum logon ko koi brokers pata hain yaa… streets pein duffri karni hain?”

(So tell me this… you guys know any brokers or we have to hit the streets for househunting)

“Tu bike toh chala babu… Bahut bhook lagri hain.” Karthik said. (You start the bike Babu… I am feeling very hungry)

“Mera Falsafaa Kandhe Pe Mera Basta

Chala Main Jaha LeChala Mujhe Rasta

Boondon Pe Nahin Boondon Ke Samandar

Pe Woh Oo Woh Illahi mera jeeyayye,” he started singing. Devika is pleased to see Karthik back in his chirpiness.

They lugged the luggage into Karthik’s room with some difficulty. At one point Devika wondered how this little person has so much luggage.

Karthik and Aman flopped onto the bed, while Devika and Ravi took the couch. Aman and Karthik looked at each other and started laughing. Devi understood why. It was strange that two guys who fought early in the morning, would patch up and move in together by afternoon.

“Kya din tha yaar..” Aman said shaking his head incredulously. ( what a day man)

“Haa…” (yeah)

“Khushi hai ki mujhe woh room se chutkara mila... lekin Jaldi se doosra room dekhna padhega.”

(I am happy that I can got rid of that room… But I have to search for a new room soon)

“Doosra room? Kyun,... aur kaun aa rahaa hain?”

(Why a second room? Who else is coming with you)

Karthik actually pretended to look behind Aman for more people. Aman playfully punches Karthik's shoulders and laughs.

Devika nudged at the exhausted Ravi, and nodded at him to see the fun unfolding in front of them.

“Nai... lekin seriously, mein tere liye obligation nai banna chahta.”

(No but seriously… I don’t want to be an obligation to you)

“Ob-Bi-Li-Ga-Ti-On...... hai mere rabba! chei letter wala shadh! Aise shadh mere palle nai padhte tum kaise inhe soch lete ho?” Karthik said wiggling his eyebrows for the added dramatic effect.

(Ob-Bi-Li-Ga-Ti-On...Oh my god! Six letter word! I cannot even understand such words, how do you think of them?)

“Das letter wala shabdh hain Karthik. Mera point yeh ki…” Aman rolled his eyes correcting Karthik.

(Ten letter word Karthik… My point is)

“Haawww…. Tumhe yeh ghar pasand nahi aaya...” Karthik faked a hurt expression. (Haaww… You don’t like my house)

“Kya baat kar rahe ho yaar... Yeh ghar mujhe bahut accha lagta hain. Mein apne room ko room hi bolta thana... Use kabhi ghar bulatatha? nahi ... lekin, isse toh ghar hi bulaata hoon.” Aman explained to him carefully. ( what No! What are you saying… I love this house. I keep calling my room, as room… But I Call your house as home.”

Devika and Ravi exchanged significantly at the highly interesting conversation.

“Toh abhi tera problem kya hain? Mere saath rehne mein koi dikkhat?”

(So what is your problem here? You don’t like to stay with me?)

Aman rolls his eyes yet again, and said, “Yaar tu aisa soch bhi kaise sakhta hain. Mein tumpein dikkat na ban jaaun.Tu ithna popular ho ke bhi, ithne saare friends hone ke baad bhi, tujhe roommates chahiye toh tumhe jhatt se mil sajte hain, lekin tu akela reh raha hain... iss ka matlab yahi hain na, ki living alone is your preference...” (Dude… How can you even think like that. I don’t want to become a burden to you. You are so popular, you have a huge circle…you can get roommate anytime you want… But you stay alone. Why? Because staying alone is your preference)

Karthik was shocked at that supposition. “Nai ... aisa kuch nahi hain...” (Its not like that)

“Accha toh, agar mein beghar nahi hota... toh mujhe kabhi poochtha, tere roommate bannne ko?” Aman countered looking into Karthik’s eyes. (So… If I was not pushed out of my room today, will you evr ask me to be your roommate)

Karthik opens his mouth, but closes it. He couldnt find the counter to this logic.

“Issliye mein bol raha hoon babu. Mujhe doosra ghar doondhne do. Mein tera dosth hoon, zimmedari nai.” ( That’s why I am telling you. Let me find another room. I am your friend, not your responsibility)

“Akele rahna mera aadat hai, pasand nahi hain. Meine kabhi roommate ke saath nahi raha...lekin abh mujhe tere saath rahna hain bas. Haa issliye hain kyunki tu beghar hain. Matlab yahin toh mauka hain na Babu... tu dekh doosre makaan... agar tu yahan uncomfortable hain toh….” Karthik ended in a low hesitant voice. (It’s my habit to stay alone, not my preference. I have never stayed with a roommate… But I want to stay with you. Yeah its also because you don’t have a place to stay right now, I mean this is the chance right? You look for other rooms… if you are not comfortable with me)

“Uncomfortable mujhe nahi feel hoga Karthik… Baat samajh… I am sure mein tere space pein interference ban jaaonga…” Aman also said in a low voice surveying his nails. (I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable Karthik… rather.. you will feel that I am intruding your space)

Devika shook her head. Ravi mouthed to her “Are they blind?”

_Tum logna kabhi nahi sudhuroge. (You guys will never change)_

* * *

They all got a first hand experience of having Aman-ke-haath-ka-jaadu food. Even Ravi, the pickiest fellow ever, was enjoying it immensely. Turns out that there were two cartons full of Kitchen stuff he brought with him. Devika could only surmise that his entire room survived because of him. Well, at least Karthik’s food is sorted for life.

All of them have taken leave from office, without obviously giving the real reason. They started unpacking Aman’s stuff. There were more cartons to be opened. Turns out Aman was quite a nerd too. He had a personal collection of books, biographies and stuff. Ravi and Aman quickly bonded over books. Quite interestingly, they unearthed a few queer edition magazines. Karthik enthusiastically leafed through them. Aman eyed him going progressively pink.

“Gay fashion trends pein tera project tha kya?” Karthik asked suddenly. (Gay fashion trends was your project)

“Haa…tujhe kaise pata…” Aman asked geniunely surprised. (yeah How did you know?)

“Ye tune inn magazines mein jo tu ne highlight kiye the na… aise trends kab ke thande padh gaye… Projects ke alava unka kya kaam” Karthik scoffed dismissively. (You have highlighted some stuf in these magazines…Such trends are not in vogue anymore, where else will you find them apart from projects)

Aman laughed before looking at him quizzically. Karthik is a fool and this is Devika’s proof point for the next 20 years. She grinned.

_Itthe smart hoke bhi itthe buddhu kaise ho sakte ho mote! (How can you be so smart and so dumb at once!)_

Karthik, however, was looking at the cartons around. He rubbed his palms together and got up.

“Devi aur Sajjonon,” He called, “Chalo” (Lady and gentlemen… Lets go)

“Abey kaha…” Devika asked, she could literally see mischeif sparkling in Karthik’s eyes. It was such a far cry from the broken little kid from the morning, that she could only wonder at Aman’s super powers. (Hey where?)

“Bass Challo” Karthik flourished dramatically, gracefully moving his hands towards the door. (lets just go)

And thus they set off on an inproptu trip to Amar Nagar furniture market. Apparently there are no wardrobes for Aman in Karthik’s house which was true. But whether it really warranted for a trip to a market halfway across the city, no one could answer.

Twebty minutes later, Karthik is flitting in and out with some vision that Aman could not think of. Aman is resignedly tagging along. Devika and Ravi were lazily walking behind them.

“Toh mein kya soch rahi thi…” Devika started. (So I was thinking)

“pata hain iss khuraffati dimag mein kuch na kuch toh chal raha hain. I could literally hear it clicking and whirring” Ravi said with a smile. (I knew something was stewing in that brain of your. I could literally hear it clicking and whirring)

“Arrey sunonaa…” Devika swatted his hand, to get his attention. (Listen na)

“Aur koi option hain kya? Bataaon” (Is there an option? Tell me)

“Mein na inn donon ke chupke se videos letin hoon… aage inn ko chiddhane ke bade kaam aayenge… kall ko hamare bacchon ko dikhane ke liye acche lagenge. Kya sochte ho?” (I will take a few videos of these guys without them realising it… It will be great material to tease them once they get together… In future, we can show them to our kids as well … what say?)

Ravi looked at her in surprise. “Idea bura nahi hain…” Devika smirked, while Ravi playfully continued, “Waise kithne bacchon ki soch rahi thi tum?” (the idea is not bad!... By the way how many kids are you planning to have with me)

“Kya?” (What?)

Ravi smirked, “Kithne bacchen honge hamare,” signalling them together with his finger. (how many of our kids?)

Devika’s eyes widened. She slipped up. But she confidently flirted back. “Barah!” (Twelve)

Ravi looked shocked for a moment, while a smirking Devika opened her phone and slyly followed her favourite gay couple.

Ravi shook his head and followed her.

“Karthik yaar, simple se wardrobe lenge na...kyun ithna ghumna?” Aman said as they entered 59 th shop of that afternoon. (Karthik… We need a simple wardrobe… why are we searching so much)

“Kya baat kar rahe ho... Har ek furniture ki ek style hoti hain ek adaa hoti hai... Woh Aman aur Karthik ke style se match karni chahiye...Kuch kuch hota hain Rahul... tum nahi samjhoge!” Karthik cheekily. (What are you talking Aman! Every furniture has a style, has a grace… and that should match Aman and Karthik’s style… Somethings are there Rahul… you wont understand!)

Both of them didn’t notice, Devika had her recording on, capturing both of them.

“Theek hain Theek hain Anjali ... Dekhlo kya dekhnaa hain...” Aman said rolling his eyes at his lover’s theatrics. ( fine .. fine…Anjali… search for what you want)

Karthik comes to an end in a shop and stares at an extravagant Mahogany wood triple door wardrobe that looks fit for a royal place. Karthik looks at it in awe, Aman looks at it in Alarm.

“Karthik No!”

“Aman Yes!”

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“Manona” (say yes na)

“Na ji na” (No means No)

“Ha ji ha” (yes yes yes)

“Na”

“Na”

“Ha”

“Got you” Karthik said in triumph.

Aman shook his head at his stubborness. That’s Karthik for you. Devika suppressed a smile remembering that she is the only one who can defeat Karthik in this game. But it goes on for weeks.

Karthik touches the wardrobe almost reverentially.

“Dekho na Aman... isnt this beauty speaking to you?” (See this Aman! isnt this beauty speaking to you)

Aman face palms. “Ithna bada hame nai chahiye yaar... Kaha rakhenge.” (We don’t need such a big one… where will we keep it)

“Mein mera purana cupboard hata doonga... Ham dono iss main rakh lenge na saamaan.”

(I will discard my old cupboard… We can both keep our stuff in here)

Aman looks unconvinced. Devika was surprised that Aman stood his ground despite Karthik’s puppy eyes expression.

“Kyun tu mujhse apna wardrobe mere saath share nahi karega? Just imagine... ithna royal wardrobe, Ham lagenge do shahzaade.” (Why? Wont you share your wardrobe with me? Just imagine… this is such a royal wardrobe, we will also look like princes)

Devika laughed. Ravi piped in support of Aman, “Shahzaade technically room share nahi karte...” (Princes technically don’t share rooms)

Aman looked surprised at the unexpected support, but continued, “Wahi toh… aur yeh ithna mehanga hain” (See? And this is so expensive)

Karthik pouts at Aman, Devika turns quickly to capture Aman’s heart eyes.

“Dev D support karna… Ravi toh party badal diya” (Dev D support me na… Ravi has switched parties here)

“Lekin Ithne bade wardrobe ke saath kya karoge tum log?” (But what will you do with such a big wardrobe)

Karthik pulls up a fake hurt expression, “Ye Too.. Brutus!”

Devika merely stuck her tongue out. Karthik touched the wardrobe again. Devika could see why he liked it so much. Heck It was magnificient, had a good old world charm.

Karthik sighed and looked at Aman with his cutest puppy dog expression and softest possible voice, “Haa bolon na Aman babu… Please… pretty please…” (Say yes na Aman babu… pretty please)

Devika could swear the temparature rose at least by 3 degrees, just by the intensity of Aman’s gaze. She could literally see Aman’s defences flounder and fall to the ground.

Ravi looked at her significantly. Devika smirked. Aman was oblivious to both the spectators. Devika grinned as he nodded and blinked rapidly tried to hide the effect Karthik had on him.

Devika could literally hear favourite song play in her head

> Lena-dena nahi duniya se mera  
> Bas tujh se kaam hai  
> Teri ankhiyon ke shahar me  
> Yaara sab intezaam hai  
> Khushiyon ka ek tukda mile  
> Ya mile gham khurchane  
> Yaara tere mere kharche mein  
> Dono ka hi ek daam hai

* * *

An hour or so later, the four stood huffing admiring their handiwork. The mahogany wardrobe is in Karman’s room. Yep that was the name Devika gave to the couple atleast in her head. The wardrobe is a massive triple door, with a seperate glass compartment and a writing desk.

Glass compartment had all the precious books of Aman, neatly organised.

She could now see why Karthik was so hell bent to get the wardrobe for Aman. He knew that everything will fit in snuggly. Karthik is like that, he kept everthing organised, neat, and aesthetic looking. He knew Aman would like the writing desk. And to own the truth, Aman was already in love with it.

All of Karthik's colourful loud tones to one side, and Aman's sober tones to one side.

“Tu sahi kah raha... wardrobe toh sach mein iss ghar ke feel ko suit kar raha hain...” ( you were right! Wardrobe is fitting the feel of this place)

Karthik nodded triumphantly. Ravi and Devika flopped onto the sofa.

“Ha mere Jahapanah! Hamare indra bhavan ki shobha iss... iss... wardrobe ...ne badaa dee”

(Yes My Highness! This wardrobe has increased the grace of our palace)

“Vastraaghaar hota hain” (Wardrobe, in suddh hindi)

“Haan wahi!”(yes yes)

Aman laughs and turns to look at the bed.

“Abh sleeping situation ka kya kare?” (now! What do we do of the sleeping situation?)

Devika and Ravi snigger to each other. They could think of only one obvious solution.

“Iss Vastraaghaar ke chakkar mein hamne budget paar kar deen. Abh cot ka kya kare.” Aman said resignedly, flopping on the bed. Karthik also flops onto the bed next to him. Not quite touching Aman. Devika could see Karthik’s guarded expression when he gets too near. But Thank god for his extreme theatrics Karthik doesn’t let awkwardness linger around.

(We have crossed our budget on the wardrobe. Now what do we do of the cot?)

“Iss samasyaa ka sirf ek hi upaay hain jahaanpanah... Aap palang pe shayan karein... mein uss takiye par shayan karoonga.” Karthik said, indicating the couch.

(we have only one solution to this problem you highness… you take the bed… I take the couch.)

“Takiya nahi Khat! Aur nai... tum kyun takleef karoge. Mein so jaaoonga Couch par.” Aman said. (no why will you take then trouble… I will sleep on the couch)

Ravi who had rested his head on the couch opened his eyes and listened with his eyebrows cocked. Devika had to supress a smile.

“Wardrobe ke zid meine kiya tha na... aur tum maan gaye...issliye” (I had put up a tantrum for Wardrobe and you said yes… so)

“Accha toh yeh kya baaat hui? Wardrobe ki zid bhi mein maan jaaun, aur palang ki zid bhi mein hi maan jaaun. Kaide se toh yeh zid tumhe manna hain na?” (how is it even fair? That I only say yes for wardrobe also and bed also. This time you should say yes to my tantrum right?)

Aman's argument was watertight. Karthik had to give in. Devika actually whistled in her approval. What? It was absolutely necessary.

“Aapki Jo marzi jahanpanah.” (whatever you say Your Highness!)

“Manna padega Aman… aaj tak iss Karthik ko apna baat manwaate huve kisiko nahi dekha. Devika theek hi kahthi hain. Tu sahi hai isskeliye,” Ravi said in a matter-of-factly tone. (I have to admit it Aman… I have never seen this Karthik saying yes to other’s tantrum. Devika is right about you! You are right for this guy.)

Aman blushed furiously at that, and said ,“Mein Chai bana lata hoon” (I will get some tea for your guys)

_Karthik bhi na bilkul andha hain… iss ladke ko straight samajh rakha hain!_

_This Karthik is so blind! How did he come to the conclusion that this guy is straight._

* * *

“Aise nahi chalega yaar… Ravi bolona kuch” Devika pestered Ravi, poking his elbow repeatedly with her sharp fingernail. (This wont work like this…Ravi… tell something plese)

Ravi looked at her finger and then at her, smiling, “Tu bol Tujhe kya karna hain? Aisa lagta hain ki tune already kuch soch kar rakha hain.” (You tell me what you want to do… I can tell you have something in your mind.)

_Haye… Ithne acche se mujhe Samajhte ho… Toh mere mann mein tere liye kya … woh bhi samajhlo._

_(So… You can understand me so well,… so Why don’t you understand whats in my mind… my feelings for you)_

Anyway, first things first. “Karthik ko push karna padega Ravi… nahi toh yeh jeevan bhar, Aman is gay, not gay karta rahega. Aur who bichaara wahaan isskeliye aahe bhartha rahega.” (We gotta push Karthik, or else this idiot will keep swinging between Aman is gay or not gay cycle and there that guy will wait forever.)

“Baat toh theek hai, lekin har mohabbat ka apna apna timing hoti hain ussko ham speed up kaise karenge. Inn donon ke mann mein jo bhi unresolved emotions aur feelings hain…unnko toh unhi ko resolve karna pedegana . Love is not that easy Dev” ( that’s true but, everyone’s love has its own timing. Ho do we speed up that? Whatever unresolved emotions, and feelings are there in them, only they can resolve. Love is not that easy Dev)

“Actually Nahi… Love is easy Ravi! We are the ones complicating it with our insecurities.” (Actually No… Love is easy Ravi! We are the ones complicating it with our insecurities)

Ravi looked at her with inscrutable eyes. She no longer knows whether they are talking about Karthik and Aman, or themselves. Devika sighs softly and breaks the eyecontact. Her mind is whirring now. She knows from where Ravi’s hesistance to coming from. He had gone through a bad breakup only recently. He is still nursing the broken heart. In contrast to the cool exterior he has, she had seen his vulnerabilities. Devika never really realised when she fell for him. But she knew she has to give time to Ravi. She doesn’t want to be his rebound… she wants to be his real deal. Just like how Aman is to Karthik.

“Dev…”

“Haan…?” (yes)

“Nahi kuch nahi…” Ravi’s voice faltered. (nope..Nothing)

“Haa, theek hi kaha tune… Har Mohabbat ka apna apna timing hota hain… we have to let it play out naturally…Sabr … Sabr karna padhta hain… Karloongi”, Devika said quietly.

(Yes,… what you said is right. Everyone’s love has a different timing. … we have to let it play out naturally…Patience… Patience is the key… I will be patient)

Ravi offered a small smile.

“lekin inn do idiots ko ek doosren ke jazbaaton ko samajhne ki ek na ek zariya toh hame hi create karna padega” (but we have to establish a way for these idiots to realise their feelings for each other)

“Tu bol toh sahi hame kya karna hain” (so tell me what you have in mind)

“Mahaul create karenge” (lets create the scenarios)

“So Mission Karman? On?” Ravi said. Devika smiled as they bumped fists to make the deal final.

Devika loved it when he agrees to partner her on anything. A little too much perhaps.

* * *

“Badhe ke upar maintenance lagta hain. 24 hours nal chalega, bijli ki connection, ekdum legal hain aur owner dubai mein rahta. Aas pados sab bachelors hain. Kisi ko ghar lane se kisi ko kuch farak nahi padta... Ham kehte hain jee,... yeh Dilli ka besth hain. (There is maintenance over rent. 24 hours running water, electricity, legal place with owner in dubai. All the neighbours are bachelors. No one cares whom you bring home.I am telling you this…This is Delhi’s best!)

Karthik glumly looks at the balcony. Aman had called them on following Thursday evening to help him decide on another room. Devika and Ravi obliged, but they were worried. Aman should not move from Karthik’s house.

“Aap pichle paanch makaano ke liye...lagbhag yehi keh chuke hain.” Aman said uninterested and frankly a little irritated. Devika could see Aman was determined. She wondered if something happened between them. (You said the exact same thing for the last five houses)

Broker shrugs at what Aman said.

“Karthik Chal!” Aman said. (Lets go Karthik)

“Toh aap kya decide kiye rahenho!” the Broker asked. (So what have you decided)

“Mein kal subah call karunga aapko” Aman said. They all silently filed out. (I will call you up tomorrow and tell you)

They headed to Karman’s house. Aman was silent brewing the tea, Devika silently laid out the cups.

“Kuch hua hain kya? Tum donon ke beech?” (did something happen between you too)

“Nahi aisa kyun lagta hain tumhe.” (No…why do you think so?)

“Toh tu yeh kya kar raha hain.” (So why are you doing this)

“Devika, tu toh samajh sakhthi hain na…Mein Karthik ko push karna nahi chahta… apne feelings ke wajah se Kuch ulta seedha karke apne dosth ko khodene se accha hain ki… mein hi apne aap ko usse door rakhu.” (Devika, I hoped at least you would understand… I don’t want to push Karthik… I don’t want my feelings to come in between my friendhip and make a mess… its better to stay away)

“Tu kyun bina baat ke senti ban jaata hain? Aur meine nahi socha ki tum ithna jaldi give up maroge.”

(Why are becoming sentimental without any reason? I didn’t expect that you will give up on him so easily)

Aman looked up hurt, and said with voice breaking, “I am not giving up Karthik. Mein use space dena chahta hoon.”

(I am not giving up Karthik. I am trying to give him space)

“Usse space ki nahi teri zaroorat hain.” (He doesn’t need space… he needs you)

Aman gave her a watery smile. “Meri maann, tu rukh ja… Karthik abhi abhi sambhalraha hain… thoda use chalne toh de, phir sikha dena,.. udhna … tere pyaar mein.” (Listen to me! Stay back! Karthik has only started to balance himself… let him learn to walk… then you can teach him to fly… in your love)

Aman smiled and nodded at her words. Devika prayed silently that this time karthik will not Fuck it up. Aman started pouring out Tea. Devika takes the tea from his hands.

“Tu ye sab chodh… Apne Madhubala ko sambhal” Devika ushered Aman out of the kitchen. (Leave this to me…Go to your Madhubala)

Karthik was sitting at the table listlessly while Ravi watched TV.

Aman broached the subject, “Ithna chup kyun ho?” (Why are you so quiet?)

“Abh meri chuppi se bhi problem?” Devika could see Karthik’s pout without actually seeing it. (Now you have a problem with my silence)

“Arrey mein toh bass pooch raha tha...tab se chehra uthra hua hain... Kya hua?” Aman said in a low persuasive voice, that usually does the trick with Karthik. (I am just asking … Your face is looking glum today… what happened)

“Agar tujhe nai pata toh choodh de baat karne ka kya faayda?”

(If you don’t know why, then leave it, why discuss)

“Naaraz ho mujhse?” (Are you angry with me)

Karthik shrugged and sang randomly, “Mujhe lagtaa hain ki baatein dill ki hoten lafson ki dhoke baazi. Tum saath ho yaa na ho kya fark hain... be dard thi ... zindagi dedard hain.”

Aman sighed as he understood the song and its sentiment.

“Waise inn saare rooms mein mujhe kuch khaas pasand nayi aaya...” (By the way I didn’t like any of these rooms)

Karthik immediately perks up, and despite himself asked, “Toh broker aur dikhaane ke liye bologe?” (so will you ask the broker to find more)

“Nai soch raha hoon... rehne hi deta hoon...waise bhi ye attempt bhi half-hearted tha… agar tum naarazgi mein mujhse dafa hone keliye na kahoge toh...” (No I am thinking… I will let it be… anyway this attempt was also half-hearted… If you are not angry with me and will not banish me from here)

Karthik gets up and hugs Aman excitedly while Aman laughs. Oblivious to the two, Devika and Ravi shared a thumbs up.

Karthik’s voice sounded muffled as he spoke into Aman’s neck, “Accepted ...par rishwat lagegi Paanch strawberry icecream.” (Accepted…but I will take bribe…five strawberry icecream)

Devika saw Aman melting in to the embrace saying, “Manzoor hain Jahaanpanah!” (your wish Your Highness!)

_Shit! WHY ARENT THEY MARRIED YET!_ _  
_

* * *

“Horror night with Daaru!” Devika excitedly exclaimed. Aman and Karthik looked at each other and shrugged. Ravi voted his yes. Well, Obviously! (horror night with alcohol)

Friday night, they all gathered at Karman’s house with a projector and bottles of alcohol.

After several rounds of Daaru, the group relaxedinto two couples, both unacknowledged and slightly tipsy.

The Horror movie had started, having both Aman and Karthik’s undivided attention.

To Devika’s slightly intoxicated eyes they looked like a picture of bliss. Aman was seated between Karthik’s legs, with him leaning against his chest, back to front. Karthik’s one hand was casually slung over Aman’s shoulder while the other wrapped around Aman’s torso. Aman didn’t seem to mind their proximity in the slightest. Karthik was frankly too sloshed to know that he was practically pulling Aman plush against him. Karthik had a visceral fear against horror movies and practically spent half the run time burying his head into the crook of Aman’s neck. Aman who bore the movie well was comforting Karthik by reaching up and running his hands through Karthik’s hair with an indulgent smile.

Devika nudged Ravi to look at the scene, instead, Ravi wrapped his hand around Devika, peering into her eyes. Devika got lost in his eyes, only until an eerie sound from the movie disturbed them. They peered back at the movie, with hearts racing.

> Hona likha tha yoon hi jo hua  
> Yaa hote hote abhi anjaane mein ho gaya  
> Jo bhi hua, hua ajeeb  
> Tujhe chaahoon betahasha zehnaseeb

_Mission Karman Jai Ho!_


	12. Mein Tenu Samjhaawan ki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life is so much like chemistry. There are sometimes, when you simply need a catalyst to set the bonding in motion."
> 
> We are finally here, the mystery character called Vikrant Massey will catalyse our heroes into action. For better and for worse!

# Aman

“Mahiyaa na aaya mera Mahiyaa naa aaya mera” Karthik picked up the higher note with ease.

“Ranhjhana na ayaa mera Ranhjhana na ayaa” Devika and Aman joined in lower notes and going slightly off key manner. 

Ravi was shooting their Karaoke gig. Whenever Aman felt nervous, Ravi smiled encouragingly, Karthik wrapped his hands around his shoulder or held his hand. Devika nudged him to pick up lyrics properly. But Aman felt more at home with them than he ever felt with anyone. It reminded him of those carefree days of his childhood when he had only the company of Goggle and Keshav. He was himself and never had to hide.

He was surprised that the crowd swayed like they did on the stage. Perhaps, Karthik’s golden voice was compensating their off-key notes well. Karthik ended the song in a flourish, pirouetted on the stage, while Devika raised both her hands up as a sign-off. Being not-the-one for theatrics, Aman merely collected their mics and made a small awkward bow to the non-entities beyond the boundaries of the stage and went back to deposit their mics. Well, someone had to do it. The dramatic duo Dev and Karthik literally jumped off the stage into the sparse crowd that collected near the stage to cheer them.

Aman didn’t hate such attention, but he was never comfortable with so many ogling eyes. He looked for his people in the crowd, His Karthik particularly.

Nowadays, his anxiety kicked in even he was a little while away from him. It was a month since he moved in with Karthik. It does sound like they are in a relationship, but only he knew the pain of being stuck in the zone between friend and friendlier. Karthik’s hugs now felt longer and warmer, sprinkled with undertones of some shameless desires mostly on his side.

But what could he do, Karthik’s stubble always brushed him in the most erogenous areas possible, his breathe always fanned deliciously around his neck, Karthik’s height was just perfect for him to snuggle at his collar bone. Oh! the list is endless. Devika and Ravi also planned their hangouts in such intimate settings, that somehow always ended up with Karthik and him in each other’s arms. And not to mention some heavy hinting from both their sides. But he took it in his stride.

If not the professed lover Devika taught him to hope for, Karthik was by-far an excellent companion. An energetic goofball of charm. His shopping trips, his music nights, his dinners, his pizza parties, even his ‘quiet nights with moon’ were full of energy. And Aman could never get enough of him. Whether its because of Karthik’s warmth, or the side-effect of his one-sided affection for Karthik, Aman is now completely comfortable only when he is around Karthik.

> Main tenu samjhawan ki, na tere bina lagda jee  
> Main tenu samjhawan ki, na tere bina lagda jee  
> Tu ki jaane pyaar mera, main karoon intezar tera  
> Tu dil, tunhion jaan meri

Aman shook himself out of his helpless musings, and finally located the trio at the bar counter, but before he could reach them, he heard a loud and weirdly deep voice called, “Karthik baby!”

_Baby?_

Karthik turned around and Aman could see the expression change from a smug smile to a stone mask in a 0.1 second. A tall man in a suave black suit bear hug Karthik. It was strange to see Karthik, who generally initiates any kind of physical contact, cringe away from the hug. Aman could see red flags all over. Bile rose into his throat quickly when he looked at the stranger who was not breaking the hug even after Karthik stiffened. He moved his hands weirdly all over Karthik’s back, it was almost like he was feeling him up.

Aman strode in quick steps, with a murderous glare. Ravi noticed this and intercepted him.

“Woh Vikrant hain…” He whispered. Aman stopped in his tracks. (He is Vikrant)

“Tum log uss bande ko janthe ho… toh Karthik ithna uncomfortable kyun hain?” Aman asked, his eyes still trained on Karthik. Karthik finally pushed him away the stranger. (Do you guys know him? Why is Karthik so uncomfortable with him?)

“Tu chall mere saath” Ravi said anxiously. Aman went to the group with Ravi. He noticed that Devika and Ravi shared the same expressions, a mixture of anxiety and revulsion. (You come with me)

“Get the hell out of here, Vicky”, Aman heard Karthik say in a low growl that was so new to him. Aman suddenly remembered he had never seen Karthik this angry. His face was flushed red, his frame was trembling and fists balled.

Ravi intervened, “Vikrant… Please leave from here” . He sounded both polite and firm at the same time. But Aman did the only thing he could think of. He went to Karthik’s side and touched his right hand lightly, trying to ease his fists, trying to ease Karthik out of his rage.

He was surprised that it even worked. As soon as his hands touched Karthik, Karthik loosened himself. By no means did his anger abate, but he let Aman slide his palm into his.

“What happened baby? You are not happy to see me?” Vikrant said in a deep voice.

It was the first time Aman saw Vikrant clearly. He had sharp eyes, sharp features, sporting a stylish beard and an earring. He was tall and muscular. He was handsome as far as men go. Not the way Karthik was, more rugged. Aman noticed that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He wondered if anything reached such cold, calculative eyes. He also noticed Karthik’s reaction to him. His palms were sweating, Karthik had a glazed look in his eyes. His body was unnaturally stiff, as if he was sizing up to the muscular frame in front of him. Aman didn’t know why, something between them sparked in him, intense…

_Jealousy? Mein iss bande se jealous kyun feel kar rahaa hoon? Karthik ko baat baat pein Baby kyun bolata yeh… Ex hain kya yeh… Naam toh bahut familiar lag rahi hain._

_(Jealousy? Why am I feeling of jealous of this guy? Why does he have to call Karthik baby baby all the time… is he an ex… the name is so damn familiar.)_

Ravi looked like he was going to hit Vikrant, he maintained his composure.

“Vikrant! Please…” He said. Vikrant looked at Ravi, with polite amusement.

He raised his hands as if he was peacing out, “Alirght bro! Alright… Lagta hain Karthik ko mujhpein abtak naaraazi hain. Chill! Chala jata hoon” (Alright Bro! Alright… I think Karthik is still angry with me. Chill! I will go)

Aman notices Vikrant almost sneering at him. He merely clasped Karthik’s hand tightly, gently rubbing his arm with the other.

Karthik glared at Vikrant. And slowly Vikrant turned and sauntered back to wherever that was. Karthik’s stiff body slowly relaxed. Aman kept rubbing his arm gently. He knows Karthik finds it soothing.

Karthik looked at Aman and then at their clasped hands, for a moment Aman feared that he will withdraw his hand. But Karthik sqeezed his hand and breathed a “thank you” into his ear.

Ravi and Devika still looked anxious.

Karthik and Aman turned back into the round table. The silence that took over was perhaps the most painful and emotionally charged. Devika and Ravi looked Karthik, silently assessing his emotions. Karthik was lost. Aman felt an emotional barrier between him and Karthik, something he only scraped surface at, during the other vulnerable times, its now in full display.

“Ghar chale…?” Karthik asked after a long pause. (Lets Go home)

All of them silently agreed and filed out. Aman’s heart burned at the sober turn that their perfect evening took.

* * *

“Nahi” he heard a whimper(No).

Aman turned to the backrest side of the couch, sleepily thinking that he was imagining or dreaming.

Then he heard it again. “Nahi nahi…nai”. (No… No..NO)

Not just any whimper. It was Karthik’s whimper. He opened his eyes in a snap. He got up to see Karthik’s balled up like an infant, his head turned into the pillow as if he had just taken a blow. A shudder ran through Aman’s being as he realised in the moonlight that streamed out of the window, that Karthik was in fact shivering.

“Mat Maro mat maro… meine kuch nahi kiya… mein galat nahi hoon” Karthik screamed in agony. (Don’t beat me… I did not do anything… I am not wrong)

Aman jolted forward. Karthik seemed to be revisiting something that he internalised long back.

“Karthik” he called. He was sure that his voice went unheard.

“Mat maro. Mat maaro… kyun maar rahe ho mujhe…meine kuch galat nahi kiya”. Karthik screamt in a motley mix of rage and fear. His screams reverberated into Aman’s soul. (don’t beat me … why are you torturing me… I didn’t do anything)

Aman reached to touch Karthik’s stiff shoulder. He cringed at the touch, as if it was a blow.

Aman had tears in his eyes. He cannot bear to see him in pain like this. He slowly eased himself onto the bed beside and rubbed Karthik’s back gently.

“Karthik…baby…kuch nahi hua…”he cooed. ( Karthik … Baby … Nothing happened)

“Papa … paapa.., jaltha hain papa.. papa papa nai” Karthik’s voice and his tenor changed completed. He sounded more like a teenager. (Father … father…It will burn… Father No)

“Karthik… Koi nahi hain yahaan… tum safe ho” (Karthik,… No one’s here… You are safe)

“Paaapa nai… dard hota hain… aarrghhhh..”(Father …No… it pains …Argfhhh)

Aman got onto his knees beside Karthik and slowly raised Karthik, by his shoulders, so that he can sit taking Aman’s support. Karthik’s face was red, tears streaming from his closed eyes.

He struggled against Aman’s hands. Aman’s wrapped his hands around his shoulders. He rocked him slightly.

“Kuch nahi hua Karthik… Abh koi nai hain yahan… tum safe ho baby” Aman whispered into Karthik’s ears. (Nothing happened Karthik… No one is here to hurt you… You are safe baby)

Karthik seemed to recognise his touch sub-consciously. Slowly Karthik’s sobs and whimpers died. He held onto the arms around as if recognising the arms to be his sheild. He shuddered heavily leaning into Aman’s chest. Aman rocked him like a small baby, whispering and cooing. He rubbed Karthik’s back gently.

“Andhera hain … Bahut andhera hain… mujhe nai rahna yahaan…” Karthik sobbed. (Its dark here… too dark… I don’t want be here)

His head is tucked into Aman’s chest. He slowly wrapped himself around Aman’s kneeling form.

“Ghar hain baby… hamara ghar” Aman whispered. (Its home baby… our home)

He ran his hand through Karthik’s head. Karthik hugged him tightly around his waist. Aman waited as Karthik slowly eased back into a dreamless state.

“Aman…” he brokenly whispered and got lulled into abyss-like sleep. Aman let his own tears fall. Slowly he eased Karthik onto the bed. Karthik still held him like a lifeboat. He also laid onto the bed. His fingers familiarly finding their way into Karthik’s hair.

Aman laid sleeplessly in Karthik’s arms for a long time. What horrors would have induced such nightmares! How many such traumas Karthik has endured? How could have anyone hurt such a man. How could his father hurt such a boy. Aman felt like he was drowning. He wrapped his other hand around Karthik’s shoulder protectively, promising himself that he will never let his man go through such horrors again.

> Tenu chadd ke kitthe jawaan tu mera parchanwa  
> Tere mukhde vich hi main taan Rabb nu apni pawaan  
> Meri duya haye, sajda tera, karti sada
> 
> Tu sun ekraar mera, main karoon intezar tera  
> Tu dil, tunhion jaan meri!
> 
> Main tenu samjhawan ki, na tere bina lagda jee
> 
> # Karthik

“Ghar hain baby … hamara ghar” (Its home baby… our home)

Aman’s low soothing voice, echoed in his sleep-ridden brain until he could not make sense of it.

Karthik rolled into a strange emptiness, Aman was supposed to be there. It was addicting to him. Aman’s faint scent, the gentle heartbeat, his hands in his hair, his warmth, his protective arm around him. It soothed and grounded him.

What if Aman left him? What if Aman is tired of him? What if he found it strange and weird that Karthik had those nightmares?

“Aman?” Karthik half-screamt in anxiety. He sat on the bed hoping desperately that Aman is there.

Aman rushed to him from Kitchen, he asked, “Kya hua babu?”

Karthik shook his head. His anxiety was unreasonable. He knew it. He tried to calm himself breathing heavily. Aman ruffled his hair and sat beside him. Not bothering how close he sat. He simply threw his hands around Karthik’s shoulder and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Aman rubbed his back soothingly.

“Koi baat nahi Karthik… aisa hota rahta hain,” he said. (Its ok Karthik… This happens sometimes)

_Tum mere saath rah jaao Aman… Abh tere bina jeena mushkil ho raha hain._

> Mere dil ne chun laiya ne, tere dil diyan rahaan  
> Tu jo mere naal tu rehnta, turpe meriyaan saaha  
> Jeena mera haye, hund hai tera, ki main karaan  
> Tu kar eitbaar mera, main karoon intezar tera  
> Tu dil, tunhion jaan meri!  
> Main tenu samjhawan ki, na tere bina lagda jee

Karthik knew that these were vain wishes. Aman doesn’t have a girlfriend now. But there will come a time when he will fall for a girl, he might want to move out and possibly marry. Karthik will only remain his friend in the grander scheme of things. He could not possibly share the kind of future he dreams of with Aman. The realisation hit Karthik hard in the gut. He wrapped his hands around Aman’s small frame engulfing him. Aman didn’t seem to mind. He chuckled a little and shifted himself slightly in order to be more huggable. Karthik now owed him two apologies.

He knew what he had to do.

> “Ek gaana?” Karthik asked, baffled at Aman’s demand, when he called him to apologise for his behaviour. (one song?)
> 
> “Ek gaana Rafi sahab ka tere awaaz mein… yeh mera strawberry icecream hain” he could almost see Aman smiling into the phone. (One song of Rafi sahab in your voice… that’s my straberry icecream)
> 
> Karthik perked up immediately, “Accha ek gaane se maanlega tu?” (Wow… so you will forgive with just one song)
> 
> “Haa agar tum promise karoge ki agli baar aise shady places ko jaate waqt mujhe saat le jaaoge. Taaki koi toh hain jo tera dhyaan rakh sake” Aman said. Karthik missed a beat. (Yes … but only if you promise to take me along with you to such shady places. So that I can keep an eye on you)
> 
> _Wait really?_
> 
> “Tum mere saath gay bars mein aana chahte ho?” Karthik asked incredulously. (You want to come with me to gay bars?
> 
> “Haa…. Aragghhh… what the hell Sanjay!” (yes!... Arggh…What the hell sanjay)
> 
> “Hey Tum…” (Hey you!)
> 
> Karthik could hear some scuffles from the other end. What was happening?
> 
> There was a sound as if someone had pushed something to the wall. What the hell was happeing?
> 
> “Aman” He called in panic.
> 
> “Karthik mein tumse baadme baat karoonga.” Aman said in a low voice. (Karthik I will talk to you later)
> 
> But he didn’t hang up the call and neither did Karthik. There was a muffled voice that shouted, “Tum … Tum gay ho?” ( you … you are gay?)
> 
> There was a pause. “WHAT The hell chodho mujhe?” Aman bellowed. (What the hell.. leave me)
> 
> “Hey Chakke! Sach bata tu wahi hain na…” (Hey… Tell the truth) *Appologies for the derogatory word*
> 
> “Kya betuke baatein kar rahe hon… aur kya tum log saare mujhe attack kar raho… Haath kyun uttha rahe ho? Pagal ho gaye ho kya?” ( what nonsense are you talking… And you guys are attacking me… Why are you trying to beat me? Have you guys gone mad?)
> 
> “Tu sach sach bol… tu ne kal raat ko shenaya ko kiss kiya? Ussko wahan chodh ke kaha gaya?” ( you tell the truth… You kissed Shenaya last night? Why did you leave her and go?)
> 
> “Tu uss tarah ka hai.. to hamare beech kyun rah raha hain…” ( you are that type na… Then why are you staying amidst us?)
> 
> “Woh ladki Shenaya… woh peeke talli thi… mera dosth ka urgent call aya to mein chala gaya… Aur yeh kya ‘uss tarah’ ‘chakke’ aise type ka language use kar rahe ho? Gay log bhi insaann hi hote hain.” Aman replied angrily. (That girl Shenaya… She was drunk. .. I got an urgent call from my friend so I went away… And what is this ‘that type’ and all? What the hell is this language… gays are so humans)
> 
> “Mujhe pata tha… Mujhe pata tha tu normal nahi hain…dekh Aman… jo bhi ho …abh tu hamare saath nahi reh saktha?” ( I knew it.. I knew that you are not normal… See Aman… whatever it is… we have decided that you cannot stay with us)
> 
> “haa haa… na jaane kis nazar se dekhto hame.” (Yes yes… Don’t know how you’d be looking at us)
> 
> Karthik bristled at the tone the guy took. _What the actual fuck?_
> 
> “Tum log kya anjanta ke moorthiya ho jo mein thaadu? Shakal se chimpanzee ke bhi poorwaj lagte ho.” Aman countered scathingly. (Are you guys Ajanta Sculptures that I would look at you? You look like chimpanzee’s ancestors.)
> 
> “Phir bhi ham log ye decide kiya ki tu toh jayega yahaan, Chakke” (Still we decided you will not stay with us, you) ) *Appologies for the derogatory word*
> 
> “Abh aise gire huve narrow minded fools ke saath mujhe rahna bhi nahi hain… phataphat se mere paise nikaalo…” Aman said. (Now I also don’t want to share space with such lowly, narrow-minded fools, Come on… give me my money back)
> 
> “Paise? Kya paise?” (Money? What money?)
> 
> “Ha … haa inn saale Homophobes ke brains toh waise bhi nahi, lagat hain, yaaddaash bhi kho gayi hain…Loki bhool gaya … pichle saat mahino se mein tujhe literally paal raha hoon…. Groceries saare mein hi laata tha… Sanjay tujhe meine ab tak das hazaar dee hain… Breakup message kardoonga…Saale tum log khud ko Mard samajhthe hona … toh hisab abhi chuka lena… Hato raaste se.” Aman said with voice dripping with sarcasm. ( yea yea these homophobes anyway don’t have brains, it seems as if their memory is also gone…. Loki did you forget? I have been literally raising you since seven months… groceries are mine always...Sanjay I gave you ten thousand as loan… I will send you guys break up, and If you really consider yourselves Men… settle the accounts right away… now get out of my way)
> 
> Karthik whistled in triumph. He felt Aman had put them in their right place. He always knew Aman had empathy. He did not know that it was to this extent. He was also non-committal about his orientation. Karthik tried to make peace with it. Tried to accept the fact that he fell for a straight guy yet again. These musings can wait. The burning matter is that Aman is now homeless. He suddenly got a great idea.
> 
> He called up Devika and Ravi.

He knew he had to break the hug. Aman seemed okay with the embrace, but maybe because he didn’t have the heart to break the hug even if he got uncomfortable.

Karthik broke the hug.

“Theek hai tu?” Aman asked, peering into his eyes with unadulterated warmth. (Are you ok?)

He nodded.

“chalo mein coffee bana raha hu … jaldi aaja” Aman said with a smile. (I am making coffee… come fast)

* * *

# Aman

Karthik was almost bouncing in excitement when Aman suggested they go on a trip somewhere for the coming long weekend. They were just walking into their office building. The excited Karthik immediately started talking about the best places they could go and how to make the jugaad for living space and food, without all the expensive affairs.

“….Tujhe jaisa pasand hain na… bilkul waisa hi…Tu tension mat le … Mein kardonga…” (Just like the way you like it… don’t you worry… I will manage)

His ploy to distract Karthik worked well. The entire morning, Aman was worried about Karthik’s mental health while Karthik gave him a sweet surprise. His mind couldnt help but revisit the moment.

> Aman was packing their lunches, when Karthik came into the kitchen and hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Aman’s shoulder. Aman shivered slightly for Karthik’s warm breath on the nape of his neck did things to him that were best left unsaid. Aman shook his head at his his own hopelessness and ruffled Karthik’s slightly damp hair.
> 
> Aman waited for Karthik to speak. He knows that ever-eloquent Karthik is struggling with his words right now. But silence is his forte. He understood Karthik’s silences better.
> 
> “I am sorry babu,” Karthik finally said in a low voice. Okay, that was unexpected.
> 
> “Sorry kyun Karthik?” (Why sorry Karthik?)
> 
> “Nai… meine tere neend Kharab kiya…”Karthik mustered. Aman felt like face-palming. (I messed up your sleep)
> 
> “Aur tu jo har din mere liye adhi raat ko jagta hain uska kya? Hisaab rakhna hain toh poori rakh Karthik… Har raat ko couch pein mere takiya savaarthe ho, mujhe blanket audhathe ho… Meine kabhi bola hain sorry yaa thanks tujh ko?” (And what of all the other nights that you have woken up in the middle of the night for me? If you want to keep an account, enter every transaction Karthik… every night you wake up just to set my pillows right, or cover me with a blanket.., did I ever tell you sorry or thank you for that?
> 
> “Nahi” (No)
> 
> “Jaante hon kyun? ...kyunki meine tujhko wo hak diya hain, mere khayaal rakhne ka.” Aman said that in a irritated huff. (Do you know why? … Because I have given that right to you… the right to take care of me)
> 
> But Karthik’s heart trummed a little in response. He hugged Aman a little more closely.
> 
> “Theek waise hi … mera bhi hak banta hai tera khayaal rakhne ki” Aman continued.
> 
> (Just like that…This is my right… right to take care of you.)
> 
> Aman turned into the hug to face Karthik’s watery smile.
> 
> Aman whispered almost in doubt, “Mera hak banta hain na?” (I do have that right, don’t I?)
> 
> Karthik simply hugged him and whispered against his neck, “Kya Aman babu senti karditta” (Aman Why are you making me sentimental?)
> 
> Both share a chuckle that doused quickly, because both were deeply in thought.
> 
> “Phir se nai hoyega…Wada hai mera” Karthik ventured again. (I wont happen again… I promise)
> 
> “Kaise?… roz daaru peine se, sleeping tablets khane se?” Aman asked. (How? …By drinking again? By taking those sleeping pills?
> 
> Karthik peered into his eyes. Aman could see shame and fear brimming inside him.
> 
> “Karthik,… baat samajh…tere andar jo trauma hai… jo khauf tu ne saha hain… usska koi outlet nahi mil raha hain… issliye tujhe ye nightmares aate hain… anxiety ke episodes hote hain… Jab mein chota tha, Ganga mein dubhki lagate lagate pair fisal gaya, aur behke do ramparts ke beech fas gaya tha. Kumbh tha.., bahut bheed thi…bahut saare log the lekin kisine mujhe notice nahi kiya… Uss din meine jo darr mehsoos kiya tha na… aaj tak mujhe claustrophobia banke haunt karthi hain.”
> 
> (Karthik… try and understand what I am saying… You have internalised a lot of trauma… all those tortures you have endured… the trauma doesn’t have an outlet…that’s why the nightmares are coming… that’s why you experience anxiety episodes… I was young, while taking the ritual dips in the Ganga, I slipped off the Ghat and fell into the flowing river. I got stuck between two ramparts, It was kumbh mela time…there was a huge crowd… but none of them saw me...The fear I felt that day… It still haunts me as claustrophobia.)
> 
> Karthik’e eyes were wide in fear. Fear for him, he realised. Aman rubbed his back gently. “Tere andar ka dard ko baahar aane de… uss dabaa mat…” (Let the trauma come out of you…Don’t supress it.)
> 
> Karthik nodded. “Sleeping tablets ke baare mein tujhe kaise pataa?” (How do you know about sleeping tablets?)
> 
> “Tujhe kya laga tu chipaayega aur mujhe pata nahin chalega… tere rag rag se wakif hoon huzoor” (What did you suppose? I wont get to know if you hide it from me… I am aware of every little thing of yours)
> 
> Karthik smiled at Aman’s allusion to his own dialogue. He looked exhausted. Aman hugged him closely as Karthik rested his forehead on Aman’s shoulder.
> 
> “Tujhe ek baat poonchu?” Aman ventured, broaching the subject that festered inside him. (Can I ask you a question)
> 
> “Mein jab se aaya tha, tujhe nightmares nahi ho rahe the. Tum daaru bhi zyaada nahi pee rahe the… lekin kal raatdaaru ke bawajood, kuch toh trigger kiya hain tumhe. Aisa lag raha tha jaise tum ek aur incident ko sub-consciously apne paapa ke torture se connect kar rahe the… Kya hua Karthik? Kya tha tera trigger?” ( When I joined you as a roommate, you never got these nightmares. You also reduced your alcohol intake. But yesterday, you had drinks and still something triggered your nightmares. It felt as if you were sub-consciously connecting another traumatic incident to your father’s torture. What exactly happened Karthik? What was that trigger?)
> 
> Karthik looked down in shame, unable to speak a word. His lower lip quivered slightly, two huge tears hung from his eyelashes. Aman didn’t want to force an answer from Karthik.
> 
> Aman caressed his cheek, and said gently, “Koi baat nai hain… kabhi bataane ka mann kare toh Aman hamesha tere saath hain… Theek hain…” (No issues… If you ever feel like sharing anything, just remember that Aman is always with you… alright?)
> 
> Karthik nodded. Karthik took in a long, deep breath, trying compose himself. His hands still on Aman’s shoulder. Aman knew Karthik needed this contact to stay grounde.
> 
> “Challo abh…bahut ho gaye senti baatein…” (I think we have had our share of heavy discussions for today)
> 
> Karthik looked up and smiled. “Tere maafi ka gaane toh abh bhi baaki hain” (My Apology songs are pending still.
> 
> Aman was surprised.
> 
> “Mein gaaun tere liye?” Karthik so sounded raw and vulnerable at this point that he would have gone to any lengths to make him smile. (can I sing for you?)
> 
> “Did I ever say NO to you?” Aman smiled, loving the way Karthik perked up instantly.
> 
> Music was his escape from his dreary realities, and so it was for Karthik.
> 
> Karthik brought his guitar and sang two of his all time favourites, “Chaudhvin ka chand ho” and “Likhe jo khat Tujhe”
> 
> By the end of the renditions, Aman fell in love with him all over again. Karthik is his drug. And he really cannot stay away from him.

Seems like Music and travelling are Karthik’s drugs. Aman used both to revive Karthik’s spirits. So by the time they reached their office, Karthik was his happy baby.

They reached their cubicle and an explosion of colours and smells hit their senses. Their cubicle was flooded with flowers of all colours, shapes and sizes. Huge arrangements, poseys, bouquets everywhere. And every piece had “Sorry” card hanging. Karthik turned to him in utter bewilderment. Aman himself was gaping like fish out of water. Despite the vision being all rosy, a sense of foreboding struck him. People were gathering around them. Loads, no, all of them were gathered. Karthik had surreptitiously disengaged his hand from Aman’s. Aman could see Devika and Ravi’s shocked faces in the milieu.

Aman turned to see Gaurav walking towards them with another man. With the Freaking Vikrant again.

_Wait! What? He is Vikrant Massey? the advertising head of the company? The man with the midas touch?_

Aman noticed that icky smile that he directed towards Karthik. Karthik’s body had become stiff again. He was radiating a kind of cold fury. To Aman, it felt very new. His happy goofball is gone.

Gaurav was looking uncomfortable to the core. His eyes darted towards Karthik, almost apologetically. Karthik stood his ground, kept staring at Vikrant with cold eyes and stone face.

“To the employee of the month! A round of claps please.” Vikrant cried in a dramtic flourish. Aman rolled his eyes. Of course, anything to be back in his good books.

Aman was about to step back, to let Karthik take the limelight.

“Aman Tripathi… One pattaka intern he is” Vikrant said. (Aman Tripathi…One explosive intern he is)

Karthik turned to Aman with an expression of incredulous delight and confusion.

“Congratulations Aman!” Gaurav told with his lips pursed.

Aman shook his head in shock. He felt uncomfortable and anxious. Something is wrong.

Gaurav inperceptibly nodded to Karthik and looked back at Vikrant. Aman understood the connection. The whole employee of the month was a ruse. Karthik would not accept, but giving it to Aman gives Vikrant a perfect opening to talk to Karthik. If anything he would have noticed the previous night that Aman is in Karthik’s inner circle.

_Ye banda ithna natak kyun kar raha hain Karthik se baat karne ke liye?_

_(But why is this man going to such lengths to talk to Karthik.?)_

* * *

Aman turned anxiously towards the main gate again and again. There were standing near the Chai Tapri for a break and Karthik is still not with them.

> _Na tera bina lagda jee!_

“Tu ithna restless aur stressed kyun lag raha hain,” Devika asked. (why are you looking so restless and stressed?)

“Abh Bas yehi ek jagah bachaa hain jahaan poora din mein Karthik se baat ho sakhti thi… Mujhe intern se employee banake Vikrant ne toh Forecasts mein bhej diya. Karthik se milne ka time hi nahi mil raha” Aman whined. (Now this is the only place left where I can talk to Karthik… Vikrant pushed me from an intern to an employee and put me into Forecasts. Now there is no time to meet Karthik.)

Devika and Ravi exchanged smiles. Aman needn’t hide anything from them. Even the fact that he was missing Karthik badly from the past two days. Away from the protective Karthik, he had faced a lot of bullying from the other seniors who couldn’t digest the fact that an Intern had got “employee of the month” accolade and the coveted appreciation from the Vikrant Massey himself. Not that it mattered to him. Missing Karthik was a constant emotion that Aman is dealing with. Its like having a toothache… just cannot get the mind off it.

The whole promotion drama, it was all nothing but a huge punishment. He pressed Gaurav secretly for information, and got to know that he was in fact planned for the next month’s ‘employee of the month’. But Vikrant pushed and Gaurav had no say in it.

Gaurav also seemed to be aware of the tension between Karthik and Vikrant. He repeatedly asked Aman to stick close to Karthik. The man had almost brotherly affection towards his protégé, Karthik.

Ravi broke his train of thoughts, “Yeh raha Karthik… damn he looks pissed”. (oh! Here is Karthik and damn he looks pissed)

Karthik red face was shining in the sun. He tried to smile at them but couldn’t quite manage it.

Aman’s concern lathered his voice as he asked Karthik, “Sab theek hain na babu?” (Everything’s okay?)

“Kya khaak theek hi… mujhko pata nahi tha ki wo Vicky itha stubborn niklega… na sunneko tayyar hi nahi hain…” Karthik mumbled. ( Nothing is right… I didn’t know this Vicky is this stubborn… He is not willing to take a NO)

“abh bataaoge kuch” Devika asked. ( will you tell us…)

“Choddh na yaar… thaka huva hoon” Karthik said, truly looking harassed. (Leave it dude…. I am tired)

Aman’s face got laced in concern.

“tune kuch khaya hain? Yaa lagatar meetings mein lage huve ho?” Aman asked. (Did you eat at all? You were constantly in meetings)

“Abh jaake khana hain.” (I have to go and eat now)

Ravi and Devika looked at him in concern. Ravi mouthed “Divert” to Devika, who took the cue.

“Karthik.. tune notice kiya Aman mein nayi baat” (Karthik, did you notice anything new in Aman)

Karthik looked up in surprise. “Nahi… Kya hua? Ha matlab thoda beard bada raha hain… lekin uss ke alava kuch nahi notice kiya meine” (No… what happened? Yeah I did notice he is growing a beard… But I didn’t notice anything else apart from that)

Aman suddenly felt flustered _. Why me as a diversion? But he did notice my beard!_

“Jo Sahab din mein kam se kam theen cigerrettes aise hi phook dalthe… kaafi dinon se touch bhi nahi kar rahe hain!” ( the guy who smokes at least three cigarettes a day,.. he has not touched the cigarettes from so many days)

Karthik looked up incredulously. Aman looked everywhere else but Karthik. He simply could not look at him in the eye. Ravi and Devika cracked a few jokes on his expense. Not that he minded. But Karthik did not join in, as they hoped.

They started walking back into the office, Devika and Ravi turned into their aisle. Aman looked back at Karthik, who took his elbow and took Aman straight into an empty meeting room. Aman looked at Karthik surprised.

“Tujhe apne aadate mere liye badalne ki zaroorat nahi hain.” Karthik said in a low voice. (You don’t have to change your habits for me)

“Mujhe Ghin aati hain abh uss aadat se Karthik…main kya karoon?” Aman said sincerely. (Now I feel disgusted at that habit of mine… Karthik… what do I do?)

He couldn’t just get rid off the mental images that cigerrettes conjured in him. That of a small boy very much like Karthik, crying because of the cigerette burns on his skin.

Karthik let out a sound that was close to a sob. This time Aman stepped forward confidently and collected Karthik into a tight hug. He might be shy of physical contact, but not when his friend/lover needs it. Karthik took a moment to register that Aman was hugging him, in an office, before melting into the hug.

> Tu sun ekraar mera, main karoon intezar tera  
> Tu dil, tunhion jaan meri!

They don’t know how long they were holding each other. But were rudely intruded by an unexpected and frankly irritating person. Vikram had walked in on them. Strangely, Aman felt none of his habitual frissons of fear and shame at being caught sharing an intimate moment, he felt simple and pure hatred-induced irritation. Strike that, call it rage. He hated Vikrant’s guts, and his eyes were doing a phenomenal job conveying that. Because Vikrant’s smug smile on finding Karthik in an embrace with his junior, fell and he recoiled slightly at Aman’s reaction.

Karthik looked embarassed, for a change.

Vikrant took a moment to size Aman up, to assess the man’s potential to win Karthik’s affection.

Aman disregarded Vikrant completely and looked at Karthik and said in a pefectly calm voice, “Chalein? Ithne saare avoidable meetings ke beech tu ne khana bhi nahi khaya?”

(lets go? You have not even completed your lunch due to all these avoidable meetings)

Karthik looked shocked both Aman’s confident smile, and his sarcastic jab.

“Haa chalo” Karthik managed.

“The room is all yours Vikrant,” Aman said with a smirk, taking a surprised Karthik’s hand and leading him out of the room. Even Aman is surprised with himself, at his own confidence. But Aman felt its natural that he is going to fight Vikrant’s every attempt to sabotage his relationship with Karthik. They might have had a history, something that Karthik, even Devika had been embarassed about. But, he would be damned if someone like Vikrant, come and pop the unnamed yet meaningful bubble he and Karthik shared. So, yes, if it comes to fight. He would fight tooth and nail for his Karthik.

After all, he is a Tripathi. And Tripathis never give up.


	13. Intezaari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doubts, fears and some revelations.  
> Our heroes miss each other for a week.
> 
> *Long ass chapter alert* 
> 
> Tell me what you guys feel about Vikrant?

# Karthik

Karthik opened his box to the amazing smell of Matar Paneer, his new favorite for obvious reasons. There was absolute chaos around him, people arranging sets and props, photographers arranging for the next shoot. Copywriters and Ad directors huddled. The chinks, clings, bings and bangs all around him. Karthik sat in one corner of this huge milieu, to finish his lunch. But that faint buttery scent slowed everything down for him. It was almost as if someone turned on a slow-motion frame for him.

For a moment there, it didn’t matter to him that a world existed around him. Only Aman’s memories filled his vision.

> Aa na aa bhi jaa na  
> Intezari hai teri  
> Le ja jo rishton ki  
> Rezgaari hai teri

_Aman…Kyun tujhe yaad kiye bina, mera kuch nahi ho sakta? (Aman… Why without missing you none of my moments go by)_

_Tujhse pyaar karna ithna aasaan kyun hain? (Why is falling in love with you this easy?)_

_Tujhe bhulaana kyun ithna mushkill? (Why is forgetting you soo hard?)_

Karthik closed his eyes and savoured his first bite. It was the same taste, yet felt differently. He remembered how he tasted Aman’s Matar Paneer for the first time. He thought he fell in love with the dish. He was wrong. He had fallen for the heart that made it. He had fallen for the quiet confidence in his eyes. He had fallen for the fact that Aman fed him with his own hands despite being shy of attention in a crowded cafeteria. Aman’s hopeful eyes that expected his appreciation of the dish. It felt for a moment that nothing mattered to Aman but his happiness.

He was missing all that. And the same Matar paneer feels dull and lifeless, without his Aman.

> Daant kaate, sang baante  
> Khatte meethe ka maza hai  
> Zabaan pe ab bhi taaza sathiya

Aman’s soulful eyes, his myriad expressions, all portrayed in those perfect canvases of eyes. His smiles that just light up his world. Aman’s warm friendship, his warm embrace, and his own desires that get ignited just at his thoughts. There were months of hopeless pining to have Aman in ways he cannot have. There were months and days trying to imagine Aman reciprocate his feelings. And now he grew so used to the feel of Aman that he doesn’t know what he would do without him.

> Chand dekha tha jo humne  
> Chaar aankhon se kabhi  
> Kaise dekhun usko tanha sathiya

He tried to snap out of it. But its hard. In a way falling out of love with Vikrant has been a lot easier. Because Vikrant had been harsh with him, treated him wrong, made him feel as if he was a tissue paper. There was a kind of naivete and foolhardiness in his love for Vikrant. Vikrant had no scruples on hitting the raw nerve to berate him. And all that only aroused the true punjabi gabru Jawaan in Karthik. Karthik could easily walk away from Vikrant and not miss him because his self esteem took an upperhand there.

But Aman, is a sweet heart in that regard. A true friend and a giver from his heart. The little things that he does for Karthik, everyday, make him fall harder for him.

Karthik took out a wad of colourful post-its from his pocket. All in Aman’s handwriting

> “Ghabraana mat! Mein Market hoke aata hoon” 😊 (Don’t get anxious… I am going to the market)
> 
> “Oye! Utthke Breakfast karle… Coffee flask mein hain” 😊( Oye! Have breakfast and the coffee is in the flask)
> 
> “Karthik! Washroom ka nall phir se toothgayi hai yaar! Sambhal ke use karna.” (Karthik, Washroom’s tap is broken again. Be cautious while using it)
> 
> “Karthik aaj mujhe jaldi jaana hain Lunch box bhoolna mat!” (Karthik! I need to go early today, don’t forget the lunch box)
> 
> “Karthik hall ke light switch mein kuch problem hain, shock laga laga laga shock laga!”
> 
> (Karthik there is some problem with light switch. It gives shock)
> 
> “kal raat ko bhi kuch nai khaaya… Breakfast nahi khaaya toh taange thodh doonga”
> 
> (you didn’t have anything last night… If you don’t have breakfast I will break your legs)
> 
> “Tera favourite bana hain… Atleast aaj poora khaale” (I made favourite today… at least today you complete your lunch)

Karthik smiled as a bitter-sweet feeling wells up inside him. Aman devised this method to communicate with him through his ad shoot days. Aman didn’t approve of his decision to kneel to Vikrant’s pressure. But Aman does not know his reasons. No one should ever know!

The entire last week, they were practically living in two differnet zones. Karthik is in his Ad-shoot and Aman in office. They were not able to see each other at all. Aman has to leave for office early and Ad-shoots start at midday and stretch into late night.

Still Aman didn’t have it in him to let Karthik go through the mess alone. He was angry. He told that to him. But still supported him. Aman also knew how his anxiety kicks in if he doesn’t have Aman beside in him in bed every morning. His nightmares continued their spell. He keeps forgetting to have breakfast. The little post-its are a physical reminders that Aman, his anchor, still cares for him. Probably that’s why instead of simple texting, Aman takes time to write these notes.

_Ithna fikr kyun karta hain mere liye? (Why care for me so much?)_

_Agar Ithna hi fikr toh Pyaar bhi karle! (If you care for me so much Why don’t you love me?)_

He knows its selfish to nurture such wishes, perhaps inappropriate to even entertain such thoughts. But when he is with Aman all the standards, expectations, definitions and norms cease to exist. His heart still hopes that Aman will love him the way he wants. Or probably he is just going mad in this loneliness.

Suddenly, he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder. He turned to see Vikrant. Karthik hastily pushed his notes back into the pocket. Vikrant didn’t miss that.

“Oooh! Love notes… from little Aman?” asked Vikrant, sneer clear in his voice.

“Kya chahiye Aapko, Vicky?” Karthik was beyond irritated. (what do you want?)

“Abh bhi rootha hain mujhse Karthik? Gussa choddh na… look what I have for you” Vikrant said pushing towarsds him a thick Manila envelope. (what? Are you still angry with me? Forget it and see what I have for you?)

“I told you this is the last assignment I’m taking up,” Karthik said exasperated. Really, how hard is to understand, it’s a NO.

“Well! I don’t see your point darling, tu ne kal ke shoot ke pictures dekhe. You were sexy! And so natural infront of the cam!” (Well! I don’t see your point darling, did you see yesterday’s shots? You were sexy! And so natural infront of the cam!)

“I don’t want to face the camera Vicky! Mujhe apne job mein bahut mazaa aata hain… yeh modelling ki duniyaa me mein fit nahi baith saktha… Mein tumhe apna reasons bata chuka hoon,” Karthik stood up angrily. (I don’t want to face the camera Vicky! I enjoy my job… I don’t fit into this modelling biz…I have other reasons. I told them to you)

His lunch box fell down with a clang.

“Aman ne banaya lunch? Kya sahi setting kee hain tum logene… woh tumhe apna career keliye use karta aur tum use inn zarooraton ke liye… nai… its like friends with benefits,” Vikrant said with barely concealed malice.

(Aman made lunch for you? You guys have set up a good dynamics for yourselves… he will use you as a ladder to his career and you use him as your mistress…its like Friends with Benefits!)

Karthik's blood boiled, he gritted his teeth, and said in a low dangerous voice, “How dare you say that?”

“Aur kaise define karoge tum dono ko… tum toh kabhi ek straight bande ka dosth nahi rahsakhte without feelings coming in between…” (How else will you define your relationship with him… You are perfectly incapable of being friends with a straight man without your feelings coming in between)

“Mera Aman se jo bhi rishta hon… wo tujko explain karne ki Zaroorat nahi hain.” ( what I have with Aman… I don’t have to explain it to you)

“Yehi asli reason hain na… iss opputunity ko reject karna ka…ki tum Aman se desperately pyaar karte hon… nahi … theek kaha na?” (But this is the real reason right? To reject this oppurtunity…That you rae desperately in love with him)

“Kya matlab hain tera? Aman se mera decision ka kya lena dena” (what do you mean? Why will Aman affect my decision)

“Oh! You are so damn pathetic Darling! Meine tujhpe thoda pyaar jo barsaaya, mere piche piche mumbai aagaye… Abh Aman jo thoda pyaar barsaraha hain…toh usiki ke saath rahna chahta hain. Tere zariye Aman uss Devika ko pataana chahta hain… aur tu hai ke… Khair chodo tera personal mamla… I really hope you have it in you to get through this shit. Phir se soch lo… Baar baar aise daulat shaurat kamane ka oppurtunities nahi aate.”

(Oh! You are so damn pathetic Darling! When I showered with some love… you came behind me to Mumbai… Now Aman is showering some love … so you want to stay with him. What you are failing to understand is that Aman is secretly vying for Devika and he is using you to get to her… leave it .. this is anyway your personal stuff… I really hope you have it in you to get through this shit. Think about it again. There are not many times that fame and money, knock your door)

# Aman

“Kisiko murder karne ka kithne saal saja hota hain?” Aman looked at Ravi and asked. (How many years will there be punishment for murder?)

Ravi, Devika and him are at the cafteria having lunch together. Both of them looked at him and then each other utterly in shock.

“Dude! Tu yeh random trivia pooch raha hain? Ya sach much kisi ko maarne ki iraada hain?” Ravi asked half-jesting and half-afraid. (Dude! Are you asking this as random trivia or are you intending to actually murder someone?)

Aman stabbed a piece of random paneer with a fork and muttered, “Vikrant!”

“Tera dimaag kharab ho gaya kya?” Devika laughed. (Have you gone nuts?)

“Nahi wo kar raha hain mera dimaag kharaab!.... Ek toh mere Karthik ko ad-shoot mein phasa kar na jaane kithne sleazy harkate kar raha hain… aur yaha mujhe emails me Karthik ke photoshoot pictures bhej ke keh raha hai, dekho kithne hot hai tera senior! I mean How fucked up is that? Koi Ex ithna bhi toxic kaise ho sakhta hain yaar?”

(No… He is making me go nuts!... Firstly, I am sick of imagining that guy going sleazy with my Karthik… And on top of it, he sending me emails with Karthik’s photoshoot pictures, with captions like, Look How hot your senior is!... I mean How fucked up is that! How toxic can an Ex be?)

Both Devika and Ravi coughed and choked at their bites. They spoke almost simultaneously.

“Vicky ne tujhe photoshoot ke pictures bheja hai” Devika asked in surprise. (Vicky sent you photoshoot pictures to you?)

“Ex … kiska Ex,.. Vicky karthik ka ex nahi hain!” Ravi exclaimed. (Ex? Whose Ex? Vicky was not Karthik’s Ex)

Both looked at each other.

“Tu rukh…” Devika said impatiently swatting Ravi’s hand, “Sacchi ussne photos bheja hai kya… Kaisa lag raha hain tera hero?” (You Wait…Did he really send those shots to you? How was your hero looking?)

“Deva tu bhi na…jab dekho mazaak hi soojhta hain…” Aman said in irritation, half of it was on himself for blushing at the thought of the photos, despite himself. (Deva you are so,.. You always have to find humour in my situation)

Not to mention to another living soul, he found the photos smoldering hot. It left him in a mess of bothered thoughts and left him missing Karthik more. It was already bad enough that Karthik fought with him after agreeing for the photoshoot. It was already horrible enough that he was not able to see Karthik at all during the waking times the entire week. It was only because of the nightmares that Karthik continued to have, that he saw him at all. But watching your loved one in pain, however imaginary it is, does not cut a great vision. Its been a week since they actually saw each other. Though every day morning as he leaves for work, he ruffles Karthik’s hair ruefully. That is just not enough. Missing Karthik was like a physical pain to him. That was why the photos hit him anew with the all-too familiar sensations of longing and strangely, lust for Karthik. 

“Bhai… mujhe bataane mein kya sharam?” (Bro! Why are you shy talking to me?)

“Chodh na usse… dekho kaise laal ho raha hain” Ravi said in compassion. (Leave me be… Look at him going all red)

Aman took that as an opening to divert the topic from Karthik’s photos, and asked, “Kya keh raha tha tu? Vikrant Karthik ka Ex nahi hain?” (What were you talking about? Vikrant is not Karthik’s Ex)

Devika and Ravi shook their heads in sincerity. Aman felt a sliver of calm for the first time in days.

“Nai bro! Wo Karthik se flirt karthatha bass…” (No Bro! He just flirts with Karthik.) Ravi said looking down. It felt as if Ravi was afraid of how much Aman can take.

“Bass? For your kind information…Uss ko flirting nahi … foreplay kahte hain… Karthik ke saath baar baar physical hota tha…” Devika cut Ravi’s words in anger. The girl can see red in a flash. Gone is all the mirth from her eyes. Ravi nodded agreeing with her, with an uncomfortable expression. (Just? For your kind information…that is hardly called flirting…its called foreplay… He used to get really physical with karthik… They used to have this weird sexual tension between)

Aman paled at that. He also noticed that weird sexual tension between Karthik and Vikrant in the later interactions. Aman did not understand something.

“Ek minute… Kya bol rahe ho tum log? Agar Ex nahi hain… toh usse baby, darling kyun bulata hain? Karthik usse Vicky kyun bulaata hain?” (One minute… What are you taking about? If he is not an Ex… why does he call Karthik baby, darling? And why does Karthik call him Vicky?)

“Wahi toh… aanth mahine pehle jab Vikrant pehli baar iss office ko aaya tha… Karthik se usska chemistry instantly click huva tha. Ham bhi khush the, Karthik usse pasand karthatha… Vikrant bhi usse flirt karthatha… haa thoda physical bhi hota tha… escpecially jab Vikrant drunk hota. Karthik ko laga ki…” Devika could not continue for the sake of Aman’s feelings. ( That’s what! Ever since Vikrant first came to this office… that was like 8 months back… Karthik and him clicked in an instant… We were also happy, Karthik also liked him… Vikrant also flirted with him. And he used to get a little physical… especially when Vikrant gets drunk… So Karthik felt that…)

“laga ki” Aman asked edgily. (felt what?) He wished Devika would stop talking about how physical Vikrant used to get with Karthik. His mind is conjuring acrid images of Vikrant and Karthik.

“laga ki wo Vikrant se pyaar karne laga.” Ravi said in a small voice. (So Karthik felt that Vikrant is his love)

“Oh!”

“Lekin…” Devika hurriedly continued but faltered. “Lekin? Karthik ne Vikrant ke offer par ek modelling assignment pick up kiya. Karthik try karna chahta tha… Lekin… usse Modelling ithna bhi accha nahi laga. Aur ussne Vikrant ke agency ko boldiya tha ki usse modelling continue nahi karni…phir Vikrant ke party mein,.. Karthik ne…” (But … But Karthik took up Vikrant’s offer on a modelling assignment. He wanted to try it out… But… he didn’t really like the stint… So he told the Vikrant’s agency that he would not continue with them… then in Vikrant’s party… he..)

“Yaar ithne pauses kyun de rahe ho” Aman asked in frustration. It was mostly directed at the supposed love Karthik had for Vikrant. (Dude… why do you give so many pauses?)

“Kuch nai.. karthik ne daaru ke nashe mein Vikrant ko kiss kardiya tha…” Ravi continued. (It nothing… Karthik got drunk and kissed Vikrant)

Aman tried to block the mental images of that. Aman might have changed colour. No matter how much he told himself that Karthik and Vikrant had a history. A confirmation of such a history rumbled and roiled in his gut, aching in his places he couldn’t imagine.

“Karthik ne nashe mein ki hain aisa” Devika tried to reiterate her friend’s innocence. (He got drunk… he was intoxicated)

“Its ok yaar… all this is in the past. Phir kya hua?” Aman said colourlessly (its okay dude… all this is in the past. What happened next?)

Ravi became stone-faced, “Vikrant ne usse reject kiya yeh kehke ki wo straight hain.” (Vikrant rejected him saying that he is straight)

Now that was unexpected. He expected to hear a whirlwind romance however temporary or toxic that would have been. Because which human force can resist Karthik, when he willingly throws himself at their arms. Or Maybe that’s what he thinks.

Aman articulted his surprise, “Kya?” (What?)

Devika finally found her voice, “Haa… wo straight hain, yeh hamko jithna strange laga…ithna hairani hui… Karthik ka toh socho…” (Yeah… We were shocked to find that he is straight… imagine Karthik’s confusion)

“Kuch aur baat bhi hain,… Mujhe aisa kyn lag rahaa hain?” Aman asked looking at Ravi. (Why am I feeling that there is something more to the story)

“Kyun ki mess yehi se shuru hua tha… Vikrant ke family wallon ne jo donon ko kiss karthe dekh liya tha, unn logon ne Karthik ko arrest karvaya. Vikrant ne conveniently blame saara Karthik pein daal diya…” Ravi confirmed his suspicions. (Because the mess had actually started from there. Vikrant’s family member who saw them kiss, got Karthik arrested. Vikrant conveniently blamed Karthik.)

Aman blanched at the news. “Kartik ko arrest karvaya tha?” (They got Karthik arrested?)

Devika said, “Haa… Thank God…FIR nahi ki thi… At least uthna decency thi uss Vikrant mein ki ussne complaint withdraw karvaya” (Yeah Thank god… they did not file FIR also… at least Vikrant has the decency to withdraw the complains.)

Aman shook his head, something was not fitting, “Agar Uss pe FIR nahi tha… Unhone usse detain kise kiya… Police ne usse ithna torture kyun kiya?” (If FIR was not filed… How did they detain him? Why did Police torture him so badly?)

Again Ravi and Devika were on different pages.

Devika asked innocently, “Kya torture?” (What torture?)

Ravi asked almost guiltily, “Police ne usse torture ki thi…Tujhe kaise pata chala yeh baat.” (Police had tortured him… How did you get to know about that?)

Aman answered him glumly, “Karthik ko nightmares aathe hain aajkal…Tabhi mein sochun… usska trigger Vikrant tha… ussi raat se nightmares aa rahe the… subconsciously wo police ke torture ko apne paapa ke torture ko jodhta hain…” (Karthik is having nightmares these days…Now it is clicking to me… Vikrant was his trigger… they started the same night… Subconsciously he connects the police torture to his childhood trauma.)

Devika asked Ravi angrily, “Toh yeh mujhse kyun chipaaya tum logone… Gaurav aur tu…Tum logone hi toh Karthik ko laane gaye the na.” (Why did you guys hide this from me? Gaurav and you… you guys went to Mumbai to bring back Karthik right?)

Ravi gulped, “Karthik hi ne request kiya tha yaar,… uss time pein tere paapa ka stroke aaya tha… issliye hamne tujhse iss baat ko chupaaya tha… lekin jab ham usskeliye gaye thena… usska halat bahut bura tha…Saalon ne insaaniyatt ke saare hadein paar kee” (Karthik only requested us to keep this from you… That was the time of your father’s stroke… That’s why. But when we went there to get him… Karthik’s condition was really bad… They had crossed all the limits of humanity)

Aman eyes glazed with tears. To hear the physical confirmation of the internal pain that Karthik goes through everyday in his nightmares is gut-wrenching.

“Pata nai…Ye sab Karthik ke saath hi kyun hota hain”, Devika in tears. (I don’t know why …. Every thing of this sort happenes to Karthik only)

Aman said in a strangely strangled voice, Karthik’s screams still afresh in his ears.

“Pata hain… uss halat mein wo chillaraha tha, meine kuch galat kiya… mein galat nahi hoon…Aisa hain usska strength. Ithna sehne ke baad bhi Wo Vikrant ko maaf kar sakhta hain… Hamara Karthik Sher hain sher!” (Do you know… Even in that condition, he was screaming that he was not wrong. That’s his strength. After all this he forgave Vikrant… Aur Karthik is a true lion.)

Ravi asked almost in fear, “Uss ne kaha tha ki Vikrant ko maaf kiya hain?” (Did he say he forgave Vikrant)

Aman shrugged not entirely convinced about what he was saying, “Ad-shoot pein convince hone ka matlab toh wahi huana…” ( I suppose that was the reason why he said yes to the Ad-shoot)

“Lekin iss baar I hope Karthik usske baaton na aaye” Devika said. (But I hope this time Karthik doesn’t believe in him)

Aman still in deep thought, said, “Mujhe ek baat kathak rahi hain…” (Something is still not fitting in my mind)

“Kya Aman?” (What is it Aman?)

Aman talked as if he was piecing some information together, as if he was thinking out loud…

“Jo banda tab tak Karthik se physical ho raha tha, suddenly apna mooh kyun modh liya? Banda bisexual ho saktha hain aur Karthik ke upar usska interest kithni bhi fleeting ho, he could have explored something with him. Karthik ne agency ke saat contract manaa karne ke theek baad, Vikrant ne usse reject kiya hain. And so conveniently Karthik ko arrest karavane ke do din baad complaint wapis lee… chahta toh ussi raat karvaa saktha tha…FIR bhi darj nahi hui thi na… Mujhe lagta hain wo Karthik se badla le raha tha, usske agency ke offer reject karne ki…”

(The guy who keeps getting physical with Karthik, why would he suddenly go 180 degrees on him? The guy might be bisexual, and however fleeting his interest on Karthik be, he could have explored more. Only after Karthik said No to the contract, Vikrant had rejected him. And so conveniently he got him released after two days. Because if he wanted it could have happened the same night. Anyway no FIR was filed… I feel he had taken revenge on Karthik for rejecting their contract.)

“Kya baat kar rahe ho yaar” Devika sounded shocked. (What are you talking about)

But Ravi nodded his head thoughtfully and siad, “Actually that makes sense… Jab Karthik ka yeh haal hua tha… Gaurav aur mein Vikrant ke baarein mein thoda details dig rahe the… There were other skeletons in the closet. You see .. modelling circuits mein..Vikrant ka ek reputation hain…the Man with the Midas touch… Wo India ke best talent ko Modelling mein introduce kiya… na jaane kithne models ke career banaaya usne… lekin uss agaency ke saath jiska fallouts hote hain… that’s it their careers are doomed.”

(Actually that makes sense… when Karthik came back in that state… Gaurav and I took it upon ourselves to dig a little dirt on Vikrant…Seems like there were other skeletons in the closet… You see in modelling circuits Vikrant has a reputation…The Man with Midas touch… He introduces the best talent in India to the modelling biz…We cannot even count how many modelling careers he made… But whoever fallsout with that agency… That’s it their careers are doomed.)

Aman knew all that, ever since Vikrant exhibited this strangehold over Karthik, he made it his personal mission to dig into what this Vikrant fellow actually is. Now that he knows what had actually transpired between the two, he could see the bigger picture.

Aman said, “Exactly… matlab yeh possible hain ki Vikrant ne jaan bhuj ke Karthik ko frame kiya…” He was hardly able to contain his anger. ( Exactly… its possible that Vikrant had intentionally framed Karthik)

Ravi shook his head incredulously, “Bilkul… Wow… Aman… Ham ne iss angle ko cheda hi nahi.” (True!... Wow… Aman… we never thought about this angle)

Aman is now lost to his own frustration, “Issliye abhi aake wo Karthik ko manane ki koshish mein hain wo… Uss ne socha hoga ki Karthik ko phirse manipulate kar sakta hain…Haraami saala.”

(That’s why he came back to manipulate Karthik again…he wanted to see if the message had sunk in… that bastard)

Karthik’s trauma had been eating on him, turning the green pastures in his heart to dreary deserts. And to find that someone whom Karthik had loved, trusted wilfully excercised such deception, he withered in the inside.

> Woh jo hum roye saath the  
> Bheege din aur raat the  
> Khaare khaare paani ki  
> Kahani woh leja na
> 
> Aa na..  
> Aa bhi jaa na intezari hai teri  
> Le ja jo rishton ki rezgaari hai teri

Aman looked out of the window. The sky looked overcast. Aman lethargically walked out to the balcony dragging the chair behind him. He has a book in his hands. He sits there for a moment. Then gets up and makes tea for himself.

With a cup of tea in his hands, Aman tried to lounge back in his chair resting his legs on the metal railing, just like the way he does generally. He tried sipping his tea trying to take in the spectacular scene that’s unfolding in front of his eyes. Basically, he was trying to go through the motions of his life. There is always a stark difference between being and trying to be. The differnece that only those who are grappling with the loose ends of normalcy that are left in life, would know. The rain, the overcast sky, the slowly dipping sun all that normally made a profound impact on him, were just lost on him. He cannot see.

He just couldn’t. His mind is painfully swirling on the conversation he had in the morning with Devika and Ravi. He kept going back to the one scene that happened a week back.

> Aman and Karthik were enjoying the watery, good-for-nothing tea that the coffee machine produces because, honestly they only need each other to enjoy anything.
> 
> It was a quiet time, no one is around in the breakout and Karthik is being his goofy best.
> 
> Aman was laughing his head off, when Vikrant entered with his very irritating, “Baby!”
> 
> Aman and Karthik both stiffen and sober down.
> 
> “Ad-shoot ka schedule meine bhej diya hain.. check it and reply to it asap..ha… and add gaurav to it… so he can officially sign it off… damn! I am so excited about this!” (I mailed you the Ad-shoot’s schedule… check it and reply to it asap… ha? And Add Gaurav to CC… so he can officially sign it off… damn! I am so excited about this!)
> 
> Vikrant left Aman in chagrin, and Karthik is an embarassed silence.
> 
> “Kya tha wo?” (What was that?) Aman asked not quite believing what he heard. But he got his confirmation from Karthik’s uncomfortable look.
> 
> “Kya kya tha?”(what was what?) Karthik asked trying to avoid the confrontation brewing.
> 
> “Karthik… tune ad shoot ke liye haa kaha?” Aman asked calmly. (Karthik… did you say yes to do the Ad shoot?)
> 
> “Haa,…” Karthik nodded, looking trapped. (Yes)
> 
> Aman didn’t get it. Why would say yes to the last thing he wanted to do?
> 
> “Lekin tu kah raha tha tujhe nahi karni modelling… abh kyun haa bol diya?” (But you said that you didn’t want to do modelling… then why did you agree for this?)
> 
> “Abh kah diya toh kah diya Aman…” ( Just leave it Aman… its done)
> 
> “Wo saala Vikrant tujhe force kar raha hain na? Kya baat hain bataoge mujhe?” (Did that Vikrant force you to do this? Tell me the whole thing)
> 
> “Kuch nahi hain… bas ek assignment karne ke liye haa kiya… wo bhi hamarehi company ka ad shoot hain…” (Its nothing… Its just one assignment… its for our company only)
> 
> Aman was angry. Well no that was an understatement. He hated the influence Vikrant had Karthik. It was almost as if Vikrant pull his strings and Karthik moves. 
> 
> “Tujhe lagta hain ki Vikrant isske baad tera picha choddh dega?” Aman asked seriously.
> 
> (What do you think, Vikrant will keep quiet after this one assignment)
> 
> “Nai… lekin mein contract sign nai karoonga?” Karthik said in a voice that betrayed both the fear and defensiveness that a cornered kitten would show. (No but I wont sign the contract)
> 
> “Tune iss ad-shoot keliye bhi toh yahi kaha tha… wo b***C***d tujhe manipulate kar raha hain… Aur tum usske baaton mein phas rahe ho!” Aman, voice raising. (You said the same thing for this Ad-shoot… That fucker is manipulating you… and you are slowly falling into his trap!”
> 
> Somewhere beyond the volcanoes of rage, Aman felt his heart breaking in jealousy seeing how Vikrant had him wrapped around his little finger.
> 
> “Mein manipulate nahi ho raha hoon…mein jo bhi kar raha hoon, soch samajh ke kar raha hoon… poore mann se… Do you trust me?”
> 
> (I am not getting manipulated… Whatever I am doing, I have given it a good thought. I am doing it willingly… Do you trust me?)
> 
> “I trust you… I don’t trust that… Jo bhi kaho kaho… Tum apne mann maarke yeh kar rahe ho… Aur mein yeh nahi dekh sakhta.” (I trust you.. I don’t trust that… Whatever you say…its clear that you are not really into what you are doing and I am not ok with that)
> 
> “Kya ho jaayega ek baar aisa kaam kar bhi liya toh… Vicky ke liye ek kaam kar diya toh issme kya buraai hain?” (What will happen if for once I do what I don’t like?... For once… Let me just do this Vicky’s sake alright?)
> 
> “Issi ka darr tha mujhe… Tum bhole ho, usske jaal mein aajaaoge… do you even hear yourself…Vicky ke liye kar rahe ho? Pagal ho gaye ho kya… He doesn’t deserve that… He doesn’t deserve you…”(this is what I was afraid of.. you are innocent and will get into his honey-trap… Do you even hear yourself ? For Vicky’s sake? Are you going mad? He doesn’t deserve that… he doesn’t deserve you)
> 
> Aman is beyond himself in rage. Whether it was out of concern for Karthik or out of jealousy that burned him in the inside)
> 
> “Aman…”
> 
> “Abh bhi uss ke saath feelings jude huve hain?” Aman blurted out.(Do you still have feelings for him).
> 
> He didn’t mean to ask Karthik what his mind kept asking him.
> 
> “Tu kya baat kar rahe ho? Tujhe bhi lagta hain … mein ithna desperately gay hoon?” (What the hell are you talking about. You also think that… I’m so desperately gay?) Karthik asked his voice cracking.

It was a new Karthik he saw. The one that carried his regrets. Shoulders hunched. Eyes down cast. Erupting at a slightest graze. He couldn’t believe that he was his lovely goofball moments before Vikrant came in. He hated Vikrant for that.

“Meine aisa … Karthik … Karthik” ( I didn’t… Karthik… Karthik)

Aman let his tears fall with the first raindrops that touched the ground. He is buried in an emotional vortex of hopes, wishes and disappointments.

Rain that always brought him comforting music,only drowned in his silence today. He didn’t know whether to feel bad for himself that his first love is unrequited or to feel sorry for Karthik that however unworthy Vikrant is of his love, Karthik still loves him. He wanted to fight tooth and nail for Karthik. But he cannot possibly fight for Karthik against Karthik himself, against Karthik's own feelings. He felt helpless.

> Kabhi roothna woh tera  
> Kisi baat par  
> Kabhi hanske taali dena  
> Mere haath pe  
> Thode shikve kuch gile  
> Woh jo the apne silsile  
> Toote huve vaade woh  
> Iraade woh le jaa na
> 
> Aa na..  
> Aa bhi jaa na intezari hai teri  
> Le ja jo rishton ki rezgaari hai teri

The drizzle turned into downpour. Aman slowly drowned without a lifeboat in his personal deluge of emotions.

* * *

# Karthik

“Aaaaand it’s a wrap guys!” the director cried.

_Thank god! Aaj toh Aman se mil paaun… Khana bhi saath mein khaa sakthe. (Thank god! Today atleast I can meet Aman… I can even have dinner with him)_

Karthik stepped out the chaos that encompassed everything around him. Strangely, he could only experience silence. Sure enough as he stepped out, it started drizzling.

He sat in the cab that will take him home. But his thoughts were already home. Aman would be in a good mood, afterall its raining. Aman loves rains.

Karthik used to see rain more as an inconvenience. Because whenever it rained their thatchet leaked. Father would get into a foul mood and the rest his history.

But Aman… he freaking loved rains, he had all his happy memories connected to rains. The ‘shor’ of raindrops against the car’s windows brought him a beautiful of their first rain together.

> “Karthik tujhe pata hain… mujhe baarishon ki Khaas baat kya lagti hain?” Aman asked sighing at the sight of the torrential rain through the balcony. (Karthik… do you know what I love the most about rains?)
> 
> “Mitti-di-Khushbu?” Karthik smiled. (The fragnance of the wet earth?)
> 
> It was a wild guess. Most people liked it.
> 
> Aman shook his head vigourously. “Science ne mera uss khushi cheen lee…mitti ki khushbu, mitti ki nai hoti hain, mitti mein jo bacteria uski hoti hain,” Aman scrunched his nose making a weird face, making Karthik laugh. (Science had robbed me of that joy… the scent of the wet earth is not of the earth’s but of bacteria in the earth.)
> 
> “To tu bataon tujhe kya accha lagta hain?” Karthik leaning sideways on the kitchen counter. (So you tell me what you like the most in rains)
> 
> Aman was leaning on the doorsill of the balcony, looking like a picture of bliss.
> 
> “Shor” Aman’s eyes glinted in wonder as he glanced back at him. Karthik was quite lost in the sensations that the glance produced. (Sound)
> 
> Without his knowledge he reached the doorsill. At the nick of the moment he stopped himself and turned towards the said rain to probably see the beauty in it for the first time.
> 
> “Shor!” Karthik repeated in awe. (sound)
> 
> “Haa… Yeh apne aap mein hi ek dhun hain. Behti Ganga pein baarish ka jo shor hota hain na, That’s the ultimate Karthik..ussmein Hariharan sahab, Rafi sahab aur EDM Music bilkul taal mel pein sunaayi denge! ” said Aman with a mesmerised smile.
> 
> (Yes.. its a brand of music in its own right. The sound of rain on the flowing Ganga… that is the ultimate Karthik! Its like a concert of Hariharan, Rafi sahab and EDM music all flowing in a perfect sync)
> 
> “Wow…hmm..” Karthik agreed, allowing himself another glance at Aman. Aman’s allusion to Ganga in rains, his homeland, of which he talks very rarely, makes his heart do a backflip.
> 
> Aman put his teacup aside and stepped in to balcony. Playful wind is spritzing some of the rain onto Aman’s face. Aman held the railing, closed his eyes and turned his head heaven-wards. Karthik doesn’t know about rains. But Aman smiling blissfully at the showers cut a breathtaking vision.
> 
> Karthik had to take several deep breaths to steady himself against the heady feelings that were produced by the simple sight of Aman’s lips glistened by raindrops.
> 
> That moment he fell in love with rain too.
> 
> Kabhi yunhi takna tujhe  
> Yunhi dekhna  
> Kabhi baithe baithe yunhi  
> Tujhe sochna  
> Wo pal qaraar ke  
> Woh jo the lamhe pyaar ke  
> Unhe mere khwabon se  
> Khayalon se le jaa na

Karthik sighed at the memory with a tinge of melancholy. He fell in love with people and things that can never be truly his. He shrugged his thoughts away. He doesn’t want anything to affect his relationship with Aman. Even when he is firmly in friendzone with no possible escape, he will not let that affect his friendship with Aman.

Its strange that, half-way through the city, the heavy downpour had stopped. It was almost as if someone orchestrated a dramatic rain and then called for a “wrap!”. The clouds packed up as suddenly as they came. A clearer almost more radiant sky starred in his vision, as they sped through the flyover.

_Ek choti si surprise toh banta hain. (a small surprise is a must)_

* * *

Karthik was excited. He was meeting Aman after a week. A week that felt like an eternity.

He was sure that his surprise will just thrill Aman.

But the door is slightly ajar. Karthik wondered.

_How come?_

“Aman?” he called from the first room. He heard no response. Anxiety building up in him. He rushed into the room. Even light was not switched on. Karthik groped around for a while for the switchboard. He turned on the light and saw that a silhouette was motionless in the Kitchen.

“Aman” he called. No response. His heart thumping wildly in his chest.

He rushed into the Kitchen only to find Aman is sleeping slouched on the chair against the railing. Karthik took a moment to notice him closely. There were clear teartracks on his face.

_Kab se roh raha tha yeh? Aur kyun? (From when is he crying? And why?)_

“Aman…” He whispered softly, placing his palm on Aman’s unkempt beard. Aman responded to his touch, sighing Karthik’s name. How in the world will that not do things to a guy.

“Aman babu uttho… 9 baj raha hain… Khana khaake so jaana…” (Aman… Get up …its 9… have your dinner and sleep)

Aman opened his eyes blearily, Karthik who realised that he was too close to Aman’s face, more precisely his hips, retreats hastily. Aman frowns for a moment at him.

“Karthik?”

“Aaj… ho gayi hain ad-shoot… I am back to our life… my life,” Karthik faltered sheepishly. Aman laughs despite sleep clouding his eyes. (Today… I am done with my ad-shoot… I am back to our life… my life)

Karthik steps back so that Aman gets up from his awkard position on the chair.

Aman stands up and looks at Karthik, who is obviously gazing at him. Aman’s smile widens in an instant and he literally jumps onto Karthik for a hug. Karthik, though surprised, catches his adorable little bean midair. They don’t know how long they stayed in the embrace, Aman’s legs dangling in air, both shutting down their doubts, fears, questions and thoughts.

Karthik snuggled into Aman’s neck only to get tickled by his unruly beard. That simple sensation threatened to become his undoing. He pulled Aman closer than ever, not able to leave him yet.

Aman seemed to be in an oblivion of his own, thankfully, not noticing how wired Karthik was suddenly feeling. Karthik broke the hug. Well, he had to. He cant let Aman catch on to the wildly inappropriate ways his body is reacting to Aman.

“Daadi ka kya scene hain?” Karthik asked in a gravelly voice. (Whats up with the beard?)

Aman blinked several times before he could understand what Karthik was asking. His hand went to his beard, stroking slowly, he cocked his right eyebrow and asked, “ Mujhe shave karne ka time nahi mil rahi. Kyun accha nahi lag raha hain?” (I was not getting time to shave. Why is it not looking good?)

Whether it was the mad urge to stroke that beard himself, or sexiness in his expression, Karthik’s brain-to-mouth filter abandoned him completely.

“Kya pooch raha hain… Hot lag raha hain tu?” Karthik replied sounding parched.(what are you asking… You are looking hot)

_Damn! Mein aur mera mooh. (Damn me and my big mouth)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really fell in love with this song... Have you read it Ayushmann's version?  
> https://youtu.be/Erfm9pzjPLE?list=PLGs3U1UJYrkVyYNl-2VnemVb24qTKqKpe
> 
> I love both Armaan Malik's version and Ayushmann's version and apparently for contradicting reasons, Armaan's for the finnesse and Ayushmann's for its rawness. Do check out both!


	14. Yeh Moh Moh Ke Dhaage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are...the penultimate chapter!  
> Confessions.., feelings and first kisses... Did I reveal too much?
> 
> I hope its worth the wait for you guys!
> 
> Its a huge chapter... sorry but not sorry this time...!

# Aman

“Karthik yaar... Kahaan le Jaa rahe ho?” (Karthik Dude! Where are you taking me)

“Sabr kar mere yaar” (Patience Dude!)

Aman and Karthik were awkwardly climbing up the stairs. Awkwardly because Karthik was covering Aman’s eyes with his hands and leading him.

Although he would never admit it. He loved this infectious energy Karthik had. Its 11 in the night, they both were exhausted. On top of that, courtesy his falling asleep to the sound of the rain, he forgot to make the dinner and they ended up hitting the road to find food.

Yet, here he is, getting led by the five-year old-Karthik to the ‘Chatth’ to see some marvel. After many stubbed toes they were finally on the goddamn Chatth.

Karthik motions him to climb the ladder to go on top of the overhead tank. Agreed that, the place was absolute favourite among his vantage points. But today? It stopped raining just two hours back the whole place would be swamped. He looked back at Karthik in doubt. Karthik gave him a cute pout, as if to say chadna, looks kya de rahe ho! Aman’s heart was already in a puddle at his feet.

> Moh…moh ke …moh moh ke …. dhaage

_Lets face it! Iss chehre ko na bolna mushkill hi nahi naamumkin hain! (Lets Face it! Its not only difficult to say No to this face, its impossible)_

Aman turned back to the ladder and climbed up carefully. His musings stepping up with every step.

_Karthik kithna hot dikh raha hain aaj! (Karthik is looking really hot today)_

_Hey Bholenath! Mein self control ke 101 pein phirse pahunchgaya kya. (Oh God! Am I back to Selfcontrol 101?)_

_Log bolte hain dooriyon se pyaar pe fark padta hain. Ghanta padta hain. Mein abh bhi Karthik ko uthna hi chahta hon. Yaa shayad kuch zyaada! (People say distance affects love. That’s hardly true. I am want him desperately. Maybe even more now!)_

_Aaj toh ek hug kaafi tha mujhe turn on hone mein. Hadd hoti hain brain mein chemical locha ki yaar! (Today I got turned on by just a hug! I mean there should be a limit to what chemical imbalances do to your head)_

_Kyun Bholenath Kyun! Khud toh Manmad-dehen karke bach gaye hon, mujhe ko kyun phasa rahe hon! (Why Bholenath Why! You have saved yourself from lust and love by burning the god of love. Why are you trapping in these feelings?)_

_Waise Karthik Uss Vikrant ko chahta hain toh… ad-shoot ke hone ke baad mood kyun ithna accha hain? (By the way… if Karthik still likes Vikrant.. then how come he is not in a bad mood that the ad-shoot is wrapped?)_

_Karthik ke nazarme mein kya hoon? (What am I in his eyes?)_

The steps of the ladder finished. Aman struggled for a second to climb the rampart. He stood up dusting his pyjamas, when some lights caugt his attention.

“Karthik” he screamed in joy.

The top of the over head tank is cleaned, dry and cool. There was a purple airbed, with a blanket, a small four legged breakfast table with a flask and two wine glasses and two cute battery lanterns. A guitar was perched on one of the pillows.

The setting was so cinematic that Aman’s mouth went agape. Karthik chuckled softly from behind.

“Surprise!” he said in a singsong way.

Aman felt his heart stutter. Who would do all this to surprise a friend? Agreed that Karthik is special. But he never went this big gestury with anyone else.

He turned to see Karthik smiling beatifically looking at him. He launched himself into Karthik’s arms once again. If missing Karthik was physical pain, staying away from him is a physical impossibility.

Karthik was once again a ready receptor to his hug, wrapping him back in a bear-like hug.

Aman was feeling heady with dopamine again. Seems like just Karthik’s presence is enough to bring him alive. He couldn’t even remember why he cried so much earlier that evening.

“Surprises dena toh koyi tujhe seeke” Aman said still snuggling at Karthik’s chest. (You are such a pro at giving surprises)

Karthik pulled him closer, breathing dizzying fantasies on to his neck and collar bone, whispering in a low husky voice, “Mere Sheshensha ko pasand ayaa? Sun ke accha laga!” (My King liked it? I am glad)

_Damn…Marwaaoge yaar tum! (Damn… dude you are gonna kill me)_

Aman broke the hug before his feelings get better of him. He peered into Karthik’s eyes just in time to see the flash of diasspointment. Somehow it felt like their first hug to him, Aman couldn’t help but notice how much more intimate their hugs have become. It was almost like two pieces of human jigsaw pieces fitting together.

Karthik swung his arms dramatically, bowing as if to welcome him. Aman laughed and plunked on the air bed. Freaking purple airbed, with purple snuggly quilt blankets. The night air was sure chilled.

“Good thinking yaar!” Aman said running his hand over the blanket. Karthik shrugged his compliment.

“Chai peeyenge mere Jahaanpanaah?” Karthik said in a true serving royalty style! (Does his Highness accept a cup of tea?)

“Chai bhi? Wow …just wow” Aman knows that he is smiling like a kid who was offered a treat, but really couldn’t help it. Karthik just makes him feel so good.

Karthik’s eyes turn soft. He quickly turned to pour out chai. Aman kept gazing at him.

Karthik brought two wine glasses with steaming hot chai.

He looked at the glasses and smiled sheepishly. Aman simply accepted his glass. He doesn’t mind the smaller details. Apparently Karthik does mind.

“Sorry Babu… wo uss dukaan mein sirf ye the!” ( Sorry… the shop had only these)

Aman laughed and tried to pull an impression of SRK saying, “Koi baat nahi Senorita! Bade bade sheharon mein aise chote chote baatein hote rahte hain.” (Don’t worry Senorita! Such small things happen in big cities)

He must have pulled it off well, because Karthik burst out laughing boisterously.

Aman sighed as he saw him laugh. He suddenly realised that ever since Vikrant entered their lives, there was a constant invisible strain on Karthik. Its indeed been a long time since he laughed like that.

Karthik quietened after a while. Laughter was replaced by a look of longing.

“I miss this yaar… I miss us” Karthik said.

“Haa,… Kuch aur din aise beeththe toh mein pagal ho jataa.” Aman agreed. ( yeah I would have gone mad if it were some more days)

Karthik deserved to know what happens to him in his absence.

“Waise Kiya kya kartha tha roz? Ghar se bahar bhi nahi gaya hoga office ke baad” Katrthik said. (By the way what do you do everyday? You wouldn’t have stepped out from home after the office right?)

“Saale abh tera aadat lag gaya hain… tere bina abh kisi bhi cheez dilchaspi nahi lagti.. tere bina toh waqt jaise katthi hi nahi” Aman whined. (Now I am so habituated to you that nothing feels interesting without you. Without you, even time seems so slow) 

“Aww,… abh mein aa gaya hoon na baby … saath milke dugna mazaa lootenge.”

(Aww… baby, now I am back… we will have double gun in everything)

Aman’s brain went haywire at Karthik’s use of baby. He only used to call Karthik that when he is completely unconscious or drunkenly conscious. This was probably the first time he heard that endearment for himself. His heart did a samba dance right there.

But the master of the mayhem is unaware of the effect he had, because he was busy tuning his guitar.

“Tere maafi ka gaana baaki hain” Karthik said casually. It looked as if he enjoyed signing to him immensely. (I have an apology song ready for you)

“Maafi kis ke liye?” Aman asked. (Apology for what?)

“Uss din waise react karne ke liye… nahi karna chahiye tha,” Karthik said, his face becoming red and small, a small pout forming on his cute lips. Aman unconsciously shifted toward him. Before he could stop himself his hand was caressing Karthik‘s flushed cheeks. ( I have over-reacted that day… I shouldn’t have done that)

“Mein uss baat ko kab ka bhool chuka tha, kabka tijhe maaf kar chuka tha Karthik. Vikrant ke aane ke baad tu bahut strain mein hain yaar… mein samajh saktha hoon… bahut baar aisa ho jaata hain ki… ham apne opinions doosron pein thop dete hain. Wo Vikrant banda accha ho ya bura ho… tu usse like kartha hain…mujhe iss baat ka respect karna chahiye tha…uss ad-shoot pein Karna shayad tera impulsive decision tha… mein samajh sakhta hoon.” Aman said in a calm voice belying the storm brewing inside him. ( I have already forgotten that… I have already forgiven you for that day.. Because of Vikrant, you have constantly under strain. I can understand that…It always happens that we push our opinions on the opposite persons. Whether that Vikrant is good or bad… you like him and I should have respected that… it might have been an impulsive decision to do that ad-shoot… I should have understood.)

He was still reconciling with the thought that Karthik might still harbour feelings for Vikrant.

“Nahi!” Karthik said. His eyes giving a gimpse of a fierce clash between ice and fire within his head.

“Nahi Aman… Vikrant ko kabhi mein like kartha tha… wo bahut puraani baat hain… wo straight hain… aur mere mann mein abh usske liye aisa kuch nahi hain… Ek time pein nafrat tha… abh wo bhi thanda padh gaya,… mujhe usse farak hi nahi padhta. .. Haa lekin Aaj kal mujhe bahut irritating lagne laga hain…kabhi kabhi sochta hoon mere khayaal ek bande pein ithne kaise badal sakte hain… kisi badly tuned guitar ke dhun ki tarah…bass band kar types!” Karthik said. (No … No Aman… I used to like Vikrant… but all that is in the past now… he is straight. And I don’t have anything for him. There was time when I hated him. But now even that is gone. He doesn’t matter anymore. Nowadays he is so irritating that I wonder how I even like him in the first place… whenever he speaks, I get a feeling as if I am listening to a tune on badly tuned Guitar… Feels like yelling stop enough already)

Aman unconsciously withdrew his hand from Karthik’s cheek allowed himself to laugh. Trying to process what Karthik said. He need not doubt the truth of those statements. Karthik was looking into his eyes. And there was a tinge of pain and regret with conviction.

“Wo uthna bhi straight banda nahi hain Karthik!” Aman said in a low voice. (He is not really that straight)

“Kay matlab?” Karthik asked in shock. (what do you mean?)

“wo jaisa behave kartha hai Karthik, wo spectrum ke aur kahi pein hi ho saktha hain. Wo completely hetero toh lagta!” Aman said. (The way he behaves, with you Karthik… he could be anywhere on the spectrum. But not completely hetero.)

Karthik seemed to be in a thought process and said after a long pause. “tabhi … wo sabko manipulate kartha hain… sabko influence kartha hain…” (oh… Thats how he manipulates everyone around him… he influences everyone)

“Wo Kameena hain Karthik…. Aur kameenon ka jaath, paath ya gender se koi lena dena hota…)…Ek minute… toh wo tumhe kisi tarah blackmail kar raha tha?” Aman asked, his previous theories clicking in place. (He is jerk Karthik… And Jerks don’t belong to any race, greed or gender… Jerks are jerks… one minute… did he blackmail someway to do this for him?)

“Nahi aisa kuch nahi hain,” This time however, Karthik avoided his eyes. (Nothing like that)

Aman impatiently, cupped his chin, turning Karthik’s face towards him. Karthik blinked rapidly before looking into his eyes.

“Sach bolo Karthik!” asked Aman intensely. (tell me the truth Karthik)

“Gaurav ka career daav par tha, aur tera aur mera bhi… Vicky ka influence ke samne… mera marzi thik nahi paya!” (Gaurav’s career was at stake… and so are yours and mine… In front of Vicky’s influence… my resolve could not stand a chance.)

Karthik whispered in a barely audible voice. Aman was shocked. All this is making sense at last. Karthik would do anything for him and Gaurav. Gaurav was his mentor, godfather rolled into one.

Aman released Karthik from his gaze. Mostly because Karthik was now losing himself to regret and fear. Aman eased his fingers into Karthik’s balled fists. Though surprised ar first, Karthik let Aman’s hand slip into his. Aman gently squeezed his hand.

“Tu bahut strong hain Karthik Babu… Hamare liye tu bhi kuch karne keliye tayyar rahte hon.” (You are a very strong person Karthik… you had it in you to do all this for us)

“Mein usse fight toh nahi kar paya…” Karthik said in a low voice. Aman’s heart melted at that. ( I couldnt fight though)

He scooted closer and once again caressed his cheek with his hand, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb.

“Courage ka yeh matlab nai hota ki ladte jaaon, courage sehen karna bhi hota. Tu toh mera sher… Kab Khamosh rahna kab dahadna tu jaanta hain… iss baar ham saath mein karenge na fight… tujhe akele nai chodenge abh… Wo chaahe hamara career barbaad kar saktha hain, par usska uthna bhi influence nahi hain ki hamara potential barbaad kar sakhe… Heck ham khud hi quit kardete hain… tabh khaak ukkhaad peyega hamara… Gaurav ko bhi mein bata deta hoon… unko bhi yeh cheez khatki ki tum force mein aake wo ad-shoot karne ko raazi huve hon.” Aman said, some strange determination. He was ready to go any lengths to keep his Karthik safe. (Courage is not always the will to keep fighting, courage is also bearing the brunt… you are my lion! You know when to roar and when to stay silent. .. this time you will not alone in this fight. We will not let you be alone. He might have the influence to ruin oour careers, but his influence will never be enough to ruin our potentials… Heck., if need be … we will quit the company ourselves… what will he be able to do? I will discuss this with Gaurav as well… He also didn’t take it well that you had to say yes to Vicky’s whim)

“Tu mere liye apna career daav pein lagayega… Aman… pagal hain tu?” Karthik asked intensely. (You will let your career be at risk for me? Why Aman… are you nuts?)

“Tere liye kuch bhi manzoor hain Karthik Singh! Bhool gaya kya…Mai tera Jai hoon, mere dramebaaz Veeru,” Aman voice sounded like galvanised steel. He meant it. ( I can do anything for you Karthik Singh…Did you forget… I am the Jai to your dramatic Veeru)

Karthik opened his mouth and closed it, unable to find anything to say. Aman smiled at his dumbfoundedness. How does this man not know that he deserves to be cherished?

“Maafi ka naa sahi… gaana toh gaa sakhta hain… kithne din hogaye hain… ek jaam hamare bhi naam?” Aman said, restraining with great difficulty the absolute longing that was gripping him in the inside. (if not for Maafi.. cant you just sing for my sake…Its been too long since you last sang… One jam for me!)

Karthik lighted up instantly. He strummed his Guitar humming a slow tune. Aman made to shift away from his left hand to give him space. Karthik’s hand grabbed his hand and shook his head. Aman complied. Karthik’s hand lingered around his fingers as he withdrew, he smiled blissfully and hummed

> “hmm…hmmm..hmmm…hmm… hmm…hmmm..hmmm…hmm
> 
> Ye moh moh ke dhaage… tere ungliyon se jaa uljhe”

Aman felt a pleasant shot of electricity pass through his body. Simply because of Karthik’s gaze on him.

> Ye moh moh ke dhaage… tere ungliyon se jaa uljhe
> 
> Koi Toh toh na lage .. kis taraha girha ye suljhe

Wind blew soothingly around them, the world, its noises and all its problems seemed to take a moment and rest as Karthik threw back his head and reached his high notes, smiling

> He rom rom iktaara …. He rom rom ikthaara
> 
> Jo baadalon mein se guzre…
> 
> Ye moh moh ke dhaage… tere ungliyon se jaa uljhe
> 
> Koi Toh toh na lage .. kis taraha girha ye suljhe

Aman swayed lightly to the tune, revelling in its lyrics, that revealed his state too. His every heartbeat vibrating to the sonourous timber in Karthik’s voice.

His skin erupting into goosebumps due to the raw tension that suddenly made its presence felt.

The soft glow that radiated from the lanterns firing up every feature of Karthik in a burnished golden glow. Aman wrapped his hands tightly around himself, because he no longer trusted his hands. Because they would on their accord reach out to touch Karthik’s face, caress every line, loving every nook. He cannot possibly let that happen.

He resolve was put to test again when Karthik winked at him and sang the next verse

> Tu hoga zaara paagal tune mujhko hain chuna
> 
> Kaise tune ankaha tune ankaha sab suna
> 
> Tu hoga zaara paagal tune mujhko hain chuna

Karthik locked his eyes with Aman, smoldering him in his place. Aman breathed heavily closing his eyes to the melody. He cannot look at Karthik without getting overcome by an inexplicable desire for his touch. He never knew what was passion, till he met Karthik. And now all he knows, is to surrender to that slow burning flame and let it consume him.

> Tu din sa hain mein raat aana dono
> 
> Miljaaye shaamon ki tarah…

Aman heart stuttered wildly as Karthik reached out to touch his forehead, to tuck a wayward puff of hair off his face. He opened his eyes to Karthik’s intense gaze, and a half smile as he sung

> “Yeh moh moh ke dhaage… tere ungliyon se jaa ulje.”

Tangled were their feelings, their cravings, their breaths. Tangled were their gazes, their touches and their thoughts. Like the guitar strings, they too were wound, unable to find a release to the tension they both felt. Something has shifted between them. Neither knew what.

* * *

Aman’s eyes fluttered open to the streaming sunlight. Karthik’s warm body was wrapped around him. After a long time, Karthik slept like a baby in his arms. No nightmares and no recurring trauma. He smiled at the memory of the magical night under the stars.

He slowly disentagled himself from Karthik’s arms. He got up to see the streaming sunlight fall on Karthik’s slumbering eyelids. He got up and rearranged the low table in an angle that sunlight wont hit Karthik’s eyes till atleast 10 in the morning.

He wrote a small note for Karthik,

“Shanth,… mein niche jaa raha hoon. Bacchon ko Breakfast banaana hain”

PS: thank you for last night! I loved every moment of it! 😉”

(Calm down!...I am going down. I have to make breakfast for the kids.

PS: thank you for last night! I loved every moment of it! 😉)

He was already decided on what to make for today’s breakfast. A surprise is due from his side too, why delay?

An hour or two later, Aman was still immersed in making aloo paranthaas. The kids have loved them. But it was not easy to make so many, by the end of it, Aman looked like a chef at a street side hotel with loose atta all over his clothes, face and hair.

Kids have slowly filed out. He has to make some for Karthik and himself. Probably then he can go have a shower.

“Aman!” Karthik voice came searching for him.

“Aaagaya tu…?” Aman called from the kitchen. (Hey when did you come?)

He felt strangely jittery. Perhaps because he wanted his surprise to go well. Karthik once said that he always loved Aloo paranthas. His mother’s were the best. But after that he sort of never had that good paranthas again. Aman really hoped that Karthik would like his Paranthas.

“Mein fresh ho ke aata hoon” Karthik called from the other room. Aman inhaled and exhaled in strange nervousness. (I will freshen up and come)

He was still able to hear Karthik singing his love ballad in his mind. Aman steadied himself and started with the last two of his paranthas.

“Aman! Aloo ke paranthe? Mere liye?” asked Karthik’s delighted voice. (Aman! Aloo paranthas are for me?)

“Surprise!” Aman called back in a barely singsong way.

He could hear the chair scraping, the noise of the plate set on the table, steel spoon scraping the bottom of butter container.

And then soft moans of delight from Karthik. He could imagine Karthik enjoying the paranthas. He breathed out slowly in relief. Though he wanted to see Karthik eat his paranthas in delight, the butterflies that were kicking up a storm in his tummy, didn’t let him.

Its strange how they found their way back into each other’s life once again. Last night, after the rendition, Karthik simply wrapped his arms around Aman and both got lulled to sleep under the starry sky. All the confusions, insecurities and fears had melted in the warmth of that embrace.

“Ek Aur chahiye Babu?” Aman called. (want one more?)

Reply didn’t come immediately, and Aman started worrying. He flipped the last parantha on the pan, when two arms snaked across his chest, encasing him in an intimate hug that is not shared by ‘just friends’. Aman melted into the embrace. Nothing can beat Karthik’s hugs. Aman’s right hand reached to rufffle his unruly mob of morning hair.

“Paranthe acche lage?” Aman asked softly, trying keep his voice casual. (Did you like them?)

Karthik bent his head to place his chin on his shoulder. Pulling him closer, Karthik breathed, “Ma ki yaad dilaadi”. (You have reminded of my mom’s)

Aman melted at that. His heartbeat was reaching record speeds. Karthik was not ready to let him go yet. His stubble teased his collarbone. Karthik’s breath coming down on his neck in delicious paths, leaving a trail of goosebumps there. Before he could react or even realise what was happening, Aman felt Karthik’s lips press a soft kiss on his cheek. Aman arched his neck involuntarily, he was almost entirely supported by the strong shoulders that encapsulated him. His breathe hitched in his throat. His fantasy land was so close yet so far. Aman turned into the hug, taking the full access to Karthik’s shoulders and neck. He peered into Karthik’s face, he kept his eyes closed, almost as if afraid to open his eyes and face Aman. Aman didn’t understand why Karthik hesitated so much. Aman was his. All his, to hug, kiss and caress…Maybe Karthik just needs that assurance. Aman wrapped his hands around Karthik’s neck, one of his hands caressing his hair, the other clutching his t-shirt collar.

“Ithna accha laga babu?” He asked. (Did you like them so much?)

Karthik opened his eyes, they were sparkling with emotions, Aman peered into them, himself getting lost in those depths.

“Bahut bahut bahut, world ke besht hain,” (Very, very very much..they are the world’s best)

Saying that Karthik bent down to kiss his other cheek, this time lingering a moment longer. The moment that plunged Aman into his deepest desires. Aman shivered and clung to Karthik, dizzied by multiple things happening to him. He closed his eyes to the sensations. Somehow a kiss on his cheek felt more intimate to him than anything he watched in movies.

“Karthik” He moaned throatily. He was thirsting for more. The feel of Karthik’s lips on his lips. A release to that pleasant heat accumulating in his gut.

Karthik too was responding to his need, he tightened his grip on Aman’s shoulders from behind. In their bid to get closer to each other, they swayed slightly, bumping into the kitchen counter.

Karthik’s lips were only an inch away to him. Aman opened his eyes, feeling slightly punch-drunk with desire. Karthik’s cheeks went pink. But Aman’s eyes were only on his lips. And so were Karthik’s.

Both didn’t realise that there was a sound in the hall, until, a peakingly irksome voice called, “Karthik Baby”

Their bubble of intimacy broke. The swirls of heady desires ebbed a little in their eyes. But both didn’t break apart from the embrace.

“Karthik!” the voice sounded much closer.

Aman frowned, “Abh isse kya chahiye?”. (What does he want now?)

They were talking in raspy whispers, for reasons unknown.

“Pata nahi Yaar” Karthik sounded annoyed beyond limit as he broke the eye-contact with Aman and glanced towards the door. (I don’t know man)

“Chall…” Aman managed. He cannot avoid the disappointment welling inside him. (Go!)

“Nahi jaana” Karthik said pouting slightly. (Don’t wanna)

“Jaaon.. nahi toh who Kameena yahaan tak aa jayega.” Aman said, disentagling himself from Karthik. (Go… or else that jerk will come here)

He cannot ignore the fact that Vikrant was the threshold of their personal space. Both literally and figuratively, his shadow was on both of them.

Karthik stepped back dazed. He looked back at Aman gesturing himself and the door with his fingers and walked out.

Aman sighed heavily leaning back on the kitchen counter. Suddenly he realised that the parantha has burnt. He turned and switched the stove off hastily.

How long were they in the embrace? He touched his cheeks absently. The spots where Karthik’s lips touched, they tingled still. Warmth of that hug made its absence worse.

He could looked at his fingers. There were specks of loose atta all over.

Karthik called for him, “Aman babu… mujhe jaana padega. Dubbing ka kaam baaki tha it seems.”

(Aman… I gotta go… Dubbing work is pending it seems)

Aman woke up from his daze. He was not ready for Karthik to leave yet.

He walked into their living room. Vikrant was looking through their magazines, strutting around the place as if he owned their turf.

Karthik was trying to tame fluffy mane into a presentable shape. Aman noticed specks of atta on Karthik’s cheeks and lips. It was like a proof to Aman that his dizzy dream moments earlier was actually a reality. He needed that, because he could no longer distinguish between his fantasies and the reality.

His eyes fell on Vikrant who was smiling derisively at the book he was reading. “Lie with Me”. He felt a frisson of disgust towards the man.

“Karthik aao yaar jaldi… tu kaisa bhi hain hot hi lagega,.. chalo ab” Vikrant in sugar-coated exasperation. (Karthik come fast dude!... You will look hot anyway… Come)

Karthik scowled at him annoyed. Aman had a similar scowl. He hated that Vikrant still tried to prove his control over Karthik. The jibe was at him.

Suddenly he got an idea.

Karthik turned to him with a small smile. He pointed towards his hair, “Theek hi haina?” ( is it looking ok?)

Aman smiled and nodded.

“Mein chaltha hoon” ( I am starting)

“Karthik rukh!” (Karthik wait!)

Aman rushed to his side, and pulled the taller man towards him by elbow. Surprised Karthik stumbled towards him.

> Ki aisa beparwah mann pehle toh na tha
> 
> Ki aisa beparwah mann pehle toh na tha
> 
> Chittiyon ko jaise mil gaya jaise ek naya pataa
> 
> Ki aisa beparwah mann pehle toh na tha

Aman closed the gap between them. Karthik suddenly looked breathless. Loving the effect he had on him. Aman said in a low whisper, “Aise hi jaaoge? Chehre pein atta laga hain” (will you go like this? You have so much wheat flour stuck to your face.)

“Atta?” Karthik breathed confused. (flour?)

Aman let out a low playful chuckle and took Karthik’s face into his hands. Karthik’s eyes flickered in a mingled sense of astonishment and arousal. His pupils dilated, as Aman’s hands brought his face closer to Aman. 

Aman gently rubbed his thumbs with across Karthik’s stubble cheeks. He was only keeping up the pretense of rubbing atta off Karthik’s cheeks. He was just revelling in their proximity, Karthik’s little reactions to him, his half closed eyes. Aman smiled playfully and Karthik’s breath hitched. Then he noticed that atta was stuck to Karthik’s lips too. He endeavoured to wipe that with his finger.

But as he traced Karthik’s lips. Karthik let out a sigh and wrapped his arm around Aman’s waist pulling him plush against his body. Aman let out a low squeak of delight and leaned in. He didn’t care if Vikrant was right there. He didnt give a damn about the consequences. For the first time in his life, he felt free, unencumbered by fears and insecurities. Perhaps, excess of Oxytocin does that to you.

Karthik leaned in too.

Vikrant chose that exact moment to fake cough. Both jumped. Aman looked at Vikrant mudereously. Yet again Aman, felt he could strangle Vikrant with his bare hands. Thankfully Karthik brought his hand to caress Aman’s cheek. Karthik stroking his beard distracted Aman from the murderous thoughts. Its almost as if his mind has two extremes. Extreme love for Karthik and extreme hatred for Vikrant.

Aman looked back at Karthik with a pout.

“I hate him” Aman said in a low voice.

Karthik let out a chuckle and bent a little to whisper in his ear, “Me too”.

Both grinned at their moment of truth. That was all Aman needed. Karthik peered into his eyes for a long moment and sighed resigned.

“Aaata hoon!” (Will come back)

“Shaam ko jaldi aana” Aman said, feeling flustered at how married he was sounding. (Come back soon)

Karthik stroked Aman’s beard yet again with his thumb and nodded with a smile.

* * *

“Kaha Marr gaya tu?” Devika’s voice rang clearly from his phone against the faint din of a pub. (where did you bury yourself)

“Ghar pein aur kahaan?” Aman shrugged closing his book. (where else.. I am at home)

“Arrey yaar… waheen mein poonch rahi hun kyun? Tujhe pata hain na Gaurav aur Vikrant host kar rahe hain yeh party?”(Dude That’s what I am asking… You know that Gaurav and Vikrant are hosting a party together right?)

“Ha yeh bhi pata hain ki aaj board members aa rahe hain… hua tha Karthik se mera baat.” (Yeah I aslo know that board members are coming today… I know I have talked to Karthik)

“Arrey tu apne Madhubala ko aise kaise choddh sakta hain Vikrant ke saath” (So why did you leave your Madhubala at the mercy of Vikrant?)

“Ha ha… Kuch hain hona hain Madhubala ko… wo Vikrant ko pasand bhi nahi kartha…” (Nothing will happen to Madhubala… He doesn’t even like Vikrant)

“Karthik Vicky ko pasand nahi kartha… Vicky toh Karthik ko tang kar sakhta haina…Pataya toh tha jab Vikrant drunk hota hain toh usska koi limit nahi hota…” ( Karthik might not like Vikrant… But Vicky can harass him right? I told you when Vikrant is drunk there is no limit to what he does)

Aman blanched at that. “Kyun kya kar raha hain wo?”( Why what is he doing?)

“Pata nahi yaar… Tab se Karthik pein chadh raha hain” (I don’t know yaa… he is getting sleazy with Kaarthik)

“Kya matlab chadh raha hain… Deva?” (Deva… he is getting sleazy with Karthik?)

“Dekh Bhai mujhe jo batana hain … wo meine batadiya… abh tera marzi.” (Look bro! I told you what I Ha to… now its your wish)

Aman cut the call and got ready for the party, all the while cursing himself for giving into the pleasure of a little leisure.

40 gruelling minutes later, he finally reached the pub. He entered the risque location, and tried to locate Karthik.

But he found Devika and Ravi first, both were standing at a table. Ravi had his hand on Devika’s fist, as if to stop her from doing anything rash. But why would she?

The answer became crystal clear as he followed the direction of their stare to the dance floor. Vikrant was dancing with a disgruntled Karthik. Although Karthik was on the dance floor his expression suited that of a funeral. How Vikrant felt like dancing with a person who literally looked like he would rather mourn is something beyond his comprehension. Or maybe Vikrant is just too drunker that he doesn’t care about the opposite person’s discomfort.

Aman joined the table. Devika looked at him sharply. Aman knew if he was in for some earful from the protective girl.

“Tu… abhi aayega? Pata hain kitne time se iss torture ko dekhna pada?” (you … You came now? Do you know from when we were subjected to this torture?)

“Sorry yaar… wo thoda busy tha!” (Sorry I was bussy)

“Busy? Kisme? Karthik se badhkar kya kaam hain tera weekend ko…” (Busy? Doing what? What is possibly more important than Karthik.)

Ravi was trying to hide his smile. Aman went pink, shuffled his collar feeling uncomfortable.

“Wo… Usse propose karna hain mujhe… pre..preparations kar raha tha…” Aman managed. (I was lanning to propose to him… so … I .. was preparing)

Devika’s jaw dropped. All her previous annoyance on Aman, melted into a squeal of delight. Ravi looked at Aman with a genuine smile.

“Arrey wah mera sher!” Devika said, patting him on his back. ( Wow my dear lion)

Aman smiled at her relieved, and looked back at Karthik. Much to his consternation, Vikrant was resting both his hands on Karthik. And Karthik was trying to step back from him.

Ravi voiced the simmering indignance in Aman’s heart. “Yeh banda Karthik ke saath kar kya raha?”

(What the hell is he doing with Karthik)

“Meine kuch ulta sidha karne jaaun toh tumlog mujhe rokogena?” Aman asked them.

(You guys will stop from doing anything stupid right?)

He cannot trust himself to be calm. His rage is simmering beneath the surface, ready to burst forth at one wrong move from Vikrant.

“Nahi… mein toh saath dena wali hun. Tu murder karega toh mein laash chipaane mein madad karungi.” Devika said with conviction of a no-nonsense girl. (No .. I will end up helping you… If you murder him I will help you cover the body)

Ravi shrugged at him, as if he cannot trust himself either. They all were vexed at Vikrant and his passive aggression.

Just then, they saw Vikrant pull Karthik away from the dancefloor. Alarmed, they followed them. Vikrant had purposely led Karthik to an abandoned corner of the open roof space. Fortunely, for Aman, Devika and Ravi, the place has a wall sheltering their point in shadows. Aman gestured Ravi to be ready with his phone camera. Ravi nodded discreetly. Instead of rushing in on Vikrant and Karthik, Aman wanted to see how things unfolded between them. Because even from afar, they could see them engaged in an heated exchange.

He also wanted the Vikrant Chapter to end in Karthik’s life. And this could probably give him a closure. Karthik deserved a closure.

“Aanth mahine Vikrant… Aanth mahinon ke baad aake kehte ho galthi ho gaya? Maaf kar do? Inn aanth mahinonme agar mein mar jaata toh?” Karthik’s voice sounded devoid of any emotion.

(8 months…Vikrant… its been 8 months. And you come now to tell me that it was a mistake? You apologise now? What if I died during these 8 months?)

Vikrant was sure drunk, but it only made him more malicious and dangerous.

“Dill tootne se thode hi marte baby! Log bhook se marthe hain, gareebi se marthe hain…”

(Baby people don’t die of heartbreak! People die of hunger, of poverty)

Aman balled his fists, a low growl fought to escape his lips. The man had the audacity of breaking his Karthik’s heart and treat it as if its nothing!

Karthik said through gritted teeth, “Haa…log police ke kootne se bhi marthe hain… tu mujhe aise hi marne ke liye hi choda tha na?” ( yaa…and of police torture… that’s how you left me to die right?)

“Arey bola to tha… family mein mera ek reputation hain… mein aisa khullam khulla tere saath nai reh sakhta… apna jawaani ko control kar leta toh uss raat ko kuch nahi hota!” (Hey I told you I have a reputation to keep. I cannot be with you in the open.. If you could have control your harmones that night, all this might have been avoided.)

“Meine Khullam khulla tujhe kiss nahi karne aaya tha…aur yeh baat tu acchi tarah jaanta hain.. mein drunk tha lekin tabhi mujhme ithna akal tho hain. Uss raat meine tujhe kiss karne ki koshish bhi nahi kartha, agar tu mujhse aise chipke huve nahi hote toh!” (I didn’t come to kiss you in the open that night… and you know it yourself. I was drunk… but I had my wits about me. That night I wouldn’t have made a move to kiss you if you werent stuck to me)

Aman could clearly imagine the scene now. Vikrant had intentionally led on Karthik to the kiss.

Vikrant laughed, “this is going nowhere Karthik. Tum mere friendship ko misunderstand kiya tha… lekin abh mujhe samajh aaya… Tu mujhse kuch zyaada hi attracted ho. Iss mein koi buri baat nahi hain. Mein bhi apne sexuality ko explore karna chahta tha… Abh tujhe yahi chahiye toh… why not?”

(this is going nowhere Karthik! You have mistaken my friendship… But I understand now… you couldn’t help your attraction towards me… Its nothing wrong. I have always wanted to explore my sexuality… You want this… so why not?)

Aman for a moment was dumbfounded at the way he packaged it. It was as if everything was Karthik’s fault. Misunderstanding his friendship, getting attracted to Vikrant and now Vikrant, the merciful will deign to give Karthik what he wanted, because Karthik wanted him so badly!

Slow claps with disgust!

Aman’s disgust turned into pure rage, when Vikrant ran his fingers along the length of Karthik’s torso and when Karthik cringed away from the touch, and stepped backwards into the wall, Vikrant closed the gap in a flash, planting a forcible kiss on Karthik’s mouth.

Several things happened at the same time. Aman and Devika emerged from the shadows. Ravi was too shocked to respond. Thankfully he captured everything in his camera. 

Aman couldn’t control himself anymore. He grabbed Vikrant by his shoulders from behind and roughly pushed him onto the ground. Vikrant got up quickly only to have Aman tackle him again, this time into the wall.

“AMAN! How dare you?” Vikrant cried, his voice had lost his huskiness and now sounded shrill.

“Chup CHUP…Chutiya…Kya Samajhtha hain apne aap ko haa?” Aman shouted. (Stay silent you Bastard! What do you think of yourself)

Sparks flying from his eyes. He slapped Vikrant twice, grabbed the collar of Vikrant’s and pinned him to the wall.

“Do kudi ka aukaath bhi nahi hain tera b***c***dh… Jaa kaheen pein aur mooh maar… phir kabhi mere Karthik ke aas paas bhi aaya na, usska khayaal bhi aayana… Zinda dafna doonga tujhe… laash bhi doondte rahenge tere gharwaalen.” Aman bellowed. (you are not worth a dime you fu**er, Go and get your act done somewhere else… if you ever come near my Karthik… if you ever dare to even think about him… I will bury you alive… people will not find your body)

His blood was boiling. He was a figurative inch away from murdering Vikrant. All that karthik faced, his trauma, his mental health issues, his heartbreak. This vermin was the reason for all that. And he did it wilfully.

Vikrant had pure terror in his eyes. He looked as if he had grossly miscalculated Aman.

Ravi and Devika’s voices sounded worried,as they called him, he could see them in his peripheral vision. A rational part of his brain is already thinking of the consequences of this act of rage. But his blood was gushing out adrenaline, that made it seem completely right to pin down a person against a wall and threathen him to death. To hell with the consequences.

It was Karthik who broke his rage truly. Karthik hugged him from behind and whispered, “Aman babu… shaanth…shaanth…. He is not worth it…”

(Aman calm down… He is not worth it)

Aman slowly loosened his grip on Vikrant’s collar, his teeth gritting and jaw ticking. He might have looked murderous because Vikrant visibly gulped.

Ravi stepped in.

“Vikrant just leave from here.” He said firmly. His jaw was also ticking. But he had the composure to keep his rage simmering.

Vikrant staggered out of the place. Aman felt a mingled sense of derision and elation.

Devika and Ravi let out audible sighs of relief.

“Kya tha wo? Aman tu lover hain ki fighter?” Devika when she finally found her voice. (what was that Aman? Are you a lover or a fighter?)

Aman looked at her in surprise. The haze of his Adrenaline, slowly leaving him, now he is more aware of his surroundings.

_Wo mein tha? Damn! Ithna gussa kyun aata hain mujhe! Uss ka murder sach much mein kar toh!_

_Was that me? Damn! I don’t know what goes down when I am angry! I would have really murdered him!_

He also realised the fact that Karthik was still hugging him behind and snuggling his neck. Though pleasant, the hug was a little too intimate for a public setting, escpecially in front of the two souls who never lost an oppurtunity to tease him.

“Hadd hain yaar! Inn sabh mein bhi tujhe mazzak soojraha hain.” Aman asked her with a chuckle. (Dude… the hell… You seem to find your humour even now)

He turned his attention to Karthik, slowly releasing himself from his hold, Aman turned towards Karthik. He caressed Karthik’s cheek, and asked gently, “Tu theek hain?” (Are you ok?)

Karthik’s face was flushed red, his eyes teary and exhausted, but Aman asked him, he simply nodded with a ghost of a smile.

Ravi and Devika sidled beside him flanking their hunched best friend, gently rubbing his shoulders.

Aman smiled reassuringly, rubbing his thumb gently across Karthik’s cheek. He wanted to tell that everything will be ok. That Karthik will be alright. That Karthik is safe with him.

But his throat had grown a painful lump and he found hard to swallow it.

“Chal…abh ghar chalte hain…” (Come … lets get you home)  
  


* * *

“Abhi kya hain? Ghar pein khaane ki intezaam bhi mein hi karoon?” asked a forty something harrassed looking cab driver. The person on the call said something inaudible. (Now what? Should I arrange food also at home?)

“Abh tu jhik jhik shuru mat kar! Kaha na sawaari hain… ho sake toh laaounga” he said disgruntled. (OK… stop badgering me… I am driving someone… I will try bringing food)

He cut the call with a few expletives rolling under his breath.

He looked at Aman from his rear view mirror and looked away, doubtful to even name his request.

Aman smiled and asked, “Kya hua dada?” (What happened bro?)

“Kuch nahi sir… Wo Gharwaali…” (Its nothing sir… my wife)

“Ha… khaana pick up karna hain?”(wants you to pick up food?)

“Haa sir” (Yes sir)

“Koi nahi… hamara ghar pahunchte pahunchte der ho jaayegi… aap yahi kaheen parcel karwa lijiye.”

(Don’t worry…It will probably get too late if you dropped us … why don’t you pick up something on the way itself.)

Aman was in no hurry to get home. Karthik was comfortably taking nap on his shoulder. After a long day he was having a moment of peace. He wouldn’t mind some more of this time.

The driver truly looked truly thankful.

“Thank you sir”

The cab driver parked the cab in a empty lane adjacent away from the crowded restaurant and got down. The door that snapped shut woke Karthik from his tired slumber.

He nuzzled at the crook of his Aman’s neck. Aman’s free hand went unconsciously to caress his cheek.

They had their hands interwined resting between them. Karthik let out a small sigh.

“Abhi pahunche nahi hain… chahetoh ek aur nap le sakhta hain.” Aman said gently. ( we didn’t reach yet… if you want you can take another nap)

“Tu mere se gussa kyun nahi hon?” Karthik blurted out. (why arent you angry with me?)

“Mein tujhse gussa kyun karonga babu?” Aman asked truly surprised. (why will I be angry with you)

Karthik left the comfort of his shoulder and faced Aman, half-turning in the seat.

“Vikrant ke baare mein… mein sacchi bol raha hoon Aman… iss baar mein initiate nahi kiya…”

(about Vikrant… I am telling you the truth… I didn’t initiate anything this time)

Karthik said, his voice rippling in anxiety and helpless.

“Hussh… Shanth.. shanth…Mujhe pata hain Karthik… Ham, matlab Devika, Ravi aur mein, hamne sab kuch dekha… aaj pehli baar meine dekha Wo saala haraami kaise saare facts tod marodh kar tujhe phasaa raha tha… Mumbai mein bhi jo hua… aanth mahine pehle… wo bhi ussne jaan booj kar tujhe lead on kar raha tha… tujhe sabak seekhane keliye… usske agency ke saath sign jo nahi kiya…”

(Hussh,.. Calm down Karthik… We know that., we saw everything… how that jerk was manipulating and gaslighting you. He was making it look like everything was your fault… I am guessing this is what happened in Mumbai as well… He framed you because you rejected his offer)

“Tujhe yeh sab kaise pata?” (How do you know)

“Research baby research… tujhe kya laga? Tu kuch nahi bolega toh tumhara struggle mujhe dikhaaye nahi deta? Jo trauma se tum guzar rahe the, usska reason mein nahi doondhta. Ek aadmi ke wajah se mere Karthik ‘zyaada’ Singh se Karthik ‘Udaas’ Singh bangaya hain, aur mein aadmi ke picche dig karoonga?”

(Research baby research… what did you think? I would let it be when you are not able to tell me anything about your struggle? All that trauma, would I not try to find reasons for that? Because of one person, you went from a bubbly, lively guy to a morose guy… would I not seek answers?

Karthik looked shocked. He threw his hands around him and whispered onto his neck.

“Ithna kyun acche hon… tujhse mohabbat kiya bina aapne aap ko rakh nahi sakhta!”

(Why are you so good… I cannot stop myself from loving you… even I tried)

Aman’s heart made a back flip. He sucked in a breath, his hand that stroking Karthik’s hair paused midway. Karthik’s sharp intake of breath told him that he just realised what he blurted out.

Karthik slowly broke the hug. He kept his eyes closed. He was afraid to face Aman.

Aman had his eyes brimming with untold emotions. Karthik just confessed his feelings to him.

“Aman… yaar. I am sorry,” Karthik opened his eyes and not even glancing at Aman’s true smile of joy, he faltered, unsure how to continue. He contined surverying everywhere “Tu shayad.. mein … tujhse …tujhse mohabbat karta hoon… dosthon wala nahi… ishq waala. Mujhe pata hain… galat hain…ki tu mujhe aisa kabhi pyaar kar nahi sakta.” Karthik voice was breaking into shudders.

(I am sorry Aman… you might… I fell in love with you… not as friends… I mean… I know you might never reciprocate… but)

A part of Aman craved to comfort Karthik, kissing every inch of his lovely face. A part of him wanted to listen why Karthik hesitated in the first place.

Karthik continued, “Tu mera sabse kareeb ban gaya hain… abh tere bina mera saans lena bhi mushkill hota jaaraha hain… lekin mujhe pata hain… pata hain ki tu straight ho… Dekh… I will make it right…its my problem… mere feelings.. yeh… sorry lagenge tujhe uncomfortable…”

(You have become too close to me… I cannot eve take a breath without you now… but I know.. that you are straight… Look… I will it make it right… Its my problem… My feelings… I am sorry you would feel uncomfortable)

Aman zoned out Karthik’s rest of the speech. He was going back through all those instances when Karthik faltered, stepped back, looked unsure. All those little things. He also tried to remember situations when he explicitly expressed his sexuality. His orientation. Aman paled. There were none.

Now it all made sense. Karthik always felt insecure about his relationship with girls, not guys. That reaction after the dare kiss mishap, now fell into place.

“Mein apne jazbaathon ko kaaboon mein rakhunga.. Aman … please tu mujhe chodhke mat jaon… mein jee nahi paaounga.” Karthik said almost in tears. (i will control my feelings… Aman … please don’t leave me and go.. I wont be able to survive)

Aman cast around for words. He could not find any. Karthik had taken him to be straight and this shock trumped his mind.

Karthik is now on a verge of breaking down. Aman gazed at him. His Karthik who simply couldn’t meet his eyes. He needs a proof. A proof that Aman intends to be more than a friend to him. A proof that Aman had always wanted, craved and waited desperately for Karthik to acknowledge his feelings. A proof that Aman’s feelings also run as deep as Karthik’s if not more.

Aman reached out and took Karthik’s forlorn face in both his hands caressing his cheeks.

“hussh,… Shanth shanth…Uss Vicky ne tera dimaag kharab karke rakha!” (Calm down now… that vicjy has addled your brains)

Karthik looked up into his eyes in surprise.

Aman leaned forward and took his lips. The world froze around him and Karthik. If Karthik froze in surprise, it was not for long. Because Aman can be an insistent little pest when he wants to. Soon their lips soon started to move in a perfect sync. Revelling in the softness and the warmth of Karthik’s lips, Aman moved closer, literally lifted himself up from the seat and crawled into Karthik’s lap. Karthik’s unsure hands found their way Aman’s waist and shoulders.

As Aman pulled himself to Karthik, his fingers playing his Karthik’s hair at the nape of his neck, he pleaded, parried and demanded an entry in quick sucession. Karthik slowly emerged from his doubts, perhaps coaxed by Aman’s persistent lips. He moaned against Aman’s lips, sending him into a frenzied greed for more.

Suddenly, what started out as a proof to his sexuality, ascended into the most primal need in Aman.

Karthik was melting against his lips, giving into his control, giving him a heady high he never

experienced in his life. His body burned in fervour for his man. A sparked that got stoked into a mighty forest fire, a conflagration of sorts, ably aided by Karthik’s explorative hands inside his t-shirt.

A passing horn and vehicle light flasing the cab from behind, brought them back to their senses.

Aman broke his fervent worship of Karthik’s lips, and made to get out of Karthik’s lap. But Karthik’s arms tighened around him. Aman looked into his eyes heavy with desire. Karthik’s eyes were smoldering into him. Aman gave himself the liberty of a little peck at Karthik’s flushed lower lip, gently nibbling. Karthik let out growl from his throat, pulling him back to capture his lips yet again.

Aman had to put a stopper to the unsaid entreaties, with his index finger on karthik’s lip.

“Cab hain baby… ghar jaane tak rukh!” Aman chuckled. (It’s a cab baby… wait till we get home)

  
Karthik pouted against his finger and Aman had to look away before it almost broke his resolve to it stay calm till they reach their private space. 

Aman climbed off Karthik’s lap in a swift motion and landed right beside him, his original postion.

Karthik breathed heavily, gazing at him with hooded eyes. Aman held his gaze, letting Karthik know that he was also not done yet. There were millions of unsaid promises that hung in air. The Cab was exploding with electricity, by the time the driver came back mumbling apologies for his delay. Aman had to divert his attention to tell him that it was okay.

Karthik snuggled back onto Aman’s shoulder, one of his hands stealthily winding around Aman’s waist from behind. Aman almost feel his smirk against his neck at Aman’s not-so-inconspicous reaction. Karthik took his hand into hand, gently interwining their fingers.

Aman thanked the heavens that the cab driver had his earphones pushed back into his ears, for he couldn’t quite catch a low hum in a deliciously husky voice.

> Ki aisa be parvaah mann pehle toh na thaa
> 
> Ki aisa be parvaah mann pehle toh na thaa
> 
> Chittiyon ko jiase miligaya
> 
> Jaise ik nayaa sa pataa…
> 
> Khali raahen, ham aankh moonden jaye
> 
> Pahunche kahi toh bewajaaa,…
> 
> Yeh Moh moh ke dhaage tere ungliyon se jaa Uljhe
> 
> Koi toh toh na laage kis taraha girhaa ye suljhe….


	15. Mere Liye Tum Kaafi Ho!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up some loose ends! A little attempt to write smut!  
> This chapter is my lengthiest. My self-indulgence gotten best off me.
> 
> The chapter ends with a combined PoVs from both Aman and Karthik.

# Karthik

Aman in his arms is the only world that mattered to him. The fact that Aman understood what he went through when he was under Vicky’s spell. The fact that Aman did not judge him for that, felt like a blessing to him. His fingers in his hair felt like heaven. Karthik nuzzled closer to Aman, breathing against his ear.

“Ithne acche kyun hon… tujhse mohabbat kiye bina aapne aap ko rokh nahi sakhta!”

(Why are you so good? … I cannot stop myself from loving you… even I tried)

Karthik said that before he could stop himself. The world stilled for a moment after that. He could feel Aman’s heartbeat stutter against him. His fingers froze in his hair. Aman’s breathing hitched. Karthik inhaled sharply realising his stupidity. He shouldn’t have said that. He snapped his eyes shut.

_No no no… yeh kya kar diya maine… Aman… toh …abhi awkward ban jaayege… kya sochega mere baare main… Mein ithna desperate kyun ho jata hoon… Aman ke liye mere feelings… kyun? Abh hamare dosthi pein yeh bhaari padega… (No No No… What did I do? Aman… he will become awkward…What will he think about me,.. why do I have to become so desperate… My feelings towards him… They will now burden our friendhsip)_

Karthik slowly broke the hug. He kept his eyes closed. He was afraid to face Aman.

Kuch kar… theek kar isse (Now set this right!)

What happened once when he opened his eyes to a situation like this came back to haunt him. The pain and confusion he felt, came flooding back to him.

> “Tujhe kya laga? Ki mein tere tarah hoon?” Vikrant sneered in his face. (What did you think? That I am like you?) Karthik opened his eyes in shock. Vikrant had kissed him back, before suddenly breaking the kiss.
> 
> “Tu ithna desperately gay hain, ki thoda koi tujhse pyaar se baat karle toh uss pe chadh jaata hain,” said Vikrant with a leer in his face. (You are so desperately gay that if anyone shows you a little affection, you will fall literally all over him)
> 
> Karthik’s jaw dropped in shock. The fuzzy traces of alcohol in his brain drained.
> 
> “Lekin… Vicky…” Karthik faltered. (But… Vicky). Wasn’t Vicky the one who swayed seductively on the dance floor with him. Wasn’t Vicky the one singing “Jab pyaar kiya toh darna kya?”
> 
> Did he imagine Vicky tagging along with him as he went towards the balcony? Was he that drunk that he mistook Vicky’s hand on his ass as a signal? Straight men grope other men’s asses?
> 
> “tum hi ne toh abh abhi mera…” Karthik cursed himself for sounding so meek. (You are the one who…) He still found Vicky too close for comfort. He was too hot and bothered.
> 
> “Meine kya Karthik… tu ithna pathetic kaise ho? Mein tera bhala sochke, Ithna accha tera career bananeki chakkar mein tujhe mere contacts se milwa raha hoon… aur tu yeh sab… aise gande harkathe kar raha hain?” (Me what Karthik… Why are you so pathetic? I am here, trying to do you good, by chalking out a career for you, building contacts for you and you are here doing yourself dirty here)
> 
> Gande? Mera pyaar ganda hain? Aur phir se career ke baath pein aagaya yeh? (Dirty? My love is dirty? And he is back to my career again?)
> 
> “Vicky hadd paar kar raha hain tu… meine tujhe bola tha… nai banna next modelling sensation. Yeh assignment bhi meine try karne ke liye kiyaa tha… aur tu yeh baat jaanta hain… Mein apna body expose nahi kar saktha. Mujhe uncomfortable lagta hain… weird lagta hain…” Karthik found his voice. (Vicky … you are crossing the limits…I told you already… I don’t want to become your next modelling sensation. I took up this assignment also as a trial… And you know that… I cannot expose my body… I feel uncomfortable… weird…)
> 
> “Excuses! Excuses mein toh tu maahir hain! Seedha seedha bolna, tujhe mehnat ki kaam pasand nahi hain? Ek baat acchi tarah sunle… tera career mere haath mein hain…mein chahoon toh tujhe ek din mein footpath pein laa saktha hoon” ( Excuses! You are only fit to make excuses. Frankly you don’t like to work hard that’s it! Let me tell you something your career is in my hands… And if I want to, I can bring you down to footpath)
> 
> He had seen the real face of Vicky. The disillusionment punched him hard in the gut. A drunken mistake. A misjudgement. Vicky was not gay, was not in love with him, as he thought. The attraction he felt towards Vicky, now felt stupid beyond measure.
> 
> Vicky’s discreet gesture, didn’t miss his eye. A moment later he was surrounded by Vicky’s cousins.

“Aman… yaar. I am sorry,” Karthik opened his eyes and not able to look at him in the eye. Karthik knew Aman was not anything like Vicky. He could trust Aman with his life. That’s why his heart broke into desperately sharp shards. He was unable to breathe. He was not ready for Aman to leave his life. He cannot live that empty life again.

He faltered, unsure how to continue. He continued surveying everywhere before he finally gathered courage to speak, “Tu shayad… mein … tujhse …tujhse mohabbat karta hoon… dosthon wala nahi… ishq waala. Mujhe pata hain… galat hain…ki tu mujhse aisa kabhi pyaar kar nahi sakta.” Karthik voice was breaking into shudders.

(I am sorry Aman… you might… I fell in love with you… not as friends… I mean… I know you might never reciprocate… but)

A million deaths. That is what this is. Aman was silent. That silence was burdening him. He knew Aman would still be looking for ways to console him. He always does that. Like Devika, Aman loves him as a friend. And he ruined that for himself.

Karthik continued, “Tu mera sabse kareeb ban gaya hain… abh tere bina mera saans lena bhi mushkill hota jaaraha hain… lekin mujhe pata hain… pata hain ki tu straight ho… Dekh… tu tension mat le… I will make it right…it’s my problem… mere feelings... yeh… sorry lagenge tujhe uncomfortable…”

(You have become too close to me… I cannot eve take a breath without you now… but I know... that you are straight… Look…Don’t worry… I will it make it right… It’s my problem… My feelings… I am sorry you would feel uncomfortable)

His hands and legs were shivering. He felt he was being selfish. Even after confessing his inappropriate love for Aman, he is still pleading for him to stay back with him for his sake. Aman would be feeling so awkward right now. He is sounding pathetic and desperate. Exactly like how Vikrant described him.

“Mein apne jazbaathon ko kaaboon mein rakhunga… Aman … please tu mujhe chodhke mat jaon… mein jee nahi paaounga.” Karthik said almost in tears. (I will control my feelings… Aman … please don’t leave me and go… I won’t be able to survive)

Karthik’s tears threatened to overwhelm him. He is already missed touching Aman. He wanted to reach out to Aman. He needed his touch to calm his anxiety. But he knew nothing will ever be same again. None of the touches, the hugs they shared, all of that will change. He wondered if anything will go back to normal again.

Before he could spiral into self-loathing, he felt Aman’s soft hands caressing cheeks on both sides. Aman cooed comfortingly with a small chuckle in his voice, “hussh… Shanth shanth…Uss Vicky ne tera dimaag kharab karke rakha!” (Calm down now… that Vicky has addled your brains)

Karthik looked up in surprise. Of all things he imagined Aman saying, this stumped him. He peered into Aman’s eyes, for a brief moment, discerning a familiar spark in them. And then, Aman leaned in.

Karthik felt a shot of electricity in his nerves when Aman’s lips found his. It was impossible to feel anything else. Karthik closed his eyes to the sensations those warm lips brought to him. After longing so much for Aman, for those hands to caress him the way they are now, strangely, Karthik’s initial reaction was to go still. His heartbeat took a whole second to restart. But his mind was rushing him through all those moments when he saw Aman’s eyes flicker with something akin to this look, that spark. A look of fierce attraction. Men’s room in the coffee house. Why go that far? Their moments from the morning. Something clicked in him.

_Oh!_

His attention was forced to return to Aman’s insistent lips, coaxing his to respond. Aman had his eyes closed, pampering his lips with a fervour that defied Aman’s cool exterior. Coherent thoughts are getting increasingly elusive to Karthik as he finally kissed him back. How can he not? How can he not give his baby what he so insistently demanded?

Karthik’s slow response was making Aman a little impatient. Karthik couldn’t control his own low moan as Aman’s bit his lower lip, demanding his entry.

Aman’s tongue swept into his mouth, swallowing his moan, hungrily. A welcome weight shifted into his lap. Suddenly Karthik was not getting enough of it. He needed more, Aman’s kiss is now getting raw, hungrier and more primal. Heat pooled into his abdomen, he threw his head back, giving complete access to Aman to explore. While his hands found their way around Aman’s waist. Somehow, it was not enough. Nothing of Aman is ever enough. He craved for contact. He swept his hands into Aman’s t-shirt. Sliding his hands across his perfect back. The calluses of his fingers exploring every crevice of Aman’s back.

Aman moved closer to him. He felt something nudging at his stomach. Karthik’s hazy head realised what that was. He never felt so wanted and so loved. And he was no late bloomer. He had been with men before. Yet Aman’s sheer fervour beats them all. It does not take a small man to bring the Karthik Singh to submission. Somehow his cute bean Aman did just that.

Suddenly the hot pleasure of their lips broke. Karthik’s eyes fluttered open to see Aman’s eyes widen for an instant at a passing car. Realising that they were freaking making out in a cab!

Aman made to get up. Karthik protested by tightening his arms around his waist. Aman touched his cheeks gently, stars shining in his eyes. He leaned in again, teasing Karthik by nibbling his lower lip. That’s all it took for a feral growl to unfurl in Karthik’s throat. He wanted more. He wanted all. He had his hands holding Aman’s face in an instant, finally to take what he wants.

Aman put a finger on his lips. His eyes shining in mirth and an adorable shy chuckle escaped his lips.

“Cab hain baby… ghar jaane tak rukh!” Aman said. (It’s a cab baby… wait till we get home) 

Karthik pouted, his head fuzzy with unsaid desires. A wildfire is consuming him from within and he is happily dancing in it. His lips felt flushed and swollen, he breathing laboured. Aman held his gaze with that spark he came to love in his eyes. Aman landed on the seat beside him gracefully. His lithe frame that held many more secrets waiting for Karthik to uncover them. The atmosphere in the cab was so charged that he was almost surprised that the cab driver didn’t notice it as he entered. Aman’s timing was impeccable. His soft hands, his big, soft, soulful eyes everything is impeccable.

Aman intertwined his fingers with his hands, a soft smile playing on his lips. The lips he wanted to touch, kiss and caress again. The brief make-out session was hardly enough. His mind was taking him to territories that he had not dared to dream of until now. Well, no… Karthik had his share of fever dreams about Aman, in the early days of their relationship. But that was before his notion that Aman was straight hardened. How stupidly so. Aman was right, he let Vikrant’s influence play weird mind games on him. But now in that ride back home, in a dingy cab, all his dreams and desires are brazenly making a come-back.

He slid his arm around Aman’s waist. Aman’s reaction was a reflection of his own fuzzy thoughts. He snuggled at that perfect neck and sought help from music that can keep him waiting till they reach home.

* * *

“Aman...Pairon ke neeche kuch soft sa touch ho raha hain” Karthik said in panic. (Aman… There is something soft under the feet)

Aman chuckled in darkness behind. There were in the hall of their home, groping their way towards the switch board.

After a moment, Karthik realised what that softness was, Petals!

Rose petals judging by the heady sweetish smell.

Karthik’s expression of awe was lost to darkness. After few hopeless seconds, Aman impatiently went ahead of him and located the switch board himself. Most surprisingly, he turned several switches at once.

It felt as if he walked into a flower bed, every inch of the floor was covered in rose petals. Low, soothing music was playing in the background. Freaking red rose petals everywhere, the room had the soft golden fairy lights hanging in concentric circles from the ceiling, there were multi-coloured drapes hanging around their dining table in elegant loops, which has a huge bouquet and a huge ice box. It was like he had walked into a romantic movie set.

Karthik looked around at Aman who was shyly standing behind him. From the hungry lion in the cab to a cute kitten here, how does he even do that?

“Wo… Mein … tujhe …matlab” Aman stuttered. (I mean.. you .. I )

Karthik waited. His Aman was not a man of many words, and he knows that. Aman breathed in slowly, a soft blush creeping under his cheeks.

“Tere liye kuch big gesture types karna chahta tha… like Karthik ‘Zyaada’ Singh style. Tumhe… propose karna tha…” (I wanted to do something like a big gesture for you… like Karthik ‘Zyaada’ Singh… I wanted to propose to you)

_Aman mujhe propose karne walaa tha! Are you serious??? Ithna plan bhi kiya?_

_(Aman was going to propose to me! Are you serious??? He planned so much?)_

Karthik crossed the room in a stride and lifted Aman up into the air.

“Karthik… Kya kar rahe ho… gir jaaunga...!” exclaimed Aman in astonishment.

(Karthik… What are you doing? I will fall down)

“Arrey aise kaise mere jaanemann” Karthik said, unable to contain his elation. He gyrated slowly with Aman high up in his arms. Aman smiled despite his fear.

(I will not let that happen darling)

Karthik put him reluctantly down when Aman closed his eyes as his fear got better of him and clutched his t-shirt for his life.

But even after planting him carefully on the ground. Aman clutched his collar. Karthik peered into his eyes, only to lose himself into the depths.

How did he not see this before? The emotions brimming in Aman’s eyes were achingly familiar. He had seen those unsaid things before in those beautiful eyes and never realised their meaning. Longing, love, admiration, unbridled attraction.

Aman hugged him, snuggling at his chest.

“Challo… Baaki ki surprise nahi dekhna?” (Come… Don’t you want to see the next part of surprise)

Karthik could only manage a nod. Aman took his hand into his, planted a shy kiss on his knuckles and led him to the table. The bouquet, now that he noticed, looked a lot like the one he got on the day he met his Aman. Karthik looked at Aman quizzical.

“Haa waisa wala hi hain… Tere chehra aise hi kisi bade bouquet se dhaka huva tha, jab meine tujhe pehli baar dekha tha…actually suna tha”, said Aman smiling at the memory. (Yea… It is that bouquet only… The first time I saw you,.. actually heard you… your face was hidden behind a huge bouquet like this one)

Karthik squeezed his hand. Aman then gestured him towards the ice box. Strange, why ice box though. Reluctantly he released Aman’s hand and carefully lifted the lid.

What he saw floored him beyond words. There were tubs of strawberry ice-creams of all sizes and shapes perched strategically in the box without their lids. Aman had used Strawberry Hershey’s to write his proposal.

“I-AM-IN-LOVE-WITH-U-KARTHIK-SINGH-!-BE-MY-BF-?”

Karthik was sure that his jaw dropped to the floor. He turned around to see Aman kneeling in front of him with a red rose and a spoon.

“Tum mere zindagi ke sabse khaas surprise ho Karthik…tere liye poora speech prepare karke rakha tha…lekin bolne niklu toh tere aage kuch soojta hi nahi hain iss dimaag ko… Pehle din ke pehle lamhe se mein tere pein latoo hoon... Mohabbat toh bade shiddat se kar liya lekin,.. jataane mein na jaane kyun ithna katraaya tha… dosth bane, phir roommates… aise waqt ke saath saath hamara rishta… gehri hota gaya… Tu mera ek meeta sa khwaab se mera hakikat bagaya, mera sabse kareeb dosth bangaya,… mera mazboori, mera addat, mera zaroorat bangaya … Abh tere bina saans bhi nahi chalthe…Mohabbat tujhse ithna kartha hoon Karthik…ki abh lafz bhi kam padne lag gaye!” Aman said, his eyes conveying what his words failed to.

“ … Aaj tak yeh bol nahi paaya… yeh dill ke baatein karne mein expert to tum ho na…shayad kahin na kahin tere izhaar ka intezaar tha… phir Vicky ke aane ke baad, mein insecure hone laga… yeh darr raha tha ki tu ab bhi usse hi chahte hon. Lekin kal raat ko jo huva, aaj subah … jo hua… uske baad tumse door rehna mere bass ki baath nahi hain baby,…I love you Karthik! I love you so much!” Aman said, finally letting the barrage of his thoughts break, his eyes a tad moist, his lips curled in a truly brilliant smile. Karthik kept gazing at him with tears in his own eyes.

“Will you be mine Karthik Zyaada Singh?” Aman said in a voice thick with emotions.

(You are the best surprise in my life Karthik… I had prepared a long speech for you… but when you are infront of me, nothing else comes to my mind. I fell for you in the first sight, the first moment, the first day! I have loved you passionately but I don’t know why I couldn’t express that to you. We became friends, then roomates,.. with time our relationship toiok up so many dimensions… From a sweet dream of mine you became my reality, my closest friend, my weakness, my habit, my need. Now I cannot even breathe without you. I love you so much Karthik that now even my words are exhausted to express.)

(Till today… I could not tell you… The department of expressing feelings is yours right…I am a novice in it… and maybe I had an expectation that you will express your feelings first, then Vicky came and I grew insecure… I was fearing that you still had feelings for him… But after what happened yesterday, and in the mornings, I cannot help but acknowledge my feelings… I cannot help but express my feelings to you baby… I love you Karthik,… I love you so much! Will you be mine Karthik Zyaada Singh?) 

Karthik’s knees gave way, and he landed softly in front of the kneeling Aman. They both reached for each other and hugged as their lives depended on it. In a way, they did.

Aman was comfortably perched on Karthik’s lap, his hands wrapped around his neck and head snuggling against his shoulders, as Karthik finished his “Proposal wali Icecream” religiously.

Aman chuckles as Karthik finishes lapping up his last spoon.

“Kyun hass rahe ho…?” Karthik asked playfully tossing the ice-cream cup aside. (why are you lauughing?)

“Kehte hain jo banda last bite finish karta hain na… ussko sabse accha pati mil jaata hain”

(They say… the guy who finishes the last bite… gets the best husband)

“Accha toh… hence proved… mera hone wala pati…Sabse accha hain.” Karthik said wrapping his now free hands around Aman. (Wow… hence proved… My would-be husband… He is the best)

“Jee nahin… kyunki last bite mera hone waala hain?” (Oh Please… Not so fast… Because the last bite will be mine)

“Aise kaise” (How is that?)

Aman’s eyes glint mischievously as he leans in to flick the remaining dregs of ice cream from Karthik’s lips with his lips. Karthik could only react a moment late.

“Dekha! Mera wala tere wale se better hain!” Aman smirked. (See! Mine is better than yours)

Karthik’s breath was caught in his throat.

_Bolti band kardiya hain Tu mera, Aman Tripathi! (You have shut me up so quickly Aman Tripathi)_

“Jee nahin…” Karthik protested playfully. (No way!) Recapturing Aman’s lips in a longing, almost languid kiss. But that’s the thing with kisses they are much like cyclones hovering over still sea, it’s hard to predict their incredible energy and the direction they might take.

From blissful domesticity the atmosphere suddenly ascended into tempestuous silences punctuated by ungodly noises from either side. Karthik tried to lead the kiss, but eventually gave into Aman’s control.

Soon Aman’s hands were roaming freely on Karthik’s torso and back when Karthik suddenly felt he had to clarify somethings with him. Karthik broke the kiss, while Aman was all in, eyes closed.

“Kya kar raha hain Baby, theek se kiss karne dena!” Aman huffed in frustration peering at Karthik with his half-closed eyes. (What are you doing baby! Let me kiss you properly)

Karthik chuckled, ruffling his cute bean’s hair. “Tu sure toh hain na… mere baare mein… inn sab ke baare mein”. ( You are sure, right? About me? About all this?)

He was serious. He wanted to be absolutely sure that Aman is comfortable with him. Because the way things were going, Karthik didn’t trust himself to control his cravings. But as Karthik feared in that milli-second gap that Aman would say no, he looked at him, rolled his eyes and said with a smirk, “Dikhaaun kithna sure hoon?” (Should I show you how sure I am)

Before Karthik could answer, Aman planted a chaste kiss on his forehead. Then slowly he descended to the bushy eyebrows planting soft kisses on the edges of the arcs. Karthik’s eyes rolled into his eyelids in response. His closed eyes became subjects of Aman’s intense focus and flutter-soft kisses, after which his attention briefly rested on nose tip before diving into the cold metal on Karthik’s nose. Aman lavished a great deal of attention on the nose ring, before diverting to his Karthik’s cheeks, jaw line, neck in quick succession. The kisses were no longer chaste; they were lingering and hungry. Moist and intense. Aman started nibbling on his tattoo and Karthik could no longer control his moans.

“Amm…annn” he whimpered trying to find a purchase. Aman’s lips found his again, consuming him completely this time. He held on Aman’s shoulders. His fingers finding their way to Aman’s hair.

Suddenly, Aman’s weight disappeared from his lap, He was pulled up out of the couch. All the while their lips stayed connected. Karthik’s brain was slowly turning into mush.

Out of the blue, Karthik found himself on the bed, Aman straddling him. Karthik wondered for a moment where his shirt went. But he couldn’t get his brain to think about it. His attention was captivated by Aman, who was trying to work his belt, with an adorable frustrated expression. It was impossible to look anywhere else. Aman looked hot, his eyes dark, chest heaving, a tiny frown on his face.

“Yaar! Ithna weird belts kyun kharridhtha tu?” Aman huffed in frustration.

(Dude! Why do you buy such weird belts?)

Karthik chuckled. Its funny how a guy who could literally slap Vikrant senseless, who could make out with him in a cab parked in a lane, found a belt’s buckle impossible.

“Ab tu kuch karega yaa aise hi hastha rahega?” Aman asked in impatiently.

(Now will you do something to help or just stay there laughing)

Karthik smiled and helped him. Then turned his attention to Aman’s belt. Aman’s eyes were trained on him, his gaze lazily trailing everywhere. He had a smirk on his lips. He should smirk often; it looks sexy as hell.

Karthik hooked his fingers around Aman’s belt loops and pulled him towards himself. Aman laughed as he fell into his chest. Aman cupped his face peering into his eyes.

“Tu sure hain na… mere saath…?” Aman repeated his words gently. There was a question for him in those eyes. (You are sure right…with me?)

Karthik heart melted. His Aman was asking him his consent. He smiled and nodded, adding his peck on his lips as a seal.

Aman took his lips in an almost blissful kiss, soon leaving his lips to explore his neck, collar bone, and other enticing trails. Karthik was soon reduced to incomprehensible mess of moans and whimpers.

“A…mman…nnn… Aaaahh… Fuck!”

* * *

# Aman

Lazy guitar strums sounded all morning. After a long time, Karthik got a chance to hangout with his young friends. Their reunion had been quite epic. Jugni even cried a little clutching Karthik’s shirt. She was the youngest and most attached to Karthik. He was a natural mother hen to all of them. There were times when the kids came to him in the middle of the nights seeking shelter from their abusive parents. Sometimes they fought with him over school and education. Karthik was scrappy, had a survivor spirit in him, but when he sees his kids lack that, he cannot keep his silence. But today was a joyful breakfast session. Karthik sang the kid’s favourites. Some of them even danced. Once the breakfast was served, they all quietened and enjoyed their meal.

“Aman bhaiyya… tumna next time se Karthik bhaiyya ko jaane hi mat dena kahi” said Jugni.

(Aman brother… Don’t let Karthik Bhaiyya go anywhere from next time)

“haa tum bologe toh Bhaiyya sunta hain” said Pari agreeing with the little girl in Karthik’s lap.

(Yaa … If you tell, brother will listen)

Aman laughed. Karthik wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “hey! Tum logon ko kya lagta hain? mein Aman se darrta hoon?” (What do you guys think ? I am afraid of Aman?

“Haa…” Jugni said simply. (yeah)

“Dekha!! Chotte bacchon ko bhi pataa hain… ki tu mujhe kithna daraatha hain!” Karthik huffed dramatically.( See! Even the kids know that you scare me so much)

“Chall Nautanki!” (You and your dramatics)

The kids laughed. Sadly, their time together was coming to an end. It always bothered Aman and Karthik that the kids seldom went to school. Their conditions, sometimes their parents made them work under risky conditions. Aman sighed, he knows he cannot change much even if he tried, all they could do, was to accept the kids the way they are, giving them a safe space, helping them as much as they can, and letting them know that there are people looking out for them.

Aman smiled as waved to the last of them. The kids really completed their life. Karthik, him and kids. His heart somersaulted at the very thought. He shook his head at his own hopelessly romantic heart. 

* * *

“Aa rahe hain na bhai! Lunch pein tu bulaayega toh ham kaise na aate” Devika said, her voice excited. ( Arrey we are coming bro! You have invited us for lunch how will we not come?)

Aman could almost see her Cheshire cat grin, through the phone. “Theek hain phir. Rakhta hoon” (Ok then! Bye)

“Waise baat kya hain bataana…” (Oh Wait… tell me whats the matter)

Aman smiled, they will get to know when they come here, but he had another thing in mind, “Tum log aaoge toh discuss karoongana Kuch…Vikrant ko thappad toh marr diya… aage ka kya? Abh unke consequences hongena… tum log aajaao… arraam se discuss karthe hain...” (You guys come here… there is a lot to discuss… I have slapped Vikrant, the matter will not end there right? There will be consequences.. you guys come… we will discuss stuff properly)

“Accha… sirf Vikrant ke baarein mein discuss karna hain… aur kuch nahi? Wah Tripathiji…Maan gaye! Suspense banaaye rakhna toh koi tujhse seekhe!” (Oh … Its only the matter of Vikrant. Nothing else? Great you are Tripathi! You know how to keep up the suspense)

“Hey Bholenath, Duniya bhar mein bawaal machi hain, iss ladki ko sirf gossip ki padi hain!” Aman said in mock irritation. (Oh God! There are so many problems in the world and this girl is interested in gossip alone)

“Ha ha lo karlo baath… mere gossip se hi tere bade bade kaam huve hain Tripathiji, yeh mat bhoolna!” (Ha ha… hear that!...Its my gossip that came to big use for you Tripathi! Don’t you forget that!)

“Theek hain meri maa. Tadka lagana hain, baad mein baath karenge” Aman said with a laugh. ( Oh god,… ok … I adding the spices to the gravy… lets talk later)

“Challo bye!” (Ok Bye)

Aman stirred the gravy in front of him. He invited Gaurav, Ravi and Devika to lunch. There were things to discuss, decisions to take. Although generally uncertainty in their situation would have worried Aman. But there was a calmness in his being that defeated every sign of fear. He is with Karthik now, and that gave him immense courage. When Karthik is by his side, everything gets sorted on its own.

Karthik was softly humming an unknown tune, in the living room. It was sounding as if he was working on an original song. The words sounded familiar, but Aman just could not place them. Not that he concentrated much. Cooking always was an immersive experience for him.

Almost an hour passed without much ado, his lunch preparations were almost ready. Except he didn’t trust his tasting skills. Good thing he had a professional taster with him.

“Karthik!” Aman called.

“Haa baby!” Karthik called back, clearly not moving an inch towards the kitchen. Aman sighed and scooped out a spoonful of gravy to take it to him.

“Chakk ke dekh kaisi bana hain.” Aman walked out of the kitchen to find Karthik hastily putting a paper into his pocket. ( Taste this and tell me how it is)

Aman frowned for a second, but looking at Karthik’s sheepish smile, decided to let it go.

“Acchi hi bana hoga” Karthik supplied trying to cover his awkwardness. ( I would be good only)

“Gaurav bhi aa raha hain yaar… namak zyaada hogaya toh…” Aman said truly worrying. However close he was to Karthik, Aman could not shrug off the superior aura Gaurav had about him. (Gaurav is also coming… What if the salt is in excess)

Karthik nodded with a soft smile and stepped forward. Aman gently blew on the spoon to make sure its not too hot. Karthik slowly closed the distance between them, and casually put his arms around Aman’s waist, pulling him in. Aman, now locked in Karthik’s arms, said “Le… garam hoga sambhalke” placing the spoon carefully into Karthik’s ready mouth.

Karthik needn’t to tell anything, there was a blissful smile spreading over his face, which meant the curry was perfect.

“Heavenly!” Karthik said, as Aman retrieved the spoon.

“Thank god! Ye log aate hi honge.” Aman said, trying to control his natural tendency to snuggle against Karthik’s chest and melt into the embrace. He still had to set the table. (Thank god! These people will be here anytime now)

He noticed a small speck of the gravy at the corner of Karthik’s lower lip. Aman made to wipe it with his finger, Karthik weaves his head back holding Aman’s wrist, gently swinging Aman’s hand backwards and locking it behind him. Aman tries to do it with his right hand, the history repeats. With both his hands locked behind him in Karthik’s hands, himself locked in Karthik’s embrace, and familiar heat pooling inside him, Aman huffed with a small frown, “Karthik… kya kar raha hain tu? Haath chodona…Gravy laga hain wahan…,” (Karthik what are you doing? Release my hand! You have gravy stuck there)

“toh clean kar na... tujhe kaun rokhraha hain” (So clean it na… Who is stopping you?)

“Kaise…?” Aman looked up in confusion. (How?) Karthik smiled crookedly, his eyebrow cocked suggestively, his eyes decidedly on Aman’s lips, his intentions very clear.

Aman’s irritation melted in 0.1 second, before getting replaced by a heady restrain. These guys will be there anytime now. Karthik leaned in just a little.

“Babu… Kya kar rahe ho? Yeh log aa jayenge…” Aman protested half-heartedly. A part of him, already gripped in the fantasy for Karthik’s lips. (Babu… what are you doing … these guys will be here any moment)

“Ek chotu sa peck baby… please” Karthik breathed, pouting and leaning in. (Just one little peck baby…please)

Aman couldn’t resist any longer. His lips met Karthik’s hungrily, tasting his gravy on Karthik was an added bonus. It turned out a little spicier that intended. Both the gravy and their peck. No not a peck. Because just a few moments later, Aman found himself seated on the edge of the dining table, his legs clinging to Karthik’s waist. Karthik was hungrily devouring Aman’s mouth, one hand playing with his hair, the other tracing the familiar paths down his back. Aman could not help moaning a little, giving his Karthik what he wanted, a little more access.

There was a gasp, a snort, a low whistle and cough all in an interval of a second. Both Karthik and Aman froze in their making out session. Karthik looks up at the crowd gathered, his jaw dropping in horror. Aman who closed his eyes in embarrassment had to force himself to peek first at Karthik, then behind him.

_Marr gaye! (Oh we are dead)_

Standing behind in a state of amused shock were, Devika, Ravi and Gaurav. And a little behind them, much to Aman’s raising consternation, bloody Vikrant. Aman stared at Vikrant, who was looking straight back at him. His eyes went up and down possibly at the intimate position they were in. Aman suddenly realised; he still had his legs around Karthik. Aman disentangled himself, nudging shell-shocked Karthik to move back. The man still had his hand up his t-shirt.

_Hey Bholenath! Mujhe dafna do koi (Oh God! Someone please bury me)_

Thankfully, Karthik also recovered in time. He slowly retrieved his hand, straightened up, cheeks flushing crimson. His embarrassment would have been complete if not for the oppressive presence of Vikrant. It is interesting how Karthik’s reactions towards people change overnight. This time Aman stiffened at seeing Vikrant but Karthik visibly relaxed, almost smirked defiantly.

It was then that their friends actually noticed Vikrant standing behind them. All their faces spelt hostility. Gaurav’s annoyance is longer restraint.

“What do you want now Vicky?” Gaurav asked in a low growl.

“Gaurav! My man! I am here for a discussion… with my aggressor, Aman! And his inciter, Karthik.” Vikrant said in a voice that sound saccharine sweet.

Aman’s insides roiled in fury. The twisted old son of a … But he had to say, Vikrant still had his wits about him even when Gaurav, Ravi, Devika and Aman were literally staring at him murderously. Only extreme arrogance or extreme stupidity can make people like that. Aman supposed it was both.

Karthik was the first to react. “Vicky! Why don’t we discuss this? Aao baitho… have a seat!” Karthik said in an equally sarcastic and sweet voice.

Aman looked at Karthik in surprise. Karthik smiled and mouthed trust me. Aman nodded, his jaw ticking. Aman is generally not the guy who takes the violent option in confrontation. He was actually the opposite.

But when it comes to Karthik, Aman sees flash in a second. He simply gets wired to strike.

Karthik took his hand confidently gesturing Vikrant towards the chair and others to wards the couch.

Gaurav nodded and took his seat on the cot, quite away from where Vikrant sat. Devika and Ravi sat beside Karthik on the couch. For a moment Aman wondered where he should sit. But Karthik already had a plan for that. He shifted slightly towards the back of couch and angled his legs in such a way that Aman could easily place himself in between.

_Shit! No! Karthik kuch zyaada hi A certificate ho jayega yaar. (Shit No! Kartik it will become Adults only certification scene)_

Karthik looked at him smiling and his protests vanished in thin air.

_Ah Fuck it! Vikrant ka chehra dekhne laayak hoga… Karthik ka ego bhi satisfy hoga. (Ah Fuck it! Vikrant’s face will be spectacle to watch… and Karthik’s ego will also get satisfied)_

Aman felt a little wicked that moment, as he sat brazenly between Karthik’s legs. Karthik immediately encompassed him with his arms pulling him close and snuggling at his neck.

Devika smirked nudging at Ravi. For a brief moment Aman and Ravi looked a little embarrassed, both their friends being the over the top show offs. 

But Aman looked at Vikrant’s face harden and braced himself. Aman felt it was necessary for Karthik, to show Vikrant that he can longer affect him. But was that a slight jealousy in Vikrant’s face. He liked it immensely.

“Kya hain discuss karne ke liye Vikrant? Aman asked in a calm voice. Calm voice that only just managed to cover his simmering rage. Aman willed himself to be cool. He knows he has to be in control. (What are you here to discuss Vikrant?)

“Apne boss se baath karne ka yahi tareeka hain Aman Tripathi? You have slapped me in a druken brawl… you thought there will be no repercussions?” (Is this the way to speak to your boss Aman Tripathi? You have slapped me in a druken brawl… you thought there will be no repercussions? )

How fucking predictable this guy can be.

“As of today, you are no longer my boss, Mr Vikrant Massey. I was put under employee probation a month back, and I quit yesterday, probation mein immediate release hain, company policy ke hisaab se… So, yeah, what repercussions? The drunken brawl you were talking about, you were the only one drunk there. I slapped you consciously.” Aman said in the same composed and firm voice. But his eyes were literally giving out sparks.

“Tu toh bach gaya… iss Karthik ka kya?” Vikrant in mock concern, in barely-concealed malice. ( you are safe then… what about this Karthik here)

Karthik laughed, “Mein toh employee’s payroll se hata diya gaya thana? For the special project. Abhi mujhe rejoin nahi karna” (I am not on employee’s payroll for the special projects… I have decided not to rejoin)

Aman smirked. That was their last night’s pillow talk. How romantic! But after the initial elation, reality had quickly set in. They discussed their positions, decided to quit for good. Oddly, facing total unemployment was a lesser burden than working for Vikrant. It was lucky that Aman had friends to help his exit.

Vikrant blanched; he was the one who created that loophole in the first place. He looked like he was force fed mustard oil. It was evident that he was thinking hard. Signing Karthik on board with his agency is really important to Vikrant right now! Another piece of insider’s information that Aman collected. Supposedly, he signed a contract with mOreL, who asked especially for Karthik, who looked quite like a famous actor. Vikrant’s restive eyes suddenly found Gaurav. 

Gaurav intercepted haughtily, “Don’t you even think about it. I quit the next second I got to know that you were forcing Karthik to do the shoot. My hair is no longer in your hands Vikrant. Vishwa is stepping in from Monday. I am free to walk away… now all cards on the table… abh bol tu kya karega?” (Now tell us what you will do?)

“Aman slapped me … slapped me dammit… You think I will let it be? I can go to the police!”

“And get me arrested without a FIR?” Aman growled. Karthik’s hands around him stiffened. Aman continued, “Tu ja … Police ko involve kar… mein jaata hoon … media ke paas…Twitter aur Facebook ko lekar local aur national TV channels pein hoga tera naam, tere circles ko bhi pata chalna chahiye tu kithna ghatiya, gira hua aadmi hain. Tu apna employees ko sexually harass karta hain… yeh baat toh sabko pata honi chahiye na!” ( You go… involve police… I Will go to media… from Twitter and Facebook to local and national TV channels, I will make sure everyone in your circle get to know how crass you are! That you harass your employees sexually)

Vikrant stood up waving a manila envelope with the contract to sign. Aman got up too, Ravi silently passed him the piece of evidence. Aman played the video and thrust it under Vikrant’s horrified face to see. The video clearly had Karthik backing to the wall, Vikrant groping him and then kissing him. Aman gave Ravi his phone back and snatched the contract in Vikrant’s hand.

“Ye yeh contract” Aman said, tearing the wad of papers into a clear half, “ ye Karthik kabhi sign nahi karega…” Tearing the contract into fours, “ tu phirse Karthik ko touch karne ki koshish bhi karega na…” tearing the remaining contract into small pieces with force, “ toh tera aisa haal kardonga…” Aman unconsciously advanced towards Vikrant who slowly backed. Aman threw the torn contract on Vikrant’s face and continued, “Tu hoga bada aadmi, lekin… panga ham Jaison se nahi le sakta hain tu… things can get really messy with us. Saala mooh dikhaane ke laayak nahi rahega”

(This this contract … Karthik will never sign it…And if you even try to touch Karthik again… I am going to extract my pound of flesh from you…You might be a big man… you cannot take on people like us… things can get really messy with us,… You will not be able to save your face!)

“How Dare you How dare you?”

“Kar doo leak uss video ko? Influence hoga tere pass Vikrant, hamare pass na… network hain, hamare dosth, khandaan, cousins Kumbh hain kumbh… Media mein, police mein, agencies mein, politicians mein, har jagah phailen huve hain… one wrong step and I can fucking destroy you!” Aman said pushing Vikrant further back into the wall. Vikrant gulped. He looked behind Aman. Karthik, Ravi were flanking him, followed closely by Devika and Gaurav.

(Should I leak it! You might be a man of influence! We are people of network…we have friends, family, cousins… its crowd… in media, police, agencies, politicians …we have people everywhere …one wrong step and I can fucking destroy you!)

Without having really anything to say Vikrant left. To Aman, that smelt like victory. His rage slowly leaving him and relief spreading in him. The warning is strong enough for Vikrant to stay away from them, at least for the time being. Karthik hugged him from behind.

“Damn! Kithna hot lagraha tha tu… dhamki dete huve… mere angry young man!” Karthik whispered in his ear. Aman relaxed completely into his arms, almost forgetting that there were others in the room. (Damn! How hot you were looking… while giving him warning… my angry young man!)

Only after a low whistle from Devika and a barking laugh and high five exchange between Ravi and Gaurav, Aman disentangled himself from Karthik’s hug, blushing.

“Ho gayi tum logon ki shuru?” Devika asked cocking her eyebrows indicatively. (It started between you guys?)

Aman face palmed.

_Abh toh yeh chodegi nahi! (Now she wouldn’t leave me)_

Karthik took the matters into his hands, He wrapped his hands around Aman’s shoulder, and placed a chaste kiss on Aman’s cheeks, looking around at Ravi, Devika and Gaurav and confidently said, “Haan” (Yes)

Aman couldn’t help blush. When Gaurav cheerfully came forward and hugged both of them.

“Bahut khush hoon Chote tere liye… Abh tak chinta thi… abh nahi hain Aman tere liye perfect hain.” (I am really happy for you Chote… I was worrying about you till now… But not now…Aman is perfect for you)

“Thanks baba” Karthik said with tears glinting in his eyes. Aman always felt happy at how Gaurav treated Karthik, almost like his younger brother. He was bisexual himself and accepted Karthik’s sexuality and actually taught him to be proud what he is.

Devika and Ravi came forward, Devika ruffled Aman’s hair and said teasingly, “Bola thana Sabr ka phal Karthik hota hain”. Aman laughed at that. (Didn’t I tell you, Karthik is the fruit of all your patience)

They all huddled into one huge group hug, laughing and teasing each other.

Aman felt truly blissful. His home is right here, where he was accepted with a question.

He felt a small ache too. However perfect Karthik and he might be together, his other world will never accept them. His family will never accept them. He stopped himself from tumbling down that rabbit hole of thought. The day is for celebration. Vikrant is kicked out of their lives, Karthik and him are together, they had a close-knit group to share their happiness, what else can anyone want!

* * *

# KARMAN

**Aman** smiled leaning sidelong agianst the doorsill. He looked up towards the overcast sky, sweet smell of earth romancing the early rains of the season. A steaming cup of chai, accompanied by the faint patter of the rain in the background. The peace he felt emanated throughout his being. And he knows the source of his peace and hapiness. One name. Karthik.

Devika, Ravi and Gaurav left after a long, heavy and banter-filled lunch. Gaurav had a entreprenueral venture up his sleeve and wanted Karthik and Aman to be a part of it. They agreed gratefully. Ravi and Devika will also be quitting soon to join them. They had not yet acknowledged their feelings to each other. But Aman was sure that Ravi liked Devika a lot. It was evident. Aman knew they get together soon, he could feel it. The house was so silent that when Karthik woke up from his short nap, Aman could make that out from the balcony itself.

**Karthik** didn’t have to search long for his baby. He could smell the damp earth and hear the rain, Aman will be in their balcony. Yet, as he entered the kitchen to check him out, the sight took his breath away. Aman looked like a vision of bliss, in white V-necked t-shirt and shorts, his long sleeves rolled upto his elbows. He stealthily crept up to him from behind.

**Aman** was wondering where Karthik is, and as if on cue, a pair of hands snaked across his torso. He smiled as his boyfriend’s slightly damp nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His hand automatically reached his hair.

“Baarish enjoy kar rahe hon Baby” Karthik mumbled softly into his ear, planting several butterfly kisses on his neck. (Enjoying the rain, baby)

Aman shivered slightly under Karthik’s romeo effect. All this was new to him, the irrepressible feelings of joy, the easy smother of Karthik’s embrace, the headiness, the giddiness.

Aman kept his cup aside and turned into Karthik’s hug only to realise that his boyfriend had conveniently forgotten his shirt. He wrapped his arms around his neck, looking into his eyes. Karthik’s unruly look is his favourite. Black hair that was fluffed and simply all over the place, slightly pick nose, black eyes that swim in mirth and playfulness. The eyes that were incidentally roaming leisurely all over him. Aman felt a little self-conscious.

“Janab ne shirt pahenna chodh hi diye, lagta hain?” Aman smirked. ( The sir has completely given up wearing shirts, I guess)

Karthik shrugged carelessly tightening his hold on him, “Abh tere samne shirt pehanne ka koi matlab nai hain” (Now I don’t really need a shirt in front of you)

_Uff God Bless my heart!_

Aman brought his fingers down Karthik’s neck in a slow caress tracing the path of those little kisses of passion that flushed red against Karthik’s skin. He loved the way Karthik shivered at his touch. He started kissing the hickeys again. This time, those were soft kisses to remind Karthik, what he is to him. Karthik tightened his grip around Aman’s waist, moaning softly into his ears. Aman doesn’t want to rush this time for anything in the world.

“Kal ki yaadien tazaa hain babu” Karthik said teasingly. (Last night’s memories are still afresh)

Aman looked up, his eyes holding no bars in showing how exactly he felt.

Aman could not think of anything to say at all. Karthik snuggled into his neck again.

**Karthik** felt that all this was so new to him. Strangely, the reality felt better than all his dreams, Aman was melting in his arms, the rain was pulling the blinds down on their little world, if there is heaven at all, it will be right here.

“Tujhpe v-neck tees acche lagte hain… especially white colour… nazar nahi hatthi tumse…” Karthik mused looking back at him. (You look really good in V-neck Tees… escpecially in White colour… I cannot take my eyes off you)

“Accha…?” Aman looked surpised. (Is it?)

“Pehle din tum jab office pein aaye the… white hi pehna tha… kithna cute lag raha tha” Karthik said reminiscing the moment. For a second he control himself and started kissing his Aman’s neck again.

(you were wearing white on that day too,.. the first day… How cute you were looking!)

**Aman** was hit anew by a sense of wonder.“Tujhe yaad hain?” Aman asked incredulously.( You remember)

Of course, he’d remember his first day with a vivid clarity, but that was because Karthik’s polychromatic personality had popped into the dull monotones of his life. He didn’t expect Karthik to remember his feeble first impressions.

**Karthik** gazed into Aman’s incredulous eyes, rain had started splattering on the balcony, spraying them with a soft misty wind. Karthik chuckled at Aman’s surprise. Karthik felt that Aman doesn’t really know how good he looks, of course he would remember their first glance. Aman looked like a sweet innocent boy in the crisp white shirt and blue striped tie. He looked impeccable in his clean shave, meticulously parted hair, light colgne, ideal for the perfect first impressions. 

He drew back and extending his hand to Aman as if asking him for a dance. Aman laughed and shook his head. Karthik does not take no for an answer. So he reached for Aman’s hand and pulled him energetically. Aman jolted by the movement landed in Karthik’s arms who wrapped his arm around his waist, holding one of his hand in his.

**Aman** couldn’t help blush at the filminess of their posture.

“Dance with me Babu…”

“Music?”

Karthik grinned cheekily at that and pulled an excellent impression of Rahul from Kuch kuch hota hain fingering the piano in the air. Aman laughs.

Karthik brought his fingers down to cup his chin, and he was lost. He was lost to the wonder, awe, love and intense attraction those eyes held.

“Tujhe kuch sunana hain.”Karthik breathed. (I need you to listen to something)

Aman had to concentrate very hard to get those words into his brain and process an answer. Because his brain is practically mush by then.

“Ha … sunao na” (Yes… sing it to me)

**Karthik** hesitated, “Thoda rough hain…aur lyrics … mere nahi hain… I hope you don’t mind!”

(It’s a little rough…and the lyrics… they are not mine…I hope you don’t mind)

“Gao baby… ithna kyun hichkhicha rahe hon.” (Sing it baby… Why are you hesistating so much?)

Karthik led them in the balcony in a slow circular movement, he released Aman to step backward, still holding his hands.

He took a deep breath and started,

> Teri meri aisi jud gay kahani ke
> 
> Jud jaata hain do nadiyon ka paani,
> 
> Mujhe aage tere saath behna hain!”

**Aman** forgot how to breath for a second. He remembered writings those words. He wrote a lot of words when he missed Karthik. This was one of them, not the last line though that wa Karthik’s addition. He was stepping back and forth as if, in a trance, following Karthik’s lead. His eyes, his mind and heart capturing and registering those words that effortlessly flowed from Karthik’s mouth.

> “Jaana tujhe hain toh yeh baath jaani ke
> 
> Yeh zindagi kyun banti suhaani
> 
> Mujhe har pal tera saath rehna hain”

Karthik pulled him by right hand and Aman gyrated into Karthik’s embrace back to front. Karthik started slowly moving towards the sides, holding his hands from behind, singing into his ears the next verse.

> “ Tum kuch adhoore se ham bhi kuch aadhe
> 
> Aadha aadha hum jo dono milaade…
> 
> Toh ban jaayegi apni ek zindagani”

Aman was mesmerised, that was where he got stuck when he wrote it, he was not able to complete the line. Karthik filled the gaps so beautifully.

 **Karthik** nervously peeked into Aman’s eyes, as he rotated him to face each other. Aman’s eyes were brimming with a sheen of tears. But his eyes held a smile too.

> “Ye duniya mile na mile humko,
> 
> Khushiyan baghaadengi har gham ko
> 
> Tum saath ho fir kya baaki ho,
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho!”

Aman placed his hands on his shoulders, and he wrapped his arms around Aman’s waist. They slowly moved in small steps to the unheard music they both felt. Rain was misting their hair, gentle rain laden wind blowing, simultaneously chilling them and warming them.

Aman’s acceptance to his tweaks to his poem made Karthik go a little high in his head. He found the poem on the thrid day of his shoot on Aman’s writing table. He spent the last few days trying to bring the verse to a tune. He cracked it only last night, after they travelled to heaven and back.

He doesn’t know what inspired those verses, but Aman had inspired his music. The song fit their life so perfectly.

 **Aman** waited for the next verse to flow, but Karthik seemed to be lost in thought.

So he supplied, trying his best to follow the tune Karthik had set it into.

> “Ek asmaan ke hain ham do sitaare ke
> 
> Takarathe hain tootthe hain bechaare”

Karthik was visibly astonished but picked his cue,

> “Mujhe tumse par yeh kahna hain”
> 
> “Chakke jo do saath chalthe hain thode,
> 
> Ghisne ragadne mein chilthe hain thode,
> 
> Par yun hi to katthe hain kacche kinaare”

**Karthik** lifted his left arm taking Aman’s hand, he set Aman into another rotation before pulling him flush against himself. Aman was enjoying himself, his head thrown back in carefree laughter at Karthik’s attempt keeping the slow dance alive.

Karthik breathed the last of his verses “

> Yeh dil jo dalaa teri aadat mein,
> 
> Shaamil kiya hain ibadat mein.
> 
> Thodi Khudaa se bhi maafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.

Karthik took Aman’s face closer to his, as he sang his refrain, the last “Mere liye tum kaafi ho” misting Aman’s lips.

**Aman** smiled gazing at his Karthik’s lips. What better finale to their song than a kiss?

When their lips met, the melody was still ringing in the rain, the air, all around them forming a bubble around them.

It was their melody. Their life. Their story. Their happily-ever-after!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another alternate written for the rain scene for your guys... will upload it two days!


	16. Dancing on the clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So finally it's here... My alt rain scene as I promised. A tad late... but things have happened in between! 
> 
> This is basically a self-indulgent chapter, that I thought will nicely sum up their journey.
> 
> There are songs, confessions and just tooth-rotting fluff!

# KARMAN

 **Aman** smiled leaning sidelong agianst the doorsill. He looked up towards the overcast sky, sweet smell of earth romancing the early rains of the season. A steaming cup of chai, accompanied by the faint patter of the rain in the background. The peace he felt emanated throughout his being. And he knows the source of his peace and hapiness. One name. Karthik.

**Karthik** didn’t have to search long for his baby. He could smell the damp earth and hear the rain, Aman will be in their balcony. Yet, as he entered the kitchen to check him out, the sight took his breath away. Aman looked like a vision of bliss, in white V-necked t-shirt and shorts, his long sleeves rolled upto his elbows. He stealthily crept up to him from behind.

**Aman** was wondering where Karthik is, and as if on cue, a pair of hands snaked across his torso. He smiled as his boyfriend’s slightly damp nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His hand automatically reached his hair. “Baarish enjoy kar rahe hon Baby” Karthik mumbled softly into his ear, planting several butterfly kisses on his neck. Aman shivered slightly under Karthik’s romeo effect. All this was new to him, the irrepressible feelings of joy, the easy smother of Karthik’s embrace, the headiness, the giddiness.

Aman kept his cup aside and turned into Karthik’s hug only to realise that his boyfriend had conveniently forgotten his shirt. He wrapped his arms around his neck, looking into his eyes. Karthik’s unruly look is his favourite. Black hair that was fluffed and simply all over the place, slightly pick nose, black eyes that swim in mirth and playfulness. The eyes that were incidentally roaming leisurely all over him. Aman felt a little self-conscious.

"Janab ne shirt pahenna chodh hi diye, lagta hain?” Aman smirked.

Karthik shrugged carelessly tightening his hold on him, “Abh tere samne shirt pehanne ka koi matlab nai hain”

_Uff God Bless my heart!_

Aman could not think of anything to say at all as Karthik snuggled into his neck again.

**Karthik** felt that all this was so new to him yet so familiar, as if he dreamed of all this. Strangely, the reality felt better than all his dreams, Aman was melting in his arms, the rain was pulling the blinds down on their little world, if there is heaven at all, it will be right here.

“Tujhpe v-neck tees acche lagte hain… especially white colour… nazar nahi hatthi tumse…” Karthik mused looking back at him. 

“Accha…?” Aman looked surpised.

“Pehle din tum jab office pein aaye the… white hi pehna tha… kithna cute lag raha tha” Karthik said reminiscing the moment. For a second he just couldn't control himself and started kissing his Aman’s neck again.

**Aman** was hit anew by a sense of wonder.“Tujhe yaad hain?” Aman asked incredulously. Of course, he’d remember his first day with a vivid clarity, but that was because Karthik’s polychromatic personality had popped into the dull monotones of his life. He didn’t expect Karthik to remember his feeble first impressions.

**Karthik** gazed into Aman’s incredulous eyes, rain had started splattering on the balcony, spraying them with a soft misty wind. Karthik chuckled at Aman’s surprise. Karthik felt that Aman doesn’t really know how good he looks, of course he would remember their first glance. Aman looked like a sweet innocent boy in the crisp white shirt and blue striped tie. He looked impeccable in his clean shave, meticulously parted hair, light colgne, ideal for the perfect first impressions. 

> “Mussasal nazar barasthi rahi … tarasthe rahe hum bheege barsaat mein”

Karthik sang reaching the peak of the song effortlessly.

He drew back and extending his hand to Aman as if asking him for a dance. Aman laughed and shook his head. Karthik does not take no for an answer. So he reached for Aman’s hand and pulled him energetically. Aman jolted by the movement landed in Karthik’s arms who wrapped his arm around his waist, holding one of his hand in his.

**Aman** couldn’t help blush at the filminess of their posture.

“Dance with me Babu…”

“Music?”

Karthik grinned cheekily at that and pulled an excellent impression of Rahul from Kuch kuch hota hain fingering the piano in the air. Aman laughs.

> “Mussasal nazar barasthi rahi … tarasthe rahe hum bheege barsaat mein… Ho ek Mulaquat mein baat hi baat mein unka yun muskuraana ghazab ho gaya”
> 
> “Kal talaq jo mere khwabon mein rubaroon unka aana ghazab hogaya!”

They slowly rotated around the spot, feet drenched in the rain, hair getting damp, smiled plastered across the faces. It was their tiny bubble of happiness.

**Karthik** rotated Aman by hand, and taking a step backward, started a new song. It was like an ode to those soulful eyes. Aman smiled at the memory. 

> “Arrey abhi abhi pyaara sa chehra dikha hain, jane kya kahoon usspein likha hain.”

Aman gyrated into him, and fell gracefully onto his right hand, almost like the first time he fell into his arms. Both shared a goofy smile. Aman was back on his feet. Karthik pulled him towards himself by both his hands, placing Aman's hands in their rightful place, his shoulders. His hands went to cup Aman’s face.

> “Gehra samundar, dill dooba jisme… Ghayal huva mein…uss pall se issme!”

Aman looked so punch-drunk that Karthik couldn’t help teasing. He pulled back.

**Aman** felt teased and tempted as Karthik pulled back after a breif moment of cupping his face.

> “Naina da kasoor ve kasoor ve kasoor.”

Karthik was at his goofy best.

> “Dill ko hazzaaron baandhe the dhaage , paar paaji nikla ye hamse aage
> 
> Hau kya hai hau kya hai humko haaye
> 
> Itth pal yeh daude utth pal yeh bhaage
> 
> Honi ho jaaye tab naina jaage
> 
> Hua yeh hain hau yeh hain samjho….”

Karthik shimmied and shaked like a rock star with Aman laughed with restraint by his side.

> “Naina da kasoor ve kasoor ve kasoor…aye dill tu bataade ,..haay”

**Karthik** waited till Aman’s boisterous laughter subsided.

“Abh teri baari” Karthik said. Aman lost all his inhibitions now.

> “Uss ne baat ki kuch aise dhang se, sapne de gayi wo hazaron rang ke
> 
> Reh jaaon jaise mein haar ke aur dhoonde wo mujhe pyaar se”

Karthik looked surprised at Aman's spontaneity, but bore it well took him in his arms again, they took steps back and forth like in the slow dance, bringing their hands together.

Karthik sang the refrain,

> “Pehla nashaa pehla Khumaar”

**Aman** brought his head to rest on his Karthik’s chest. His finally!

They were on a high, dancing around the clouds. Karthik stroked Aman’s cheek, showering light kisses on the unkempt beard.

“Uss din meine do gante lagaya tha… ready hone mein.” Karthik confessed softly. Aman looked up in surprise.

“Sacchi? Uss din tu bahut hot dikh raha tha… waise tujhe acche dikhne ka preparation nahi karna padega… you are effortlessly hot hain!”

“Ha ha…Ithna hot hoon phir bhi tere attention ke liye kithna karna padaa…” Karthik said rolling his eyes.

Aman looked at him in surprise. Karthik said that in mock frustration, but he knew there was some truth behind it. He never wanted Karthik to feel that he doesn’t give him attention. His attention was always Karthik. And to prove that point further, he deliberately tiptoed and giving Karthik cheeks a peck each.

**Karthik** smiled as Aman pecked at his cheek, revelling in the triumph that now all Aman’s attentions are only to himself.

“Sacchi… Kya gaaya tha uss din… Rafi sahab ke gaane tere awaaz mein sunne ka alag hi mazaa hain” Aman said sincerely. Karthik heard him say that atelast a hundred times, even then he derived a strange pleasure at that compliment.

> “Aap kaa yeh aanchal pyaar ka yeh baadal  
> Phir hame zameen pe le chalaa  
> Ab to haath thaamlo, ek nazar ka jaam lo  
> Is naye safar ka waastaa  
> Tum mere saathiiyaa re  
> Pyaar ka raag suno re  
> uu.. uuu…uu … uuu”

Karthik sang taking Aman’s hand yet again and leading their dance slowly. They stepped back and forth with the melody. The song was truly made for them.

**Aman** wrapped his hands around Karthik’s neck and stepping into a slow sway with his head rested on Karthik’s chest. He sighed, as his lover finished the lilting refrain of Dill ka bhanwar karen pukar. He wished he saw the signs early. He wished he knew before that Karthik’s hesitance was not due to lack of feelings. He wished he had been more open about himself. For the first time, he regretted not being out and proud as gay! They missed many such moments of love, of laughter and life in their doubts.

Aman brought his fingers down Karthik’s neck in a slow caress tracing the path of those little kisses of passion that flushed red against Karthik’s skin. He loved the way Karthik shivered at his touch. He started kissing the hickeys again. Soft kisses to remind Karthik, what he is to him. Karthik tightened his grip around Aman’s waist, moaning softly into his ears. Aman doesn’t want to rush this time for anything in the world.

“Kal ki yaadien tazaa hain babu” Karthik said teasingly.

Aman looked up, his eyes holding no bars in showing how exactly he felt. Every word that Karthik spoke, every little thing he does, every glance, is somehow is Aman’s undoing.

“Kithne minnaton ke baad milein ho… Kuch zyaada hi passionate ho gaya tha kal raat ko” Aman said with a blush.

**Karthik** thought aloud, “Minnaton ke baad?” sceptical if that was ever possible.

“Haa… Tujhe kya pataa…” Aman resting his head again on his chest. They were still swaying to the unheard music playing between them. Karthik couldn’t believe his ears, when Aman sang in his deep, sexy barritone voice.

> “Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
> Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
> Jaan Tum Par Nisaar Karta Hoon  
> Main Nahin Jaanta Duaa Kya Hai  
> Dil E Nadaan Tujhey Huya Kya Hai
> 
> Aakhir iss dard ka dawa kya hain?”

“Yaad hain Mirza Ghalib ke lafz… jo tune mujhe sunaye the uss din… Hamara pehla date…well, hangout for you… date for me” said Aman, faltering and slowly letting his words free.

“Wo…mere liye bhi date hi tha baby… darrpok tha mein… tension mein aake, hangout keh diya tha…”Karthik whispered softly tucking the wayward strands of hair behind Aman’s ear. Aman looked up in surprise. Karthik couldn’t get over the fact that Aman even doubted that he was into him. Karthik always thought he overdid his stuff.

“Mein hi buddhu hoon…Yeh nahi soch paaya ki tu mera sexuality ko lekar confused tha… Meine kaise assume karliya tha ki tujhe pata hoga,.. Devika ko pata chal gayi thi ussi din… Uss din Bestfriend talk bhi de rahi thi mujhe…toh mein soch raha tha, ki tumko toh pata hoga hi.” Aman said voicing his regrets.

“Best Friend talk?” Karthik asked puzzled.

“Haa wahi… Tu agar usse hurt kiya na, toh mooh thod dungi walaa…” Aman said with a small smile.

“Sacchi?” Karthik laughed. Devika giving Aman ‘Bestfriend talk’ would have been hilarious. How did he miss that?

“Haa kithna chiddathi wo mujhe, tere baare mein…” Aman said with a small whine. Karthik remembered all those moments in which Aman turned beetred because of Devika’s teasing comments.

_How blind was I really?_

**Aman** shivered slightly as Karthik rubbed his stubbled cheek gently against his heavily bearded cheek. The heat that the pleasant friction produced for a moment drove away all his regrets.

His fingers clutched at Karthik’s hair, and his shoulder. Karthik also tightened his hold taking Aman closer than ever towards himself. Karthik brought his lips to Aman’s eyes, and started singing in a deep gravelly voice.

> “Karte hain hum aaj qabool kya keeje  
> Ho gayi thi jo humse bhool kya keeje
> 
> Karte hain hum aaj qabool kya keeje  
> Ho gayi thi jo humse bhool kya keeje  
> Dil keh raha usse mayassar kar bhi aao  
> Woh jo dabi si aas baaki hai, Woh jo ruki si chaah baaki hai”

Aman took in the meaning of his lyrics.

He knows that it takes really a heavy regret for Karthik’s proud heart to drown in such wallowing depths. Aman cupped Karthik’s face and made him look into his eyes.

“Tera darr wakif tha Karthik… aur mein bhi toh darrtha hoon apne aap ko express karne mein. Kithne baar hum dono hi ithne kareeb aaye ek doosren se izhar karne ki… phir apne hi insecurities ke wajah se gavva diye wo saare pal jo saath mein pyaar mein bitaa sakhte the…”

Karthik nodded and lets his head rest on Aman’s shoulder, letting him slowly rub his back.

**Aman** chuckled as he suddenly remembered how he channelled his inner Amitabh Bacchan that day… Both in missing Karthik and getting angry over the senior’s petty talk.

“Aisa kya yaad ayaa? Ithna hass rahe ho?” Karthik asked straightening and looking back at Aman. His thumb was stroking his beard in enchanting circles.

“Soch raha tha kaise mere andar ka Amitabh Bachan jaag gaya tha uss din… yaad hain … tu nahin aaya tha…”

“Haaa… Kaise bhool sakta hoon… Interns saare milke tujhe bully kar rahe the..” Karthik said darkly.

“Arrey wo Chod…Pata hain mera mood uss din kyun kharaab tha?” Aman shrugged. He doesn’t even care about that detail anymore.

“nai”

“Mein soch raha tha… hadd paar ho rahi thi intezaar ki… azeeb samay tha who… mein tumpein marr raha tha… tu mujhse flirt bahut karte the… aur mein har ek pal isi aas leke baith jatha tha ki hamara kahani aage badhega”

Karthik looked shocked. Aman shook his head and laughed before continuing, “Pagal tha mein… soch raha tha… ki tu mere ko leke sure nahi hain”

“tu mujhpe marr raha tha?” Karthik asked unbelievingly. 

> “Intehaan ho gayi intezzaarr ki…”

Aman sang in his slightly deep Amitabh-ish voice. Aman pulling an impression of his idol from Sharabi.

Karthik laughed at Aman’s slightly dramatic antics. Aman felt relieved that he could make Karthik forget his guilty broodings, and launched into the full rendition of the song, not caring whether he is going off note or off rhythm. Because as long as Karthik laughs, he is successful.

> “Baat jo hai us men, baat vo  
> Yahaan kahin nahin kisi men  
> Vo hai meri, bas hai meri  
> Shor hai yahi gali gali men  
> Saath saath vo hai mere gham  
> Men mere dil ki har khushi men  
> Zindagi men vo nahin to kuchh  
> Nahin hai meri zindagi men  
> Bujh na jaaye ye shama, aitabaar ki  
> Intehaan ho gayi intezaar ki...”

**Karthik** was holding his stomach laughing at Aman’s cute imitation of his idol Amitabhji. Aman was subtle but he could really pull off a show when he deems it fit.

Karthik laughed till his sides hurt. Aman smiled triumphantly at his accomplishment.

Karthik took his hand again, kissing his knuckles slowly, deliberately, almost reverentially. Aman steps closer, taking the other hand of Karthik, intertwining his fingers with his. Karthik pulls him back into their slow-dance posture.

“Kaash yeh pal yehi tham jaay… Aur ham aise hi ek dusre ke saath dance karthe rahe…”

“Karthik…” Aman started, Karthik was gazing intensely into his eyes.

“Kaash mein bataa sakhta … mein tumse kithna pyaar kartha hoon…Kaash mein yeh jathaa sakhta ki tere liye mera jaan bhi hazir hain,” Karthik continued

Aman looked into Karthik’s eyes mesmerised, melted and moved. With wind-swept hair, eyes reflecting an ocean, voice trembling, Aman asked.

  
“Kyun?”

**Aman** asked that half in his insecurities about himself, and maybe because Kathik’s vulnerability brings his own share of vulnerabilities too.

> “Nigaahon mein dekho mere jo hain bass gaya
> 
> Wo hain miltha tum se hoon bahun…
> 
> Jaane tere aankhein the yaa baatein the wajah
> 
> Huve tum jo dil ke aarzoo”

Karthik sang in his lilting voice. They started their slow-dance, this time it was just them stepping in and swaying in tandem. Aman felt he could never get over this. Even after all that they did the last night, this felt more intimate to him. Karthik baring his heart open. Him baring his heart open. He knew there is no going back after this, no matter how storms life might throw their way. These will be the words he would hold on to.

Aman also sang together with karthik,

> “Tum paas ho ke bhi
> 
> Tum aas ho ke bhi
> 
> Ehsaas ho ke bhi… apne nahi
> 
> Hum the gile tumse na jaane kyun…”

Aman rested his forhead against Karthik’s forehead.

“Laakh laakh shukr hain… ab hamare beech koi doori nahi hain!” Aman said.

Karthik nodded.

Aman wanted to confess something else too, “yaad hain jab tum Tanya ke baarein mein mujhse gussa hua tha…Socho agar mein ussi din keh diya hota ki Tanya hi nahi aise sau khoobsurat ladkiyan mere dill ko choo nahi sakhte jaise tumne chuva hain…Socho kithna accha hota agar mujhme ithna himmat hota tumhe yeh bolne keliye ki Tumhi mere Karthika Ramaswamy ho!” Aman said.

**Karthik** smirked, the recollection took his thougths somewhere else. The raw lust he felt for Aman that day, when he held his knee to restrain him. The electricity that zinged between them the whole evening.

The sexual tension that they experienced as they almost leaned in to kiss.

“Agar wo kiss ho jaata toh” he added dreamily. And belatedly realised what he was speaking.

But Aman didn’t mind, he chuckled, “Haa… pata hain uss din mein almost piche mud ke tere paas aane waala tha… mein aur mere social service” He huffed.

Karthik chuckled. Clouds rumbled somewhere above them. Lightenening was striking somewhere in the city. It was one hell of a downpour. Both of their feelings and the rain.

“Waise uss din… Mein… bhi tujhse confess karne ki koshish kar raha tha” Karthik as his chuckle quientened. He stepped back and Aman extended their connected arms to throw himself back before snuggling back into Karthik’s arms back to front.

“Haa… pata tha mujhe… uss din dono hi behke huve the…” Aman said with a smile, as Karthik tucked into his neck, his arms splayed across Aman’s chest and torso. Aman leaned back into him, smiling contently.

“Kismat bhi kithni kutthi cheez hain na… Uss din Rohit agar scene mein nahi hota… toh ham abh tak toh…” Karthik said running his fingers languidly from Aman’s shoulder to the tip of his fingers.

**Aman** laughed planting a chaste kiss on Karthik’s cheek.

“Jo bhi hua … theek hi hua tha… Varna iss darmebaaz ka lovestory bina drama ka ho jata.”

“Accha jee…Mein draame baaz aur tu jo ithna Amitabh ban raha tha who kya hain?” Karthik tickling Aman’s stomach.

“Ow.. Oye … Karthik…Mat karna yaar…”

Aman collapsed into helpless giggles in Karthik’s arms. Aman turned back into the hug, wraping his arms around Karthik’s neck. He teased Karthik just a little, biting his lower lip, before smirking,

“Drama toh koi tumse seekhe, yaad hain… Chan kitthan gaaraha tha… jab mein so raha tha…”

**Karthik** sniffed, a little hurt at Aman taking that day’s pain so lightly. He doesn’t know what it was like.

Pain he endured all his life was something and the pain he felt that day was something else.

“Drama nahi tha wo… sach mein bahut darr gayaa tha” he said in a small voice.

**Aman** cursed himself when he saw Karthik’s face growing small on his stupid jest.

“Baby… hey,… Dekho… mera wo matlab nahi tha…”, Aman said, holding up Karthik’s chin.

“Devika ko bulana chahta tha… lekin socha tha mein handle karloonga …aakhir lauhaar ka baita hoon…dard ki aadat hain… lekin tujhe dard mein dekhna…narak tha… it was a hell”

“Nai nai… sorry sorry Karthik… mera matlab… wo nahi tha… yaad hain mujhe tu kithna roya tha uss din…aur imagine bhi nahi kar sakhta tu kithne dard se guzar raha tha…Baby… maaf karde mujhe”

**Karthik** looked into Aman’s eyes. He knew that the apology was sincere. But his heart was still squeezing in pain.

> “Ham bewaffa hargizz na the
> 
> Par ham wafaa kar sake”

Aman sang in a low, mournful voice. He regretted that Karthik was hurt by him again.

“Iss baat kaa bhi maafi maang lena chahiye tha… ki meine uss raat ko apne room jaane ka jidd kiyaa tha..” Aman said seriously.

“Babu…?”

“Uss din mera yeh galthi tha ki mein apne aap ko tujhse alag rakhne ki koshish ki. Bewakoof tha… agar nahi chaltha… toh wo dare kiss na hota… aur tujhe uthna hurt nahi kartha … iss baat ki bhi maafi nahi maanga tujhse … Shayad iss liye… tu mujhe straight samajhne laga…”

“Nahi Aman… actually… uss din …mein jealous ho gaya tha… lekin usske baad jo hua… uss ke wajah mujhe yeh baat dimaag poori tarah se baith gaya tha ki tu straight hain.”

“Kya? uss ke baad kya hua?”

“tere roommates ne tujhe poocha tha ki tu gay hain… aur tu ne jawab diya tha… kya betuke baatein kar rahe ho?” Karthik said in a small voice, “usske badd meine yeh tay karliya tha ki Gay nahi… shayad gay friends hone ke wajah, ya kisi aur wajah se open-minded ho Devika ki tarah”

“Kya? Yaar…” Aman looked startled. His jaw ticked in frustration.

After a pause he said in an irritated voice, “Dekha! Yeh hain mera actual problem… mein ek number ka phattu hoon… unn haramon ne uss din mera collar pakadke rakha tha, mein darr raha tha ki agar meine kah diya ki sach much mein gay hoon… toh mooh todh denge mere.”

Aman looked so uncomfortable that Karthik’s heart melted. He pulled him back into his embrace.

“Accha hua tu ne uss samay apna dimaag use kiya … phattu nahin hain tu… mera Jai ho… jahaan jigar dikhaana hain tu jaanta hain…. Nahi toh phaaltu mein pride flag leharaane se kya hota apne roommates se pitttha…Apne iss cute se chehre ka naksha badalwata!” Karthik said cupping Aman’s face in both his hands

**Aman** huffed in frustration at himself. Karthik was taking his side against him! Strange are the ways of love!

“Haa … aise hi pamper kartha reh mujhe… saale soch agar wo sab nahi hota,… toh hamara lovestory ithhi tanhayiyon mein nahi kaththi…”

“Tabh tum mere roommate kaise bante… Hamare wo saare pal jo hamne ikraar na hote huve bhi pyaar mein bithhayaa hain…ithne saare lamhe… gum ho jaate naa…” Karthik smiled.

“Shayad…. “ Aman acquiesced with a small smile.

Karthik still held Aman’s cheeks in both his hands.

> “Hona likaatha yun hi jo hua…
> 
> Jo hote hote magar anjaane mein hogaya…
> 
> Jo bhi hua hua ajeeb … tujhe chaahoon betahaasha zehnaseeb!”

Aman smiled. Karthik was right. He neednt be unhappy at how things have turned out despite all of that. He wrapped his arms around Karthik.

**Karthik** had his world in his arms. Aman. How lucky he is to have him.

“Karthik…?”

“Haan…”

“Mein bahut lucky hoon… tu mere zindagi mein aaye… I love you… Mein agar kabhi darrpok niklaa toh… mujhe chodh ke mat jaana…”

> “Tenu chadd ke kitthe jawan Tu mera parchhanvaa   
> Tere mukhde vich hi main taan Rab nu apne pawaan   
> Mera duaa.. haaye Sajda tera kardi sadaa   
> Tu sun iqraar mera Main karoon intezar tera   
> Tu dil tui-yon jaan mera
> 
> Main tainu samjhawan ki   
> Na tere bina lagda jee”

“tu bhi naa… kaise gaa leta apne dil ke baatien”

“theek waise hi jaise tu apne ankhon se sab kuch qubool karleta hain. Bade kaatilaana aankhein hain tere… pata hain?”

“Kaatilaana … matlab kuch bhi…”

“Arrey kya… Aman babu… compliment de raha hoon… aise aasaan nahi hota..Ankhon se sab kuch convey karleta hai tu… Vikrant ko aise hain ghurthe ghurthe hi to bhagaaya..”

Aman laughed at that. Before he sobered. He still had so much to tell his Karthik. The night that descended upon them, went unnoticed.

“Uss Vikrant ko maar na diya … yehi badi baath hain pata hain? Devika aur Ravi se kah rahathaa agar mein maarne nikal jaaon toh rok lena”

“Acchi baat hain meine hi rok liya… nahi toh accha khasa Romance ki story ko Revenge thriller bana dete…”

“Haa… yeh baat sahi hain…Usske ad-shoot ke chakkar mein… hamne kithne din alag alag bithhaya… Tabhi se mein Vikrant ko tapkaana chahta tha…”

“Aaay haay mere angry young man!”

**Aman** smiled and leaned back on the balcony railing facing Karthik, who slowly sank back into the wall. He remembered how painful those few days were. 

> Woh jo hum roye saath the  
> Bheege din aur raat the  
> Khaare khaare paani ki  
> Kahani woh leja na
> 
> Aa na..  
> Aa bhi jaa na intezari hai teri  
> Le ja jo rishton ki rezgaari hai teri

Despite his resistance the bitter memories swept back into his mind.

**Karthik** also went into deep thought. Vikrant somehow now seemed like a catalyst in the whole thing.

“Waise jo bhi kaho…kameena ne help toh bahut kee hain hamari!”

Aman got shocked for a second.

“Excuse me? Help?”

“Kyun babu! Vicky nahi hota… toh tu tanhayi mein aake mujhe karleta? Bol?”

Aman rolled his eyes. Karthik loves it when he does that.

“Yeah Right! Intezaar khud karvaya… aur kahta hain Vicky ke wajah se meri tanhaayi badhi… saale uss Vicky ke wajah se hi toh tu ithna self-doubt pein chala gaya tha… nahi toh maximum do din mein nipat jati hamari kahani!”

“Arrey haa!”

Oh yeah! How can he forget that? Vikrant is the reason why he has a broken gaydar!

**Aman** smiled as another memory crossed his mind. Karthik looked at him quizzically.

“Aisa kyun hass rahe ho, jaise koi joke hain jo mein nahi janta?”

He felt conscious for a second. But then, he resignedly acknowledged the fact that Devika will bring it up anyway!

“Khair! Ab bataana toh padega… kalko agar gossip queen ne baaton baaton mein bol diya toh mein hi phas jaaonga”

Aman opened his mobile smirking, while Karthik’s curiously looked at him.

“ohtteri” Karthik gasped as Aman showed him his Ad-shoot pictures and Vikrant’s message.

“Kameenpan ka hadd hain na ye!”

“Ek minute! Toh woh … jaantha tha…”

“Kya?”

“Wo jaantha tha ke tum mujhe like karte ho…!”

“Haa Karthik… wo jaan booj kar mujhe jalaane ki koshish kartha tha! Kyun?”

“Saala lomdi…aur tumhaare aur Devika ke baare mein doubt create karta tha mere mann mein”

“Kya?”

“Damn! Mein kithna bada bewakoof tha!”

“Matlab tune wo sab believe kar lee?”

Karthik hung his head in shame. Aman cursed under his breath. Vikrant should not mar their happiness anymore. He cannot see his Karthik glum.

“Waise ek kaam sahi kiya uss bewakoof ne”

**Karthik** looked up in surprise to see Aman smiling crookedly. He was looking at the pictures. His pictures.

“Yeh pictures mujhe bheja! Ithne hot lag rahe ho tum…”

Hot really? The very definition of hotness is calling him hot. How can he not be flattered?

“Accha?”

“Haa dekho…” Aman showed him his phone. But Karthik had his eyes only for his Aman as he nervously shuffled his collar.

“Uss din Devika chup hi nahi ho rahi thi. Mujhe chiddane se thakti nahi hain wo!” Aman complained in a whiny voice. Karthik couldnt help his smile.

“Toh issliye kah rahi thi ki Sabr ka phal Karthik hota hain” Karthik teased him.

_Tu mere liye ithne besabr tha?_

“Haa… lele tu bhi mera" Aman said in mock-irritation, as Karthik laughed playfully.

Aman's smile also tugged at the corners of his lips as he said, "Aise friends sabko nahi milthe… Abh jaldi se unke bhi kahaani apni manzil thak pahunjaay.”

Karthik started, “Kya? Kinke kahani?”

Aman looked shocked for a moment, and said, “Karthik… Abh yeh mat bataa ki tujhe nahi pata ki tujhe pata nahi!… Devika aur Ravi ki… Dev ka mujhe pata nahi, Ravi toh usse bahut chaahtaa hain”

“Ek minute … ek minute… Ravi usse chahta hain… Kab ? Kaise? Matlab… mujhe kaise pata nahi hain yeh baat?”

“Tujhe sacchi pata nahi tha? Matlab Ravi thoda subtle hain na,… express nahi kar pata…mere tarah”

“Aur Dev bilkul bewakoof hain meri tarah!”

“Aisi baat nahi hain Karthik… Shayad time de rahe ek doosre ko…”

Talking about Devika and Ravi, inevitably brought their unemployment into sharper focus. How are they even gonna manage?

**Aman** looked at Karthik who was still lost in thought. He went beside him and leaned against the wall resting his head on Karthik’s shoulder. Karthik unconsciously wrapped his hand around his waist, pulling him closer. Aman sighed, it was a perfect evening, that slowly came to an end.

“Kya karenge babu? Donon ke job tho gaye… pata nahi ad shoot ka paise bhi milenge yaa nahi…”

“Usska chinta mat kar Karthik. Tanya se meri baat hui, kah rahi thi ki cheque tho already process mein hain.”

“Arrey wah… Tanya se abhi bhi baat cheet chaloon hain?” Karthik his very best to keep the jealousy out of his voice. But then old habits die hard.

Aman rolled his eyes. “Tu na poora pagal hain… Tanya se bhi jaltha hain… bechari uss Rohan ke saat breakup ke baad bilkul tooth gayi.”

“Accha jee… mein paagal … toh mujhse pyaar karne wala?”

Aman laughed at Karthik’s dramatic explanation and cheekily replied, “Tujhse bhi bada pagal”

> “Tu hoga bada paagal tune mujhko hain chunaa
> 
> Kaise tune unkaha unkaha sab suna!”

Karthik hummed smiling. Aman felt deliriously happy, he had his arm wrapped around his whole world.

They stayed that way for a long time, even without realising. The clouds cleared slightly, winds were mellow and laden with earth’s perfume. Karthik kept his head nuzzled into Aman’s neck.

Aman slowly stroked his back. There was a small sniff from Karthik.

“Kya hua?”, he asked worried.

"Humara steady income ke bina, bacche log ka khana kaise manage karenge?"

"chinta mat kar Karthik... kuch na kuch jugaad kar hi lenge hum..."

**Karthik** withdrew his head from his vantage point to gaze into his lover’s soulful eyes.

“Ek Aur baat hain jo kahna chahta tha!”

“Toh bolo…”

“Teen din pehle mujhe ek parchi mili thi… tere desk pein…ek kavitha thi tumhari.”

Aman looked at him calmly. Karthik felt the familiar butterflies in his tummy. Aman might like what he did, or might not!

“Karthik…?”

Karthik took a full deep breath and started singing,

> Teri meri aisi jud gay kahani ke
> 
> Jud jaata hain do nadiyon ka paani,
> 
> Mujhe aage tere saath behna hain!

**Aman** forgot how to breath for a second. He remembered writings those words. He wrote a lot of words when he missed Karthik. This was one of them, not the last line though that was Karthik’s wonderful addition. His eyes, his mind and heart capturing and registering those words that effortlessly flowed from Karthik’s mouth.

> Jaana tujhe hain toh yeh baath jaani ke
> 
> Yeh zindagi kyun banti suhaani
> 
> Mujhe har pal tera saath rehna hain.

Aman smiled at beautiful tune Karthik had put his verses into. Suddenly everything made sense. So this was what he was working on in the morning.

> Tum kuch adhoore se ham bhi kuch aadhe
> 
> Aadha aadha hum jo dono milaade…
> 
> Toh ban jaayegi apni ek zindagani

Aman was mesmerised, that was where he got stuck when he wrote it, he was not able to complete the line. Karthik filled the gaps so beautifully.

Karthik nervously peeked into Aman’s eyes. Aman’s eyes that were shining with a sheen of tears and a sliver of smile.

> Ye duniya mile na mile humko,
> 
> Khushiyan baghaadengi har gham ko
> 
> Tum saath ho fir kya baaki ho,
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho!

He doesn’t know what inspired those verses, but Aman had inspired his music. The song fit their life so perfectly.

 **Aman** waited for the next verse to flow, but Karthik seemed to be lost in thought.

So he supplied, trying his best to follow the tune Karthik had set it into.

> Ek asmaan ke hain ham do sitaare ke
> 
> Takarathe hain tootthe hain bechaare

Karthik was visibly astonished but picked his cue,

> Mujhe tumse par yeh kahna hain
> 
> Chakke jo do saath chalthe hain thode,
> 
> Ghisne ragadne mein chilthe hain thode,
> 
> Par yun hi to katthe hain kacche kinaare

Both were wrapped in each other’s embrace, drinking in the meaning of those that resonated of their lives.

**Karthik** breathed the last of his verses,

> Yeh dil jo dalaa teri aadat mein,
> 
> Shaamil kiya hain ibadat mein.
> 
> Thodi Khudaa se bhi maafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.
> 
> Mere liye tum kaafi ho.

Karthik took Aman’s face closer to his, as he sang his refrain, the last “Mere liye tum kaafi ho” misting Aman’s lips.

**Aman** smiled gazing at his Karthik’s lips. There was one last confession to make.

“Tere liye hi toh likha hai yeh! Tumhi ne poora kiya… jaise mere adhoore zindagi ko poora karthe ho!”

Their lips met, the melody was still ringing in the rain, the air, all around them forming a bubble around them.

It was their melody. Their life. Their story. Their happily-ever-after!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish to make a proper screenplay of this and one day, give it to Hitesh Kewalya to direct! What do you guys think?   
> Will this story need additions or edits to make a proper movie? DO tell me in the comments.


End file.
